So that post earlier this morning that I was dedicating the blog to the exclusive topic of actor Rachel Brosnahan?
Yeah, I know, it was totally random and just weird.
I thought of doing some kind of strange satire piece around current real world events, politics or some other third thing.
But that's hard to do in a world with Donald Trump and his minions generating their own satire.
These are stories that should be April Fool's stories... but they're not.
TRUMP SPENDS CABINET MEETING TALKING SHARPIES
Yes, the alleged President of the United States gathered the heads of various government agencies and pontificated in detail on....
Sharpies!
Yep, that thick marker Li'l Donnie uses to scrawl his signature on executive orders made for a long winded discussion about how the usual White House ball point pens were too expensive and didn't work and the kids he gave them to as souvenirs didn't know what they were ("Mommy, what is this?") and how the head of the company that makes them offered to make some special for Donald Trump in black with gold lettering for $5 a pop.
Well, that was a good use of everyone's time.
And also....
Newell Brands of Atlanta GA who manufacture Sharpies do not know what the fuck Trump is talking about. There was no conversation between Trump and anyone with the company about making special pens for der Führer.
IRAN GIVES TRUMP A PRESENT
Der Führer claims he and his administration are in talks with Iran.
Iran says ain't nobody talking to nobody.
Li'l Donnie says yes they are and they gave him a present to show their good faith that they are serious about negotiatin'.
It turns out that Iran did let a couple of oil tankers slip through the Strait of Hormuz and this is what Trump was calling "a present".
TRUMP SHOWS OFF A BALLROOM WITH NO FRONT DOOR
While the fucking world is on fucking fire from the fucking war he fucking started, Donald Trump regaled the press on Air Force One with designs for his precious ballroom.
The New York Times poked around with the schematic drawing and well, they have questions.The grand staircase out front does not actually lead to the entrance of the ballroom.
There are too many columns, obscuring a view of the building from the outside and the view of anyone inside looking out.
Stairs on the side go nowhere.
It is too big and too tall.
It's a garish monstrosity.
And Li'l Donnie is so proud of it.
ALSO: apparently, the ballroom will be on top of a secret military complex. Which is not a secret since Li'l Donnie blabbed about it.
No matter how bad things can get in this world, Donald Trump will always find joy in his ballroom.
Unless...
SIDE NOTE: a federal judge made a ruling that construction on the ballroom has to stop until Congress approves it.
Now Li'l Donnie's sad. And mad.
VANCE SAYS ALIENS ARE DEMONS
No, I did not pull that headline from a tabloid.
It's a real thing that a real person really said.
During a podcast interview, J D Vance posited that if extraterrestrial beings really do exist, they are not from outer space.
They are demons.
I'm not making that up. Vance said that.
You know how everyone keeps gleefully anticipating that Donald Trump is gonna die? Well, it happens, then J D Vance will be in charge.
So it would be more of a lateral move than any kind of improvement.
KRISTI NOEM'S HUSBAND IS A CROSSDRESSER
Ok, NOW I'm making shit up, right?
Nope! It's a real story.
Seems the former head of the Department of Homeland Security was caught off guard that her hubby dresses up in women's clothes and hangs out with fetish models online.
It is so hard to come up with a good April Fool's gag in a world so full of fools.
I'm just gonna go back and admire my Rachel Brosnahan post.
