This (Non) Sporting Life: World Cup Sucker Punch

A big sporting event of worldwide importance is going on and I haven't written abou it on my blog.

Said event is the FIFA World Cup, an international contest in the game of soccer which is being played here in the United States as well as venues in Mexico and Canada.  

I haven't written about it because it don't know much about soccer and quite frankly, I care even less.

Welcome to another edition of This (Non) Sporting Life, an irregular feature of this blog about sports written by someone who does not know much or care about sports. 

By all accounts per my admittedly very limited understanding, the World Cup has been going very well.  

The United States' team has been holding their own and advancing through this tournament.

There was an unfortunate incident while the U.S was playing Portugal when the American's star forward Folarin Balogun stepped on the ankle of an opposing player.  This earned Balogun a red card.  

A red card is a penalty that removes a player from the field for that game and prohibits the player from participating in the next match as well.  

Much like a flagrant foul in college basketball, a ref handing out a red card is not looking to determine intent. Did Balogun mean to step on that player's ankle? It doesn't matter, it's still a prohibited action and there are consequences for doing something wrong.

Which brings us to Donald Trump.

I mean, it shouldn't. Why the unholy fuck does Li'l DOnnie need to be concerned with what's going on in World Cup soccer?

Because Trump is an expert on sports. 

“I’m a person that loves sports and was a good athlete. And I understand sports really well. Really well. And that wasn’t a foul. That wasn’t even an infraction."  

So der Führer made a phone call or three to FIFA President Gianni Infantino.

Infantino was the guy who created and presented a FIFA Peace Prize to Donald Trump after Trump petulantly whined about not getting a Nobel Peace Prize.    

And for the first time in 64 years,FIFA overturned a Red Card ruling and cleared Folarin Balogun to play as the United States readied to take on Belgium.

Trump tried to pull a Steve Urkel with a "Did I do that?" response.

“All I did, all I did, I asked for a review ’cause I didn’t think it was a foul. And again, I’m good at this stuff. I didn’t think it was a foul. I thought it was two great athletes who crashed into each other and got entangled.” 

Then Li'l Donnie began claiming the referee was untrustworthy. 

“This referee, who is a little bit suspect if you check his past. I don’t want to say that because I don’t like to create controversy. But very suspect.”

Do I need to tell you that Trump offered NOTHING to support his claims the ref was "suspect"?  

So a lot of goodwill about the World Cup games and all these different people and cultures coming together for the sheer joy of the sport of soccer just gets shredded under a cloud of suspicion caused by Donald Trump's unwarranted interference.

Jesus H. Christ! Can we NOT go ONE damn day without this lying, petulant, bullying, unintelligent, sociopathic, dishonorable, treasonous, gutless, moronic, heartless, soulless, slimy, loathsome, vile, incompetent, psychotic, crooked, disgusting, reprehensible, revolting, horrible, malicious, obnoxious, hateful, narcissistic, small-minded, despicable god damn, motherfucking piece of shit making every goddam thing about himself? 

As an American, I'm supposed be rooting for the United States team.  But given Trump's fuckery, I almost hope Belgium kicks their ass.

And they did! 

Belgium shredded the Americans in a 4-1 win Monday night.  

The Trump curse strikes again!  

Tuesday TV Touchbase Too: General Hospital

Starting July 2nd, Andrea and I added General Hospital to our TV viewing schedule.   

There's some stuff 'n' junk going on at an art gallery in Port Charles.  The WSB (GH's version of the CIA or Interpol or some damn thing) is up to some sketchy shit involving the theft of something called "the device". 

Oh boy! When I first watched GH in college back in the 1980's, the first plot I got caught up in was about a device.  In that case, it was a FREEZE RAY! 

Is this "the device" a FREEZE RAY?  Sadly, no.  It is a COLD Fusion thingy so there's that. 

So a WSB head named Collum has turned rogue and is stealing the cold fusion thingy.  A couple of WSB agents still on the good guys side, Cassius and Josslyn, get caught up in a gun fight with Collum and his minions on the loading bay at the back of the art gallery.  

Long story made short:

• All the gunmen working for Collum: shot! 
• Cassius: shot! 
• Josslyn: shot! 

Collum shows up to gloat over a wounded Cassius but Josslyn, despite being shot in the gut, aims a rifle at Collum and...

• Collum: shot! 

Then things get interesting! 

A sleek black helicopter lands in the parking lot.  Surrounded by heavily armed guards, a man with slick black hair and a dark blue suit emerges and....

Hey! Isn't that John Oliver from HBO's Last Week Tonight? 

Yes, it is and the reason why Andrea and I are watching General Hospital.  

One of the gunmen ain't dead yet.  

The mysterious man in blue pulls out a revolver and casually shoots him in the head. 

He leans over the badly wounded Josslyn to reassure her, “Everything's gonna be OK. I'm here to help.”

I'm not sure we should feel reassured. 

Hey, if the video link is still up, you can watch this for yourself.

So what the hell is John Oliver doing on General Hospital?

A few months ago on Last Week Tonight, Oliver laid down a challenge to all the daytime soap operas to cast him in a role.

He didn't want to play himself, he wanted a solidly soap opera type character, someone preferably with a weird name and a duplicitous, shadowy background, 

General Hospital answered the challenge and cast John Oliver as "Z", the mysterious head of the WSB.  

Z is looking to clean up the mess left by Collum's betrayal and is prepared to reshape the truth to save the WSB's reputation. If he can get Josslyn's cooperation.   

I was impressed with John Oliver's performance and so was one of his co-stars,  Laura Wright, who plays Carly Spencer and acted in scenes with Oliver

“We had no idea what to expect. A lot of times, people like to come on and make fun of what we do, and I'm not a big fan of that. Our job is as important as anyone else's, and we don't consider it a different type of acting or anything like that. So, I was so impressed with the writing that honored what he does well while also staying true to what we do, and how he showed up and delivered. It was incredible.”

Wright added about Oliver's performance,   “If he was nervous, you couldn't tell. He was perfect with his lines. We were in the middle of a very intense storyline that has been building for months, so it's really funny that he stepped right in and didn't miss a beat. You would think he's been on the show!”

I agree with Laura Wright that John Oliver was such a seamless fit in the world of General Hospital.  He really felt like he belonged there.  

John Oliver expressed appreciation for his experience. “General Hospital was everything I hoped it would be. It's a true honor to be a small stain on the history of this illustrious show."

Here's another video link of Oliver talking about his time on the show.  

General Hospital was not the only soap opera that came calling.  Days of Our Lives also cast John Oliver in what appears to be a more broadly comic role.  

Andrea and I got a big kick out of John Oliver's turn on General Hospital which ended yesterday.  

And we're done with General Hospital.  

I think.  (I am TRYING not to care about all the subplots we encountered in our 3 day visit to GH.)

That is that for this week's Tuesday TV Touchbase AND the Tuesday TV Touchbase Too!

Until next time, remember to be good to one another and try to keep it down in there, would ya? I'm trying to watch TV over here.   

Tuesday TV Touchbase: Brilliant Minds

Boy, yesterday's post was a bit of bummer, wasn't it?

Did I watch anything related to July 4th and celebrating America's birthday?

I caught up on Lucy Worsley's PBS special on the American Revolution.  God knows I love Lucy, her clever insights and her distinctive fashion choices. (She spends part of the special in silver wedged heels paired with white bobby socks. It was so cute!)  

I also caught the NYC fireworks on NBC.  Somehow I missed the part where the Brooklyn Bridge caught fire.

And I caught some random bits of ABC's Disney Celebrates America such as David Muir climbing up to the torch of the Statue of Liberty. (That was pretty darn cool.)

The always unbiquitous Ryan Seacrest was on hand to host musical segments from Disneyland.

Look like he was having fun but as you gathered from yesterday's post, I was not in the mood to party.

Onward! It's time for the Tuesday TV Touchbase. 

Last week, Andrea and I checked ourselves out of Bronx General Hospital.

While the rest of America checks in to Seattle's Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital over on Grey's Anatomy or the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center on The Pitt, we chose to hang out with the gang at Bronx General on Brilliant Minds.

And now we have reached the series finale.  

Frequent promotions for Brilliant Minds during the 2024 Summer Olympics compelled Andrea to really want watch this show. God bless her but she is easily influenced by marketing.

Hey, the show stars Spock from the Kelvin timeline Star Trek movies so, hey, why not? I'm on board too.

So that's two people watching the show.

And not may others beyond that, it seems. 

Brilliant Minds went on a break for this year's Winter Olympics with 6 episodes still to go in season 2.  It was during that break that NBC announced the show would not be renewed for a season 3.  And those last 6 episodes would air during the summer.

I fully expected NBC to renege on that deal and say to hell with it and burn 'em off on Peacock or some damn thing.  

But NBC followed through and ran those 6 episodes as promised.

So we got to see the resolution of the Hudson Oaks storyline.  In the first episode of season 2, we got a flashforward to Dr. Oliver Wolf as a patient at the psychiatric facility and desperae to escape.  

Over the course of the season, we were witness to Wolf's slowly unravelling mental health to the point he was hallucinating a patient named Sofia and at the pre-Olympic break sees the timeline catch up to Wolf being admitted to Hudson Oaks.

Hudson Oaks actually does Wolf a lot of good in his recovery from his mental breakdown. But there is some sketchy shit going down as Dr. Fredericks, the administrator, has a bad habit of denying patients their release when they are otherwise well enough to leave. She's bilking insurance companies for excessive stays and pocketing those funds into her own bank account.

SPOILER: Dr. Fredericks gets busted! 

The final 6 episodes also give us some resolution to the will they/won't they between Dr.Oliver Wolf and Dr. Josh Nichols.

Reminder: Brilliant Minds is as gay as fuck. 

Dr. Dana Dang breaks up with her paramedic girlfriend but has a one night stand with Sofia.

Wait! Wasn't Sofia part of Wolf's hallucinations?

Is Dana hallucinating Sofia now?

No, she is real but her name is Margot and she turns out to be the sister Wolf didn't know he had from the 2nd family he didn't know his father had.

Meanwhile, Josh and his boyfriend Beau break up because Beau wants to get married but he sees that Josh is still hung up on Oliver Wolf.  

Which Josh can't argue with that.  

Near the end of the episode, Josh shows up at Oliver's home with a fern.  (Oliver, a consumate medical professional who has saved the lives of many people, has an ongoing battle with keep plant life alive.) 

Josh says, “This thing has taken over my life. It’s unpredictable, stubborn, moody, I never know what it needs, it’s all I can think about." 

Guys, I don't think Josh is talking about the fern. 

Even the frequently oblivious Oliver can figure that out.   

And we get a big damn kiss.

Again: Gay. As. Fuck. 

Not knowing that NBC was going to cancel the show, the producers do button up a few dangling plot lines but some are still flapping in the wind.

• Erica thought she found her birth mom.  The woman denies it but hey, we out here in TV land can hear the dramatic music cues and we know something is up with that.
• Carol and her ER doctor boyfriend hit a serious bump in the road after he commits an ethetical violation when he defies Cariol's diagnosis of a patient.  
• Did Dr. Charlie Porter actually turn a corner to become a nice guy after spending most of the season actively plotting against Dr. Wolf? Wolf forgave him and Wolf's team of interns have slowly started to accept him.  Andrea and I are not sure we do.
• Is Margot going to hang around to be a sister to Oliver? And give Dana another roll in the hay?

The episode ends with Oliver and Josh on vacation together in Mexico with Carol along as their designated straight 3rd wheel.

But a medical crisis has struck their resort and the trio spring into action and....

We're done.  

Brilliant Minds was a smart show that challenged it's audiences expectations and made you think.  What defined this show was not so much the medical genius on display with each impossible case but it's dedication to empathy, the insistence on seeing the world through each patient's eyes.   

Brilliant Minds deserved a better fate and it will be missed.

________________________________

We're not quite done! 

We go from Bronx General to General Hospital.

The classic ABC soap opera landed on our viewing schedule recently and I'll tell you why.

The TuesdayTV Touchbase Too is back and will post in a few hours later this morning.    

American Afterparty

So Saturday, July 4th, marked the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, marking the beginning of the nation we have come to call Oosah.

OK, I call Ooshah.  As in USA.  USA = Oosah?  Get it?

I need to accept this is not going to catch on.

But c'mon, guys! It's clever! Ad it's funny! 

Oosah!

...

...

Just me, then? Fine! 

Anyway...

250 is a nice big round number and seems to warrant celebration.

God knows some entities tried to drum up a sense of a having a good time.  

For example, ABC and Disney put on a program called Disney Celebrates America, a 24-hour long broadcast across multiple platforms. Anchored by David Muir, it was an immersive program with stories, events and performances across 50 states.  

Well, good for them.  

But I did not feel like celebrating.

I remember back in 1976 when the 200th anniversary felt like a more joyous occassion.  Of course I was a kid and perhaps not fully cognizant of the nation's mood.

I mean we were a country that just got it's ass kicked in Vietnam.

And we had a scandal plague President resign in disgrace.

But those set backs were in the rear view mirror and maybe, just maybe looking back to the kooky can do spirit of throwing off the shackles of British rule in 1776, we could find inspiration of to throw off the chains of self doubt and despair and possiblty see a brighter future.

Yeah, I was a kid then so what the hell did I know.

But it feels different now than it did then.  

It feels more like.... WARNING! This is gonna sound bitter.

Today, celebrating the 250th birthday of America feels more like one of those situations where you're forced to go to a nursing home to "celebrate" the birthday of an ancient great grandma whose dementia addled brain has no fucking idea where they are or who you are.

But your mom or aunt insists goddammit we're gonna have a party for dear sweet great grandma who is reduced to barely audible whispers pleading for death. 

And by God we WILL gather around a shriveled soon to be corpse and sing "Happy Birthday" with a flame dotted chocolate cake the poor suffering great grandma can't eat.  

Yeah, the 250th birthday of the United States of America feels like that.

And you're thinking, "Dude, you were right! That is some serious levels of bitter."

But it's how I feel.

And speaking of dementia addled brains, this lack of joy, this lack of hope, this lack of giving a goddam solitary fuck can be laid at the feet of one indivividual.

I know him as a lying, petulant, bullying, unintelligent, sociopathic, dishonorable, treasonous, gutless, moronic, heartless, soulless, slimy, loathsome, vile, incompetent, psychotic, crooked, disgusting, reprehensible, revolting, horrible, malicious, obnoxious, hateful, narcissistic, small-minded, despicable god damn, motherfucking piece of shit.   

Or, to save time, Donald J. Trump.   

Faced with a pivotal moment in history, to speak to the ages, to speak to ALL Americans, Li'l Donnie can only speak to his own ego and his own petty fear mongering impulses.

Speaking at Mount Rushmore on July 3rd for a presumably 250th birthday celebratory event, der Führer chose to rant about communists.

Let's organize our timeline a bit.

• The current year is 2026.
• We're looking back at an historic event in 1776.
• Trump thinks he's in 1956.

Evoking the 1950's era Red Scare, Li'l Donnie's new favorite bogeymen are Communists that he insists will take over the country if Democrats win the midterms. 

As far as I can tell, Trump defines a communist as anyone who disagrees with him.  

If you are an American citizen who does not think the way der Führer thinks, you are in his petty little mind the enemy of America.  

Since his petty little mind is preserved in the amber of 1956, that makes you a communist.

Naturally Trump loves the 1950's.  Everyone on TV was white.

Trump is incapable of anything resembling an appeal to unity.

He only sees life as "Us Vs. Them".  

Or maybe more to the point, "Him Vs. Anyone Not Him".  

On the night of July 4th while Americans were trying to capture some kind of feeling of unified joy with fireworks, der Führer had to open his damn mouth right before midnight with a 45 minute meander through a MAGA themed American history, brags about his accomplishments (it seems Iran has been destroyed for what, the 100th time? No one has destroyed Iran more times than Trump), reminders that communism is a threat and an appeal to pass his voter suppression bill, the SAVE Act.

In an historic moment 250 years in the making, designed for unity and joy, Li'l Donnie could only stagger towards that moment with his usual appeals to his ego and to fear.

And yeah, I'm not happy about that.  It's been 250 years. This country has been through a lot and we deserve better.

Instead we're broken apart, from the world and from each other and there's this  lying, petulant, bullying, unintelligent, sociopathic, dishonorable, treasonous, gutless, moronic, heartless, soulless, slimy, loathsome, vile, incompetent, psychotic, crooked, disgusting, reprehensible, revolting, horrible, malicious, obnoxious, hateful, narcissistic, small-minded, despicable god damn, motherfucking piece of shit pounding on that break with a crow bar.

The chocolate cake is on fire and great grandma would like to die in peace if that's OK with you. 

Star Trekking: The Feminine Uniform Mystique

We open in a corridor of the starship Defiant.

Gathered there are Capt. Ben Sisko, Chief Miles O'Brien and Dr. Julian Bashir who are dressed for a very unusual away mission.

Back in time to the USS Enterprise under the command of Capt. James T. Kirk.

BASHIR: (in medical/science blue) Captain.

SISKO: (in command gold) Lieutenant, actually. I didn't want to push my luck.

O'BRIEN: (wearing engineering red) Looks good on you, sir.

SISKO: Thank you, Ensign.

BASHIR: Wait a minute, aren't you two wearing the wrong colour?

O'BRIEN: Don't you know anything about this period in time?

BASHIR: I'm a doctor, not a historian.

SISKO: In the old days, operations officers wore red, command officers wore gold.

(Jadzia Dax enters)  

DAX: And women wore less.

(Dax pirouettes.)

BASHIR: I think I'm going to like history.

Man, I like history too, Dr. Bashir. Especially when history is dressed up like that! 

That sequence from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Trials and Tribble-ations" calls attention to a unique fashion design from Star Trek, the original series.

The mini skirt as a Starfleet uniform.  

The 1960's was a pivotal era in the development of women's liberation and the sexual revolution.

The heightening hemlines of skirts and dresses were a reflection of women's new found freedom of self expression.  

In the pilot episodes of Star Trek, the original Starfleet uniform for women was the same as it was for men, a color coded tunic paired with black trousers.

But Grace Lee Whitney who played Yeoman Janice Rand wanted something more.  Or should I say less? 

She wanted something that would show off her "dancer's legs".

And creator/producer Gene  Roddenberry and costume designer William Ware Theiss were more than happy to oblige.

The result was a super short dress paired with semi-opaque black tights and go-go boots and VOILA! The new official uniform for the female officers of Starfleet. 

 Whitney was pleased with the results, calling the design “sensational”, an outfit that "stopped traffic.”

What was sensational for Grace Lee Whitney became required for Majel Barrett as Nurse Christine Chapel.

And for every other female officer in Starfleet, including Lt. Uhura.

Nichelle Nichols had some thoughts about the outfit.  

"In later years, especially as the women’s movement took hold in the seventies, people began to ask me about my costume. Some thought it 'demeaning' for a woman in the command crew to be dressed so sexily. It always surprised me because I never saw it that way. 

After all, the show was created in the age of the miniskirt, and the crew women’s uniforms were very comfortable. Contrary to what many may think today, no one really saw it as demeaning back then. In fact, the miniskirt was a symbol of sexual liberation. More to the point, though, in the twenty-third century, you are respected for your abilities regardless of what you do or do not wear."

While Nichelle Nichols may have been appreciative of the mini-skirt uniform, her fictional alter ego Lt.Uhura may have been less sanguine as expressed in DC's Star Trek Annual#2 by Mike W. Barr, Dan Jurgens & Bob Smith.  

Poor Scotty really doesn't have a good response to this.

What's he gonna say. "Aye, lassie! But I love the wee skirt!" 

If you wanna go cosplayt as a TOS female Starfleet officer, here are some tips.  

1. The Iconic Uniform Dress

The signature female uniform is a long-sleeved, a-line mini dress with a wide open collar. The color of the dress indicates the wearer's division:Command (Gold/Yellow): Worn by Captain Kirk.Operations/Security/Engineering (Red): Worn by Lieutenant Uhura and Scotty.Science/Medical (Blue): Worn by Mr. Spock and Nurse Chapel.

2. Undergarments & Accessories

Because the dress has a very short hemline, it was worn over matching high-cut shorts (often referred to as "modesty shorts") of the same color as the dress. Complete the outfit with opaque* black tights or pantyhose and flat or low-heeled go-go boots.

*I would say you want to go with semi-opaque. If you go opaque, you could wind up with black out tights that might as well be black trousers and not really convey the look of the original series.  

3. Emblems & Rank

Authentic details elevate the cosplay:The Starfleet Insignia: A gold, metallic or embroidered delta-shaped patch is pinned to the left breast.Rank Braids: Gold ribbon was sewn onto the sleeve cuffs to indicate rank (e.g., three stripes for a Commander, two for a Lieutenant).

4. Hair and Makeup

Lean into the 1960s aesthetic. Think heavy eyeliner, voluminous hair, and structured updos or sleek, shoulder-length styles with thick blunt bang.

While I understand the design of the women's uniform from the perspective of the 1960's Star Trek was originally made in, I still have a hard to time squaring the circle as to how and why in universe this was an acceptable fashion choice in the 23rd century.  

I know Nichelle Nichols made the case that "in the twenty-third century, you are respected for your abilities regardless of what you do or do not wear."  But such a feminine aesthetic does seem somewhat antithetical to a future where men and women should be treated equally and not be divided by such drastic differences in uniform design.

I've noticed some variation of this design in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds with Una Chin Riley sporting an extended tunic similar to the mini dress but paired with black trousers instead of tights.

Anything is better than the bland pajama uniforms in Star Trek: the Motion Picture.  Which thankfully did not last beyond that movie.   

Movie Time: Hoppers

I'm going to start today's movie post about a movie I'm not seeing and that's Supergirl.  The follow up to last year's Superman has failed to pique my interest enough to pry money from my wallet and move my posterior to a cinema seat to go see it.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure I can articulate my disinterest in Supergirl beyond a rather vague "something seems... off".  The legitimate reviews I have seen have voiced concerns with a lackluster script and a less than engaging antagonist.  

A lot of behind the scenes drama did the movie no favors. Click here for the Hoillywood Reporter's autopsy of what went wrong with Supergirl.  

Gushing praise of Milly Alcock as Supergirl and Jason Mamoa as Lobo have not been enough to fend off the very discernable stench of failure around this film.  

Even with Krypto in it. 

The box office take for Supergirl has been underwhelming between bad reviews and strong competition from Toy Story 5.

Despite glowing reviews and record setting box office receipts, I have not been moved to spend money and time seeing this latest outing from Pixar in a movie theater.

The trauma of Toy Story 4 is still too raw.

Speaking of Pixar movies....

It's Movie Time! 

Today's post is about a Pixar film that came out earlier this year which Andrea and I watched on Disney+ last weekend. 

Hoppers is about a robot beaver....

And can I stop right there?

I mean, I had a lot to do at work this week and I'm kind of tired.

And really, what more do you need to know.

Robot. Beaver. 

Fine! We'll go a little deeper.   

Say hello to 6-year old Mabel Tanaka.  Mabel is a rebel against the establishment, seeking to free her school's various pets from their respective cages, terrariums and what have you to release them back to the wild. 

Mabel gets busted by school authorities and suspended for her acts of revolution on behalf of the critters in the school.

Mabel bonds with her grandmother who shares with her granddaughter a nearby glade and teaches her to appreciate the bounty of life that calls this place home.

13 years later after her parents have moved away and her grandmother has died, college student Mabel strives to protect the glade.

But it's in danger. Jerry Generazzo, the mayor of Beaverton, is really super big on building an expressway that will run right through the glade. 

One of the many obstacles facing Mabel is the absence of the critters who normally callthe glade their home. All the animals are missing.... except for one lone beaver.

Who is not really a beaver.

Mabel tracks the animal back to the university where she discovers Dr. Sam, a scientist/professor/sort of a mentor person, is running an experimental program called "Hoppers" that can transfer a human mind into a robot animal.  

Mabel usurps the program, putting her mind in the beaver and skedaddles back to the glade to solve the mystery of the missing critters.  

Mabel meets a beaver, King George, who serves as monarch over the animals who have left the glade and living in an overcrowed dam.  

I'm going to stop here and say that I have enjoyed certain elements of Hoppers so far but as a holistic movie experience, I can only say....."something seems... off".

As I write what I've written so far, it seems to me that the plot structure needed to get Mabel into a robot beaver and then get her into position with George and his makeshift kingdom seems a bit rickety, an overly complicated Rube Goldberg device.  

Shouldn't the character of Dr. Sam have been introduced earlier, establishing her relationship with Mabel? Mabel's discovery of the "Hoppers" program leads to a big info dump to bring us up to speed who this scientist is, how she knows Mabel, etc.  

It's a lot of work to get Mabel in a robot beaver and interacting with the animal kingdom. 

Mabel's efforts to help George save the glade and make it safe for the animals to move back there spins out of control when the Animal Council decides to declare war on Mayor Jerry.  

They're gonna squish him.

To that end, a flock of seagulls will drop a shark named Diane on top of him.   

Which gives us one of my favorite lines of dialogue from the movie.  

Vanessa Bayer provides quite the friendly voice for Diane the Shark.

Hey, Doctor Who reference? The antibody drones inside the Teselecta have a similar advisory:

ANTIBODY: You will experience a tingling sensation and then death.

"Let's Kill Hitler",written by Steven Moffatt, 8/27/2011

The "That's Not Patton Oswalt" Dept.

Earlier, I was watching the season 4 finale of Invincible and there was a character named Ed who is Zoe's father.

I thought, "Hey, that sounds like Patton Oswalt!"

I looked it up.

Nope! It's Bobby Moynihan.

While watching Hoppers,  Andrea said, "Hey, George sounds like Patton Oswalt!"

I looked it up.

Nope! It's Bobby Moynihan.

So I imagine a producer says, "Get me Patton Oswalt!" 

And an associate replies, "We can't afford Patton Oswalt!"

Then the producer demands, "Then get me Patton Oswalt's low cost substitute."

And so an agent somewhere makes a call: "Hey, Bobby! Guess what?" 

And... scene! 

Back to the movie! 

Which takes a dark turn when the Insect King usurps control over the Animal  Council, declaring all out war on humans using a robot Mayor Jerry suit to like kill everybody.

We've got some kind of Animal Farm/Lord of the Flies/Mad Max vibe going on in our Pixar movie.   

Can anyone stop the Insect King's mad tyrannical quest for power and carnage?

Incredibly easy, barely an inconvenience. 

The Frog King flicks out his tongue and eats 'em.

So there!  

It all ends well as one expects it should.  Mayor Jerry has learned a lesson to be nice to nature or it WILL kill him.

He restores the glade to it's original state and the animals all come back to their home.

And human Mabel and beaver George remain friends.  

What? You think they should be more than friends? What is wrong with you? Will someone please think of the children?!?

SIDE NOTE: What about the lizard?

In the run up to the release of the film, TV was littered with promotional stuff that highlighted Tom Lizard.

So many commercials with Tom going "I have something I would like to say!"

DId I miss something? Did I take a nap through whatever part of Hoppers Tom Lizard actually made a signifiicant contriution?

I guess it's like with HeiHei the rooster in all the promos for the first Moana film and when the movie came out, he was just...  there.

Speaking of Moana....

There's a live action version coming out this summer.

Why?

This seems to me so unnecesary beyond a blatant cash grab.

Back to Hoppers! 

All in all, I enjoyed the movie more than I did not.  There are some really sweet moments such as Mabel's relationship with her grandmother.... but it felt kind of manipulative, like Pixar was trying really hard for a sweet but sad Up style moment.  

And there were some genuine laughs  with a some aburdly over the top comedic sequences that call to mind The Emperor's New Groove. 

But I think Hoppers lacked a cohesive narrative structure that undermined my ability to fully care about Mabel's life and her story arc. 

Yoir Friday Video Link: Happy Birthday, America!

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, marking the 250th birthday of the United States of America! 

I know you may not be in a celebratory mood but let's try to give it a go, eh?

Your Friday Video Link#1 is Stephen Colbert teaming with a bunch of people all across this great land of ours to sing the National Anthem.  

This musical moment kicked off the very first episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert. 

Your Friday Video Link#2 offers up a lesson in American history and geography as Wakko Warner from Animaniacs offers up a musical overview of our states and capitals.  

Your Friday Video Link#3 presents a somber and respectful tribute to the greatest nation on Earth as only the Muppets can! 

Happy 250th anniversary to the United States of America! 

Well, it was a good run while it lasted.