Last weekend, the number one movie in America was Avengers: Endgame. A nifty trick for a movie that came out 7 years ago.
To solidify connections to the forthcoming Avengers: Doomsday, the re-release contains about 5 minutes of extra footage.
I'm not really sure how I feel about the return of the Avengers to the MCU. I kind of think the bloom is off that particular rose.
I gave Captain America: Brave New World a miss last year and despite it's resounding success with critics and the box office this year, missing Spider-Man: Brand New Day has not particularly hurt my feelings.
I don't feel much anticipation for Avengers: Doomsday. Still, can I resist a Marvel movie that features everyone who was ever in a Marvel movie?
I will know more about how I feel come December.
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After watching Supergirl the week before, Andrea and I decided to re-watch the 2025 Superman film. It was a delight to see this film again, even without any extra footage.
Watching these two movies back to back does really highlight the shortfalls of Supergirl compared to Superman.
Maybe the best idea for a sequel to Superman would've been a spotlight on Mr. Terrific. I'm down for a movie or TV series project starring Edi Gathegi as the world's smartest annoyed person.
Now it's on to this week's movie post.
It's... Movie Time!
It's October now which means we're on a countdown to Halloween.
We're on a countdown of Andrea bugging me on when I'm going to put up the Halloween decorations. (Which will be followed in short order by pressure to put up Christmas stuff.)
The horror! The horror!
So as we face down the cold clammy embrace of Halloween, I'm going to dedicate this Movie Time space to some older horror films of questionable quality and taste.
Today we're going back to 1965 and Two On a Guillotine, an American horror film produced and directed by William Conrad and starring Connie Stevens, Dean Jones and Cesar Romero.
The movie opens on a scene of torment, terror and torture.
A blonde woman in a diaphonous gown, her hands bound over her head, watches in helpless horror as a man with sinister eyes and a learing expression approaches with a sword.
With a sudden thrust, he pushes the blade into her stomach, as blood gushes from the wound. Struggling and screaming in pain and terror, she is subject to another lunge of the sword and she slumps against her bonds as death claims her.
Then a curtain falls in front of our dead damsel as her assailant turns to face the applause of his theater audience.
Yep, this was all a magic trick and the woman enters the stage, totally unharmed saved for the patches of blood on her gown where she was impaled by the sword.
OK, I will grant this is a really good trick.
But how the hell was any of that entertaining?
Behold John Harley Duquesne, magician extraordinaire, and his lovely wife and stage assistant, Melinda. Apparently his particular schtick is putting Melinda in various death traps and pretending to kill her.
His latest scenarios of lethal legerdemain involves a guillotine. Duquesne demonstrates the lethality of the device by cutting of the head of their daughter's favorite doll.
Daddy will just buy her another one.
So the blade is super sharp but it is all still just a magic trick and Melinda will not be in any real danger.
No fair, all of you out there guessing where this is gonna go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! The trick will go awry and John Harley Duquesne will behead his beloved Melinda and go koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs until he dies, a broken and tortured man.
But you're really not supposed to know that because the movie jumps from Duquesne demonstrating the device on the daughter's doll to 20 years later and we're at his funeral.
The funeral is a weird deal. Duquesne's coffin has windows on the top and sides so you can see his head. Apparently it's part of some insane bet he made that after he died, he would pull off the ultimate trick and escape from the grave. Hence the windows, to prove he's in there and he's dead.
Showing up at the funeral is ... Melinda?
Nope, it's Duquesne's daughter, Cassie.
(Connie Stevens plays both roles.)
Cassie has been on the outs with dear old dad since her mom "mysteriously disappeared" years before and was quite surprised to get the call that her father was dead and she was in his will.
Congratulations, Cassie! Your psychotic magician dad has left you a haunted mansion and all you have to do to own it forever is stay in the damn thing for seven nights.
Reporters come sniffing around, thinking there's a story in all these shenanigans but Cassie wants nothing to do with these vultures.
Val Henderson thinks he has a shot at charming his way into Cassie's good graces and getting a really big scoop as long as he doesn't let her know he's a reporter.
What follows is a serious of weird occurences in the Duquesne mansion, some of which are clearly cheap parlor tricks. The screaming skeleton on a rope pulley is a nice touch.
Other strange happenings are not as easy to explain, things appearing and disappearing, the whispering voices, the disturbing cries and mysterious moans.
Is the mansion really haunted?
Is it in fact haunted by John Harley Duquesne?
Has he kept his vow to escape the grave?
SPOILER: John Harley Duquesne ain't dead!
This very much still alive delusional dad has been sneaking about the house, pyschologically torturing his daughter who is the spitting image of his beloved Melinda.
And he's ready to perform the guillotine trick one more time because he's worked out what went wrong last time and he's intends to star Melinda Cassie in the performance.
Cassie is laid out on the guillotine, her neck in the path of the threatening blade. Oh, one more point of order: Duquesne has changed an unconscious Cassie out of her clothes into one of Melinda's dresses.
So THAT creepy factor is cranked up pretty damn high.
Henderson barges into to save Cassie but gets into a fight with Duquesne. In the course of the fight, they bump into the guillotine and hit the lever holding up the blade.
Oh shit! The blade comes down and a head falls into the basket!
Fuck no! Cassie's dead?!?!
SPOILER: No!
He may be a crazy crackpot but John Harley Duquesne has successfully pulled off his great guillotine trick.
Cassie is all right, no thanks to Henderson but the two of them kiss as the police arrive to arrest Duquesne for crimes.
And we have mercifully reached the end.
Connie Stevens thought the script was stupid but hey, what's a girl with a contract with Warner Bros. supposed to do?
The score was Max Steiner's last film score. Here are some much better movies that featured Steiner compositions.
- Gone With the Wind
- Casablance
- Now Voyager
- King Kong
As for the film that would serve as Max Steiner's swan song, he was less than magnanimous towards Two On a Guillotine. "It wasn't a picture, it was an abortion ... The guillotine was placed in the wrong place ... they should have cut off William Conrad's head for producing the thing."
William Conrad would only direct two more feature films after Two On a Guillotine. He mostly directed for television and also worked as an actor on crimes shows such as Cannon and Jake & the Fatman. BONUS: Conrad was also the voice of the narrator on Rocky & Bullwinkle.
The role of reporter Val Henderson was played by Dean Jones, an affable actor known for more family friendly features. After Two On a Guillotine, Dean Jones' next movie was That Darn Cat for Disney. In 1995, he was inducted as a Disney Legend for his film work.
In the role of John Harley Duquesne was Cesar Romero. With dozens of film and TV roles on his resume, Romero's greatest notoriety came from playing the Joker of the Batman TV series in the 1960's.
Romero refused to shave his signature mustache to play the Joker so white make up was applied over the mustache.Speaking of a TV show based on a comic book...
Dell Comics published a comic book adaption of Two On a Guillotine.
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cover by Dick Giordano & Vince Colletta |
Two On a Guillotine is a bit of a rote by the numbers thriller saved by a winking self awareness of it's goofy haunted house setting and some pleasant romantic chemistry between Connie Stevens and Dean Jones. While it is by far so not a great movie, Two On a Guillotine may well be the best one I'm going to writing about in this space for October.
Next week: a movie the producers described as "The Maddest Story Ever Told" as a family of genetic mutants terrorize guests in their strange and dangerous home.
From 1967, it's Spider-Baby.
We've got that to look forward to next week.