Well, I hope you're happy. My brain, it is broken!
OK, not so much broken but distracted with too many other things that are sadly less fun but more pressing than writing whatever nonsense comes to mind for this blog.
So it's time for a....
No, I am not at the beach. Damn, I wish I was. Or preferably at the pool with some form of semi-frozen fruit based alcoholic beverage being presented to me by Scarlet Johansson or her nearest real world equivalent.
But I digress.
New posts will resume on August 1st with a new edition of Broken News.
Heads up that Doctor Who Weekend with part 3 of Time of the Dominion will post on Sunday instead of Saturday.
So until then, be good to one another.
And I really could use a nice cold fruit based alcoholic beverage right now.
Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You
Monday, July 28, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
The Last Stone
Far be it from me to pretend I have a politically astute mind. So to say I am baffled by what's going on between Israel and Hamas in the Gaza Strip is not that much of a surprise. But the fact that it continues to baffle so many others who are supposed to be astute minds is some cause for concern.
So here's what I understand about all this.
And the wheel keeps turning.
I'm not here to weigh in on the issues between Israel and the Palestinians. Personally I think Israel has a right to exist BUT the Palestinians have gotten royally screwed in the meantime. The problem has been those who reportedly are in positions of leadership allegedly on behalf of the Palestinians.
In the 1990's, the Israelis and the Palestinians were about as close as they ever got to a solid, lasting peace deal. Then it all fell apart when PLO leader Yassar Arafat walked away. Why? Because Arafat would rather have power over his people in hell than to be a mere servant of his people in peaceful co-existence with Israel. It was all about Arafat preserving his power. In the end, Arafat was the terrorist he had always been and terrorists have no power when the battle is won.
The terrorists group Hamas ia in that position of power that stems from standing up to Israel and feeding the flames of hatred and rage. A continued state of war serves Hamas' own selfish aims for power and conquest.
Yet even as Hamas lobs rockets through the air and send terrorist fights scurrying through tunnels underground to stage sneak attacks within Israel, Israel itself gets pounded in the court of world opinion. After all, Israel has the advantage of better weapons, better trained and equipped troops and the backing of US aid and influence. Any efforts at retaliation gets cast in the light of aggression, not self defence.
This is not to say Israel hasn't been complicit in its own douchebaggery as it were. Every time they build more settlements in territories the Palestinians see as in dispute, Israel looks less like a victim of terrorists and more like a neighborhood bully. Sending troops into Gaza doesn't help with that image at all. It doesn't help that Israel's leadership seems more determined to make shows of strength that any overtures of compromise.
Perhaps its unfair that Israel should have to worry about an image. Terrorists are taking aggressive action against Israeli civilians and Israel has ever right to protect its citizens and defend itself. Much of the problem of civilian casualties among the Palestinians is beyond their control. As one Israeli military leader put it, "It doesn't help that Hamas puts rocket launchers in civilian neighborhoods. It also doesn't help when Hamas insists on firing those rockets at us."
But its also unfair that the Palestinians have suffered for so long for things that are beyond their control. Leaders who seek to gain and build power on a continued state of war and terror have only their self-interests in mind and do nothing for the people they reportedly fight on behalf of.
As I said at the beginning and I'll reiterate here at the end, I'm not the most politically astute mind when it comes to understanding this subject. But I can't help but think of the admonishment of Jesus Christ that he who is without sin cast the first stone. We are way past the point of some many stones cast on boths sides of this mess.
The question now is, "What about the last stone?" Will someone holding a stone of hatred and fear and rage realize that the throwing of that stone will only lead to more stones, to more death, more chaos? Who will realize that the stone in their hand must be the last stone?
Everybody, please: be good to one another.
So here's what I understand about all this.
- Hamas shoots rockets into Israel, resulting in civilian casualties.
- Israel shoots rockets back at Hamas' rocket launchers.
- Hamas has placed its rocket launchers in civilian areas.
- Attacks by Israel on those rocket launchers pretty much means there will be civilian casualties.
- Israel is condemned for causing civilian casualties.
- Hamas shoots more rockets into Israel causing more civilian casualties.
And the wheel keeps turning.
I'm not here to weigh in on the issues between Israel and the Palestinians. Personally I think Israel has a right to exist BUT the Palestinians have gotten royally screwed in the meantime. The problem has been those who reportedly are in positions of leadership allegedly on behalf of the Palestinians.
In the 1990's, the Israelis and the Palestinians were about as close as they ever got to a solid, lasting peace deal. Then it all fell apart when PLO leader Yassar Arafat walked away. Why? Because Arafat would rather have power over his people in hell than to be a mere servant of his people in peaceful co-existence with Israel. It was all about Arafat preserving his power. In the end, Arafat was the terrorist he had always been and terrorists have no power when the battle is won.
The terrorists group Hamas ia in that position of power that stems from standing up to Israel and feeding the flames of hatred and rage. A continued state of war serves Hamas' own selfish aims for power and conquest.
Yet even as Hamas lobs rockets through the air and send terrorist fights scurrying through tunnels underground to stage sneak attacks within Israel, Israel itself gets pounded in the court of world opinion. After all, Israel has the advantage of better weapons, better trained and equipped troops and the backing of US aid and influence. Any efforts at retaliation gets cast in the light of aggression, not self defence.
This is not to say Israel hasn't been complicit in its own douchebaggery as it were. Every time they build more settlements in territories the Palestinians see as in dispute, Israel looks less like a victim of terrorists and more like a neighborhood bully. Sending troops into Gaza doesn't help with that image at all. It doesn't help that Israel's leadership seems more determined to make shows of strength that any overtures of compromise.
Perhaps its unfair that Israel should have to worry about an image. Terrorists are taking aggressive action against Israeli civilians and Israel has ever right to protect its citizens and defend itself. Much of the problem of civilian casualties among the Palestinians is beyond their control. As one Israeli military leader put it, "It doesn't help that Hamas puts rocket launchers in civilian neighborhoods. It also doesn't help when Hamas insists on firing those rockets at us."
But its also unfair that the Palestinians have suffered for so long for things that are beyond their control. Leaders who seek to gain and build power on a continued state of war and terror have only their self-interests in mind and do nothing for the people they reportedly fight on behalf of.
As I said at the beginning and I'll reiterate here at the end, I'm not the most politically astute mind when it comes to understanding this subject. But I can't help but think of the admonishment of Jesus Christ that he who is without sin cast the first stone. We are way past the point of some many stones cast on boths sides of this mess.
The question now is, "What about the last stone?" Will someone holding a stone of hatred and fear and rage realize that the throwing of that stone will only lead to more stones, to more death, more chaos? Who will realize that the stone in their hand must be the last stone?
Everybody, please: be good to one another.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Doctor Who Weekend: Time of the Dominion - Episode Two
Hi there and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You where our haggis doesn't skimp on the sheep stomach, laddie!
I'm Dave-El and this is the weekly post thing I call Doctor Who Weekend and sweet, buttery Rassilon, I'm writing another fan fiction! And one starring the 12th Doctor although I have very little to go on. There's at least one line from the post regeneration scene in Time of the Doctor and I may channel a wee bit of Malcolm Tucker in another bit.
Last week I posted Time of the Dominion - Episode One. (Click on the link to get last week's adventure.)
Today we're on to Episode Two
But before we get to that, let's do the disclaimer:
And now, stand by for Episode Two of...
________________________________________________
I'm Dave-El and this is the weekly post thing I call Doctor Who Weekend and sweet, buttery Rassilon, I'm writing another fan fiction! And one starring the 12th Doctor although I have very little to go on. There's at least one line from the post regeneration scene in Time of the Doctor and I may channel a wee bit of Malcolm Tucker in another bit.
Last week I posted Time of the Dominion - Episode One. (Click on the link to get last week's adventure.)
Today we're on to Episode Two
But before we get to that, let's do the disclaimer:
And now, stand by for Episode Two of...
TIME OF THE DOMINION
________________________________________________
Scene
opens: the office of the Head Master of the Coal Hill School.
On the desk is a translucent canister with a human head suspended in bubbling
liquid. The head is that of the Doctor’s old enemy, The Master (from his time as Harold Saxton), his eyes wide and
flaring madly as his laughter burbles strangely through the fluid and Plexiglas.
Standing to one side is Veronica Needham,
ostensibly the Head Master’s “executive assistant” whose mouth is fixed in a
leering smile. And also in the room is the
Doctor, his eyes wide with alarm at what he sees.
The
Doctor: The Master!
Floating in the canister, the Master’s head continues to
laugh. And laugh.
And laugh.
The Doctor’s expression changes from shock to bemusement.
Meanwhile Ms. Needham’s thin wicked smile fades to irritation as the Master
continues to laugh. To be honest, it’s getting a little awkward.
The
Doctor: Aye, he’s…he’s not going to do that all day, is he?
Needham
(sighs): Oh no! This is…
She strides across the carpeted floor towards the desk.
Needham: He
gets stuck sometimes.
The
Doctor: Stuck?
Needham gives the canister a sharp rap on the top with
her fist. Abruptly, the Master stops laughing. He gulps and blinks his eyes.
The
Master: Oh. That’s better. Thank you, Ms. Needham.
Needham nods slightly as she moves away from the desk.
Needham: I
live to serve…Master.
The Doctor leans forward, staring into the canister.
The
Doctor: What the hell happened to you?
The
Master: Well, you’re a fine one to talk. Finally decided to look
you age, huh?
The
Doctor: And you’re a head in a jar! A little perspective please!
The
Master: Ah, my current state! It’s not the curse you may think
it is, Doctor! It’s astounding the clarity of thought the mind has when it doesn't have arms and legs to waggle about.
The
Doctor: Still, how did you come to this?
The
Master: I…I don’t…
Then the Master stops. For a moment, his expression is
one of puzzlement, maybe even worry.
Meanwhile at the back of the office, Needham looks apprehensive.
The
Doctor: You…don’t…
Then the Master’s face changes to a more resolute
expression.
The
Master: I don’t think it’s any of your concern, Doctor. What
should be your concern is what’s happening here at this petty little school
with its petty little children.
The
Doctor: Yes, the fluctuations in time! What’s your game here?
The
Master (smiling): Oh, no games, Doctor! This is very serious
indeed!
The Master’s expression goes from smiling to stern.
The
Master: The time of the dominion is at hand!
Scene
change to: the field outside the Coal Hill School where the TARDIS
is parked. Clara Oswald is frantically running towards it.
Clara
(shouting): Doctor!
Clara races up to the door and puts the key in the lock.
However, the door does not open.
Clara
(frustrated): What? C’mon, open up! I thought we were
friends now!
Clara struggles with the key but the door remains closed
and locked.
Clara
(pushing back the hair from her eyes): Was it the crack I made
about needing an oil change? For crying out loud, it was just a joke!
Clara pulls on the firmly closed doors and then steps back with a sigh.
Clara:
Fine. I’m sorry.
At that moment, the TARDIS door opens on its own.
Clara sighs again and walks into the TARDIS.
Clara: You
and I need to have a chat about your sense of humor.
Scene
shift: interior of the TARDIS. Clara approaches the
console while looking around.
Clara
(calling out): Doctor?! Doctor, are you here?
Clara frowns.
Clara: OK,
so something weir’s going on with time at the school and, big surprise, the
Doctor isn’t here. Of course he’s probably already in the middle…
Clara turns and there’s an Ood standing in front of her.
Clara:
..of it? (shrieks in surprise and shock)
The
Ood (speech orb pulsing): Clara Oswald.
Clara stares at the alien being, her breath coming out in
gasps.
Clara:
Who…who…?
The
Ood:
I am…Ood.
Clara:
Ood? Your name is…Ood.
The
Ood:
I am Ood because I am of the Ood. The Ood are many and the Ood are one. We are
Ood so I am Ood.
Clara’s breathing settles down a bit and she cocks her
head to one side, trying to make sense of all that.
Clara: You
are…? I mean, the Ood are…? Oh never mind. You know me?
The
Ood:
You are Clara Oswald.
Clara:
Well…if you say so.
The
Ood:
I have a message for the Doctor. You must warn him.
Clara: A
message? A warning?
The
Ood:
Yes. The time of the dominion is coming.
Clara:
What?
The
Ood:
The time of the dominion is-
Clara:
Yes, I heard you. But….you’re a little late, I think. This “time of the
dominion” isn’t coming. It’s here! It’s at hand.
The
Ood:
The time of the dominion is at hand?
Clara:
Well, that was what it said on the poster.
The
Ood:
The time of the dominion is at hand.
Clara:
Yes! But what does it mean? Something’s gone wrong with time and that message
is everywhere and…
The
Ood:
I must tell the Doctor.
The Ood vanishes.
Clara
(loudly): The Doctor?! Wait! Don’t go! What is….
Clara stands alone inside the TARDIS.
Clara
(quietly): …going on?
Clara looks around her in frustration.
Clara: Why
is it so hard to have a reasonable conversation in this place? Well, the Doctor isn’t here and there’s
nothing I can do.
Clara strides back towards the TARDIS door and looks
outside. The Coal Hill School still shimmers in the distance as if caught in a
heat wave. Within the shimmering field, Clara can see people, clothes, cars and
more shifting from time period to time period.
Clara: All
the children. The teachers. I don’t know what danger they’re in but this can’t
possibly be good. We need the Doctor.
Clara pauses a moment.
Clara
(whispers to herself): I need the Doctor.
Clara steps outside the box and closes the door behind
her.
Clara: I’m
not sure what I can do but that never stopped the Doctor and I can’t let it
stop me.
Clara hurries back in the direction of Coal Hill
School.
Scene
change: A classroom at
Coal Hill School. Meridian Scott (“Meri”) is handing out test papers to the
students seated at their desks. As she moves about the classroom, Meri
periodically furrows her brow as if wincing in pain.
Meri: OK,
class! You have your test papers and your pencils so let’s get to work. And no
talking. And Jeremy, no chewing gum in my class.
A boy who is sitting behind Meri hastily takes out a
piece of gum from his mouth and sticks it under his desk.
Meri
(with her back still to the boy as she finishes handing out papers): And
no sticking it under your desk either.
The boy removes the gum, wraps it in a piece of foil and
tosses it in the trash can with a barely audible, “Yes’m.”
Meri
(as she approaches the seat to her desk): Good lad,
Jeremy.
Meri sits down while pressing the fingers of both hands
into her head.
Meri
(muttering to herself): I thought I was the one with the hard
head. That Clara….
Meri takes a deep breath, reaches into her desk drawer
for a slim modern calculator. Then she reaches into another drawer for a sheath
of papers which she lays on the desk. Then Meri is momentarily taken aback when
the modern calculator now appears as a bulky, heavy adding machine. She blinks
and the machine is now a calculator again.
Meri looks around the room as the kids continue to
scratch away with their pencils on their test papers, their heads down. She
looks again at the calculator but now it’s an abacus. Meri audibly gasps.
Some of the students look up from their tests.
Jeremy: Ms.
Scott?
Meri shakes her head and the abacus is back to being a
calculator but her expression remains one of confusion.
Jeremy: Ms.
Scott? Are you all right?
Meri
(distracted): Hmm? What? Oh, fine. Fine. Back to work,
everyone. Back to…
As Meri looks at the assemble kids in her class, she sees
them all dressed in late 19th century attire.
Meri stands up somewhat unsteadily from behind her desk.
The students are back to normal dress again.
Meri
(very unsure of herself): Uh….
Female
student: Ms. Scott? Do you need…
Meri: …to
see the school nurse? Y-yes, quite…
Meri moves towards the door of the class room. She sees a
fellow teacher passing in the hall.
Meri: Uh,
Geoffrey?
The young man stops.
Geoffrey:
Hey, Meri! What’s…oy, are you…
Meri:
…feeling all right ? No, I need to see the nurse.
Geoffrey: Do
you need me to…
Meri:
…take me there? No, no. I…I can manage. Just watch the children for me. I’ll
try not to be long.
Geoffrey and the students watch with concern as Meri leaves
the classroom. Our view follows Meri as she walks carefully up the hall way,
eyeing everything warily. From her perspective all the sounds of the school are
muffled, like being underwater. Objects have a vague sort of haze about them.
Then she notices a poster on the wall. It’s an old style
of typeface with an announcement for military exercises to take place later
that day, March 17, 1914.
Suddenly a buzzing sound catches Meri’s attention.
Gliding along the floor by her feet is a small robot drone that appears to be
cleaning the floor. Meri looks back to the poster which is now a holographic image
announcing try outs for the magno-ball team that day, March 17, 2082.
Meri steps back, more and more shaken and unsteady.
Meri:
Wh…what’s going on? What’s hap…happening to….?
Then the post morphs once again to the same type Clara
saw earlier, a poster with a strange sort of coloring and lettering, a poster
that proclaims…
The
Time of the Dominion is at hand!
Meri staggers as if about to faint when suddenly a pair
of arms catches her. It’s Clara Oswald.
Clara:
Meri! Meri, are you all right?
Meri first looks stunned then somewhat relieved to see
Clara.
Meri:
Clara? Oh, God, Clara! Something strange…well, I don’t know…
Clara: Tell
me, Meri! What do you see?
Meri:
Things keep…shifting, changing. Like…like from different years or…
Clara: You
can see it? You can see it too?
Meri
(puzzled): Too? You mean, you can…?
Clara: I
thought it was just me but apparently you can…
Clara takes Meri’s hand and begins to hurry down the
hall.
Clara:
C’mon! We have to find the Doctor!
Meri: A
doctor? I don’t think a doctor can help with…
Clara:
Not
A doctor? THE Doctor!
Scene
shift: a close up of the Doctor.
The
Doctor: The time of the dominion?
The scene pulls back as we see the interior of the Head
Master’s office, the head of the Master in the canister and Ms. Needham in the
background.
The
Master: Yes, Doctor, the dominion! Surely you’ve heard of the legends.
The Doctor warily circles the canister as he moves
towards a window.
The
Doctor: No, I can’t say that I….
Then the Doctor pauses. He turns his head towards the
canister.
The
Doctor: The Eternals?
The
Master: Yes, Doctor! The Eternals, older and wiser than even the
Time Lords. But not so old or so wise as to hide their secrets from me, even
their greatest secret ever.
The Doctor ambles over to the window and gently pushes
back part of the curtain. Outside, kids are at recess and the Doctor sees the
fluctuations of time still continue while everyone is oblivious to them.
The
Doctor: Their greatest secret, hmmm? And what, pray tell, would
that be?
The
Master: Why, Doctor, that would be…would be…
The Doctor moves away from the curtain and approaches the
canister, his head cocked to one side as he observes the Master’s head.
The
Doctor: Go on… Master.
The
Master: …would be none of your concern. Suffice to say that I….
The Doctor makes a sudden move as his fist pounds down on
the top of the canister.
The
Doctor: Suffice to say that I have had enough of this
nonsense.
With the blow to the canister, the light inside goes dim
and the Master’s eyes close as if asleep. The fluid around the head continues
to bubble but with less energy.
The Doctor whirls around to face Ms. Needham who is
standing next to a bookcase looking annoyed.
Ms.
Needham: Well, I should’ve known that wouldn’t work.
The Doctor moves closer to Ms. Needham, his lined brow
furrowed and his eyes piercing with rage.
The
Doctor: I’m not in the mood for games. I think you and I should
have a little chat, hmm? Ms. Veronica Needham. Or should I say… The Rani!
Ms. Needham blinks a bit with surprise then she smiles.
The
Rani: Oh, Doctor! How clever you are! Although I must admit I
thought you took long enough to…
The
Doctor (coldly): I knew…when I first walked into the door of
your office!
The
Rani (looking somewhat taken aback): I am impressed! Bravo! You
played the string to see where it would lead! A man after my own hearts! I
suppose you have a lot of questions: How I survived the Time War, how I’ve
escaped your notice for so long, how…
The
Doctor (snapping at the Rani): I just have one question, Rani: how do you stop this thing, this temporal distortion? There are innocent people…
children!... caught in the middle of this!
The
Rani: Ooh! Righteous indignation! No matter the face, you
still play that well! Yes, we MUST protect the children! But I’m afraid you won’t
be able to hear any answers in about…ah, 12 seconds.
The Doctor
(puzzled): What?
The
Rani: Oh, how rude of me! I forgot to mention the gas.
The
Doctor (looking a bit worried): Gas?
The
Rani: Colorless. Odorless. Affects only men, wouldn’t you
know? And it’s been pumping into this room since we first walked in. And it
should be taking effect about right…
The
Doctor (takes a step forward): You’re… bluffing…
Suddenly the Doctor’s eyes roll up in his head as he falls
into a crumpled heap onto the floor.
The
Rani (sighs): …now. Oh, the things I have to do to get ahead
in the universe.
The Rani looks down at the inert canister and the still,
quiet head of the Master.
The
Rani: Get…a head? A head? Oh forget it! You’re just as useless
without a body as you are with one.
The Rani walks across the floor and opens the curtains to
the office wide with a flourish. Outside
the distortions in time are become more frequent. The Rani smiles.
The
Rani: Yes! Yes, this will do quite nicely. The time of the
dominion is at hand!
----to be continued----
In our next episode:
In our next episode:
- The Doctor at the mercy of the Rani!
- Clara and Meri trapped in a time storm!
- The Master's head is still in a jar? Weird!
- The Ood's prophecy... of doom!
Episode Three
Time of the Dominion
Next week.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Broken News For Friday, July 25, 2014
Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that is vengeance AND the night BUT not Batman.
Dave-El here! This blog has been celebrating the 75th Anniversary of Batman with Batman Week. (See the menu to the right for posts from Monday to Thursday.) Well, today wraps up Batman Week.
(And you may wonder, "Hey, Dave-El! What about Saturday and Sunday?" To which I reply, "5 days in a row is already pushing the limits of my attention span to any one subject, even one as awesome as Batman.")
Today is Friday which is when Ipresent inflict a NEW edition of bROkEN nEWs, my weekly blog post of alleged news satire whatever the hell this is.
In keeping with the Batman Week theme, check out the crudely assembled bROkEN nEWs banner with the awesomely illustrated by Batman by Dustin Nguyen.
This week bROkEN nEWs is brought to you by..
Come out with the family and enjoy a variety of entertainment and special events:
#BrokenNews "GOP, Dems Fall Farther Apart On Immigration" The sticking point is whether to shoot some of the immigrants or all of the immigrants.
#BrokenNews “Senior White House Official: Obama To Act On Immigration 'Probably' Before Midterms “ Although he did promise Michelle he would put up some new shelves in the Lincoln Bedroom so, you know, it all depends.
#BrokenNews “Cruz: It's Not Me Who's Holding Migrant Kids Ransom” Yep, the invisible “Not Me” kid from the Family Circus is standing right next to him.
But immigration is not the only issue on Ted Cruz's mind this week!
#BrokenNews "Ted Cruz Questions Whether Obama Is Boycotting Israel By Grounding Flights" Don't sweat it, Ted. There's more than enough delis in New York City to keep you supplied in kosher pickles.
#BrokenNews "Comic Book Store Complains About Chris McDaniel's Campaign Bus On 'Batman Day'" Then Chris stepped out of the bus in a top hat and a monocle making 'Wauk! Wauk! Wauk!' noises and his fiendish plan against the Caped Crusader was made clear.
Remember, citizens! The political process is an important part of a strong and vibrant democracy. Except when your campaign bus is blocking access to important resources such as schools, hospitals and comic book shops!
Well said, Batman!
Hey, time for more pictures!
Catwoman knows about 150 shades of grey if you catch my drift.
TMI, Batman! TMI!
Headlines, away!!!!!
#BrokenNews "Bachmann Asks Media: Why Haven't You Asked If I'll Run?" OK, OK, everybody stop giggling and ask the lady if she's... going to... BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Sorry, I can't do it.
Hell, even Fox News has gotta say, "You're kidding, right?"
#BrokenNews "George Takei Tells Bill Maher Why He Can't Stand William Shatner" Forcing Bill Maher to clear his schedule for the rest of the week.
#BrokenNews "Shatner Takes Dig At George Takei" But first he had to ask, "George who?"
#BrokenNews "Britney Spears Strips Down For Her New Lingerie Line" She also strips down for her Egg McMuffin every morning. (McDonald's has asked her to stop.)
#BrokenNews "The Major Problem With Zach Braff's New Movie" Zach Braff's in it?
I happen to like Zach Braff.
Uh, OK.
#BrokenNews "Town Marshal Suspected Of Stealing Underwear" Authorities will know more after he's been debriefed.
Seriously, Zach's an OK guy!
And I think we're done here!
_______________________________
And that's a wrap for Batman Week and this week's bROkEN nEWs, brought to you by...
...which reminds you that mass murders by crazed psychotics don't happen every day!
My thanks to Batman for being a part of today's edition. And a Happy 75th Anniversary to you, Batman! You don't look a day over 74! (I kid! I kid!)
By the way, this Bat-picture....
was courtesy of Bat-Blog.Com, featuring all things Batman. It's pretty cool!
Dave-El here! This blog has been celebrating the 75th Anniversary of Batman with Batman Week. (See the menu to the right for posts from Monday to Thursday.) Well, today wraps up Batman Week.
(And you may wonder, "Hey, Dave-El! What about Saturday and Sunday?" To which I reply, "5 days in a row is already pushing the limits of my attention span to any one subject, even one as awesome as Batman.")
Today is Friday which is when I
In keeping with the Batman Week theme, check out the crudely assembled bROkEN nEWs banner with the awesomely illustrated by Batman by Dustin Nguyen.
Banner art by Dustin Nguyen |
This week bROkEN nEWs is brought to you by..
THE GOTHAM CITY
SEMI-ANNUAL
ARKHAM OVERRUN
Come out with the family and enjoy a variety of entertainment and special events:
- Live bands!
- Hot dogs!
- Human crocodile creature!
- Ice cream!
- Cupcakes!
- Psycho killer with a hat fetish!
- Bouncy houses!
- Jugglers!
- Deformed maniac with a thing for the number two!
- Magic shows!
- Acrobats!
- Madman with dead flesh strapped to his head!
- Petting zoo!
And much, much more!
So come on down for the...
Its KER-RAZY fun!
ARKHAM OVERRUN!
Its KER-RAZY fun!
And now bROkEN nEWs gets a rollin' in 5...
4...
3...
2...
_____________________________
#BrokenNews "GOP, Dems Fall Farther Apart On Immigration" The sticking point is whether to shoot some of the immigrants or all of the immigrants.
#BrokenNews “Senior White House Official: Obama To Act On Immigration 'Probably' Before Midterms “ Although he did promise Michelle he would put up some new shelves in the Lincoln Bedroom so, you know, it all depends.
#BrokenNews “Cruz: It's Not Me Who's Holding Migrant Kids Ransom” Yep, the invisible “Not Me” kid from the Family Circus is standing right next to him.
But immigration is not the only issue on Ted Cruz's mind this week!
#BrokenNews "Ted Cruz Questions Whether Obama Is Boycotting Israel By Grounding Flights" Don't sweat it, Ted. There's more than enough delis in New York City to keep you supplied in kosher pickles.
#BrokenNews "U.S. Continues To Block Travel To Israel" Oy vey! Look, the weather's just as hot in Florida anyway and it's a shorter trip, is all I'm saying."
Oh, the travel ban has been lifted? Fine, fine! Go ahead! Go to Israel instead of visiting your poor mother down in Boca!
Oh, the travel ban has been lifted? Fine, fine! Go ahead! Go to Israel instead of visiting your poor mother down in Boca!
#BrokenNews “How The Israel-Palestinian Peace Plan Died” It was Professor Plum in the Conservatory with a wrench.
#BrokenNews "Pope Francis Calls Israeli And Palestinian Leaders" He just wanted to say, "Yo, homies! Whazzup?"
#BrokenNews "Pope Francis Calls Israeli And Palestinian Leaders" He just wanted to say, "Yo, homies! Whazzup?"
#BrokenNews “Obama Signs Executive Order On LGBT Rights” Which Fox News immediately linked to Benghazi.
#BrokenNews "How To Have The Perfect Morning Even If You’ve Stayed Up Late" Hey, Batman! You stay up really late a lot! You want to take this one?
One way I can have a perfect morning after staying up late is to run over Alfred's vacuum cleaner with the Batmobile before going to bed!
Thanks, Batman!
Hey, let's do the picture thing!
That Snoop Dogg fella reminds me a lot of Swamp Thing. Man, Swampy just won't shut up about weed, either! And when he asks you to smoke him? Brrrr!
Interesting insight there, Batman. Let's get back to the headlines!
#BrokenNews “Joe Biden Once Told Putin: 'I Don't Think You Have A Soul'” Meanwhile, if you’ve ever seen Biden’s James Brown impression, you know he has plenty of soul.
#BrokenNews "Conservative Scholar Suggests Obama Be 'Hung, Drawn and Quartered'" Obama replied, "Well, I've already got the 'hung' part covered if you know what I'm sayin'!", pointing at his crotch (in case we didn't know what he's sayin'.)
#BrokenNews "GOP's Obamacare Replacement Apparently Still In The Works" The GOP would have finished it by now except Paul Ryan keeps forgetting to bring in his Sears Craftsman socket wrench set.
#BrokenNews "How To Have The Perfect Morning Even If You’ve Stayed Up Late" Hey, Batman! You stay up really late a lot! You want to take this one?
One way I can have a perfect morning after staying up late is to run over Alfred's vacuum cleaner with the Batmobile before going to bed!
Thanks, Batman!
Hey, let's do the picture thing!
That Snoop Dogg fella reminds me a lot of Swamp Thing. Man, Swampy just won't shut up about weed, either! And when he asks you to smoke him? Brrrr!
Interesting insight there, Batman. Let's get back to the headlines!
#BrokenNews “Joe Biden Once Told Putin: 'I Don't Think You Have A Soul'” Meanwhile, if you’ve ever seen Biden’s James Brown impression, you know he has plenty of soul.
#BrokenNews "Conservative Scholar Suggests Obama Be 'Hung, Drawn and Quartered'" Obama replied, "Well, I've already got the 'hung' part covered if you know what I'm sayin'!", pointing at his crotch (in case we didn't know what he's sayin'.)
#BrokenNews "GOP's Obamacare Replacement Apparently Still In The Works" The GOP would have finished it by now except Paul Ryan keeps forgetting to bring in his Sears Craftsman socket wrench set.
#BrokenNews “How Oil And Gas Firms Gained Influence And Transformed North Dakota” The oil and gas firms did ask, “Does anybody mind if we transform North Dakota?” but no one said anything.
And here's a segment we haven't had in a while:
bROkEN nEWs tHaT cOuNTs
And now...here's Batman!
As you know, I have a lot of tools and weapons that I use in my battle against crime and injustice. These tools and weapons have been created to fulfill certain specialized uses.
But sometimes my crime fighting partners do not use these correctly. So here are....
Back to you, Dave-El.
Thanks, Batman!
And here's a segment we haven't had in a while:
bROkEN nEWs tHaT cOuNTs
And now...here's Batman!
As you know, I have a lot of tools and weapons that I use in my battle against crime and injustice. These tools and weapons have been created to fulfill certain specialized uses.
But sometimes my crime fighting partners do not use these correctly. So here are....
The 3 Products You're Mistakenly Using
- Alfred using Batarangs to clean the grout in the Wayne Manor bathrooms.
- Batgirl using the Batphone to pull prank calls on her dad.
- Robin, the Bat-Shark Repellent is for repelling sharks, dammit!
Back to you, Dave-El.
Thanks, Batman!
#BrokenNews “McDonald's And KFC Bought Rotten Meat In China” Putting American providers of rotten meat out of business
#BrokenNews "Comic Book Store Complains About Chris McDaniel's Campaign Bus On 'Batman Day'" Then Chris stepped out of the bus in a top hat and a monocle making 'Wauk! Wauk! Wauk!' noises and his fiendish plan against the Caped Crusader was made clear.
Remember, citizens! The political process is an important part of a strong and vibrant democracy. Except when your campaign bus is blocking access to important resources such as schools, hospitals and comic book shops!
Well said, Batman!
Hey, time for more pictures!
Catwoman knows about 150 shades of grey if you catch my drift.
TMI, Batman! TMI!
Headlines, away!!!!!
#BrokenNews "Bachmann Asks Media: Why Haven't You Asked If I'll Run?" OK, OK, everybody stop giggling and ask the lady if she's... going to... BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Sorry, I can't do it.
Hell, even Fox News has gotta say, "You're kidding, right?"
#BrokenNews "George Takei Tells Bill Maher Why He Can't Stand William Shatner" Forcing Bill Maher to clear his schedule for the rest of the week.
#BrokenNews "Shatner Takes Dig At George Takei" But first he had to ask, "George who?"
#BrokenNews "Britney Spears Strips Down For Her New Lingerie Line" She also strips down for her Egg McMuffin every morning. (McDonald's has asked her to stop.)
#BrokenNews "The Major Problem With Zach Braff's New Movie" Zach Braff's in it?
I happen to like Zach Braff.
Uh, OK.
#BrokenNews "Town Marshal Suspected Of Stealing Underwear" Authorities will know more after he's been debriefed.
Seriously, Zach's an OK guy!
And I think we're done here!
_______________________________
And that's a wrap for Batman Week and this week's bROkEN nEWs, brought to you by...
The Greater Gotham City
Chamber of Commerce
...which reminds you that mass murders by crazed psychotics don't happen every day!
So take a big chance and live a little....
Come to Gotham City!
My thanks to Batman for being a part of today's edition. And a Happy 75th Anniversary to you, Batman! You don't look a day over 74! (I kid! I kid!)
By the way, this Bat-picture....
was courtesy of Bat-Blog.Com, featuring all things Batman. It's pretty cool!
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