It's Movie Time!
Today's post is about a film that came out in 1968 called La Mujer Murcielago.
Other wise known as.... The Batwoman!
Or The Bat-woman!
Or The Bat Woman!
Any similarities to DC Comics' Batman is completely coincidental. (Wink!)
Why did I put La Mujer Murcielago in the post title instead of Batwoman? I was aiming for cultural preteniousness that this post is going to about some kind of sophisticated foray into foreign cinema.
No, it's not.
What pray tell is this week's cinematic foray in to hell?
Let's find out!
The police in Acapulco are confounded by an ongoing mystery.
Wrestlers keep disappearing and then reappearing but unalived. Five of them so far and maybe more if these deaths are connected to similar wrestler deaths in Macau and Hong Kong.
Autoposies show one consistent oddity between all the victims: fluid has been extracted from the penis gland.
Hold on! Let me check my notes
Whoops!
Fluid has been extracted from the pineal gland.
The local cops have no idea what the hell to do with THAT information but help is on the way.
Welcome agents from the International Intelligence Bureau (I think that may be made up for this movie), Mario Robles and Tony Roca. Why these clever rugged manly men of international mystery will get to the bottom of this murderous mystery in no time flat.
Nah! They're stumped too. I don't think they really did anything before giving up.
So Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara....uh oh! I mean Marco and Tony immediately come to the conclusion:
This is a job for Batwoman! Or Bat-woman! Or Bat Woman!
I gotta pick one!
Let's go with Batwoman.
Who is Batwoman? Well, Mario and Tony know but no one else does 'cause it's a secret.
Hey, you look trustworthy. I'll loop you in.
Batwoman is a rich socialite named Gloria who made her a rep as a luchadora enmascarada, or masked female wrestler.
She also fights crime.
Because... why not?
We have no clue if a crying child Gloria was left alone in an alley over the murdered bodies of her parents or if a bat flew in the window of her boudoir.
Gloria is Batwoman. Batwoman is Gloria. What more do you need to know?
Batwoman makes a grand entrance into Acapulco via parachute and....
Yeah, we need to comment on her look for a moment.
This Batwoman sports a cowl and cape very much like the American Batman. Below that mask is... different.
Batwoman boldy battles bad guys in a bikini!
Our scantily clad heroine immediately waltzes into police headquarters, reviews the autopsy report and...
She has no clue either.
Really, why did Mario and Tony even call her?
I mean, other than the fact she shows up for work in a bikini.
Because she's in a movie with her name in the title and the plot needs to move forward somehow, some dots are connected to a yacht floating out in the harbor off Acapulco.
It's not much of a yacht. It looks more like a fishing trawler.
1960's Mexican filmmaking on a budget ya'll.
So what the hell is happening on this "yacht"?
SCIENCE!
Dare I say.... MAD SCIENCE!!!!!!
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
...
Ha.
On board, conducting strange experiments on man and fish is a mad scientist named Dr. Eric Williams
Yes, THAT Dr. Williams, the epitome of evil amongst ichthyologists!
So here is the bad doctor's seven phase plan.
We're dealing with some serious shit here: SEVEN whole phases to the plan.
- Abduct wrestler.
- Drain fluid from wrestler's penis gland.
- Tell Dave-El to stop making that stupid joke.
Wait, does this part count as a phase? Damn it, I lost count. Gotta start over.
- Abduct wrestler.
- Drain fluid from wrestler's pineal gland.
- Inject fish with pineal gland fluid.
- Fish turns into a human shape but still the size of a fish. A man-fish, if you will.
- Zap man-fish with radiation to make it grow into a human sized creature, a fish man.
- Torment fish man to bend fish man to do your bidding.
- Rule world.
Seems simple to me!
 |
| "I thought maybe we good go to the weinie roast...." "and go dancing later, Gloria!" "Oh Mario! Oh Tony! You're both ever so dreamy!" Batwoman Bikini Beach Babe A Go-Go |
Batwoman's initial efforts to get on the "yacht" to get evidence of Dr. Williams' evil doing doesn't quite go according to plan and she is forced to flee but not before our mad scientist gets splashed with acid and scars half his face.
You know, like the classic Batman foe Two-Face.
But NOT like Two-Face because any similarities to Batman are purely coincidental. (Wink! Wink!)
Well, it's personal now and Dr. Williams has a side hustle to add to his fish man making business: destroy Batwoman.
Our mad scientist enlists various thugs to capture Batwoman but since she is a luchadora enmascarada (as we learned earlier in this posts is a masked female wrestler, pay attention class), our masked mistress of mystery dispatches with these ruthless ruffians with ease.
Yeah, let's talk about that a moment.
The actress who portrays Gloria aka Batwoman is Maura Monti, an Italian born model. So she was hired more for her ability to fill out a bikini than her fighting prowess.
The ruthless ruffians assist in Batwoman's victory by helpfully not putting up much of a fight.
There are some scenes of Batwoman engaged in wrestling in the ring and in the gym while wearing a grey full body unitard with blue briefs and a gold belt that look a lot like Batman's uniform.
But NOT exactly like his uniform because any similarities to Batman are purely coincidental. (Wink! Wink! Can you NOT see me WINKING over here?)
In those scenes, Gloria's masked alter ego appears to be taller and weigh a few pounds more.
Could it be Maura Monti's stunt double?
Hey, don't go there or you will spoil the magic that is La Mujer Murcielago.
Dr. Eric Williams (you know he's evil because his name is "Eric") sics his fish man on Batwoman but that doesn't work for... what I'm sure must be good reasons but it appears to me that the fish man just gives up and wanders back into the ocean.
The dastardly doctor's put a lot of work into creating a fish man just to have his big monstrous debut just sputter to a close like that.
To get his clutches on Batwoman, he switches up tactics and kidnaps Mario and Tony as bait for a bat in a trap.
So our damsels in distress are men! Yay, 1960's nascent feminism.
Well, feminism will take a few blows as this movie nears it's end.
After fending off the sinister scientist's ruthless ruffians for the whole movie, suddenly Batwoman can't seem to do that now and she's overpowered by those same ruthless ruffians and brought to the doctor's lab.
Where she's strapped to a table so our lecherous villain can drain her penis gland.
Damn it! Pineal gland!
Admit it! That joke just keeps getting funnier every time, am I right?
But just then, the fish man barges in and attacks Dr. Williams.
Hey, torturing and abusing your mutant lab creation may not be a good idea.
In the ensuing melee, the lab catches fire while Tony & Mario break free and rescue Batwoman.
Hooray for women's equality?
Feminsm is not dead yet.
The last scene is Gloria commiserating with Mario and Tony about the case when she spies a mouse and letting out a girlish shriek, Gloria leaps up into a chair begging the men folk to kill it.
OK, NOW feminism is dead.
And that brings us to the end of La Mujer Murcielago.
Other wise known as.... The Batwoman!
Or The Bat-woman!
Or The Bat Woman!
Or I can't believe I watch this thing.
Well, I didn't watch it alone.
I was accompanied by a hapless human and a pair of robot pals.
This was an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from August 19, 2022. By that time Jonah who replaced Mike who replaced Joel was gone.
By this point, the hapless human stranded on the Satellite of Love is Emily.
Oh my God! Emily is one of... them!
A female woman of the opposite sex!
And Crow T. Robot is voiced by a woman.
I thought Emily did a fine job and had some really killer one liners. I will admit I never quite got into the groove with Crow's new voice.
Or Tom Servo's new voice for that matter which is still male but somehow lacking the smug arrogance we've come to know and love in our bubble headed robot pal.
Still, I had a fun time watching this odd contraption of a movie with Emily and the bots.
La Mujer Murcielago is such a shallow, poorly conceived film, you can't help but laugh as this Batwoman accomplishes little other than look good in a bikini and try making a Batman mask a cutting edge fashion accessory.
But NOT exactly like a Batman mask because any similarities to Batman are purely coincidental. (WINK!)
Man, I gotta see a doctor about this weird eye twitch.
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