Batman Vs. Superman

Hi there and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that puts the kryptonite in your bat-guano. 

I'm Dave-El and today's post is about the concept of Superman vs. Batman. Next year will see the release of Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice which is the big epic movie that DC and Warner Bros. hopes will challenge the successes of Marvel Studios and their corporate parent, Disney. 

I think the word you're looking for is "desperation".  

When it comes to comics, I've been a long time DC guy but that has fallen by the wayside more and more. My top 3 pulls at Acme Comics include Saga, Velvet and The Fade Out, all from Image. The only mainstream DC title I still have on my pull list is Batman by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo and that's up in the air depending on what happens in June with the new Iron Man/The Tick mash up that's coming to Batman that month.  

I do not have any Marvels on my pull lists. I do get the occasional trades but only if they're on sale with a deep discount. Marvel's pricing on both individual comics and trade collections is ridiculously high.  

That being said, however, I am in hook, line and sinker for the Marvel Cinematic Universe and right now, I am way more psyched for Avengers: Age of Ultron than I am for anything from the DC Universe in print or in movies.  

I have to admit DC's forays into TV have been pretty successful. I haven't really gotten into Arrow but Flash is off to a great start. And I hope Constantine gets another chance for a 2nd season. And I'm looking forward to the Supergirl series on CBS this fall.   

But bringing this back around to the Man of Steel in conflict with the Caped Crusader, I posted a few Tweets on the subject of exactly how a Superman/Batman throw down would go down. After all, we're talking about a match up between the most super powerful being on the planet against a guy dressed up like a bat.  So perhaps a battle between the two would take on different forms that simply going mano a mano.  


#BatmanvSuperman Does Superman have Bat Shark Repellant? No? Advantage: Batman!

#BatmanvSuperman at the county fair! Will Bruce or Clark win the blue ribbon for best home made pickles? C'mon, a county fair home made pickle contest? Ma Kent's boy from Smallville owns this one! 

#BatmanvSuperman is Macarena vs. Electric Slide! Yep, it's a Clark vs. Bruce DANCE OFF! Get down! Get funky! And the winner is....? I'll give you a hint: The Bat Tutsi! 

#BatmanvSuperman is a PRANK WAR! Bruce replaces Clark's Folgers coffee crystals with kryptonite. Let's watch! Hey, guess what? It's not like Lois and Lana haven't tried this before. Besides, Batman is many things but a prankster? Not without Robin, he ain't. 

In the fallout of #BatmanvSuperman, who gets custody of Alfred? Hey, after the courts see how Bruce has had Alfred for years dusting a mansion and cleaning bat poop from a cave, I think Alfred will find a new home in Metropolis.  

In #BatmanvSuperman, Bruce bets Clark he can't eat only one Lays potato chip. This is a tough call. With all his great powers, Superman has learned to use a lot of self-control. But we're talking Lays potato chips here. OK, I'm giving this one to Batman. 

#BatmanvSuperman takes place in front of Judge Judy. Does Clark really owe Bruce money for heat visioning the Batmobile's tires? Real dick move, Superman. Yeah, Batman is such a pain in the ass and it's not like he can't afford it but still...dude! 

#BatmanvSuperman is Clark and Bruce trying to see who's the first one to solve a really hard algebra word problem. Based on the homework I've seen my daughter bring home from school, this crap takes a super brain from Krypton. 

In #BatmanvSuperman, Clark and Bruce face off in a def poetry jam. Clark Kent's articles for the Daily Planet can be surprisingly moving. Bruce is more into hard core "just the facts" crime reports. Advantage: Superman. 

#BatmanvSuperman is Bruce and Clark just sitting around on a couch playing Mortal Kombat on Bruce's wickedly awesome widescreen TV. A pity vote for Batman on this one because when he isn't playing games on his wickedly awesome widescreen TV, Bruce watches The Mark of Zorro over and over and cries bitter, bitter tears. Besides, Superman keeps shorting out the game controller with his super speed. 

So as you can see, in these various contests, a battle between Superman and Batman comes to a drawl.  Maybe if I factor in Wonder Woman and Aquaman? 

For now, I think I've done enough damage around here. So I'm off. And I'm leaving. 

See you back here tomorrow. Until then, be good to one another.  

Dave-El can be found on Twitter here!