This past Friday, Andrea and I had dinner at Cracker Barrel.
As there are approximately 52 Fridays in a given year, it is a good bet Andrea and I are having dinner at Cracker Barrel on about 26 of them.
We have a rotation in what we order. Every other visit to Cracker Barrel, we get their Friday fish fry which is quite good. We get it with the steak fries and cole slaw.
On the Fridays we do not get the fish, Andrea will inevitably get the hamburger steak. I alternate between the hamburger steak and the chicken and dumplings.
All of this is to establish our bonafides as connoisseurs of Cracker Barrel: we go there a lot and we know what we like.
Getting back to the beginning of this post...
This past Friday, Andrea and I had dinner at Cracker Barrel.
It was a fish week.
We couldn't help but notice how empty the parking lot was. Normally there is way more traffic at this particular location on a Friday evening, a veritable hotbed of mid American senior citizen activity.
Gee, I speculated, I wonder if this has anything to do with the rainbow rocker?
Well, it might.
Wait, what rainbow rocker?
This rainbow rocker.
Cracker Barrel wasn't always so welcoming, banning LGBTQ people from working in its restaurants and firing employees it learned were gay. Those policies were reversed in 1991.
The company now has a diversity, equity and inclusion policy, scores an 80 on the Human Rights Campaign’s corporate equality index and made headlines in 2019 for refusing to allow an anti-gay pastor to hold an event in one of its restaurants.
Which just pisses off conservative snowflakes.
We take no pleasure in reporting that @CrackerBarrel has fallen.A once family friendly establishment has caved to the mob.
— Texas Family Project (@FamilyProjectTX)
June 8, 2023
The histrionics of "Cracker Barrel has fallen" led to some inspired wisecracks on Twitter. My favorites are these Tweets, done in the style of Ken Burns' Civil War documentary.
My dearest Cynthia,
I write to you today a broken man.
Despite our best efforts, the Cracker Barrel fell. We fought for its potpourri-scented gift shop, its tabletop puzzles. Our tears and sweat mixed with the cream gravy atop the chicken fried steaks.
— brooke foster, 2023 edition (@lonesometoast) June 9, 2023
My darlin' Beulah. We marched on Tallahassee today only to confirm the worst of the rumors. Cracker Barrel has fallen. Kiss my children-cousins for me and pray for my soul. I shall now drink from a rusty puddle and hope for death.
— Dennis Perkins Will Never Pay Apartheid Boy A Dime (@DennisPerkins5) June 9, 2023
Dearest Penelope,
Cracker Barrel has fallen. I never thought I would be writing these mournful words to you, but the moment we dreaded for so long has arrived. We regroup now to take our positions at Hobby Lobby. Kiss the children for me, and pray.
Yours in haste,
Elmer
— Julia S. (@booktweeting) June 9, 2023
My dearest Clotilda,
The news from the front is terrible. We happened upon a Cracker Barrel, where we had hoped to sup and rest up before the next battle at Wokesburg. To our shock, we found the place overrun by the gays. We retreated til the morning.
Ever yours,
Eaton Beaver
— Michael Feher (same @ on The Pliocene Pachyderm) (@SaxMike71) June 9, 2023
Well, I do declare! Cracker Barrel has fallen! What shall we do?
Well, it depends if it is fish week or not.
If it is not fish week, I'll have to choose between the hamburger steak or the chicken & dumplings. If it is fish week, well...
I'll have the fish.
Y'all be good to one another, OK?
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