A couple of weeks ago, Donald Trump addressed the nation in prime time.
A president making a prime time speech is usually a big deal and my wife Andrea immediately went into panic mode.
"He's going to declare war on Venezuela!"
I deduced he was going to just do his usual angry delusional rant about how great he is and how everyone else who is not him sucks.
And I was right.
This past Saturday morning, der Führer declared he would speak to the nation.
No, not to announce he's going to declare war on Venezuela.
No, he already done did that.
In the wee early hours of Saturday morning, the United States hurled a few missiles and bombs into Caracas, the capital of Venezuela and under cover of the chaos that strike created, kidnapped Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro and his wife, Cilia Flores.
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| Fuerte Tiuna, Venezuela's largest military complex, is seen from a distance after a series of explosions in Caracas on January 3, 2026 |
"The full wrath?" Why does everyone in the Trump administration have to talk like super villain henchmen?
"Yes, Ming, oh great and merciless one! Flash Gordon will face the full wrath of Mongo justice on Mongo soil in Mongo courts!"
Speaking of Ming the Merciless....
Trump set up a press briefing for Saturday morning and Andrea felt that we should watch it.
Yes, Donald Trump is indeed a goddam motherfucking dementia addled moron but is also regrettably a goddam motherfucking dementia addled moron who is President of the United States and our country just attacked another country and abducted their leader so yeah, maybe we should watch and see if he can explain himself.
I doubted he could.
And I was right.
Bless his shriveled calcified brain, der Führer did try to stay on message for a minute or two.
Then he devolved into needless boasting.
He cited the strike on Caracas and capturing the president and his wife as one of the greatest military operations since World War II.
Then he compared it to the tactical strike on Iran's nuclear facilities which Trump declared was a complete and total success.
He managed to sneak in an insult at Jimmy Carter.
Then he thanked the National Guard for cleaning up Washington DC where they have no crime now.
Wait! What?
Somehow an overnight strike on another country and taking that country's leader became a rambling rant about how crime infested Democrat cities are and Los Angeles was a burning hellpit of crime until he sent the National Guard in, insulting Democrat governors, so forth and so on.
I turned to Andrea and asked, "Why are we listening to this shit?"
So we flipped over to TBS which was running Friends. The episode was where Monica's parents find out that Monica is Richard Burke's (Tom Selleck) "twinkie in the city".
I felt more informed as an American citizen from a 30 year old Friends rerun than whatever bullshit Trump was spouting.
Before we turned away, Trump announced the United States will be running Venezeula until they can get a government in that will do what we tell them.
Trump can't fucking run the United States and he wants to add Venezeula to his not-to-do list?
The "What Other People Say" Deparrtment
#1 - There's this channel I follow on TikTok (and on YouTube) called "letsdiscusssomething" where this dude "listens to Trump's speeches so you don't have to". Here's his take on Saturday morning's rambling presentation.
#2 - Exactly what is the beef with Maduro? Click this link for the criminal charges he faces from "the full wrath of American justice on American soil in American courts.”
#3 - What's the real reason Donald Trump throwing down with Venezuela? Click here for Fred Kaplan's take and yeah, it's all 'bout dat oil!
#4 - If you think striking Venezeula will satisfy Li'l Donnie's itchy trigger finger, click this link for what he wants to do next.
In a phone interview with Fox News, Trump warned that “something will have to be done about Mexico".
This shit's only going to get worse, ain't it?
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