Cinema Sunday: The Polar Express

 

In a few days it will be Christmas and for today's Cinema Sunday, I'm going to take a look at a holiday movie that has become something of a tradition here at the Fortress of Ineptitude. 

That movie is The Polar Express,  a 2004 computer-animated film by Robert Zemeckis, based on the 1985 children's book of the same name by Chris Van Allsburg. 

The story centers around a young boy who isn't sure he believes in Santa Claus anymore. 

And we watch this movie every Christmas Eve. 

I wrote about this movie in a blog post from Tuesday, December 24, 2019

It's kind of weird that our daughter Randie adopted this movie as part of our Christmas Eve tradition. She was still young enough to believe in Santa Claus and yet her favorite movie to watch just before Santa arrives is a somber reflection of what it means to no longer believe in Santa.

The Polar Express starts off so quiet with soft music and the low ambient sounds of a household settling into sleep. It's Christmas Eve and a young nameless boy is lying in bed.  

(This young lad who will be our guide for the next 90 minutes is not given a name. In the credits, he is referred to merely as Hero Boy so I will here as well.)  

Hero Boy is pondering his mortality. No, not the onset of his literal physical death but the death of things that comes with aging, the death of dreams. 

The death of imagination. 

The death of wonder. 

Hero Boy ponders the non-existence of Santa Claus. 

That's when the quiet is broken by a clatter out on the front lawn.

Hero Boy rushes to investigate. With a low rumble of thunder, a swirl of snow and fog takes shape, the solid black iron leviathan of a locomotive and a row of cars behind it. 

It's a train. This is the Polar Express. 

From the train steps the Conductor to welcome Hero Boy aboard.  

The Polar Express is packed with Tom Hanks. He's the Conductor, the ghost hobo who rides on top of the train, he's the main kid's dad at the start of the film and that kid grown up as the narrator. And he's also Santa Claus. 

But I am getting ahead of myself. 

After initially declining the Conductor's invitation, Hero Boy changes his mind and boards the train just as it starts to pull away.  

This scenario plays out a second time when the train stops to pick up one more kid, a boy from the "wrong side of the tracks". (Translation: he's poor.)  Except after saying no but then changing his mind, the young boy can't quite catch the train. 

Hero Boy stops the train with the emergency brake cord. 

Over the course of the movie, we will find out this is the only thing Hero Boy knows how to do. 

From there, the Polar Express is on it's way. 

At this point, the Conductor offers hot chocolate to the assembled kids which leads into an elaborate dance routine by a dozen dancers who are never seen again for the rest of the movie. 

When we're watching the movie on Christmas Eve, this is when I exit to retrieve cups of hot chocolate for the family. I do not do a dance routine. I charge extra for the kinky stuff. 

The movie proceeds with a series of ridiculously dangerous situations as the Polar Express barrels along ridiculously dangerous stretches of track. C'mon, who builds a track track with a 180 degree incline? 

And there's a ghost hobo?!?! Does the Polar Express run on coal or nightmare fuel? 

It's astounding how much this movie insinuates itself into our thoughts and actions over the course of the year outside of Christmas itself. 

1. "Caribou?!" 

The train goes get stopped by a herd of caribou. 

One of the engineers when spotting the large obstruction of animals on the tracks yells out, "Caribou?!" 

Whenever we see a large assemblage of any kind of animal on TV or in movies or in real life even, it's fun to point and yell, "Caribou?!" 

2. "Move ahead.... slooooowww!" 

Eventually the caribou are encouraged to leave the track as the Conductor tells the engineer "to move ahead.... slooooowww!" 

Whenever there is an opportunity to tell someone to do something slow, I can't help to mimic Tom Hanks' cadence and give the instruction "to move ahead.... slooooowww!" 

3. "ELLLLLLLFFF!!!!" 

The train zips along the track to the Artic Circle towards the warm glow of the North Pole, home of Santa's workshop. 

When the first elf is spotted, there's this kid on the train who points out the window wide eyed and yells, "ELLLLLLLFFF!!!!" 

Side Note: Here in North Carolina, license plates have 4 numbers preceded by 3 random letters. Once in a while, I'll come across a tag where the random letters have assembled to spell "ELF". Once such a plate has been spotted, Randie or I will point wide eyed at the car and yell, "ELLLLLLLFFF!!!!" 

4. "the first gift of Christmas!"

Our gang of kids finally encounter the big man himself and Santa elects Hero Boy to receive "the first gift of Christmas!". 

Side Note: the best glass of milk is the first one poured from a new jug of milk. Over the course of the year if we have a snack (like cookies or pie) with a glass of milk, I will pour Randie the first glass and present it to her with a proclamation, "Here is the first milk of Christmas!" 

The Polar Express has become a Christmas Eve ritual but also a part of our lingo, little inside jokes within our family that only we understand. 

Wrapping up today's post is a selection from The Polar Express soundtrack. 

That is that for today's Cinema Sunday post. 

On Christmas Eve, I will have a special post that takes a look at the absurdity of the Hallmark Christmas movie with a little outside help from the Holderness Family.

Next Sunday, the final Cinema Sunday of 2020 looks at a classic western made by the Marx Brothers. 

Yep, Groucho Marx in a western.  

Until next time, have a safe and happy holiday season and remember to be good to one another.