Since we're gonna be talking about Li'l Donnie Trump's widdle ballroom, let's kick off with a musical parody of the 1970's wildest party rock anthem, Ballroom Blitz.
So after last weekend's swing and a miss assassination attempt at the White House Correspondence Dinner, Trump and his Republican minions have lined up behind a pivotal answer on how to address gun violence.
Stronger gun control laws? Fuck no!
Better access to mental health treatment? Hell no!!
A ballroom? OK, NOW you're talking! Fucking hell YEAH!!!
BALLROOM!!!
BALLROOM!!!
BALLROOM!!!
BALLROOM!!!
BAAAAALLROOOOOOOM!!!
In response to another attack of political violence, Sen. Lindsey Graham proposed a bill to fully fund the $400 million White House ballroom.
Yes, you in the back. You have questions.
- Wasn't the ballroom suppose to only be $200 million?
- And privately funded?
Well those are excellent questions.
To answer #1, not for a long while now. Trump keeps adding marble columns and jacking up the price tag.
As for question #2, Graham suggested the private funding coud be used for other things for the ballroom such as
- china
- and stuff
Seriously, he said that.
Oh, and I'm not done. Graham also suggested it was vital that Trump should be able to roll out of bed and walk to his ballroom
Walk? WALK?! Does Graham's funding bill not include a palanquin?!
FUN FACT: A palanquin is a traditional human-powered transport consisting of an ornately decorated covered box or bed suspended from poles and carried on the shoulders of multiple bearers, historically used by royalty and elites for travel and ceremony.
Whoever's running against Lindsay Graham better figure out where they stand on this important ballroom issue.
The people wanna know!
Fuck gas prices and grocery prices!!
Will Donald Trump really have to walk to this ballroom?!
It's a damn shame the United States can't spring for a palanquin!
MAGA heads came out in force defending the absolutely critical need for a White House Ballroom. One person on Fox News objected that Trump should have to go anywhere and people should come to him.
Who cares about guns when a ballroom solves everything?
And besides we all know the real threat to America is sea shells!
Oh hell YEAH!! FUCKING SEA SHELLS!!!
...
...
Wait! What?
Oh, yeah, this shit!
Former FBI Director James Comey was indicted for threatening to kill Donald Trump!
OK, that can't be right!
Well, it's true and he put that threat in writing.
And here it is!
The homicidal heretic had to gall to post this on Instagram!
That's just some sea shells arranged to form the numbers 8, 6, 4 and 7.
WHAT?! Are you blind?!?!
- 86 means "KILL"
- 47 means the 47th President of the United States who is Donald Trump.
James Comey had this to say about his post: "It's just a silly picture of shells that I thought was a clever way to express a political viewpoint. And actually I still think it is. I don’t see it the way some people are still saying it is, but again, I don’t want any part of any violence. I’ve never been associated with violence, and so that’s why I took it down.”
Well, that seems like a perfectly reasonable viewpoint and surely no harm, no foul, let's move on please.
Oops! I said "perfectly reasonable viewpoint" so natch, der Führer has an objection.
“If anybody knows anything about crime, they know 86. … It’s a mob term for kill him. You know, you ever see the movies? ’86’ the mobster says to one of his wonderful associates. ’86 him.’ That means kill him. … People think of it as something having to do with disappearing, but the mob uses that term to say when they want to kill somebody, they say, ’86 the son of a gun.'”
I hate to say I might defer to Donald Trump on this one but hell, if anyone knows how criminals talk...
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines "86" as a slang term meaning "to get rid of" or "throw out". They acknowledge some recent use of 86 to mean"to kill" but that usage is so sparse, it's not counted as part of the definition.
The Oxford English Dictionary also says of the U.S. slang term, “In restaurants and bars, an expression indicating that the supply of an item is exhausted, or that a customer is not to be served.” With NO reference to any kind of killing.
Well, what do they know? Like they're some kind of repositories of words and phrases with a current accounting of their meanings and usage?
Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche says "the Department of Justice has done a tremendous amount of investigation. And how do you prove intent in any case? You prove intent with witnesses, with documents, with the defendant himself, to the extent is appropriate, and that’s how we’ll prove intent in this case.”
Allow me to translate: "We ain't got shit but der Führer's feelings were hurt so fuck that, we gonna do something!"
Hey, Todd? Yeah, I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
- 8647!
- 8647!
- 8647!
- 8647!
- 8647!
- 8647!
Come at me, bro! C'mon!
Geez, I better clarify this 'cause Todd Blanche is a fucking moron.
I am NOT advocating for violence against your dear leader, Todd!.
I AM advocating that Donald Trump is a lying, petulant, bullying, unintelligent, sociopathic, dishonorable, treasonous, gutless, moronic, heartless, soulless, slimy, loathsome, vile, incompetent, psychotic, crooked, disgusting, reprehensible, revolting, horrible, malicious, obnoxious, hateful, small minded, despicable god damn, motherfucking piece of shit!
And quite frankly so are you, Todd!
So what have we learned today, children?
- The real danger in this world is sea shells.
- And our only protection is a ballroom!
And speaking of a ballroom!
From Wayne's World, it's the super smoking hot Tia Carrere with her cover of Ballroom Blitz!
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