Everything's Coming Up Bacon

You wanna hear how good bacon is? To improve other food they wrap it in bacon. If it wasn't for bacon we wouldn't even know what a water chestnut is. "Thank you bacon. Sincerely, Water Chestnut the Third". 

--Jim Gaffigan

Ah, bacon! The ultimate food thing. Bacon is good by itself, next to other things, in things, around things. A turkey and ham sandwich is just a sandwich; add bacon at it becomes a club sandwich, a very special sandwich that only you and certain members of an exclusive club gets to eat. Anyone can order a club sandwich but that's bacon for you, bringing democracy to exclusivity.  

Bacon: it tastes like freedom! 

Bacon is so awesome, we wrap it around steak. You'd think that steak is already at the top of the list of edible meats but add bacon to it and it soars even higher. 

Bacon: it gives other foods the wings of angels!

The other day #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words was trending on Twitter (where I can be found....here! Dave-El ‏@dave_el1938)

Here are my contributions to that topic. 

• Have more bacon #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words
• Just add bacon #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words
• Let's have bacon #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words
• Bacon bacon bacon #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words (Is he going to keep tweeting about bacon? Who does he think he is, @JimGaffigan?)
• You're my friend #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words (Awww! That's sweet. And he's stopped tweeting about bacon. Finally!)
• Share my bacon #MakeSomeonesDayIn3Words (Dammit! He's back on the bacon again!)

I recently came across something on Twitter that wrapped bacon around something I never thought of before. But before I get to that, let's look at this: from the website (I'm not making this up!) Republic of Bacon.Com, here are 25 things you can wrap bacon in.  

1. Sea Scallops  
2. A Whole Turkey  
3. Water Chestnuts  
4. Pineapple 
5. Pretzels  
6. Carrots  
7. Chicken  
8. Olives  
9. Mexicano Hot Dogs  
10. Melons  
11. Avocado  
12. Trout  
13. Strawberries  
14. Mozzarella  
15. Jalapeno Poppers  
16. Cocktail Weiners  
17. Mushrooms  
18. Pesto Polenta 
19. Cinnamon Rolls 
20. Eggs  
21. Peppadews  
22. Stuffed Apricots  
23. Shrimp  
24. Asparagus  
25. Goat Cheese  

A wide variety of things to wrap bacon in, from fruits to veggies, from sweets to meats and meat-like products. Granted even with the addition of bacon, some items on this list would still be hard for me to swallow. Asparagus? Yuck! If you gave me a choice between eating asparagus or being shot in the head, you would have to shoot me in the head. If you wrapped it in bacon, I would have to think it over. 

Bacon: It could save you from being shot in the head! 

But here's a picture that someone recently posted on Twitter, something new to wrap in bacon.  

What you're looking at there is bacon wrapped Oreos. 

Bacon.

Wrapped. 

Oreos.

Yeah, I know. 

My daughter loves bacon; she refers to it as "meat candy". And Oreos are among her favorite cookies. So I showed her this. 

Mind. Blown. 

There is the risk that bacon wrapped Oreos are the beginning of the end for humanity. Our bodies ravaged by diabetes and clogged arteries, our time on this Earth will draw to an end. Later aliens will find our world. Picking up our skulls, they will ponder that whatever it was that killed us off, we died smiling. 

Bacon: What a way to go!  

Be good to one another. And enjoy your bacon. 

Dave-El 

I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.  

Whenever you're at a brunch buffet and you see that metal tray filled with the four thousand strips of bacon, don't you almost expect a rainbow to be coming out of it? "I found it I found the source of all bacon!" That bacon tray is always at the end of the buffet, you always regret all the stuff on your plate. "What am I doing with all this worthless fruit? I should have waited! If I had known you were here I would've waited...."

--Jim Gaffigan  

Doctor Who: Prisoners of the Daleks - Episode Three

Hello, Whovians!  

While we await the return of the real deal itself, ALL NEW episodes of the Doctor Who Series 9, I'm presenting my own script for a new Doctor Who adventure.

Today is Episode Three of a new fan-fiction of Doctor Who featuring the 12th Doctor and Clara.  

• This story takes place in Doctor Who before the events of the first episode of Series 9 which debuts September 19th. 
• As is my want, I write these adventures as a script instead of in prose form. If that's too weird, try to deal.
• DISCLAIMER: This story is not sanctioned by the producers of Doctor Who and the BBC. It is a work of fan-fiction posted with no compensation received by the writer and is not part of any official Doctor Who canon.  

CLICK HERE to access episode one.
CLICK HERE to access episode two. 

And with that, let's get started....

Prisoners of the Daleks

Prisoners of the Daleks

Prisoners of the Daleks

by David Long

by David Long 

by David Long 

Episode Three  

Episode Three 

Episode Three

Scene opens: The Tribunal of the Shadow Proclamation, overseen by the female leader known as the Architect. At the center of the room is the Doctor, his old Time Lord adversary the Monk (in a white barrister's wig) and Amy Pond but just any Amy but the alternate older one created in the episode The Girl Who Waited but was written out of existence when the Doctor and Rory rescued Amy's younger self.   

Amy: The Doctor must pay for his lies!

The Doctor: Amy? Amy Pond? 

The Monk: Amy! NO!  

Lights come up and a ring of Judoon previously hidden by the shadows are revealed. The Doctor, the Monk and Amy freeze. 

Judoon: Halt! Acts of violence during a Shadow Proclamation tribunal are prohibited and punishable by...

The Monk: No! Amy Williams is under my protection! You will not hurt her!

Architect: Counselor, you promised your witness would comport herself...

The Monk: Yes, yes! I know! Amy?

Amy eyes everybody warily and then slowly returns the sword to the sheath on her back. 

Amy (mutters): Sorry.  

The Doctor looks confused and anguished. 

The Doctor: Amy? What...? 

Amy turns away from the Doctor and the Monk. But then she looks over her shoulder towards the Monk. 

Amy: Just remember to keep YOUR promise, Monk. 

Amy starts to walk away. 

The Doctor: Amy! Wait!

Amy pauses a moment, then exits.  

The Doctor turns on the Monk. 

The Doctor: What is the meaning of this? She can't be here! It's impossible! 

Scene change: deep space. The Starship Alaska hurtles through the void while a single Dalek also flies through space as if to intercept.   Suddenly the ship veers into a new direction away from the oncoming Dalek. 

Interior of the ship: as people hurry about, Clara Oswald and Oswin Oswald run down a corridor. 

Oswin: Wait up, Clara! What're you doing?

Clara: Going back to the bridge, Oswin! 

Oswin: But shouldn't we....I mean, why?

Clara: Because that's where the action is. 

Clara approaches a door but it won't open. 

Clara: Locked! 

Oswin: Ship protocol. The bridge goes into lock down during an emergency.   

Clara: We'll see about that!

Clara produces the sonic screwdriver from her shoulder bag. She aims at the door as it makes its trilling noise.   

Oswin: What's that? 

Clara: Sonic screwdriver. 

Oswin: Sonic what now? 

The door whispers open.  

Clara: C'mon. 

Clara and Oswin enter the bridge. The Captain turns to greet them, rather testily. 

Captain: Oh, of course. My Junior Entertainment Officer and her twin sister. Here to torment me further, I see.  

Oswin: She's not my twin sister.

Clara: You better hope not after what you...

Oswin: Shut up! I said I was sorry. 

Captain: Ladies, why are you here? 

Oswin: Well as...ahem!...Junior Entertainment Officer...it is quite difficult to keep the crew....entertained...if every one is stressed over this Dalek...thing.  

Captain: We have veered off to avoid the Dalek. As soon as we determine that our space lane is clear of any Dalek activity, we will return to our normal course. In the meantime, I assure you we are quite...

Suddenly the ship shudders. 

Captain: ...safe? 

The ship abruptly pitches to the side as Clara, Oswin, the Captain and the crew are hurled about. The ship levels off but ship continues to shudder and alarms are going off. 

Captain: Helmsman! Report!  

Helmsman: Captain, we're caught in a gravity well! 

Captain: Gravity well? On visual!

A holographic interface opens up.  

Oswin: OK, there should be a planet out there!

Clara: Maybe there is! Look! 

Against a black expanse of space, a circle of light briefly flashes. 

Captain: What the hell...?

Clara: Invisible planet. 

Oswin: Invisible planet? Wow.

Captain: That's absurd! Engineering, report! 

Engineer (voice): We've got the engines in full reverse but whatever's generating that gravity is too big for the Alaska to counteract at this close range. 

Oswin (excitedly): Clara! I know how to fix this! C'mon! 

Clara follows Oswin as she rushes to a computer terminal begins typing away. The Captain follows. 

Captain: You there! What're you doing?

Oswin (typing fast): Trying to save this ship, Captain!

Captain: But you're the Junior Entertainment Officer!

Oswin: Oh, I've got skills you wouldn't believe!  

Captain: What?

Oswin (still typing furiosuly): I've read all the specs on the Delta 4-X starliner and you're not going to power your way out of a gravity well. But when I was 16, I was bored. I'd learned the Macarena, catalogued Mom's spice rack and hummed all the tunes I know. So I was goofing around with a warp field distortion net. You know, just for fun.

Clara: Wow! At 16, I was still couldn't figure out our microwave oven.

Oswin: To be fair, cooking appliances confuse the hell out of me too. But this....

Oswin clicks a button and a strange graphic appears on the monitor.

Oswin: This is simple.

Captain: What the hell is that?

Oswin: Warp field distortion net. Do try to keep up. Engineering can integrate this into their fuel mix composition and...KA-POW! 

Clara: We're free of the gravity well!

Oswin: Or we just blew up into smithereens, you know, could go either way.

Captain: What?!

Oswin: Either way, cool rescue or cool explosion!

Clara: You, Oswin, are most assuredly unhinged.

Oswin: So, Captain, if you could clear the security protocol so I can get your girls and boys down in engineering to...

Captain: Are you mad? You'll blow up my ship!

Oswin: No, this will save your ship. Or yes, blow it up! But a Delta 4-X starliner has ZERO chance of coming out of a gravity well.

Suddenly alarms sound and red lights flash everywhere.

Helmsman: Captain! We've lost nav controls!

Everybody looks very frightened. We shift to the exterior of the ship as the Alaska plummets towards a black expanse of space. For a brief moment, a circle of light around the darkness appears then fades.  

Scene change: The Tribunal of the Shadow Proclamation.

The Monk: Impossible? No! You created her through your careless abandon, Doctor! Amy, trapped alone for 40 years in a constant state of siege! You promised to save her and her younger self. 

Flashback: the 11th Doctor looking out the TARDIS doors, a strickened look on his face. Then we see older Amy making eye contact with the Doctor.

The Monk (VO): But she knew you had betrayed her.

Flashback: Older Amy starts running to towards the TARDIS 

11th Doctor: Sorry.

The 11th Doctor shuts the door. 

The Monk (VO): She knew that once more, you had lied to her. 

Back to the Tribunal. 

The Doctor: The paradox was unsustainable! Two versions of Amy Pond could not exist! In the end...

Flashback: Older Amy outside the TARDIS doors while Rory Williams holds an unconscious younger Amy. 

Older Amy: I'm giving her to you and all the days I never had. 

Back to the Tribunal. 

The Doctor: I thought Amy...understood that.  

The Monk: She understood she had no choice.

Flashback: the robots are gathering around an unconscious older Amy with their arms extended. Then she vanishes. 

Back to the Tribunal.

The Monk: So I gave her one. She chose life. Unfortunately, she also chose vengeance. I tried to tell her that path that would only lead to pain and sorrow. But Doctor, she hates you, oh so very much. 

The Doctor strides up to the Monk and yanks that white barrister wig off of his head. 

The Doctor: Enough! 

The Jundoon guards inch forward but the Monk holds out his hand. 

The Monk: Stand down! 

The Doctor: This trial, this tribunal. It's a joke! And the really bad part, it's not even a teeny bit funny!

The Monk: Doctor, you...

The Doctor: Shut up! Shut up! Shut shut shuttity shut up! 

The Doctor whirls around and points at the Architect. 

The Doctor: Madame Architect! Under Article 73 of the Shadow Proclamation, Subsection 8, I waive further right to trial! 

Architect: Doctor? 

The Monk: What? 

The Doctor: Furthermore, pursuant to Article 74, Subsection 3, in the 5th amendment of the Epsilon Codicil, I demand immediate deliverance of the assigned penalty which, if I recall, Madame Architect, is a choice of slow and painful death or a slower and more painful death! 

Architect: This is an outrage! You...

The Doctor: And as the Epsilon Codicil allows me to invoke mercy in the deliverance of that penalty....

The Monk: Doctor! You....

The Doctor: I pick the slightly faster slow and painful death because I really don't want to waste anymore time, particularly my own! C'mon! C'mon! Get on with it! 

The Doctor unbuttons his jacket, the red lining flaring out and he outstretches his arms. 

Scene change: back to the Alaska 

Officer: Captain! Engineering cannot produce any more power for the retro rockets! 

Clara: Captain! I think you're running out of options!


Captain: This is insane!

Clara: OK, I didn't want to pull rank but...


Clara whips out the psychic paper and thrusts it in the Captain's face.


Clara: It's about time you know who I really am!


Captain: What? Your excellency...


Oswin: Excellency?


Clara: I order you follow Oswin's plan!


Helmsman: Captain! We're accelerating into the gravity well!


Officer: We're getting reports of compromised hull integrity from all over the ship!


Clara: Captain!


Captain: Oh...damn it all to hell!


The Captain reaches down and enters a code into the computer. Oswin hits the send key.

Oswin: Thank you!


Captain: May God have mercy on our souls.


Clara leans in over Oswin's shoulder and smiles.


Clara: So. Rescue or explosion, huh?


Oswin: Either way, it'll be cool.

Scene change: back to the Tribunal, the Doctor stands tall with his arms outstretched, daring the Tribunal to execute him. But nothing happens as the Doctor looks at the Monk, the Architect and the Jundoon. 

The Doctor: Well? 

The Monk: You don't know what you're doing! 

The Doctor smiles. 

The Doctor: Yes, yes I do. I'm moving up your time table.  

Architect: Time table, Doctor? 

The Doctor: Yes, this whole little dog and pony show you're putting on, keeping me here and off the board, not indefinitely, no, but for a specific amount of time. 

The Monk: Doctor, you must...you must stop...

The Doctor steps towards the Monk and gets in his face. 

The Doctor: No! This stops! Because I know...

The Doctor taps the Monk on his forehead with each word. 

The Doctor: Who. You. Really. Are. 

The Monk: No, Doctor. No. No. No. 

The Doctor: Uh oh. 

Architect: Doctor! 

Suddenly a hole opens in the Monk's forehead. 

The Monk: N..no! No! No! 

The Doctor steps back. 

The Doctor: Looks like I've done it now. 

The hole in the Monk's forehead begins to glow blue. 

The Doctor: Maybe you don't remember....

Flashback to Episode Five, Crucible of Eternity. The Doctor and the Monk confronting each other in a London park.

The Doctor: No! I've seen the future you create here! 

The Monk: Yes, yes, I know but...they hurt me...and I know the future....they'll hurt me. I'm sorry, I'm so weak but they command me...

Suddenly a hole opens in the Monk's forehead and the eyestalk of a Dalek begins to protrude.

Back to the Tribunal and history is repeating itself: once more, a Dalek eyestalk is protruding through the Monk's forehead. 

The Doctor whirls away from the Monk. 

The Doctor: You see, Madame Architect, the Monk is...ooh boy.

Surrounding the Doctor, the Architect and her Jundoon guard all have blue glows in their foreheads, followed by Dalek eyestalks coming out.  

The Doctor: All right, Doctor, you should've seen this coming. 

Architect Dalek (voice distorted): The Tribunal has been exposed but to no avail, Doctor!  You will remain here until the Dalek stratagem has been completed!

The Doctor: Dalek stratagem? What stratagem?

Two Jundoon Daleks approach and grasp the Doctor by each arm.

Architect Dalek: Take the Doctor back to his cell!

The Doctor: No! Tell me all your plans!

The Architect Dalek turns her back on the Doctor and walks away.

The Doctor: One day that's going to work.

As the Doctor is led away by the Jundoon Daleks, he turns his head desperately towards the Monk Dalek.

The Doctor: You! The Monk! Listen! You can fight this!

Monk Dalek: No. I...can't. They...hurt me.

The Doctor: You can resist! You're a Time Lord! You must!

Monk Dalek: No, Doctor. I am a prisoner. We are all prisoners of the Daleks.

Scene change: Exterior shot of the Starship Alaska falling and spinning through the void. Then a field of energy begins to glow around the ship. The ship straightens itself and hurls away from the direction it was falling. 


Interior of the ship: Passengers and crew are holding on to whatever they can find as the ship is repelled from the deadly pull of gravity.


Back on the bridge: Clara, Oswin, the Captain and the crew collect themselves from various parts of the bridge. The crew returns to the their stations.


Helmsman: Captain! Nav sensors back on line! We are heading away from the gravity event and back towards our specified corridor.


Captain: Do we have a report on engines?


Officer: Engineering reports a number of fuel pathways have fused. Repairs can be made but we will need to proceed carefully.


Captain: So, Oswin Oswald, it appears we owe you a debt of gratitude.


The Captain bows towards Clara.


Captain: Your excellency.


The Captain walks off.


Oswin: What the hell? Who are you?


Clara looks the psychic paper holder in her hand but doesn't open it.


Clara: I have no idea. And I'm kind of scared to find out.

Oswin looks away from Clara and stares absently at a monitor. She sighs and puts her hand to her forehead. 

Clara: What is it?

Oswin: Oh, I was so keen to get into space. It's dangerous out here! You can get killed by things you can't see! Clara, whoever you are, if you hadn't been here... Oh God, this whole ship would've been shattered on the surface of that...planet out there.

Oswin looks to Clara but Clara just smiles, keeping her secrets.

Oswin: But the weirdest thing....is this feeling....

Clara: Yes? 

Oswin: Just now, thinking about...that planet out there. I had a...weird sort of feeling. Something my grandmother used to say. 

Clara: What was that? 

Oswin: Like....someone walking over my own grave.


Exterior of the ship as the Alaska flies off into space, our view takes us back along where it came from and we see it, obscured by shadows and distortions, we can see there is a planet there. And over the planet are Dalek ships. 


Scene change: interior of Dalek ship.


Dalek 1: Report!


Dalek 2: Temporal incursion has been successful. The Dalek Asylum remains secure!


Dalek 3: Time energy from the event is optimal! 


Dalek 1: Our strategies continue to be successful. Dalek supremacy will prevail!


Dalek 2: And the enemies of the Daleks will aid our cause!

Scene change: Back to the Tribunal. The Doctor is still trying to pull free from the Jundoon Daleks. 

The Doctor: Monk! You must listen to me! 

Monk Dalek: No, Doctor. I have no choice. We have no choice. We are the Dalek's prisoners.  

Woman's voice: Well, I'm no one's prisoner!

Out of nowhere leaps Amy Pond, her sword in one hand, kicking one of the Jundoon Daleks holding the Doctor. As the 1st Jundoon falls to the floor, Amy whirls around to face the 2nd who has released his grasp on the Doctor and is turning towards Amy. With a swift and fluid swing of her sword, Amy's blade cuts off the eye stalk from the Jundoon's forehead with an outpouring of electric energy from the gash in his forehead, he falls to floor with a loud bellowing roar of pain. The 2nd Jundoon is starting to get up but Amy whirls around and slices his Dalek stalk off with similarly spectacular and very painful results.

The other Jundoon Daleks are starting to lumber into motion, advancing on Amy and the Doctor.

Monk Dalek: Amy...Williams. Doctor. You must...

Amy: Jundoon are as slow as they are thick!

The Doctor: The Dalek eyestalks are inhibiting them further! We've got to go!

Monk Dalek: ...you must....

Amy: Go? Go where, Raggedy Man?

The Doctor: How should I know? Don't you have a plan?

Amy: Yes, keep the Jundoon from killing you before I could.

The Doctor: I'm not a real big fan of that plan!

Monk Dalek: ....you must not escape. 

At this point, the advancing Jundoon and the Monk have arms extended with palms outstretched. Dalek blasters are protruding out of their hands.

Amy: Got a better one?

The Doctor: Yes! RUN! 

Dalek blasters fire and energy shoots through the room, barely missing a retreating Doctor and Amy as they race from the Tribunal room. Watching the two rush out of the room, the Monk Dalek stops.

Monk Dalek: Engaging restoration protocols.

With that, the Dalek eye stalks and hand blaster stalks retreat back into the Monk and the Jundoon soldiers.

The Monk cricks his neck.

The Monk: This is becoming most annoyingly difficult. Jundoon, with me!

Without the overt influence of the Daleks, the Monk and the Jundoon move more quickly as they exit the Tribunal room in search of the Doctor.

Scene change: the Doctor and Amy are running up a corridor.

The Doctor (stopping): Hold it, hold it!

Amy stops as well.

The Doctor: How did the Monk get you here? A ship? Does he have a functioning TARDIS?

Amy: No.

The Doctor: Then how....?

Amy: He has a globe.

The Doctor: A globe?

Amy: A globe. A glass globe. It has a form of weird...energy about it. It works like River's vortex manipulator. 

The Doctor: Great! We find it, we have a way out of
...wherever we are. 

Amy: We, Doctor?

Amy withdraws her sword.

Amy: What do you mean "we"? 

The Doctor: No, no, no Amy. C'mon now...

Amy holds her sword out, pointing at the Doctor, a stern look on her face.

The Doctor: If we don't get out of here, the Daleks will kill you!

Amy: Now you're concerned if I live or die!

The Doctor: Yes!

Amy: I don't believe you!

The Doctor's expression fades from concern to coldly stern.

The Doctor: Fine! Care or don't care! But listen, you feel betrayed because I put you in peril then abandoned you. Well, I have a friend out there who I left behind specifically to keep her safe but I have a bad feeling she's caught in this mess! I need to get out of here and I need your help to do it. But once all is said and done, when I'm sure my friend is safe...

The Doctor pauses a moment.

The Doctor: Then you can kill me.

Amy stares at the Doctor for a moment, then looks down.

Amy: ...fine.

Abruptly she raise her head and flicks the sword near the Doctor's face. The Doctor grasps his cheek in pain. Amy has nicked him with her sword. 

Amy: Just a reminder, Doctor. When this is over, your life is mine. Understand?

The Doctor looks at the drop of blood on his hand.

The Doctor: Understood.

-----to be continued----

Next time...

The Daleks are re-writing time: the Alaska did NOT crash into the Dalek Asylum. So what happens next in the Dalek's plans? And how do Clara and Oswin factor into those plans? What is the secret power of the Monk? Can the Doctor and Amy escape the Dalek corrupted Shadow Proclamation? 

All this in Episode Four...

Prisoners of the Daleks

...posting here next week at this time.

__________________________________________

And we're three weeks away from the debut of Series 9 of Doctor Who! The return of the Doctor and Clara in ALL NEW adventures! Until then, be good to one another.

Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You

Just Keep Swimming

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. I'm Dave-El and I want to dive into your ocean.  

Short blog post today. Got lots of things to do AND I need to wrap up tomorrow's Doctor Who post. (Yep, back to old habits, writing right up to my self-imposed deadlines. Episode 3 of Prisoners of the Daleks will be posted here tomorrow by the demand of no one in particular.)  

Among the things NOT happening today is a visit to the pool. This is the last weekend of August and although I'm not a big fan of summer, I do fancy the occasional hang out in the pool. Not by the pool. No, I'm not paying good money to get into a pool only to sit BY the pool. If I wanted to sit in a chair and NOT get in the water, I can do that at home for no money. No, dammit, I stay in that pool until I'm shriveled up like Rupert Murdoch's junk. 

I came across this photo some time ago and have been looking for an excuse to write a post around. Well, screw that, I'm shoehorning it into this one. 




Oh my God, I can see her upper arms! Hie thee to a nunnery, you wanton woman!  

Seriously, there are people at the pool who really should consider this as an option. There is a very, very limited window of opportunity to wear certain revealing swimsuits. If you have an AARP membership, you're at least 30 to 40 years outside that window. 

Let's take a look at this lovely two piece swimwear ensemble modeled by Alyssa Miller. 

You may think you might want to wear this so ask yourself a very important question. 

1) Are you Alyssa Miller? 

If the answer is no, then no, you may not wear that bikini.

If the answer is yes, then answer this question.

2) How many years has it been since that photo was taken? 

If the answer to that is any number greater than 5, then I would suggest you reconsider, Miss Miller. 

If you're a man and you want to wear a Speedo, answer this question: 

1) Are you f**king crazy?

There is no window of opportunity for any man of any age or size to wear a Speedo. Never! 

OK, I've filled some space on the blog for yet another day. Thanks for dropping by. New Doctor Who fan fiction coming up tomorrow. (Fingers crossed.) 

Until then, be good to one another.