The husband of former Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem is a crossdresser.
It was reported on Tuesday Bryon Noem shared photos online of himself in women’s clothing, often with fake breasts while hanging out with fetish models.
"Fetish" leaves a lot to the imagination so let's narrow it down it a bit: the fetish in this case is “bimbofication” .
So what the hell is that? I'll let Britanny Wong at Huff Post tell the tale about that.
Bimbofication is a practice, kink and/or fetish that involves role-playing and transforming oneself into a stereotypical portrayal of a “bimbo:” Cartoonish, often surgically enhanced boobs, heavy makeup, overdone lip injections, a girlie aesthetic (short skirts, tight shirts).
So Kristi Noem is reportedly devastated by the reveal that her husband is a crossdresser.
And on that note...
It's Movie Time!
This particularly cinematic excursion is called Glen or Glenda.
Ed Wood wrote and directed the film as well as starred in it (under the alias "Daniel Davis") as Glen.
Or when he's in a skirt, heels, angora sweater and blonde wig, as Glenda.
Unlike other movies by Wood, this one had someone else as the producer, George Weiss.
Weiss wanted to make an exploitation movie based on the sex reassignment surgery of Christine Jorgensen, which made national headlines in the U.S. in 1952.
Ed Wood took George's money with a promise he would do just that.
But Ed Wood gave him Glen or Glenda instead.
The movie stars Delores Fuller who was Ed Wood's girlfriend at the time. She plays Glen's fiance Barbara who is unaware that her darling Glen spends part of his day as Glenda.
Glen or Glenda also stars Bela Lugosi as...
As...
I'm not sure who the hell Bela Lugosi is supposed to be.
I'm not sure Ed Wood knew either.
Bela Lugosi is a... scientist, I think?
Or he may be a trickster god or a demon spirit of some kind?
He appears at the beginning of the film and periodically at random points as he interjects himself to leer at the proceedings.
Or angrily demands to be shown to a better movie?
Here is some of Bela's purple prose from Glen or Glenda.
"People... all going somewhere! All with their own thoughts, their own ideas... All with their own personalities. One is wrong because he does right. One is right because he does wrong. Pull the string! Dance to that which one is created for!"
Yes! Pull the string and dance, you magnificent bastard! Dance!
"A new day is begun... A new life is begun!".
"No one can really tell the story. Mistakes are made. But there is no mistaking the thoughts in a man's mind. The story is begun".
Was this written by Donald Trump's speech writer?
"Beware. Beware. Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys. Puppy dog tails. Big guns. Wicked women. Beware. Take care... Beware! Beware!"
Damn it! I didn't beware and now I'm watching Glen or Glenda.
And now a green dragon is gonna eat me?
What the holy fuck is Bela Lugosi saying? And why?
No answers are forthcoming.
Bela's not the only one talking at us. We also get some narration of a more forthright nature from Dr. Alton who provides us some insight why Glen likes to dress like a woman and the impact it has on his life and on his relationship with women.
Dr. Alton is very emphatic that Glen is NOT a homosexual. Just because his underwear is made by Maidenform doesn't make him a pervert, don't you know?
(It's the 1950's. It was really important to assert manly comformity and heterosexuality even while wearing a skirt and stockings.)
Glen really likes being with a woman.
He just also happens to like being a woman.
(Hey, that's pretty clever turn of a phrase if I do say so myself.)
So Barbara is just giddily in love with her rugged mister he-man buddy-buddy heterosexual manly man Glen while Glen wonders if he should introduce Barbara to Glenda and if Glenda could borrow her lovely angora sweater 'cause Glenda has a skirt that would just pair with it divinely.
A lot of this movie plays out like an old silent film as characters pantomine madly across the screen to dramatic music. Thankfully, we have Dr. Alton's narration to bring us up to speed.
With occasional interjections from Bela Lugosi to... to...
Whatever the hell he's doing in this picture.
Anyway, to visualize the hell that Glen and/or Glenda go through in agonzing over what to tell Barbara, we get 15 minutes of.....
Some really weird shit.
A fever dream pastiche of BDSM and orgies and some fucked up dude in a devil mask and....
Holy shit! Is Bela Lugosis masturbating to this shit?
It so happens that Ed Wood's movie was coming in at less than an hour so producer George Weiss added approximately fifteen minutes worth of additional footage salvaged from some unproduced exploitation films.
So if the sequence makes even less sense that the rest of this nonsense, well, there's a reason for that. It wasn't made for this movie. It's there to fill time.
Eventually we get back to Glen/Glenda and Barbara learns the truth of her fiance's secret life.
She's a bit weirded out by it but as a show of support for her man, she gives Glen the angora sweater off her back.
What a real pal!
Eventually Glen, Barbara and Dr. Alton meet up where the good doctor figures out the source of Glen's obsession with feminine garb (his father was distant, only his mother truly loved him, blah blah blah) and figures out that frequent and rigorous legally sanctioned sexual intercourse with Barbara will wean Glen off the need to be Glenda.
Or Barbara will need to learn to share more of her wardrobe with Glenda.
Since George Weiss is paying the bills, Ed Wood adds a final sequence that delivers on the sex change promised in the movie poster, the tale of how Alan became Anne.
Alan was a World War II vet who helped storm the shores of Normandy. Underneath his combat fatigues, Alan was wearing silk panties. Oh, he such a Nazi killing scamp, our Alan.
This sequence comes complete with lots of war movie stock footage as stuff blows up real good.
Unlike Glen who was just content to wear women's clothes as Glenda, Alan decides to go the whole enchilada and swap out his enchilada, undergoing sex reassignment surgery to become what Dr, Altron calls "a lovely young woman" named Anne.
While Anne may now physically be a woman, she has to learn how to act like one. For example, sitting in a chair with your legs spread out is a no-no.
Also no spitting, burping or farting is allowed.
Anne is now a proper lady.
And we're done!
Whoa! What the hell was that?
While producer George Wiess wanted a film that would sensationalize the headline making sex change surgery of Christine Jorgensen in 1952, Ed Wood focused more on transvestism because, hey, write what you know. Ed Wood was a cross dresser and wanted his film to be a plea for tolerance for transvestites.
Ed would often appear in public in a matching pants and coat but instead of being a man's suit, it was a woman's pants suit.
Glen or Glenda has long been considered the worst movie ever made and having sat through it myself recently (a colorized version can be found on Tubi), yeah, it really does earn that title with it's thread bare production, incoherent storytelling and discordant tonal shifts.
And whatever the hell Bela Lugosi was doing.
Lugosi was the biggest name in Ed Wood's repertoire of actors and frequently pressed him into service even if there was no real need for him.
And Lugosi, racked by old age and drug addiction, would take any work he could get, even with a small time operator like Ed Wood.
Lugosi's role in Glen or Glenda makes absolutely no sense but there is no denying the absurdity of his scenes are completely captivating. Those scenes may be stupid but Lugosi is definitely game to do....whatever this is.
If you do choose to see Glen or Glenda, do not do what I did, watching it while awake and sober.
Heed the warning of Bela Lugosi!
"Beware. Beware. Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys. Puppy dog tails. Big guns. Wicked women. Beware. Take care... Beware! Beware!"
Yes, dear reader, beware! BEWARE!!!
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