Sunday, March 31, 2013

#Headlines for Sunday, March 31, 2013

Hi!

We're coming to the end of Easter Sunday. And much like Palm Sunday last week, the day has been cold, wet and grey?

Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and pleasant...just in time to go back to work.  Well, isn't that always the way?

We have #Headlines to make snarky comments about. Let's do this thang!
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#HeadlineCardinal Dolan: church must embrace gays, lesbians” But not too close, like hugging that aunt you don’t like at family reunions.

#Headline North Korea: Nukes are our country's 'life'That and stamp collecting and following Dennis Rodman on Twitter.

#Headline Radar watches Hawaii volcano 'breathing'Radar is such a perv.

#Headline Prince William takes on new role in reality series Wacky but loveable neighbor.

#Headline  Oil pipeline ruptures in Arkansas, forces evacuations Let me tell you a little story about a man name—GLOOMPH! Glub. Glub. Glub.

#Headline Signed copy of 'Sgt. Pepper's' sells for $290,500 I have a bottle of Dr. Pepper Vanilla Ice spit in. How much?

#Headline Pope brings new style to Easter Mass Gangnam Style! (That punchline will NEVER get old, right? Hello? Anyone?)

#Headline 'Thrones' vs. 'Walking Dead': Which show's best? And thus began the great and terrible war that tore the Earth apart!
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For the actual stories behind the actual headlines, go to http://www.nbcnews.com/

And I am also on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo


Happy Easter!



Saturday, March 30, 2013

Doctor Who is NEW: "The Bells of Saint John"


Hello!

3 months after "The Snowmen", we get some new Doctor Who. Of course, the question on the minds of Whovians everywhere was how would the Doctor meet Clara again? What exactly is the secret of The Girl Who Died Twice? No spoilers here to tell you that last one does not get answered; remember, this is Steven Moffat we're dealing with. Those answers will be awhile in coming, I'm sure.

But the first question is answered in fine form with "The Bells of Saint John". In true Moffat fashion, there are clever quips in desparate situations of heightened menace with lots of twists along the way.

I don't intend to give a detail review of the plot, just post some thoughts about certain parts. However, in the course of this, some episode specifics will be mentioned so......

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SPOILERS, Sweetie!
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At the start, we're given a overview of the sinister goings on with Wi-Fi all over the world from a young man who seeks to send a warning to everyone about the danger that lurks everywhere from...whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi.  Then we see the situation the guy is really in and yeah, it's not good.

Still loving this new opening title sequence and theme music, a very creative merging of the modern and classic Doctor Who.

So the Doctor took the advice of the little girl (a very young Clara Oswald but he doesn't know that) from the short released last week to find a quiet place and think a bit on the problem of finding his friend. But who knew that would take him to a monestary in the year 1207, where we find the Doctor has holed up as a sort of "mad monk". ("Don't call him that! He's most certainly not a monk!") practicing his painting skills with a lovely portrait of Clara. Then the titular "Bells of St. John" are heard (and when you find what they are, you are going to slap your forehead silly that you didn't think of it earlier.)

We meet Clara who is in the role of caring for children again (1) and, oddly enough, totally clueless with computers. (We saw Oswin Oswald from "Asylum of the Daleks" play the computer like a symphony.) This Clara needs tech support just to find the internet. Thankfully, a woman at a shop gave her a number(2) for someone who could help her and....yada yada yada...Clara gets zapped by the whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi and it looks like we might be heading for Clara death #3 but the Doctor is there and sonics things, bringing Clara back to life. (And BONUS, Clara comes back with an unexpected detailed understanding of how computers work.)

The Doctor is being his usual self which means, yes, he's being weird and Clara tries to make sense of who this guy is. But no time for that! The whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi is coming to get her. If you saw in the previews that a crashing jet liner is involved, this is where THAT comes in.

Then the Doctor and Clara go off on a motorcycle ride (Woo-hoo! London, baby!) to a cafe where the Doctor meets the person behind the whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi face to face...er, faces. The Doctor is dealing with an enemy who can be anywhere. (Spooky.) Meanwhile, Clara's using her new found skills to pinpoint the central location of the whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi and a good job she does of it too but she gets zapped again and this time, it looks like it might really be the end for Clara. The next thing we see is the Doctor charging into the veritable den of evil to stop the whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi. But all is NOT what it seems.

Yet with all this action and drama, the Doctor brings about the end of the whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi in classic Doctor Who fashion, with wit and intelligence.  Oh, and Clara's fine so there's that.

By the way, the whatever-it-is in the Wi-Fi turns out to be (and remember, I did say SPOILERS up above) the otherwordly menace of The Great Intelligence, first confronted by the 2nd Doctor and most recently by the 11th Doctor in "The Snowmen". While the menace is defeated by the Doctor, I suspect it's not gone for good and Steven Moffat has plans for this classic foe in future episodes.

And we come to the end. As expected, the Doctor invites Clara to join him to explore all of time and space; we've seen this bit before with other companions. But what Clara says in response to the invite sets this whole bit on its ear. Suffice to say, Clara is coming along...but on her terms.

"The Bells of Saint John" is a rollicking episode with lots of clever twists and once again, Matt Smith and Jenna Louise-Coleman work really well together. I look forward to seeing The Doctor and Clara finally take that journey thru time and space...together again for the first time.

Coming up next week: "The Rings Of Akhaten"
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(1) Notice the author of the book the young boy shows Clara? Amy may be gone but not forgotten.

(2) OK, what woman would have the number to the Doctor's TARDIS? River Song, maybe? We know she's going to be back for a forthcoming episode and this seems like a thing she would do. Also, since we are reminded of her by that book, maybe we should consider the possibility of Amy. And with the 50th Anniversary special coming up, we cannot count out any seeding that Moffat may be doing for that episode. And we know Billie Piper is going to be in that special. So could it be our original shop girl turned companion, Rose Tyler?
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Dave-El can also be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo














Friday, March 29, 2013

The Huff Post Hop for Friday, March 29, 2013


A writer writes.

A lot of people have ideas in their heads for a story, a screenplay, a novel or a play and they call themselves would-be or frustrated writers. Yet its amazing how many of these ideas in the head stay there. The very basic work of typing letters into words into sentences into paragraphs, that work remains undone.

A writer writes.

Below is the latest batch of headline commentaries I call the #HuffPostHop. Why do I do these? Because it is good exercise to make me think of ideas and jokes based on news headlines and (here's the really hard part) write them down. Since I do these on Twitter, this exercise makes me think about creating the best message with the least words.

It doesn't always work. Sometimes the jokes are weak or lame or sometimes just too surreal. But mixed in with those are some that I think are real gems that I would not have found if I hadn't forced myself to write all of them, the good and the bad.

OK, that's my soapbox for today. Let's do that #HuffPostHop thing!
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#HuffPostHopSenators Vow To Filibuster Gun-Control Legislation” Shooting off their mouths again? 

#HuffPostHopGOP Rep Uses Racial Slur In Radio Interview” But he meant it with love! 

#HuffPostHopBarbara Walters To Retire” for much needed west & wewaxation. 

#HuffPostHopNorth Korea Orders Rockets On Standby” Kim Jong-un is preparing to fight Ming the Merciless
 

#HuffPostHopGOP Rep Blasts Obama Daughters' Spring Break Trip” Uh oh! The GOP has seen “Spring Breakers”! 

#HuffPostHopCruz Blames Obama Administration For Gun Violence” Also for hemorrhoids, Jay Leno & belly button lint. 

#HuffPostHopTeacher Criticized For Saying 'Vagina' Speaks Out” He should use the scientific term: “vajayjay”  

#HuffPostHopAl Qaeda Joins Twitter” So they can tweet about “evil America” and “Can you believe that episode of Walking Dead last night?” 

#HuffPostHopBad News For The Mets” They’re still the Mets. 

#HuffPostHopPowerball Winner Owes Thousands In Child Support”   Damn! He was going to use that money to make MORE babies! 

#HuffPostHopSnoop Reveals His Views On Gay Marriage”  Shut up, y’all! This could change EVERYTHING! (Spoiler: No it didn’t)
 
#HuffPostHopMan With World's Largest Member Offers Advice To Jon Hamm” Not true! I have NOT given any advice to Jon Hamm 

#HuffPostHopBarkley Defends 'White Man's Perspective' Joke” Adding, “It’s good to hear the POV from the ‘small dick’ audience.”  

#HuffPostHopZombies May Not Be Legally Responsible For Eating Bra-a-a-ains” It’s OK, we weren’t using them anyway.
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Also follow me on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo

Thursday, March 28, 2013

No, I Don't Think So


 
Adam West BATMAN channels Kevin Conroy BATMAN from the classic animated series.
 
 
Is this a good idea?

Well, let's see.....

 
 
 
"I am VENGEANCE!"
"I am the NIGHT!"
"I...AM...BATMAN!!"


No. No, I don't think so. Sorry. Just...no.
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Some days you just can't seem to get rid of a bomb...or come up with something funny (although that has never stopped me before.) I almost....ALMOST...decided to do my first post that would've focused a bit more on the "suffering" aspect of this blog's title.
 
Tomorrow is Good Friday so...be good to one another, why don't ya?
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And I can't leave without a reminder to follow my sorry ass on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo

 



 

 



Wednesday, March 27, 2013

#Headlines for Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Hi, boys and girls, welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You or ISGMSAY for short. (Warning: if you do try to say the short version, you may be mistaken for a stroke victim. If that happens, milk it for all it's worth: free food, money, pity sex.)
 
If you have come over from Twitter (https://twitter.com/DayWayLo), you may look below and say, "Damn, Dave-El, it's the exact same unfunny #Headline shit you do on Twitter!"
 
Well, I beg to differ; these #Headlines are different.
 
This shit is in color!
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1. #Headline Court skeptical on DOMA law Scalia & Thomas note DOMA was not in the original Constitution so it needs to go.
2. #Headline Justice Kennedy: DOMA may violate states' rights States should have the right to be assholes without federal help.
 
3. #Headline Evangelical leader: Religious freedom is at stake So who’s left in the Bible to hate on? Know any Philistines?
 
4. #Headline Pope chooses simple apartment over regal Vatican suite It’s closer to the Vatican City Hooters.
 
5. #Headline Fourth sinkhole opens near Tampa Sinkholes used to be so hip, now they're popping up everywhere.
 
6. #Headline Florida school apologizes for 'Jesus'stomping Were the kids involved gay? No? OK, you’re forgiven. Just don’t be gay. OR stomp Jesus, that too.
 
7. #Headline Republicans upset with their own party Well, gosh darn it, Cindy forgot the clam dip & Brad bought sub-par vintage wine.
 
8. #Headline Will Prince William lose his job?”     Or maybe he'll only be demoted to Assistant Prince
 
9. #Headline How did dinosaurs do it? Very carefully And only with the lights on. (I have NO idea where I was going with that one)
 
10. #Headline ’Unpredictability’ makes Kim Jong Un dangerous That and his pool of mutated North Korean super piranhas!
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Thanks for dropping by. There's something new semi-new newish every day. For quality enterntainment and insightful reasoning more of this stuff, always think of  I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You (or that ISGMSAY thing if that works better for you.)
 
And if you want to see what a real blog looks when done by a pro, check out http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/ If you watched enough quality TV, you've seen this man's name in the credits of MASH and Cheers. Funny stuff from a brilliant writer.
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Questions!



I have questions!
I have lots and lots of questions!
 
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"WHO am I?"

"What IS my purpose in life?"

"Is THERE a heaven?"

"Is there a GOD?”

"How MUCH wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck IF a woodchuck WOULD chuck wood?"

"Well, how DID I get here?"

"How DO I work this?"

"Where IS that large automobile?"

“What is THAT beautiful house?”

"Where does that highway LEAD to?"

“Am I RIGHT?”

“Am I WRONG?”

“My God! What have I DONE?”

"Hello? Is it ME you're looking for?"

“I wanna know have you EVER seen rain?”

“Well, have you…punk?”

“What WOULD I do for a Klondike Bar?"

"Would I like a nice HAWIIAN Punch?"

“What do you MEAN, Flash Gordon is approaching?”

"Scooby Dooby Doo, where ARE you?"

"Is it HOT enough for you?"

"Is it COLD enough for you?"

"What the hell is THAT?"

“Where the hell do you think YOU’RE going?”

“How DO you mend a broken heart?"

"How can a loser EVER win?"

"Where in the world IS Carmen Sandiego?"

“Does this LOOK infected to you?”

"How CAN I have any pudding if I don't eat my meat?"

 “YO! Whazzup, bro?”
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I'm also on Twitter at  https://twitter.com/DayWayLo where I...don't have the answers either

Monday, March 25, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor#3

Hi, blog visitor! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that asks important questions like "What do you get when you fall in love?" and "Scooby Doo, where are you?"

A high level of quality intellectual discourse and witty observations don't come cheap.  And neither does this crap I post on I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.
 
So this blog has a commercial sponsor in the form of American Glory! American Glory is an insurance company that will insure nearly anything.  Their moto: "Insure what? What the hell, why not? We'll insure it!"
 
Coming up next is their latest commerical. What weird ass thing will American Glory insure this time? Let's find out!  
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A vampire enters a dimly lit room where a young women sits in an ornate chair by a fire.

Vampire: Wook, Wenfield! A new fwesh neck to satisfy my wust for bwood!

Renfield (following): Yesssss, Master! She will be quite a tasty morsel! Heh! Heh! Heh!

Vampire and Renfield slowly approach the woman.

Vampire: This wovewy wady does not suspect the fate that is to befaw her.

Renfield: Yesssss, Master! Sssssoon you shall feasssst!

Vampire (stops short): Oh no! This can’t be!

Renfield: What isssss it, Master?

Vampire: This woman, she is pwotected.

Renfield: By garlic?

Vampire: No, worse than garlic!

Renfield: A sun lamp?

Vampire: No, worse than a sun lamp!

Renfield (pauses for a moment): Garlic under a sun lamp?

Vampire (twist his face in disgust) Eww! And no, worse than that!

Renfield: Then what, Master?

Vampire: She has (pause) an anti-vampire policy from Amewican Gwowy!

Renfield: American Glory?

Spokesperson (entering): Yes, American Glory!

Vampire (startled): Egads! Another cweature of the night!

Renfield: No, worsssssse! An American Glory spokesperson.

Spokesperson: You have insurance to protect you if your Blu-Ray player gets stolen. Why not get insurance to protect your blood from being stolen?Well, you can have peace of mind with American Glory's anti-vampire policy!

Renfield (frantic): Destroy him, Master!

Vampire holds his hands upraised as if to attack but he is warded off.


Vampire: His magic, Wenfield! It's too stwong!

Spokesperson: For as little as $5.00 a month, American Glory can protect you from Dracula....

Vampire (insulted): Ha! Dwacuwa was a hamster!

Renfield (also insulted): Hiss! And he smelled of elderberriessssssss!

Spokesperson: Or any other vampire.And if you have a teenage daughter, you can add a child rider to your policy to protect against those brooding, sexy vampires like they have in those Twilight movies.

Renfield (excited): Oooh, ooh, I really like Twilight! Let'ssssss rent one of the movies from Netflix. (hurriedly leaves the room)

Vampire (shocked): Wenfield, no! (rushes after Renfield)

Spokesperson (walks out the door to the outside): So remember American Glory!

The shadows of the Vampire and Renfield are seen running up a hill in the moonlight.


Vampire: At least tell me you you’re not on Team Jacob! Bella’s too good for him!

Spokesperson: Because vampires...are everywhere!

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I'll tell you these commercials are getting lamer every week. We are cashing the checks, right? They're not bouncing or...what? What's that? We're what? We're back?
...

AND WE'RE BACK!

 
Our most sincere appreciation to our magnificient sponsor, American Glory. Anti-Vampire Insurance? Ha! I'd like to see Progressive or Geico do THAT!
 
From the financial support of our sponsor, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You can remain a vibrant and growing presence on the Internet in my most self-delusional day dreams!
 
Come back tomorrow! There's a new post EVERY day here at I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You and an actually good post every 5 or 6 days. (Your mileage may vary.)
 
Thank you!
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And don't forget I'm also on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo, brought to you by Summer's Eve Dessert Toppings. Don't settle for any old whip cream on your cherry pie! Use Summer's Eve Dessert Toppings!

Completely Sensible Murder

So I heard on the radio recently a news item about how the police were investigating the senseless murder of a local man. "Senseless ...