Friday, March 8, 2013

The Mad Scientist's Lament: What I'm Tired of Hearing

The topic #ImTiredOfHearing was trending on Twitter on the evening of March 8th and I thought, what the hell? :Let's share that story about my mutated alligators. Er, not really mine, they were...ah, here...yes, here when I got...here.
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·        #ImTiredOfHearing those blood curdling screams from the basement. Really, how long does it take a mutant alligator to eat 2 teenagers?

·        Also #ImTiredOfHearing my so-called fellow scientists mock my experiments with alligator mutations. There are no useful applications? Ha!

·        And #ImTiredOfHearing banks turn me down for funding of my experiments. "No marketable use for mutated alligators," they said. The nerve!

·        I would say #ImTiredOfHearing my girlfriend whine that I spent too much time on my experiments &not with her. But I fed her to an alligator.

·        I honestly can't say #ImTiredOfHearing my lab assistant say , "Yes, Master, I shall fetch another victim." Some things just never get old.

·        However #ImTiredOfHearing him breaking test tubes & beakers. Dammit, those cost money! Maybe I should feed some of his toes to the alligators?

·        Sometimes #ImTiredOfHearing the snapping & roaring of the mutated alligators in the pit. Oh, why didn't I mutate bunnies? Bunnies are quiet.

·        #ImTiredOfHearing my mother nag me! "You should do something with your life!" "I am, mother! These alligators will not mutate themselves!"

·         #ImTiredOfHearing the voices in my head: "Mutate the alligators! MUTATE THEM!" Shut up, voices! I'm working on it! You're NOT my mother!"

·        Finally #ImTiredOfHearing this police officer read me my rights. Apparently its illegal to feed people to mutated alligators. Who knew?
 
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Follow me on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/DayWayLo if you don't want to get eaten by a mutated alligator.

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