Saturday, March 23, 2013

Untold Tales of Doctor Who#1

The adventure this time…

“Picture the Unexpected”

The Time: Shortly after Rory joins Amy and the Doctor
in the TARDIS after their adventure in Venice.

The Doctor approaches Rory and Amy with a box.

Doctor: Amy! Now that Rory’s on board, I thought I might show him these photographs of me, you know, help bring him up to speed on how things work around here.”

Amy (annoyed): “Oh, those pictures again, Doctor? Rory doesn’t want to look at yourselves.”

Rory (confused): “Wait. What? ‘Yourselves’? ‘Selves’ as in plural?”

Amy: “Yeah, yeah. The Doctor told me there’s this…thing he does when he gets really hurt and close to dying.”

Doctor: “It’s not just a..a thing, Amy.”

Rory: “Really? A thing?”

Doctor: “It’s not a thing!”

Amy: “Yeah, he calls it degeneration?”

Doctor: “RE-generation.”

Amy: “Anyway, it changes him.”

Rory: “Changes? How? He becomes taller? Shorter? Different hair color? Personality?”

Doctor: “…yes.”

Rory: “Yes what?”

Doctor: “Yes to all of it. Here, let me show you.”

Amy: “Ooh boy.”

Doctor (handing photo to Rory): “Here’s a photo of me when I was first starting out.”

Rory: “You…you look a lot…older.”

Doctor: “Of course, I was a younger man back then.”

Rory looks confused as he hands photo to Amy who tears it in half and tosses the pieces behind her.

Doctor (handling photo to Rory): “And here I am, Rory, after I regenerated the first time.”

Rory (chuckling): “Wow! You do change. A lot. Hey, has anyone ever mentioned you looked like that guy from… “  (The Doctor stares coldly at Rory) “….the…Three…Stoo…”

Doctor: “Don’t. Go. There.”

Rory: “Ooo-kay.” Rory hands photo to Amy who tears it in half and tosses the pieces behind her.

Doctor (handing photo to Rory): “And here I am after I regenerated a 2nd time. I was stuck on Earth for WAY too long.”

Rory (laughing): “Oh. My. God. A puffy shirt? A puffy shirt and…is that a velvet jacket?”

Doctor (looking hurt): “I thought I looked dashing! Particularly when I added the cape.”

Rory (laughing harder): “Cape?”

The Doctor stares at Rory again, says nothing.

Rory (stops laughing, nervous now): “Er…uh…capes are, uh, cool. Like bowties.”

Rory hands photo to Amy who tears it in half and tosses the pieces behind her.

Doctor (sighs as he hands another photo to Rory): “This was after my third regeneration.”

Rory: “You were very tall that time. What’s the deal with the…scarf? I know, I know. Don’t ask.”

Rory hands photo to Amy who tears it in half and tosses the pieces behind her.

Doctor: “Oh, here’s another photo from that time. This is me fighting the Spanish Inquisition.”

Amy (suddenly interested, lunges past Rory and grabs the photo): “What? The Spanish Inquisition? I wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition!”

Suddenly there is a loud boom and a burst of light and three men in red robes burst forth. Amy and Rory are shocked. The Doctor appears more annoyed than anything as he reaches inside his jacket.

Red Robed Man: “NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Because our chief weapon is SURPRISE! Surprise and FEAR! TWO chief weapons, surprise and fear! AND RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY! THREE! Our three chief weapons are….”

Doctor (interrupting): “Oh, you lot! Bugger off, already.” Points his sonic screwdriver at the three men who promptly vanish.

Rory: “Wh..wh…what was…that?”

Amy: “Doctor?”

Doctor: “Don’t worry about them.  Just some wibbly wobbly timey wimey…stuff…”

Amy: “But you got rid of them so easily.”

Doctor: “Well, that’s the difference between me and most people: I DO expect the Spanish Inquisition.” (The Doctor taps Amy on the nose with the end of the sonic screwdriver as she giggles.)

Rory (pulling a photo from the box): “You’re blonde in this one.”

Doctor: “I know. But I’ve never been ginger. Just once, I would like to be ginger.” (The Doctor folds his arms and sulks a bit.)

Rory: “And this outfit you were wearing? It’s a bit…colorful.”

Doctor (distracted): “Oh, that thing? Just a phase, I was really into cricket for a while there.”

Rory: “Well, I hope your dress sense improved after your next regeneration.”

The Doctor suddenly looks very alarmed. As Rory starts to reach in the box for another photo, the Doctor abruptly yanks it away.

Doctor: “I think…we’re done here.” The Doctor walks off with the box.

Rory: “What?”

Amy: “I’ve seen it. Trust me, Rory. You don’t want to know. C’mon, I’ll show you the files on the former companions. They include a disturbingly large number of young cute girls. You really want to see these pictures.”

Rory: “Er, why? You’re the only young cute girl I’m interested in.” Rory kisses Amy gently.

Amy: “Hmm! Good answer. Still, I think you might want to take a look. One of them is wearing a leather bikini.”

Rory: “Leather…bikini.”

Amy: “Uh huh.”

Rory stands still and quiet for a moment. Then..

Rory: “Well, you know, if it helps bring me…up to speed…on how things work around…here…”

Amy smiles slyly at Rory and we….Fade Out.
I'm not be all over time & space but I can be found on Twitter at

Carl Kasell

I was saddened to hear of the death of Carl Kasell, a distinctive voice on NPR’s "Morning Edition" and "Wait, Wait ... Don...