Tuesday, May 31, 2016

No Apologies

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a blog made with a healthy blend of 7 grains and oats. I'm Dave-El and I'm your boogie man, that's what I am. 

I don't really do a lot with Facebook when it comes with interacting with individuals. I've found its a very handy tool for keeping track of various comic book and pop culture websites I like to follow but individuals? Eh, not so much. 

One reason is that there are people on Facebook who are leading far more interesting lives than I am. I really do not need a constant reminder that my life sucks compares to yours. Oh, look! An excursion to the mountains! Water skiing! Eating at classy restaurants! Yes, your life is amazing, mine is shit, I get the point! 

Another reason is that there are people on Facebook who are leading far less interesting lives that I am. Hey, I see you posted that you just watched a couple of episodes of Big Bang Theory and are getting ready for bed? And I should care... why? 

But the big problem I have with individuals on Facebook is that so many of them are... how can I put this politely? 

No, I can't. So many of them are stupid. 

No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't say that. 

So many of them are fucking stupid.   

Yeah, that's better.  

Yes, I know we all have different perspectives on life and I do try to be understanding of that. But there are some posts that just irk me for their blatant disregard for objectivity and the facts. 

I do not follow Annika Bruggeworth on Facebook but someone I do follow liked this inane post and this is how it came to my attention. 



Wow.

There is so much wrong with this. Where to start? Where to start?  

1) "Treasonous trip"? Please advise what act of treason is being committed here? We are not at war with Japan. They are, in fact, a staunch ally of the United States. The President is allowed to go there. We're all allowed to go there, even Annika Bruggeworth can go to Japan. Maybe you're labeling the actions of the President while in Japan as "treasonous"? The man gave a speech, said nothing bad about America and took no actions to undermine the security of our nation.   

2) "Over Memorial Day"? OK, Annika, I'll spot you a point or two by assuming you mean "over Memorial Day weekend". If you meant literally Memorial Day, well, Obama speech was on Friday, May 27th and Memorial Day itself was Monday, May 30th. And you know what? I'm taking away those points I gave you because who counts Friday towards the Memorial Day weekend? 

3) "His hatred of our Country and Military"? Annika, I can't argue with you on that. Oh, I sure as hell do NOT agree with you. It's just that I've found that people who have made up their mind that Obama hates America, there's really no way to win that argument. I mean, yes, I have facts on my side to say no, he doesn't. But that doesn't matter to people like you, Annika, so I'm not going to waste my your time or mine. 

4) "Iran has... the freedom to build Nukes unfettered"? If you don't think that the Iran nuclear deal is all that great, fine. But there is a deal and if Iran wants to build a nuclear bomb, there are a lot of obstacles to getting that done. Not to say Iran couldn't cheat and finagle its way to a nuke but to say its ability to do so is "unfettered" is just in classic denial of reality. 

I noticed that the source of Annika's ire is a piece from Fox News so knock me over in shock from that surprise. There is nothing President Obama can say or do that will not come under scrutiny or criticism from the pundits on Fox News. 

"Obama's using single ply toilet paper? He's disrespecting the dignity of the office of President!"

"Obama's using two ply toilet paper? Once again, our elitist President is living high off the American taxpayer!"  

The show in question over on Fox News that got Annika all worked up is The Five, a gaggle of talking heads that spends an hour every day reminding its viewers that America is going to Hell and Obama's driving the train right to Satan's doorstep. There really isn't any reason to watch The Five. 

Except maybe to see this woman right here.   






Here name is Kimberly Guilfoyle and her main job at Fox News is to make sure her legs are prominently displayed for every possible camera angle. Since she's there to be so much eye candy for Fox viewers with leg fetishes, it might be best to watch Kimberly with the sound off or you'll hear stupid shit like this.  

Fox's Guilfoyle On Obama's Historic Visit To Hiroshima: "To Me, It Felt Like An Apology"



If you want to read the actual text of Obama's remarks at Hiroshima, click here.  You may find something here or there that you might disagree with but what you won't find is an apology.  

But that doesn't matter. 

Because as far as Fox News is concerned, it doesn't matter what Obama actually said. All they matter is what they think they heard and passing that opinion in the form of news to their unthinking followers like Annika Bruggeworth who go on Facebook and pass it along as if its gospel. From there, sadly, others pick it up the thread. 

Below are a sample of the comments to Annika's post. I've added my own snarky comments to add to your entertainment value.    





The sad thing is there was so many people, in fact too many people, who think Annika Bruggeworth and others like her make sense. These are people who lack any concept of nuance or a sense of perspective. Or as the noted thinker and philosopher Rene Descartes once observed, "Some people just don't have a fucking clue."  

No, this post is not a gushing, go-go, rah-rah endorsement of President Obama. If you want, I can have a discussion about Obama's shortfalls in foreign and domestic policy. But if you're going to take the position that Obama "hates America" or "is the worst President ever", then that discussion is impossible. 

And there's nothing left to do but watch Kimberly Guilfoyle


With the sound off. 

And I will make no apologies for that. 
____________________________

Coming up...

Wednesday is Comic Book Day here on the ol' blog thing as i put down in words how wonderful Rebirth is. 

And also how disturbing.  

Thursday is another installment of The Pixar Project as the family here at the Fortress of Ineptitude continues our Pixar re-watch with Toy Story 2

Until next time, remember to be good to one another.  

Monday, May 30, 2016

Your Best Value For Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day here in the United States. 

So what is Memorial Day? 

It's a day off from work. It's a day off from school. Relax, chill. 

It's the start of the summer season. Catch a big movie blockbuster. Hit the pool or hit the beach. Fire up the grill. 

It's time to save BIG on a new car or truck. Huge savings on home furnishings. Or clothes. Or electronics. No better time to get that big flat screen TV. 

We get so caught up in all the commercial hype of Memorial Day that we forget why the day is of such significance. 

The best value we can get on Memorial Day is the one we enjoy everyday, our freedom. And we enjoy that freedom because the price of that most precious commodity was paid for by the selfless sacrifices made by so many men and women who served this country in our armed forces. And on Memorial Day, we honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice, those who gave their lives, those who did not survive to return to the home they died to defend.  

So go ahead and enjoy 1 or 2 or 10 hot dogs, have some fun in the sun, get a good deal at one of those awesome sales. It's part of the freedom that we enjoy here in America. But remember to spare a moment of thoughtful consideration for those who died in the service of their country and help secure our freedom.

Everyone, remember to be good to one another.




Sunday, May 29, 2016

Doctor Who: Looking Back, Looking Forward


Hi there! Today is Sunday which is Doctor Who day here on the blog thing called I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.

For the last four weeks, I’ve been posting a Doctor Who fan fiction script called Lifetime Companion. Feel free to click on the links below to catch up or revisit the story so far.


I’m taking a break from the script this week but it will return next Sunday with Episode Five.


Today, I’m going to kick back a bit and prattle on about some Doctor Who related things ‘n’ stuff with a look back at the past and some speculation about the future.

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This past Friday marked the 20th anniversary of the Doctor Who movie’s debut on UK television on May 27th. 1996. The special actually premiered on American TV first two days prior. The Doctor Who movie began with the 7th Doctor played by Sylvester McCoy who regenerates into the 8th Doctor as portrayed by Paul McGann.


The movie is, on the whole, not very good. Well, when you pay good money to have Eric Roberts play the Master, you take your chances. Still, most of the flaws come from trying to shove too much of Doctor Who mythology into one package, giving everything a rushed, almost perfunctory feeling.


In a way, it’s hard not to blame the producers from trying to do too much. New Doctor Who had not been seen on TV screens since 1989 and was sorely missed. And there are some really good bits such as a fully realized TARDIS interior, fast paced action sequences and a modern Doctor as a romantic adventurer. 


Paul McGann’s take on our favorite Time Lord has to fight against weak material and too little time yet it’s a testament to Paul’s talent and the strong appeal of his take on the Doctor that McGann’s time on screen as the Doctor, measured in mere minutes, is so well regarded. And it was all we had to hold us over unto Doctor Who was revived in 2005.


If we didn’t get to see Paul McGann as the Doctor, we at least got to hear him as McGann brought the 8th Doctor to life through Big Finish audio adventures. McGann’s warm, textured voice made him perfect for keeping the Doctor alive through sound alone. Still, it was a treat to see McGann on screen once more for the 50th anniversary mini-episode, Night of the Doctor and it would be awesome if there was some way to see more such appearances in Doctor Who’s future. 

______________________________________

Recently, rumors  began swirling around the internet about the possible return of John Barrowman as Capt. Jack Harkness to Doctor Who, possibly for the 2016 Christmas special. The impetus for such rumors? Barrowman himself who Tweeted he was in Cardiff earlier this month (May) and we could make of that what we will.


May is when the Doctor Who Christmas special was scheduled to go into production. And with Doctor Who gone from our screens for a whole year (A whole year? We classic Who fans scoff at waiting a whole year), the return of the much beloved Captain Jack would be a big boost to get audiences back to Doctor Who after 12 months away. And last year’s return of River Song was such a crowd pleaser, why not bring back Jack for one more go around in the TARDIS?


Then this past week, there was a quick teaser released on line, heralding the news that “JACK IS BACK!”.


Except it appears the teaser was not legit. Which is disconcerting because it looked real slick like something that would come out of the BBC. But John Barrowman went online to assert that he’s not back on Doctor Who. He insisted he has not filmed anything and he’s not been asked to.


Which really sucks.


Unless...


Remember in the tumultuous days before Doctor Who’s 50th anniversary special when David Tennant insisted he knew nothing about the special and had not been asked to return.

And it turned out, yeah he did know and yes he had been asked to return.


So maybe there’s some of that going on?


I guess we should take John Barrowman’s statement at face value. But I really hope that before producer Steven Moffat closes the door behind him on his way out from the Doctor Who offices, the Moff can find a way to have Captain Jack make some kind of a return appearance.


If only to say hello.


And we all like the way Jack says hello.

______________________________________ 



Next week...

Toby Parker is surrounded by familiar faces but his life is a new and different place than we’ve seen him before. But is it different enough to keep the Doctor from taking Toby into deep space? The Doctor and Toby confront the warrior race known as the Mire, A warrior race now armed with a terrible weapon… powered by a chronovirus.

My Doctor Who fan fiction serial will return next Sunday with the script for Episode Five of Lifetime Companion.


Meanwhile there’s a new post here every day in between Sundays and I hope you check back in for whatever’s coming up next on my blog. It’ll be a surprise for both of us because I seriously have no idea.


Until next time, remember to be good to one another. 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Arise and Walk




I didn't plan on writing about my dad today. But you never know what will spark a memory or a feeling. I happened across a "this day in history" thing on the internet which included this: 

On May 27th, 1995 in Culpeper, Virginia, the actor Christopher Reeve is paralyzed from the neck down after falling from his horse in a riding competition.


This is an event that resonates with me on two different levels. 

First of all, as a fan of Superman since I was a kid, I was astonished by the skill and talent that Christopher Reeve brought the Man of Steel to life in the movies. It was hard to fathom that an actor who made us a believe a man can fly was reduced to not being able to walk or even feed himself.  The paralysis that struck down Reeve was so complete, he needed assistance to even breathe. 

Secondly but more importantly, a paralyzing injury struck down my dad the year before. He experienced a dizzy spell while in the bathroom and he fell. He struck his spine at just the wrong angle. An inch in either direction and he may have come out of it just fine. Instead he was a quadriplegic for the rest of his life.


My dad, God rest his soul, did not know exactly what to do with me when I was young. We were so fundamentally different from each other. I was an honor roll student with an almost fanatical devotion to reading. My dad had trouble reading. He may have had a mental condition of some kind, like dyslexia, that impeded his learning but it was never diagnosed.


But he could fix things and build things. He could work with his hands. He knew what to do with a hammer and a screwdriver and a wrench and a paint brush. So being paralyzed must've been a particular hell for him. I know when my mom mentioned something in the house needed fixing and she had to do herself or get someone to help, it tore my dad apart to just lie there and not be able to help.

To be honest, it's not something I want to think about. But sometime thoughts come unbidden. Like with the reminder of that fateful span of seconds from 21 years ago yesterday that changed the life of Christopher Reeve forever. Reeve lived on with the hope that one day science would catch up to his injuries and he would once more arise and walk. So did my dad. Sadly, both men died before that hope could be realized in their lifetimes.



I live with the faith that my dad did get to walk again, walk right up to the gates of heaven. And I hope that heaven is not so completely perfect a place that there's something for dad's hands to make right once more.


Everyone, be good to one another.   

Friday, May 27, 2016

Broken News For Friday, May 27th, 2016

 



Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, your internet home for that slight sad feeling of ennui. I'm Dave-El and I'm a normal carbon based life form mostly.  

As you can tell from the banner, we have another ALL NEW edition of bRoKeN nEWs, my attempt at news satire. Satire is a form of humor that, if you don't get the joke, just go to your nearest Starbucks and ask for a barista named Terry to explain it to you. 

Today's edition of bRoKeN nEWs is brought to you by....

Teeny, Tiny, Itty-Bitty Post-it Notes




Perfect for...

  • Ransom notes for kidnapped mosquitoes.
  • A diary for incredibly dull people.
  • Creating a holy book for a really short religion.
  • Notes for Donald Trump's speeches.


And speaking of Mr. Trump, bRoKeN nEWs is also brought to you by...

Donald Trump Toilet Paper




When you take a dump that's yuge, think...

Donald Trump Toilet Paper.

And its perfect for people with small hands.  

Enough random patter. Let's launch this bad boy in 5...
4...
3...
2...

___________________________________

Trump Officially Clinches GOP Nomination

That feeling in the pit of your stomach right now? Yeah, don't worry, it's just indigestion.

Nah, I'm fucking with you. The word you're looking for is "dread". 

Oh, we thought it was so damn funny, didn't we? Donald Trump running for President? Shit! Let's see what happens! It'll be funny! No worries, he'll get bored and drop out. No? OK, fine. No big. It's not like anyone is going to vote for him, right? People are voting for him? Fuck! You know what? Big deal! So a few nut cases vote for Trump. It's not a big deal. What? He's winning? Double fuck! OK, no need to panic. I'm sure that other Republican candidates will step up and...our best hope is Ted Cruz? Triple fuck! And he dropped out! And there's no one left to run against Donald Trump! And now he has passed the threshold of delegates needed to secure the nomination on the first ballot! And holy fucking fuckery of fucking fuckenstein in fucking fucktania and...

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa....

SLAP! 

Ahem!

Sorry about that.

Er, let's move on, shall we? 


Captain America Story Upsets Fans Who Forget It's Just a Comic

"Just a comic"? How dare the mainstream press demean our sacred, holy texts that remains inviolable until the end of time or the next Secret Wars reboot.  

In case you're wondering what in the world of comic books has gotten everybody all worked up....



Apparently Captain America is and has always been and will forever be a secret sleeper agent for Hydra and nothing will ever been the same!!!! 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

OK, OK, OK! Just take it easy! It could be much worse.




NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


11 States To Sue Obama Administration Over Bathroom Directive

Ain't nobody wantin' Obama tellin' nobody they have to wash their hands, no way, no how. 

Yeah, I know it's not about hand washing, it's about this whole not wanting to use a bathroom with a banana dressed as an artichoke.

Here's the thing: no, I don't want to share a bathroom with a transgender person. In fact, I don't want to share a bathroom with anybody. At all! I really don't care if the person pooping in the stall next to me is a man or a woman or whatever. What I care about is there's anybody at all pooping in the stall next to me. It's weird and it's gross.

By the way, you know if this was a directive about washing hands, states would still be suing over it because....well, it's Obama, you know.

I hope Obama's washing HIS hands 'cause look how he's spending his days.   

Obama's working the drive thru at Hardee's.

State Dept. Report Sharply Criticizes Clinton's Email Practices   Particularly hitting "Reply All" every single fucking time! Cut that out, Hillary! It's annoying!!



WHAT?!?! He was shilling for Trump a moment ago! 

Man, we really can't trust this guy now, can we?  



Yes, this is the story of a young woman who was infatuated with a member of a boy band. And now, they're engaged to be married. So what is the lesson we've learned today?


Sometimes that 1 in a million chance does come true, you creepy stalkers out there! 

I used to have this over my bed. So does that mean that Daisy Duke and I still have a chance? 


And yes, I know she doesn't look like that anymore! You didn't need to remind me of that! You meanie! You dream wrecking meanie!

I thought that I might make my smart ass comment from the perspective of a millennial. So here goes! 

(Ahem!) 

<insert snarky comment stolen from an internet meme>

Yeah, I think I nailed it.  



Now Captain America is not so much being evil as just being a dick. 


Why Clinton Is Tied In The Polls With A Widely Reviled Demagogue

 Probably a combination of misogynists and people who don't know what "misogynists" means.  

Merely touching Hillary Clinton's hand
turned that boy's hair green!
FEEL THE BERN!
Vote Bernie Sanders for President!
He won't turn your hair green! 


Hey, I think this time, I will make my smart ass comment from the perspective of a young, rabid Bernie Sanders supporter. So here goes! 



 (Ahem!) 



 <insert snarky "Hillary Clinton is going to jail" remark stolen from a You Tube comment section>


I think I have real gift for getting into the head of today's youth!

Hillary Clinton is smiling.
Is she thinking about...
1) Her beautiful grandchild
2) How wonderful America is
3) Kicking Bernie Sanders in the balls

Bouncy houses? Bouncy houses are fun! That'll spruce up Kenya's oldest national park. Meanwhile, Kenyans wants to know if this fight to save Kenya's oldest national park involves food. You know, just wondering.

Food would be nice.

And yes I'm making a broad assumption that because Kenya is in Africa, there must be starving people there. Does that make me racist? I think I'm just lazy. Besides I'm sure there's at least somebody in Kenya is particularly peckish. And for that person...

Food would be nice.

Speaking of food...




That was...strange.  


 That's Donald Trump for you: using cutting edge campaign strategies from 1992.

Of course Whitewater would interest Donald; he's really serious about targeting the white vote.

Clinton is actually nostalgic for Whitewater, in the days before email.  

OK, you young people out there might be asking, "What's this Whitewater shit?" And I'll remind you to watch your fucking language.

Anyway, Whitewater was this real estate deal that Bill and Hillary Clinton were involved in back in the 1980s. Apparently there was some shady stuff going on with this... whatever it was. But the Clintons were never charged with any criminal activity involved in this mess. And believe me, a lot of people looked for criminal activity.

And kept looking.

And looking.

It seems the only thing screwy about Whitewater for the Clintons was that they lost money on the deal. Yep, back in the go-go 1980s under Ronald Reagan, the Clintons were the only people in America to lose money in real estate.

Yet here we are nearly 3 decades removed from the Whitewater deal and for the Clintons, it remains the gift that keeps on taking.


Univision Anchor Booed At Commencement After Speaking Spanish, Mentioning Trump

Then she spoiled the ending for next week's Game of Thrones and a riot broke out. 


China's just being an asshole because she turned China down for a date. "Oh, we're not good enough to go out with for a lousy cup of coffee, huh?" said China bitterly. 




And a good thing too! Noah's Ark killed the dinosaurs? So stupid! Everyone knows the dinosaurs were killed by the team of the Mighty Samson, Moses and his magic staff and David's dinosaur slaying sling shot. 

Oh, I bet you thought I was going to say Jesus killed the dinosaurs. Ha! Just goes to show that some of you haven't read your Bible. The dinosaurs were gone by the time of Jesus. Now you need to show some respect for the Son of God who saved us from our sins AND the Dalek Invasion of Judea.  


Hell, Greyhound didn't know Greyhound still had buses. "Eh, what? Bus drivers? Are we still doing that?" said a crusty old man at Greyhound HQ. "You whippersnappers get off my lawn!" 

Speaking of being too tired....

Hold on! Obama's still working the drive thru at Hardee's?
Dude! You need to take a break!   



And 99% devoid of souls. Yeah, there are a couple of guys in the back, may still have souls. Don't worry. Trump's got people monitoring the situation in case there's trouble. 

"Mr. Trump, is your face roasted to your satisfaction?"
"Perfect! My face smells delicious!"  


Yes,Donald Trump is keeping us awake at night! So we need you, Mitt! No, not to run for President. Just give us a speech, that will put us to sleep. 

___________________________________

And speaking of putting us to sleep, let's put this edition of bRoKeN nEWs to bed.




bRoKeN nEWs is a production of a wild night of drunken sex between I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You Entertainment and Dave-El Enterprises Ltd. Inc. Don't judge 'em, OK? Those crazy kids are trying to make this work

The views given in bRoKeN nEWs are not necessarily those of the writer of this blog which I admit doesn't make sense but you don't know what it's really like in here! YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!

Complaints about the content in bRoKeN nEWs should be directed to the bRoKeN nEWs Complaint Desk.
"Broken News Complaint Desk!
How may I consume your soul... er, help you?"






















Compliments about the content in bRoKeN nEWs 
should.... sorry, I really can't go on with the rest of that sentence.

And that's all I got people.






OK, I did not see that coming.  


Doctor Who Is NEW! Smile

Yes, there was no post on Monday. I was too busy partying hard celebrating my birthday!  OK, fine: yes, it was my birthday. But I've n...