Thursday, May 19, 2016

So What Exactly Is In a 2 Egg Platter?

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a sunny side up blog adrift in a scrambled internet. I've Dave-El and I come with a side order of snarkiness. And bacon.  

Today's topic? BREAKFAST! 

So the cafeteria where I work has a pretty decent breakfast special. It’s called the “2 Egg Platter” and it comes with (hold on to your horses!) 2 eggs (I know!), a choice of meat (BACON!), a serving of potatoes and a biscuit, all for $3.50. It’s not a bad deal and I don’t get hungry for lunch until nearly 2 in the afternoon and even at that, a sandwich usually does just fine. 

Here’s the thing: not everybody knows about the 2 Egg Platter. People at work see me with this thing and they go, “Wow! That’s a lot of breakfast!” And I tell them it’s the 2 Egg Platter breakfast and they reply, “What A 2 Egg Platter breakfast?”

It’s not a state secret or anything. It’s right there on the menu! Yet, for some reason, few people seem to know of its existence. I don’t mean that most people know of it but just don’t want that much breakfast. The 2 Egg Platter is literally a blind spot when they look at the menu. There are a few who know of this wonderful bounty of breakfast goodness. It’s like we’re in a secret club. We have a 2 Egg Platter fist bump that only we know.

But my fellow patrons of our cafeteria are not the only ones unaware of the 2 Egg Platter. Apparently, it’s not known to the staff of the cafeteria.

Me: Yes, I would like the 2 Egg Platter please.

Server: The 2 Egg what now?

Me: The 2 Egg Platter.

Server: The 2 Egg Platter?

Me: Yes, the 2 Egg Platter.

The server crane his or her neck around to look at the menu.

Server: Wow! That IS up there.

Me: Yes, it is.

Server: OK then. So what comes with the 2 egg platter?

Me: 2 eggs.

Server: Right. Of course.

Me: Bacon.

Server: Uh-huh.

Me: Potatoes.

Server: Yep!

Me: And a biscuit.

Now this poor soul has no idea what’s in the 2 Egg Platter and if I were a less reputable person, I might be tempted to go on.

Me: And sausage.

Server: OK.

Me: And fruit

Server: Yeah.

Me: A muffin.

Server: Er…

Me: And waffles

Server: Waffles?

Me: 2…no, 3 waffles.

Server: But…

Me: And fruit…

Server: You already said fruit

Me: More fruit. 

Server: I’m not sure…

Me: Hey, do you know what’s on the 2 Egg Platter?

Server: Er, no!

Me: Well, I do! I get this every morning!

Server: Sorry, sir.

Me: S’alright. OK, so next is a 10 oz. sirloin….

But I'm a nice guy and I wouldn't do something like that. 

More than once.

Or twice.

Oh, here's another thing: the ladle the server uses scoops up enough scrambled eggs in one scoop to equal two eggs. But sometimes the server will give me two scoops of eggs. So my 2 Egg Platter becomes a 4 Egg Platter. 

Yes, the cholesterol might kill but I'm getting a pretty good deal on breakfast here. 

St. Peter: You're here early.
Me: Yeah, those extra eggs with the 2 Egg Platter, man! 
St. Peter: I understand, Dave-El. It is a very good breakfast bargain. 
Me: Hey! You called me "Dave-El"! 
St. Peter: Of course! I've read your blog. 
Me: Sweeeeeeet! So, when do I get into heaven? 
St. Peter: I've read... your blog. 
Me: Uh oh. 

By the way, I've run into this "not knowing what is on your own menu" thing at McDonald's. I don't think they offer this as part of the 24 hour breakfast but McDonald's has a steak and cheese bagel on their menu. At least in the locations I have been to, anyway.  

But like the servers at the cafeteria at work, this is not common knowledge to the fine folks who work at Mickey D's. 

Server: Welcome to McDonald's! May I take your order? 
Me: Yes, I would like the steak and cheese bagel please.

Server: The steak and cheese what now?

And I'm so glad my suffering amuses you.


Coming up on the blog thing....

Tomorrow is a new edition of This Campaign/This Damn Pain as we look at the increasingly surreal circumstances of living in a world with Donald Trump, Republican Presidential Nominee and the Democrats are once more snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. 

Saturday, it's baseball... or boxing... or both.

Sunday, my Doctor Who fan fiction script continues with Episode Four of Lifetime Companion

Thanks for popping by today and I hope you come back again. Until then, remember to be good to one another. 

Doctor Who: The Dalek Planet - Episode Four

DISCLAIMER:  I'm doing this for fun, not profit. This is not officially sanctioned by the BBC and the producers of Doctor Who.   In c...