Happy Halloween, everybody!
My name is Dave-El and this is I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog with a chewy nougat center.
As you see from the banner above, this is Friday I'm posting bROkEN nEWs oN A bReAk as I expect to be engaged with some Halloween related activities, none of which involves digging any shallow graves for hastily killed hitchhikers.
Let's get the classic headlines going in 5...
#BrokenNews "Assad Wins Syria's Presidential 'Election'" You gotta admit, his "Vote for me or I'll kill you" platform was very effective.
#BrokenNews "NSA Stonewalls When Pressed To Come Clean On 'Backdoor Searches'" I was hoping 'backdoor searches' doesn't mean what I think it means but I just got a note from the NSA recommending a good proctologist.
#BrokenNews "Gay Marriage Battle Heats Up In Texas" To be fair, everything heats up in Texas. Texas is hot! Texas is TOO DAMN HOT! And ARMED! Gay people are fighting to live in freedom and equality in a state filled with hot, sweaty people with guns!
So... good luck with that.
#BrokenNews "Ted Cruz's Wish Is Finally Granted: He Is No Longer Canadian" Which in turn also grants the wish of most Canadians.
#BrokenNews "Pope Kicks Off Mideast Peace Summit Of Prayer" Officially known as..."The Budweiser Monster Summit of Prayer!"
#BrokenNews "GOP Leadership Race Heats Up" Also known as the "Rat Race To the Bottom!"
#BrokenNews "Fish Just May Be A Lot Smarter Than We Thought" Have you ever seen a fish holding public office? Exactly!
#BrokenNews "What Joe Biden Gave Up To Run With Obama" Besides his pro-wrestling career.
#BrokenNews "GOP Convention Location Announced" OK, Cleveland agreed to do this but it's oral sex only, no kissing and just leave the money on the bedside table, OK?
#BrokenNews "NYT: Have Republicans Shut Themselves Out Of White House?"
"I thought you had the keys!"
"No, you said YOU had them!"
"No, I did not!"
#BrokenNews "Postal Worker Caught On Video Hurling Packages Into Ravine" Wow! A postal worker actually had packages?!?!
#BrokenNews "U.S. Steps In To Avert Political Crisis In Afghanistan" If that works out, maybe the U.S. will try to avert political crisis in the U.S.
#BrokenNews "Cheney Pushes Same War Junk As '02" But people will just wander off for a beer or go to the restroom if he pulls out new material. His fans just want to hear the classics.
#BrokenNews “Taco Bell Tests Plowing More Meat Into Meals” As long as there are no pesky questions about where the meat comes from.
#BrokenNews "GOP, Dems Fall Farther Apart On Immigration" The sticking point is whether to shoot some of the immigrants or all of the immigrants.
And that's a wrap for this week's revisit of classic headlines from the bROkEN nEWs'
Tomorrow kicks off with 1 of a 2 day Doctor Who Weekend post.
Next Friday, bROkEN nEWs will be feature a special spotlight on someone who has come to mean a lot to the bROkEN nEWs staff. It's a post-election celebration of...
|"This is a GOOD thing, right?"|
In two weeks, bROkEN nEWs will be back ALL NEW, PARTIALLY FUNNY.
Until then, be good to one another.