Thursday, October 23, 2014

In the Kind Of, Sort Of General Vicinity Of Remotely Being In the Approximate Whereabouts of the Realm of Fear

I don't know about you but I've got EBOLA FEVER!!

Wait a minute, what's all that noise outside? Flashing lights? Haz mat suits? What the hell...? Uh oh. 

Excuse me.. 

(Ahem!) 

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONCERN AND YOUR ALARMINGLY FAST RESPONSE TIME BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE EBOLA FEVER! I WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY!

YES, METAPHORICALLY!

OK, I'LL GIVE YOU A MOMENT!

So while the local authorities look up the meaning of the word "metaphorically", let me just say that I'm fascinated by the endless capabilities of Americans to be exceedingly alarmed by this Ebola....outbreak? You would think the zombie apocalypse is upon us or some damn thing. 

Hold on. 

NO, THAT'S A SIMILE! STILL, YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK! SO IF YOU WANT TO GO HOME AND...

OK!

Sorry, the authorities are having some difficulty with metaphors. Anyway, my... "Ebola Fever" ... is more akin to describing my level of entertainment at watching Americans twist themselves into fear pretzels over this Ebola "crisis". 

As I noted here before, Ebola should be taken seriously. It is a very dangerous disease that has caused thousands of fatalities in parts of Africa. 

Hang on. 

YEAH, THAT'S A METAPHOR! RIGHT! SO WE'RE ALL GOOD, YEAH? WHAT? 

So the local authorities are spraying down the house and the surrounding neighborhood in Lysol disinfectant. Well, if it makes them feel better. 

So rising levels of hysteria compete with plunging levels of stupidity. Which, to be honest, is not really that big of a trick for us here in America. 

So there are all the politicians who are determined that Ebola in America is Obama's fault and and he's not doing enough to stop it, like suspending all flights from America to Africa. I suppose the President would do that except for one little snag: there are no flights from the United States to countries in Africa. There's just not enough traffic to convince any American airlines to keep direct routes open between our two continents. If you want to get to anywhere in Africa, there are at least a couple of connecting flights between you and your destination in Africa. 

In fact, if there were direct flights, keeping them open would be the more sensible precaution because we can track and monitor people on those flights better than someone who's been through 2 or 3 countries between here and there. 

Here's another thing: the Ebola outbreak is not happening in Africa. It's happening in 3 countries in Africa. Yet too many Americans are not prepared to look at an atlas and instead proclaim the entire continent of Africa off limits. 

Meanwhile Ebola paranoia has reached an absurd limit in the state of Maine. Maine? There's an Ebola case in Maine? 

No but here's what they do have. A school teacher who went to a conference in Dallas TX where she stayed in a Holiday Inn Express which was more than 9 miles away from the hospital where ebola turned up. The actual list of people with ebola in that hospital includes the guy who showed up with it and the nurse who treated him. Yep, two. And ebola is not airborne, it is not transmitted through simple contact but contact of bodily fluids. 

So the teacher from Maine who stayed at a hotel 9+ miles from the hospital with no direct contact with the hospital at all has been ordered by her school board to go on leave and be placed under a 21 day quarantine. You know, as a precaution to protect the kids.  

From what? Cooties that the teacher may have gotten from the bedsheets at the Holiday Inn Express? Because that's all this teacher may have been at risk of catching on this trip.*

*And not that much of a chance either as I am very confident that the fine men and women who work at locations of Holiday Inn Express across this great nation of ours do an outstanding job of maintaining the rooms in as clean and pristine a condition as possible. In other words, please don't sue me. 

And then there's this woman.




















You've got to admire the unyielding and indomitable spirit of Americans who are prepared to take any measures to protect themselves from something that is probably not out there where you live. Even if they look stupid. 

So find a way to thread that needle, folks. Find the balance between taking comprehensive and sensible measures to protect ourselves from this disease and being totally shitfaced insane with fear. 

Be good to one another, guys and gals out there. Oh, I almost forgot. 

HEY, THANKS FOR COMING OUT GUYS! SORRY FOR ANY MISUNDERSTANDING! GOOD NIGHT!

Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You

Spinner Rack Flashback: June 1977

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