Monday, June 27, 2016

Mayonnaise - Day One

"The past is prologue." 
---------maybe Shakespeare? Stan Lee? Well, it was somebody.

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Scene opens: Chik-Fil-A drive thru

Dave-El: ...and that is how Aquaman is able to communicate with the platypus as well as fish. 

Randie: Wow, that is so...not at all helpful. 

Dave-El: Oh, mock me if you will. How many other dads can explain to their daughters how Aquaman's mental telepathy with fish actually works? 

Randie: I think maybe just you. 

Dave-El: Exactly! But now you know which will give you an advantage in the work place when you get older. Use that knowledge wisely. 

Randie: I'll try to keep that in mind. 

Chik-Fil-A woman at pick up window: Hello! You have the two #1 combos with fruit cups and small  milk shakes, larges fries and another small milk shake?

Dave-El: Yep, that's the one! 

Chik-Fil A woman: That will be $21.65! 

Dave-El (hands over credit card): Here you go. 

Chik-Fil A woman: Would you like any sauces with that?

Dave-El: Just mayonnaise for the sandwiches. 

Chik-Fil A woman: OK. Here's your credit card back. And here's your order. It's been a pleasure serving you today. 

Dave-El: Thank you! 

Chik-Fil A woman: My pleasure!

Dave-El (slowly driving away, low voice): My pleasure. 


Randie: Dad! Quit being weird. And creepy. 

Dave-El: Hey, check the bags, make sure our order's right. 

Randie: OK, looks like 2 sandwiches, 2 fruit cups, my fries and...whoa! 

Dave-El: Whoa what?  

Randie: Oh my God! There's so much mayonnaise!

Dave-El: <Snort!> Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: What? What's so funny?  

Dave-El: J...just...that....Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: Are you all right? Do you need medical attention? 

Dave-El: No, no! I'm...I'm....Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: OK, nothing's that funny. 

Dave-El: What you said...

Randie: What did I say? 

Dave-El: Oh my God! There's so much mayonnaise! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: OK, that's not that funny.

Dave-El: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: I mean, they put like a dozen packets of mayonnaise in here! 

Dave-El: Oh my God! There's so much mayonnaise! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: Oh for crying out loud...

Dave-El (gasping): OK! It's OK! I'm cool. I've got it together. 

Randie: Good. 

Several moments of silence while Dave-El and Randie travel down the road. Suddenly...

Dave-El: Oh my God! There's so much mayonnaise! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Randie: Geez! 

Dave-El: Sorry! 

Randie: Why do I have a bad feeling this is going to wind up on your blog?

Dave-El: This? On my blog? Don't be ridiculous! How could I get a blog post out of this?

Randie: So this is not going on your blog? 

Dave-El: Nah, never gonna happen.  

------end prologue

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Day One



Ellen Chambers had been through another long hard day at the 911 call center. In other words, Ellen Chambers had been through another normal day in the 911 call center. She had routed dozens of calls to the police, the fire department, emergency medical teams and 1 call to wildlife control. 

Ellen's day was about over. She would take one last call and call it a day. But that one last call would shake Ellen Chambers to her core and change her life. 

Forever. 

"911. What is the nature of your emergency?" Ellen said with a calm but professional demeanor.

At first there was no sound. Ellen asked again, "911, how can I help you?" 

Then she heard a strange gasping sound. Was someone having trouble breathing?

Ellen pressed on again: "You've reached 911. Are you having a medical emer--" 

Then the caller spoke. A shiver went down Ellen's spine as she heard a voice filled with dread.  

"Oh my God! There's so much mayonnaise!!!"

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Tomorrow:




Day Two



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But before you go, some non-mayonnaise related nonsense.













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And now....this!





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Thanks for dropping by. Until next time, remember to be good to one another.

Oh, if you really, really can't stand this stupidity, Doctor Who stuff is coming in 6 days.

Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You

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