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*+/- 2 point margin of error
It's time to be
This week, bROkEN nEWs is brought to you by...
bROkEN nEWs swings for the fences in 5...
#BrokenNews “Few Americans Feel Personally Affected By Conflict With ISIS” We’re OK as long as everything’s all NBIMBY: No Beheadings In My Back Yard
|President Obama is miffed over another|
Secret Service security lapse.
Somehow Joe Biden got in.
#BrokenNews "Obama Rode Elevator With Armed Ex-Convict In Latest Secret Service Slip-Up" The guy was wearing a t-shirt that read, "Kiss Me! I'm an Armed Ex-Convict!".
#BrokenNews "Secret Service Director Resigns Amid White House Intruder Scandal" She was a bit confused: "Wait! The Secret Service is supposed to stop EVERYBODY? That's a lot of pressure!"
#BrokenNews "Pierson Wanted To Run Secret Service 'Like Disney World'" Which I guess explains the goofy behavior of the Secret Service.
#BrokenNews "GOPers Seize On Ebola Fears To Hit Obama" Didja know ebola is caused by Benghazi? It's true!
#BrokenNews “Obama Predicts Democrats Will Hold The Senate In November” Which pretty much promises the GOP will take control of the Senate.
And speaking of the Senate races, Alison Grimes, running for US Senator in Kentucky, picks up a very important endorsement.
#BrokenNews "Ferguson Cops Are Still Locking Up Protesters, Even In Broad Daylight" Well, it IS kind of their thing now and the tourists seem to love it.#BrokenNews “How Ferguson Is Stifling Journalism With Insanely High Fees” Journalists retaliate by making the newspaper word jumble even harder.
|Cosplayers invade Syria.|
#BrokenNews "Gun Control Groups Prepare For Battle With NRA"Just a friendly reminder, gun control groups: the NRA is armed.
Let me review this late night e-mail from Germany. Sorry, my German's a bit rusty.
Hallo, ihr bastarde ficken.
I believe he's saying "Hello, bastards." Er, excuse me, "fucking bastards".
Es ist nach Mitternacht, und ich habe ein paar Dinge, die ich sagen möchte.
It's after midnight and he has some things he wants to share with the group.
Ja, ich habe getrunken, aber das ist nicht deine verdammte Geschäft.
It looks like he's admitting he has been drinking but that's not important.
Ich möchte nur, dass Sie alle wissen, dass Sie diese Scheiße Beschäftigung nehmen und ihn zu schieben Sie Ihr verdammten Ärsche.
Apparently he's tired of working there. Really tired of it.
Carol, wenn Ihre Fotze wurde Kribbeln, ist, dass Herpes du Schlampe.
He may have given someone named Carol herpes.
Und Bob der selben Sie.
Sie alle können in die Hölle zu gehen und mir egal.
He says everyone can go to hell.
And he signs off with "Fuck you".
Yeah, that's not pretty, is it?
|"'Til death do us what now?!"|
#BrokenNews "You've Been Organizing Your Fridge All Wrong" All right then, where exactly in the fridge is the best place to store human heads?
#BrokenNews “We're All Secretly Psychopaths” Secretly?
"If You Want Great Sex, Think Like a Lesbian" OK, I've put on some K D Lang. Now what?
"Are School Uniforms Ever A Good Idea?" I suppose it depends on the-
|Yes. Yes, they are.*|
*OK, the joke was to find a photo of a hot female person in a sexy school girl outfit and then come out in favor of school uniforms. Well, this was the best pic I can find of a sexy school girl ensemble that didn't involve odd body contortions showing off graphicly exposed hoo-hahs. Or of Britney Spears from the "Whoops! I Did It Again" heyday of her "career". Either way, I didn't want to violate my "no skanks" rule here at bROkEN nEWs.
So this outfit is almost user friendly as an actual school uniform except for the skirt being a bit too short. And the knee socks. Look, if a school uniform was supposed to come with thigh high boots...OK, that's just weird. Anyway, knee socks, yeah, they're just socks, "keeping your feet warm". Right.
And maybe I'm just getting to old for this sort of thing but my first thought looking at this model is, "God, she really needs to eat something."
Well that brings another edition of bROkEN nEWs staggering across home plate.
I hope you've enjoyed today's bROkEN nEWs. However, if there was any part of today's post that you found troubling or offensive, I implore you to make this known to the bROkEN nEWs complaint department.
Who's monitoring the complaint desk today?
Yes, a river otter.
Because river otters are cool, that's why.
Tomorrow and Sunday is another double helping of Doctor Who Weekend.
- Saturday: We're half way through Series 8. How are things shaping up so far?
- Sunday: A review of the new Doctor Who episode, Kill the Moon