Sunday, March 17, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor#2

Hello again!

As I mentioned last week, continuing economic tough times have required me to seek commercial sponsorship for my blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, in order to keep bringing you high quality entertainment whatever the hell it is I do here.
So once more we present another text commerical from American Glory! American Glory: providing a host of insurance possibilities for all sorts of weird shit.


PERSON 1: Wow! You look really tired.

PERSON 2: Yeah, rough night.

PERSON 1: You look like you didn’t sleep at all last night.

PERSON 2: Not…a…wink.

PERSON 1: Hmm!

PERSON 1: [After a pause.] Alien abduction again?

PERSON 2: Yeah, man!

PERSON 1: Wow, that's like, what, the fourth time this month?

PERSON 2: Fifth!

PERSON 1: Whoa! You really should get some alien abduction insurance.

PERSON 2:I’ve got some, but they always reject my claim.

PERSON 1: Really?

PERSON 2: Last time, they said they don't cover abductions by the Hawkmen of Thanagar if they are on Earth in the month of December.

PERSON 1: Oh, Hawkmen are so full of themselves.

PERSON 2 (sarcastically): Oh, look at us, we have wings and can fly and we have helmets with wings on ‘em.

PERSON 1: Now Cepholopods are truly scary.

PERSON 2: They got me before!

PERSON 1: Really?

PERSON 2: Yeah! They kept me a in vat of lemon pudding and took out my spleen!

PERSON 1: Ouch!

PERSON 2: And guess what happened when I filed a claim on alien abduction insurance?

PERSON 1: What?

PERSON 2: Rejected!

PERSON 1: Get outta town!

PERSON 2: Yeah! They said I have an exclusion for coverage against the Cepholopods of Venus!

PERSON 1: That's not right. You should get your alien abduction insurance where I get mine: American Glory!

PERSON 2: American Glory?

ANNOUNCER [Enters]: That's right, American Glory!

PERSON 2: Alien!

PERSON 1: No, dude, just an announcer!

PERSON 2: Whew!

ANNOUNCER: When you’re walking thru the woods at 2 in the morning after a hard night of partying and you see that ominous green glow in the tree tops and hear that sinister otherworldly whine, rest assured that American Glory covers all abductions commited by all alien life forms: Hawkmen, Cepholopods, Cardassians, Wakka Wakkas from the planet Fozzie, even the Bug Blatter Beasts of Thrall!

PERSON 2: Cool!

PERSON 1: Told ya!

ANNOUNCER: For as little as $5 a month, American Glory will be there to help you when the little green men come for you.

PERSON 1: A lot of ‘em are gray, actually.

ANNOUNCER: Green, grey, whatever. So remember American Glory!

[Weird alien sound effect goes off behind PERSON 2.]

PERSON 2 [Turning towards the noise]: Oh no, not again!

ANNOUNCER: Because aliens are everywhere!
Many thanks once again to American Glory. Thanks to their sponsorship, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You can continue presenting top quality entertainment like Downton Abbey fucked up stuff like Sex! Tales of the Strange & the Perverse.

And don't forget I'm also on Twitter at, brought to you by Summer's Eve...For DOGS

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