Sunday, March 10, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor#1


While there may be some improvement in the economy (and Wall Street is certainly feeling gangbusters on the subject), there are still tough times out there. As such, I cannot provide the very somewhat humorous entertainment of this blog without commercial sponsorship. So today I post the first text commercial from our premier blog sponsor. I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You is being brought to you by American Glory!  American Glory: providing a host of insurance possibilities for every inconceivable need.

OLD GUY 1: I tell, ya, being old is a real hassle! I can’t hear….

OLD GUY 2: What?

OLD GUY 1: I said I can’t hear!

OLD GUY 2: You want a beer?

OLD GUY 1: No, I said I can’t HEAR!

OLD GUY 2: A beer would be nice!

OLD GUY 1: Turn on your hearing aid, you old coot! Yeah, getting old’s a real pain I can’t see…

OLD GUY 2: You can’t? Me, I can’t stop going. I’m up all night back and forth to the bathroom….

OLD GUY 1: SEE! I said SEE! I can’t SEE!

OLD GUY 2: Oh yeah! You know what?

OLD GUY 1: What?

OLD GUY 2: Getting old’s a real hassle.

OLD GUY 1: I tell ya, I hate being old.Joints hurt all the time!

OLD GUY 2: I hurt in places I didn’t know I had.

OLD GUY 1: And you know what’s the worse part about being old?

OLD GUY 1 and 2 (together): Whippersnappers!

OLD GUY 1: Oh, I do hate the whippershappers!

OLD GUY 2: What with their modern technology like them “eye pods”. What’s up with that?

OLD GUY 1: What’s wrong with a good old record player?

OLD GUY 2: And those little tiny phones they carry around, call ‘em “cell phones”.

OLD GUY 1: Some of ‘em are so small, you think they swallow ‘em while they’re yap-yap-yapping away all the time.

OLD GUY 2: Oh, they got ‘em now that fit right on their ears.

OLD GUY 1: Yeah, they call it a Blu-Tooth.

OLD GUY 2: Blue Tooth? In my day, you had a blue tooth, it was time to go to the dentist.

OLD GUY 1: Boy, you got that right! And what these whippersnappers with their hip pop culture references! Who can keep track of it all? I don’t know all these TV shows and movies they watch.

OLD GUY 2: And don’t get me started on the so-called music they listen to.

OLD GUY 1: What in the Sam Hill is a Lady Gaga?!?

OLD GUY 2: I got insurance for when I get sick, and insurance for when I die! Why don’t they have insurance against Whippersnappers?

OLD GUY 1:Well, dag nab it, they do! I got a policy thru American Glory insurance that protects me against Whippersnappers!

OLD GUY 2: Really? I'd like one of them myself. But I'm probably too ornery.

OLD GUY 1: Fiddlesticks! American Glory insures you against Whippersnappers with no evidence of prior orneriness.

ANNOUNCER [Entering]: That's right!Awerican Glory can help!

OLD GUY 2 (alarmed): Jumpin’ Jehosphat? Who in tarnation is that?

OLD GUY 1: I’ve seen him on the tee-vee. He does commercials for American Glory!

ANNOUNCER: Whippersnappers thrive in a world with constant advances in smaller and smaller technology and ever changing pop culture. Such a world can be a frightening place. But American Glory is there to protect you against the whippersnappers.

OLD GUY 2: What’s he doing here?

OLD GUY 1: Who’s he talking to?

ANNOUNCER: For as little as $5 a month, American Glory will be there to help you in a world filled with whippershappers!

OLD GUY 1: [Interrupting.] Get off my lawn!

OLD GUY 2: Bet he's a whippersnapper!

ANNOUNCER: Remember American Glory! Because whippersnappers are everywhere!


Many thanks to our sponsor, American Glory. Thanks to their patronage, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You can continue delivering clever high quality material whatever shit I feel like posting. 

And don't forget I'm also on Twitter at, brought to you by Summer's Eve...For MEN!

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