Saturday, March 2, 2013

How to Be Pope-ular: Pope Humor From My Twitter

Nothing like a guy with a straight line to God and a funny hat to bring out fun snarky commentary. Below are #Headlines that I tweeted on February 12th, 2013: 

1.      #Headline "Pope Benedict to step down" spend more time with his family.

2.      #Headline "Cardinal Dolan ‘somber’ over pope’s resignation" He will no longer have the simple joy of secretly calling the pope "Benny Dick"

3.      #Headline "NY archbishop ‘startled’ at pope’s resignation" An aide jumped out from behind a bush & shouted, "Boo! The pope's resigning!"

4.      #Headline "America's new power in picking pope" Maybe an American Idol type thing? Or select the pope using scratch off lottery tickets?

5.      #Headline "Benedict’s legacy clouded by sex-abuse crisis" A shame if that overshadows Pope Benedict's long coaching career & bowl games.

6.      #Headline "Who'll be the next pope?" Isn't it time for a Jewish pope?

That's it for #Headlines Bye, Pope Benedict as we look to a future where a Jedi will take over because Obiwan you're my only pope! #sorry


I decided the Pope is a pretty good gig (except I do like my Sundays off) and so I posted the following wonderings on Twitter on February 12th:

1.      Pope Big Willie

2.      Pope Bernstein ("Bernie" to my homeys)

3.      Pope Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza

4.      Pope Gallifrey

5.      Pope Dunder-Mifflin

6.      Pope Funkmaster

7.      Pope Rock!

8.      Pope Janet

9.      Pope Krzyzewski

10.   Pope Batman

It didn’t take long for names to pop up as potential new Popes. Some were consider a long shot at best so on February 16th, 2013, I tweeted the following:
Now let’s take a look at (cue echo effect) #LongShotForPope! Cardinal Sean O'Malle of Boston is a #LongShotForPope but he's not the only one.

1.      Oprah Winfrey

2.      Mitt Romney

3.      William Shatner

4.      Sean Penn

5.      St. Louis Cardinals mascot Buschie the Rally Squirrel

6.      Ted Nugent

7.      Oscar Pistorius

8.      Jesse Jackson Jr

9.      Elmo   

10.   Spongebob Squarepants ("He lives in a Vatican under the sea!")
I felt compelled to comment on this #Headline on February 21st, 2013

#Headline "Boston's sandal-wearing cardinal gets papal buzz" from drinking too many papal martinis.
And the day before Pope Benedict flew off in his helicopter (The Whirly Pope), I tweeted these bits of business from February 28th:  
1.      His jewell encrusted "Taking Care of Business" belt
2.      When he crooned, "The Way You Look Tonight"
3.      He could rock the Axe Body Spray
4.      He loved to bob for apples or heretics if he was feeling silly.
5.      Poker nights..but let me say it was a dick move to bring in the Big Guy to help with your cards, Benny!
6.      He loved being called "Benny"
7.      He could turn a frown upside down by having cardinals hold sad people by their ankles over the balcony.
8.      The way he snorted when he laughed at pedophile jokes
9.      The way he made spaghetti in his Pope hat
10.   Popping wheelies in the Popemobile!

I guess I should go on record to say I am not Catholic so the whole hierarchy of Pope, Cardinal, Bishops, Time Lords and the Q Continuum leaves me a bit perplexed. Suffice to say, I would not make a good Pope. I would probably lead Mass with a reciting of the Green Lantern Oath. (I would, however, at least make it in Latin.)
Hey, if you’re reading this blog for the first time, you might want to get to know me better. Let’s find out what makes me mad! That’s coming up later on the blog.

And you can follow me on Twitter @

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