Did we not learn anything from Bambi?!
It's not safe in the meadow.
But sometimes you just have to venture out onto the meadow.
For the first time in over a year, the whole family left the confines of the Fortress of Ineptitude Sunday evening to go out onto the meadow as it were.
The three of us sat down for dinner in a restaurant.
The occasion was to celebrate my birthday.
The opportunity was for my daughter Randie to kill me.
More on that later.
Although restaurants in North Carolina have been open for awhile now, my wife Andrea absolutely refused to eat out in one until she was vaccinated.
I would go out to make curbside pick ups for dinner and I would see people entering with masks on, seated at tables far apart from each other, tables being frequently cleaned.
And Andrea would not hear of it.
Well, all three of us are vaccinated now and it's my birthday dammit so let's bust outta this cage and fly!
We ended our exile from restaurant dining with Olive Garden.
Yeah, I know we could've done better.
Well, to be honest, I did not have a drop dead preference for my birthday dinner while Andrea and Randie like Olive Garden so why not?
Besides, it was a perfect opportunity for Randie to kill me.
More on that in a moment.
We arrived at Olive Garden and we were seated immediately with the closest people more than 6 feet away. We wore our masks until our drinks were served.
Our waiter was a young man named Wendall who was extremely professional and polite. We could not have asked for a nicer person to be our waiter for our first dining excursion in over a year.
When informed this dinner was for my birthday, Wendall informed me I would get a free dessert. My lasagna classico was delicious and it was also roughly the size of a car battery. I ate half, opting the bring the rest home.
Then Randie put her evil plan to kill me into motion.
For my free dessert, she suggested the chocolate lasagna.
Layers of chocolate covered in chocolate and drizzled with chocolate.
It seemed to be a bit much for me but Randie smiled sweetly and promised to help me eat it.
OK, why the hell not? I ordered the chocolate lasagna.
Damn, it's a lot of chocolate!
Even with help, I should've stopped but Randie kept urging me on, saying we could finish this together.
I don't know if the medical books have something called "chocolate shock syndrome" but I may have come down with it.
I felt chocolate ooze into my heart. I felt precious brain cells subsumed by chocolate. I was one with a chocolate universe.
I had survived a pandemic for over a year and I was going to be killed by chocolate lasagna.
Sometimes it's not safe on the meadow.
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