The Big Store (1941) was announced as the last Marx Brothers film.
But Groucho, Chico and Harpo did reunite for A Night in Casablanca (1946) and Love Happy (1949) because according to Groucho, Chico needed the money.
For this week's Cinema Sunday, I am posting about what was truly the last film to feature Groucho, Chico and Harpo.
And oh dear Lord, it is so bad.
Let me introduce you to The Story of Mankind.
In this 1957 fantasy film, it is revealed that scientists have created "Super H-bomb", a weapon of exceedingly awful and terrible power that will wipe out the human race.
A "High Tribunal" in "The Great Court of Outer Space" convenes to decide if divine intervention is called for to stop the "Super H Bob" and save humanity.
For the defense of humanity is the Spirit of Man played by Ronald Colman who looks vaguely embarrassed by the whole thing.
For the prosecution, it's the devil himself, Mr. Scratch as he's called here, portrayed with suave and sparkling wit by Vincent Price who after several horror films to his credit has zero shame about any of this.
Just from the casting alone, it seems the odds are not in humanity's favor.
Indeed, as various vignettes over the course of human history are presented, some showing mankind as petty, vindictive and violent and others showing mankind as, eh, you know, they're not really that bad, it is clear that Mr. Scratch is making the better case for the human race to be blown up real good.
It being the 1950s, there is some good old fashion white washing of human history as the Spirit of Man touts the exploration of Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America as an achievement of humanity deserving of praise.
Mr. Scratch makes the very compelling counter argument that Columbus's "discovery" of America wasn't all that good of a deal for the Native Americans already living there.
Which is where Groucho Marx comes in. He plays the European trader who takes Manhattan for the price of some baubles and trinkets. Spouting anachronistic dialogue about the stock market, Groucho kicks dirt all over the fourth wall.
The Marx Brothers do not share a scene together in this film. Chico has a blink and you'll miss it cameo as Columbus's cousin and Harpo has a bit of an extended sequence as Isaac Newton playing a harp (of course) while apples keep pounding his noggin until he finally realizes the gravity of his situation.
The Story of Mankind marks the first time the Marx Brothers ever appeared in Technicolor and the last time all three appeared in the same movie.
It was also the final film for Ronald Colman who, I presume, died of embarrassment.
Mr. Scratch and the Spirit of Man continue to volley their case back and forth.
Mr. Scratch: People are bad.
Spirit of Man: Oh, people are not so bad.
Mr. Scratch: I have specific examples.
Spirit of Man: I have a vague counter argument.
Mr. Scratch: Slavery!
Spirit of Man: Well............. fuck!
Maybe director Irwin Allen meant for The Story of Mankind to be some kind of optimistic glowing ode to the achievements of mankind but damn, Vincent Price is chewing on the scenery like it's a honey glazed Easter ham and the case doesn't look good for humanity.
Then the "High Tribunal" of "The Great Court of Outer Space" come up with some weak ass reasoning to call the whole thing a draw.
God this is a bad movie.
What the hell is Dennis Hopper doing here as Napoleon? Peter Lorre looks lost as Nero and Hedy Lamarr lacks gravitas as Joan of Arc commanding her troops. And Agnes Moorehead as Queen Elizabeth I is just irritable.
And Irwin Allen pads the film with a shit ton of stock footage from other movies. The Story of Mankind is filled with lots of war but why pay to film it when Cecil B DeMille and John Ford already have?
The "High Tribunal" of "The Great Court of Outer Space" may choose to hedge its bets but I'm giving The Story of Mankind a verdict of guilty for crimes against cinema.
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