DON’T DO DRUGS!

Newsmax anchor Greg Kelly last week took to Twitter to warn us all of the perils of doing drugs. 

“SMOKING WEED (aka GRASS) is NOT a good idea. I’ve tried it (back in the day) and it was WORSE than anything that happened to HUNTER BIDEN. I ‘toked up’ with some buddies in Kentucky and woke up 4 days later in Nairobi, Kenya. With no idea what happened. DON’T DO DRUGS.”

OK, a LOT to unpack here.  I like the breaking news that weed is also known as grass. 

But why stop there? I like to think that I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You can be educational. Kids, here are other words to be aware of if you want to score avoid weed.  

• Hemp
• Magic Dragon
• Hash 
• Herb
• Mary Jane 
• Doobie
• Doobage 
• Ganja 
• Bud 
• Pot
• Chronic 
• Devil's Lettuce 

Greg Kelly maintains his conservative street cred by sticking it to Hunter Biden while confessing to his dalliance with "toking" up. 

But dude, if you toked up in Kentucky and wake up 4 days later in Nairobi, Kenya, you were doing something stronger than weed. 

And it seems that the effects may not have completely worn off.

Back in February, Greg Kelly had this meltdown over a fish sandwich. 

"I just went to a MACDONALD’S and there was no MCFISH on the menu.  When the hell did that happen? Is it permanently banned? Or is just my ‘local’ MACDONALD’S. I demanded to see the ‘manager’ but they accused me of being a ‘MALE KAREN’ so i walked out.”

Greg, dude, you gotta chill. 

There was never a sandwich called the McFish. McDonald's fish sandwich is called a Filet-O-Fish.

And sometime the Filet O'Fish is not on the menu, such as during breakfast hours. 

It seems there is other evidence that Greg's drug use "back in the day" may still be affecting his senses.  

In January, Greg Kelly said this: “These don’t look like Trump supporters. Trump supporters don’t do these things.”

Kelly said of the insurrectionists carrying “Make America Great Again” flags and wearing Trump paraphernalia.

But going back to Greg's anti-drug message, perhaps you need to hear that message from someone more clear headed.

Speaking out against substance abuse is Dwayne Stomp of Blacktooth.

Remember to be good to one another and when you drink and drive, do drugs.

Or not.

Or something.

Dave-El reporting from Nairobi, Kenya.

(How the hell did I get here?)