Donald Trump wants to rename the Department of Defense the Department of War.
He thinks it'll scare our enemies if our planes, tanks and soldiers come from the Department of War instead of Defense.
Well, it's unnerving our allies.
Almost everyone in NATO: "Is that motherfucker wanting to START a war?"
And it's causing some anxiety for some of us here at home.
When threatening to send troops to Chicago, Trump said "They're going to find out why it's called the Department of WAR!"
Well, that's all right then!
So he sat down at his Play-Skool Li'l President's Desk and signed an executive order to make it so.
Except that's not how that works.
It takes an act of Congress to change the name of the Department of Defense.
I'm sure that ass kisser Mike Johnson's cobbling together that legislation right now.
That hasn't stopped Pete Hegseth from having the word "Defense" stripped from the walls of the Pentagon and replaced with "War".
And he's already changed the sign on his door and his stationary from Secretary of Defense to Secretary of War.
It's only a matter of time before Hegseth starts to rethink that title in lieu of something tougher.
"Secretary? I'm no female woman of the opposite sex in a tight skirt and high heels fetching coffee. I'm a MAN, baby!"
So Pete mulls other titles.
- Man of War
- He-Man of War
- Macho He-Man of War
- Mucho Hombre of War (No, wait! Too Mexican!)
- Big Honcho of War
- Big Kahuna of War
- Warmeister of War
- Dude of War
- Dude-Bro of War
- War Dude War Bro of War
- Hulk of War
- Capybara of War (nah, just fucking with you)
- Lion of War
- Tiger of War
- Bear of War
- Lion, Tiger, Bear of War (Oh my!)
- Gandalf of War (for the nerds in the Pentagon)
- Goatfucker of War
- War Guy of War
- Big Dick of War
- Super Penis of War
- Ultimate Warrior of Ultimate War
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