Iran So Far Away

Pop Quiz! 

Match the gauldy patter to the belligerent bully.

No peeking at the answer key. Let's have fun with this, guys!

That "hedgehog/porcupine" threat is a good one! I need to use that one myself sometime.

So....

Li' Donnie, watcha doing with that whole war excursion thingy over in Iran?

There's a ceasefire I think?

But we're still gonna kick the shit out of 'em.... I think?

I'm not sure what to think but that's OK! Donald Trump doesn't seem to be sure either.   

You know, I'm just gonna let Dave Columbo explain it to you.

So yeah, that clears everything up just fine.

So all y'all liberal snowflakes can just shut the fuck up, you crazy bastards. 

Last week der Führer threatened the Iranian people with genocide.

Yes, the FIFA Cup Peace Prize winner threatened to end the entire civilization of Iran if they did not capitulate to his demands to reopen the Strait of Hormuz. 

The same waterway that Trump says we really don't care about because we have our own oil. 

The same strait that Li'l Donnie says we don't need anyone's help with but  he's still pissed that NATO did not help us solve the problem we created by starting a war they were not consulted on. 

The ceasefire has not stopped Trump from bellowing his belligerent threats to obliterate Iran's military,

You know, the same military that the Dumpster Trumpster* said was already obliterated at the start of this alleged "excursion".

*I'm not sure about this nickname but still trying to make it work.

My wife Andrea (along with the rest of the world) is worried this is going to lead to World War III.

Me, I'm thinking this is great! We're overdue for a good ol' World War.  The last one was fucking awesome.

World War II gave us the best movies, the best songs, the best villains!  (Nazis! I hate Nazis!!) America kicked some serious ass in WWII!  AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!!!

Now WWIII is shaping up a bit different. It seems the United States might be on the bad guy side this time? We kind of did start this and I gotta admit, that's a bit awkward. 

And the script is a bit lacking.

WWII: FDR "We have nothing to fear but fear itself!"

WWIII: DJT "Open the fuckin strait, you crazy bastards or you'll be living in HELL!" 

OH, you don't think I should be making light of the potential that Donald Trump is pushing us into World War III? 

Well, you know what I have to say to that?

If you start throwing hedgehogs under me, I shall throw a couple of porcupines under you! 

So there!  

Did that line work? I so wanted the "hedgehog/porcupine" thing to work.

Apparently peace talks between the United States and Iran reached a bit of a impasse.

Iran: Please stop bombing us.

United States: But we have lots of bombs and want to use them.

Reportedly the sticking point for Iran is their access to and use of nuclear power. Iran says they don't want a nuclear bomb but thinks they should have access to uranium for a nuclear power plant.  

The counterpoint from America is no, we don't trust Iran with any uranium for any reason. No trust, no 'ranium.

Iran's counter to that is to point out the last time they agreed to not have a nuclear bomb and did not in fact have a nuclear bomb, the motherfucker who is President now was President then and it was that guy who tore up the agreement that Iran was abiding by but that idiot felt like Iran was cheating somehow.  So not a lot of trust on the other side of the fence.

So Trump is all giddy over the prospect of bombing more shit in Iran. 

Look, we got a lot of bombs. Would be kind of a shame not to use them. 

Finishing up today's post is a musical parady of the 1980's hit song by A Flock of Seagull, "(I Ran) So Far Away".

Update on this mess: Li'l Donnie has sent warships into the Strait of Hormuz and now we're gonna block it or something?

If you start throwing hedgehogs under me, I shall throw a couple of porcupines under you!

Yeah, guys, I don't think this expression is gonna catch on.

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And we're back later this morning with a 2nd post of a more positive nature as we wax nostalgic over last week's mission to the moon.