Is This A Pigeon?

No, it is NOT a pigeon.

And no, this is not much of a blog post either.

What's on my mind? 

Well, the fat fuck in the White House pisses me off on a regular basis. The Washington Post reports that Trump recently crossed a significant threshold, telling 10,000 lies since taking office. This should matter. But it doesn't. 

Less of a political bent and more in the arena of pop culture, Netflix has pissed me off by cancelling Santa Clarita Diet after three seasons.  Let me say that Santa Clarita Diet is the single funniest show on TV today. Is this my opinion? No, it is a stone cold fact and if you disagree, well, you are entitled to your incredibly wrong perspective. 

I haven't read Heroes In Crisis#8 yet but I'm hearing I'm going to hate it. I'll probably catch up on my comic book purchases while I'm at Acme Comics this Saturday for Free Comic Book Day. So I got that to look forward to.   




NO, IT'S A BUTTERFLY, YOU MORON!!!

I've Got Them Post Avengers: Endgame Blues

So much of my energy was all wrapped up in anticipation of seeing Avengers: Endgame.

So I've seen the damned thing. I've looked upon it and declared it good.

OK.

Now what? 

I've got them post Avengers: Endgame blues.

What should have my attention next?  

Spider-Man: Far From Home? Maybe.

Doctor Who: Series 12? Could be. 

Stranger Things, Season 3? Possibly.  

Until I figure out what to hang my fanboy hat on next, let me poke around at some of the kibbles and bits of Avengers: Endgame. Maybe that will help me cope.  

Unlike yesterday's post, I will be more specific about things and SPOILERS will ensue. 

WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!

I WILL BE PONTIFICATING ON SPECIFIC PLOT POINTS AND THE ENDING OF AVENGERS: ENDGAME!
THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!

WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!

OK, at this point, if you don't wanna know shit about Avengers: Endgame and you're still reading, that's on you.

ONE LAST TIME!

WARNING!

And now we're off! 

Captain Marvel
Not that she is called that. Yet. 

As you may recall from the mid-credit scene of Captain Marvel, the Avengers are keeping an eye on Nick Fury's pager when Carol Danvers suddenly appears. 

What happened next? 

We don't find that out in Endgame. Carol's first appearance is when she rescues Tony Stark and Nebula from their dead ship in outer space. 

One may presume that after introductions were made, someone noted that some of their people (Tony, Dr. Strange and Spider-Man) were heading off to space and Carol pops up to look for them. 

Leaving the Capt. Marvel credit scene out of it and picking up where Endgame begins, it almost looks like Carol, on her way back to Earth, finds Tony & Nebula floating in space. Her  bringing the space ship to Earth at the Avengers compound almost looks like her introduction to everybody.  

Since it's established that Thanos' finger snap makes Earth the epicenter of a major cosmic event, one can imagine we don't need Fury's pager to summon Carol back to Earth. 

Oh no! Are the post credit scenes in MCU movies completely extraneous? 

And when will Carol Danvers ever get to be called Captain Marvel? 

Well, we do get to see Carol whallop the shit out of Thanos and when he tries to punch, his fist lands with a hollow thud as Carol does not flinch. 

Carol is so badass! 

Also Carol gets a haircut. 

Time Travel
Pretty much everyone guessed from the moments immediately following the end of Infinity War that time travel would factor into the denouement of the Avengers battle against Thanos.

Well, it did. But exactly how? To that end, I will invoke the strategy of Doctor Who.

Step One: Promise to explain later.
Step Two: Don't. 

To their credit, our Avengers do address the inherent contradictions of using time travel to solve their Thanos problem. They lay down the ground rules of what they're going to do and how they're going to do it. And then...

I'm pretty sure the rule book gets shredded. 

Here's the thing with ANY story involving time travel. It's best to not ask too many questions. And if anyone does ask any questions, invoke the following two steps: 

Step One: Promise to explain later.
Step Two: Don't. 

Things get really wibbly-wobbly when still alive Thanos in the past discovers the Avengers of the future are travelling back in time to undo what he hasn't done yet. 

Confused? 

Step One: Promise to explain later.
Step Two: Don't. 

The Time Jump
The first act of the movie is not really that long. The Avengers pull together to venture forth into space and in short order, find Thanos and then Thor cuts his damn head off.

Fade to black and graphic: Five Years Later

The time jump does serve the purpose of showing that Earth has still not quite come to terms with losing half of its population. A scene with Steve Rogers with a therapy group reveals that people are still struggling to move on with their lives. 

Acceptance and moving on are not easily explored options, even after five years. 

But some have moved on. Tony and Pepper have made a baby and living an idyllic life in a cabin. In the shadow of ultimate of tragedy, Tony Stark has a life he does not want to lose.

Clint Barton, his family snapped out of existence as shown in a heart breaking prologue, has taken his frustrations out on the criminals of the world, wielding a sword to shed a lot of not so innocent blood.  In the shadow of ultimate of tragedy, the former Hawkeye has a lot of sins to account for.  

So when an opportunity presents itself in the form of a miraculously returned Scott Lang with access to time travel, Tony doesn't see an opportunity, he sees a risk to losing all he holds dear.  Clint sees a desperate last chance to regain his family even though he's not sure with all the death at his hands, he deserves such a miracle. 

With a time jump, any solutions to undo what Thanos has done with time travel becomes trickier to navigate. 

And what about the consequences of success? 

No one talks about that in the movie but what happens with billions of people, 5 years gone, suddenly reappear in the world? What about jobs and housing? No matter the difficulties people have had moving on, one cannot expect the status quo prior to Thanos to be instantly restored. What about that? 

Step One: Promise to explain later.
Step Two: Don't. 

Also, since the events of Infinity War happen in 2018, the five year jump puts the present day of the MCU in the year 2023.

Is that really a thing? 

Step One: Promise to explain later.
Step Two: Don't. 

Sacrifice
There is death in this movie. 

To get to the soul stone for the 2nd time... er, the first time (man, time travel), a sacrifice must be made. In Infinity War, Thanos sacrifices Gamora. Now, the same choice is presented to Natasha and Clint who fight each other to see who gets thrown over the cliff. Natasha thinks it should be Natasha and Clint thinks it should be Clint. 

Black Widow... wins? 

It appears that when the cosmic re-set snap is engaged (thank you, Hulk-Bruce!), everyone who got dusted by Thanos gets brought back. Bruce later says he tried to include Natasha in that group but it didn't work. Apparently, any deaths that occurred independent of any Infinity Gauntlet snapping are not reversible.  

Natasha Romanoff is not the only loss for the Avengers. In the big epic throwdown with Thanos and his alien murder horde and the restored multitude of restored heroes post the cosmic re-set snap, Thanos looks to get his hands on all six of the Infinity Stones that the Avengers have helpfully gathered for him. Thanos has learned from his future self's mistake. He's not going to snap out half of all life throughout the universe. 

No, he's gonna kill the whole damn thing and start over with a new universe that's appropriately grateful to Thanos. 

When it looks like that Thanos has gotten the stones and is about to follow through on his threat, he proclaims "I am INEVITABLE!" Then he's shocked to find the stones not in his possession. 

Nope, they are embedded in Tony's armor. Tony replies, "I am Iron Man!" and SNAP!

Thanos and his alien murder horde are reduced to dust. 

Using the Infinity Stones in unison is more than a mere mortal than bear.  

Tony Stark is dead.

The moment was not unexpected. It was still nonetheless heartbreaking. 

They Lived Happily Ever After
Iron Man was not the only Avenger to exit. Captain America is also gone but gets a different ending. He gets to live the life he always wanted.

Charged with returning the Infinity Stones to their original locations in time, Steve Rogers takes on the mission but doesn't return as planned. 

Then Sam Wilson sees an elderly man on a nearby bench. It's Steve Rogers. 

After finishing the mission of returning the stones, Steve made one last trip to the past where he finally got that dance with Peggy Carter. They got married and lived their lives. 

Steve has come back to to this moment to give something to Sam: the Captain America shield.  

There are all sorts of implications that throughout the MCU timeline, Steve Rogers was there in two places at once and if you're having trouble reconciling all of that...

Step One: Promise to explain later.
Step Two: Don't. 

Avengers: Endgame

So the fam ventured forth from the Fortress of Ineptitude to see Avengers: Endgame. 

You are NOT going to believe this but the internet was right: 

Ant-Man flew up Thanos' butt and enlarged to giant sized!

I KNOW, right? 

OK, I'm kidding, I'm kidding! 

Here's how Avengers: Endgame went down.

Written and illustrated by Nick Perks

Wait a minute! Really!

No, not really.

So what pray tell does happen in Avengers: Endgame?

The answer? A lot happens in Avengers: Endgame!

I could give you some kind of plot recap but it would just be a rote recitation of events that could not capture the heart of this amazing film. 

And it is an amazing film. 

Yes, it's three freakin' hours long but I didn't honestly feel it. I would be hard pressed to say what if anything would be cut from this film.  

So no formal recap but here's a breakdown on the structure of the movie. It's kind of spoilerish so there's that.  

The team finds out where Thanos is and hops into outer space on a mission of revenge. Thanos is dealt with but all our problems left from Thano's finger snap remain: half of all living things in the universe is gone.

Next up is a time jump that finds that even with a passage of time, people on Earth are still not coping well with half of the population being reduced to dust. It's kind of a sad world, all in all, devoid of hope. Then Scott Lang, Ant-Man is own damn self, shows up with some crazy ass time travel shit he's picked up from the quantum realm. Suddenly, there is a glimmer, however faint, of some hope. 

Next up: TIME TRAVEL!!!! Things get a little wonky here as various Avengers intersect with events from the first Avengers film from 2012, Thor: The Dark World and the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie. It's the epitome of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey but it's a lot of fun watching all these pieces in motion. One spoiler: Captain America has to kick Captain America's ass. As future Steve Rogers says, "You've gotta be shitting me." (I know, Steve's swearing now!) 

The final act is a big, knock down epic showdown with anyone who has ever been in a Marvel movie showing up.  

Then there is the epilogue, moments to take stock of the world, to celebrate those we've regained, to look forward to new adventures and new challenges and to mourn those who made valiant sacrifices to get to the end. And one poignant, bittersweet goodbye to close out the film.  

There is way too much to talk about in this movie. If I were to document every funny scene, every super dramatic moment, every call back, ever cool cameo, I would be writing this all day.  

Avengers: Endgame does bring the Marvel Cinematic Universe to a definitive denouement but also lays the ground work for much more to come.  

Like Infinity War, you may feel emotionally spent coming out of Endgame. 

But it's a good kind of tired.  

Island Whirl

Our visit to Nags Head was intended to be short one, just an overnight stay to say, “Hey, we’ve been to the Outer Banks!” Of course that plan was based on the idea that we were just going to “pop over” from Greenville since the Outer Banks were “in the neighborhood”.  Given how long it took to get there, maybe we should’ve spent more time. 

Nags Head has a lot of commercial retail development but it’s not overwhelmed with neon like say Myrtle Beach, SC. Most of the housing along the ocean side or the bay side are colorful wooden cottages that evoke a more rustic time when the island was accessible only by boat or ferry instead of ridiculously long and anxiety inducing bridges.

I wish I could say we had dinner at a local establishment to partake of locally caught and prepared seafood. But we were too tired from our journey to be experimental with our dining options so we wound up having steak at an Outback.

We were running late leaving our hotel for dinner because Andrea wanted to see James Holzhauer win Jeopardy. 

Again. 

After dinner, we took a walk on the beach. As I noted, there’s a lot less glare coming off of Nags Head compared to more overly commercialized beaches so the night sky over the dark and roaring Atlantic was a beautiful star dappled sight. 

The next morning, we took advantage of the hotel’s free breakfast. A few years ago while having breakfast in a Comfort Inn in Ormand Beach, FL, I observed that the persons keeping the breakfast food supplied were German. I overheard a conversation between a cook and a guest and the cook spoke of how he and his wife has moved from Germany to settle in the United States.

Just a few months ago at a Comfort Inn in Asheville, NC, I noticed the proprietor of the free breakfast spoke with a German accent.  

Now here we are at a Comfort Inn in Nags Head, hanging off the edge of the North American continent on a strip of sand, and the woman running the free brqakfast operation was speaking with a German accent.

What’s up with that?

By the way, today’s post is brought to you by Comfort Inn. 

Badda Book! Badda Boom!

After breakfast and checking out of our hotel, we ventured a few blocks down the road to visit Jennette's Pier.

Aerial view of Jennette's Pier

The pier extends out several yards out into the Atlantic. We took our time, walked a bit, find a bench, sit and watch the ocean. After several minutes of basking in the warm sun and the gentle cool breeze, we would finally get up and repeat the process: walk a bit, find a bench, sit, watch the ocean.

Andrea and Randie contemplate the ocean

It was the most relaxing experience I’ve ever had at a beach anywhere.

Then as we slowly made our way closer to the culmination of our pier walk, that’s when we saw… the dolphins!

OH MY GOD!!! WE SAW DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!

There was a whole school (Pod? Squad? Gang? Fam?) of dolphins (DOLPHINS!!!) swimming a few feet away from the end of the pier, gently swimming through the ebb and flow of the waves. I could hear their distinctive chirping sounds as they swam past.

And then another group of dolphins came by. 

OH MY GOD!!! WE SAW MORE DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!

I also saw a big sunfish.

It was a wonderfully pleasant time on Jennette's Pier and it was a shame it had to end but we were exposed to the wind and sun with no sunscreen and it was getting on time for lunch.

Randie posing on a turtle statue outside the pier entrance

This time we would experiment.

There was a restaurant called Miller’s that overlooked the water on the bay side of the island.  We sat at a table in the bar with a view of the sound. I would’ve enjoyed the experience more if the music hadn’t been so loud. But that’s a post for another day. I had a crab cake sandwich that was pretty good and some onion rings that were fried up really well. I like onion rings but they tend to be a bit too greasy for my tastes so I generally avoid them. But this time, I took a chance. These onion rings were crispy and tasty with no greasiness.  Andrea had fish with a lemon sauce that she said was quite tasty.  The fish was covered in a bread coating that included nuts which precluded Randie from eating it. So Randie decided to try … buffalo shrimp.

Ooh boy.

I don’t think Randie has ever had a buffalo…. anything. I tried to warn her. It’s gonna be spicy.

Ha! Randie laughs in the face of spicy!

She sniffs tentatively at a buffalo shrimp as it glowed with a preternatural orange aura, throbbing with unearthly heat. 

Randie contemplates the buffalo shrimp

She eats one. And that is as far as it got.

The waitress was cool about it and didn’t charge for the shrimp.

Which was good because it was expensive enough without it. My crab cake sandwich was good but not that good.

Next we ventured south of Nags Head to see a lighthouse. Andrea wanted to see a lighthouse.

Oh look! There’s one now: the Bodie Island Light Station!  

A view of the Bodie Island lighthouse from the wooden walkway that traverses the nearby marsh

Andrea and I with our aching knees decided to forego the adventure but Randie took the challenge and climbed to the top of the lighthouse.  

A rare group photo of the fam thanks to
a friendly handy dandy park ranger

I am fairly certain that's Randie up on the left looking down
from her perch atop the Bodie Island lighthouse

It was a very pleasant and enjoyable experience at the Bodie Island Light Station but the day was winding down and it was time to return to home to the Fortress of Ineptitude, a mere 5.5 hour drive away.  

I would like to return to the Outer Banks again for a longer stay and explore more of the island.  

Even if I have to cross those bridges again.  
________________________________

Yes, Avengers: Endgame is coming. 

Our tickets have been purchased (with reserved seating no less) and we're venturing forth from the Fortress of Ineptitude this very afternoon.

I will endeavor to have a report on it tomorrow. 
\

A Tale of Three Bridges

“I took a plane from Harlan TX to Lubbock because my manager doesn’t own a globe.”
Ron White

When we planned our trip to visit Randie’s future college home, I thought, “while we’re in the neighborhood, why not do a quick pop over to the Outer Banks?” 


Although a lifelong resident of North Carolina, I’m never been to the Outer Banks and neither had my wife Andrea nor our daughter.  It’s a three hour drive to Randie’s new school. Why turn around and drive that3 hour trek right back when we had a chance to see a part of the state we had never been to.   So it seemed like a good idea that while we’re in the neighborhood, let’s go visit the Outer Banks.  


I got a hotel reservation in Nags Head which is on the Outer Banks. Then it occurred to me. Actually how close is Randie’s school to Nags Head. It shouldn’t be far. On the map, it looks to be  in the neighborhood.  

A quick query of Google Maps told me that the distance from the school to Nags Head was a 2.5 hour trip.

So much for “in the neighborhood”. This was not going to be a quick pop over to the Outer Banks.


So after a 3 hour drive from the Fortress of Ineptitude to Randie’s school and after a 2 hour walking tour of the school, it was time to pile back in the car for an additional 2.5 hours of driving to get to Nags Head.

We were committed to this journey because I can’t read a map.

We hooked up with US Highway 64 heading east. There’s not a lot to see on this leg of the trip. Lots and lots of trees and marshland. And apparently a lot of bugs. The windshield of our car was a kaleidoscope of splattered bug guts that our windshield wipers could not clear off. 

Then came the bridges. I fear bridges. My anxiety stirs up thoughts like “What if my car stalls on this bridge?” “What if I have a seizure on this bridge?” “How low was the lowest bid to build this bridge?” 


On this journey to the Outer Banks, I had three long bridges to tease and torment all my anxieties regarding bridges. 


The first was across the Alligator River.

Close up photo of the choppy waters of the Alligator River

Google Earth image of Hwy 64 crossing the Alligator River

A few things about that. This stretch of US 64 is two lanes as is the bridge that crosses this river. This very narrow, low to the water bridge crossing a river that is more like an ocean.


I found the experience nerve racking. I’m gripping both hands on the wheel, staring straight ahead at the long narrow ribbon of bridge that stretched interminably into the distance as the Alligator Ocean…I mean, the Alligator River splashed mere feet below us as I mumbled to myself over and over and over, “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”

My passengers said unhelpful things like, “I think I saw an alligator!”

Seconds passed into minutes passed into days as eventually we reached the other side of the Alligator River bridge.

Then US 64 became a 4 lane highway as we approached the 2^nd bridge. I didn’t have the anxiety induced by an extremely narrow bridge but this one was longer and it curved. In the middle of the water, the bridge goes in a different direction. And then it climbs into sky.

“Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”

Crossing the Croatan Sound

Then we approached the Roanoke Sound, the body of water separating mainland North Carolina from the off shore strip of land known as the Outer Banks. 

Another really long bridge, curving through the water, cresting high into the sky. 

I can't believe I had to drive across this thing!

By this point, my anxiety over bridges had taken quite a beating.  Gripping both hands on the wheel, staring straight ahead, I said, “Bring it on.”

And thus we navigated another perilously long bridge that deposited us in Nags Head, NC.

Tomorrow’s post. Some stuff that happened to us on the island.

Meanwhile, yes, Avengers: Endgame is coming. We have our tickets for Saturday afternoon and I plan to have a post about that on Sunday. 

Time Moving In the Right Order

Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly. In the right order. 

--The Doctor

The thing about birthdays is that it reminds you that time is moving in the right order which is forward. Fast or slow, time’s forward march is inevitable. We can fuss, fume, complain and bargain but time will move on. 

Another reminder of time’s forward movement is my daughter. It seems not so long ago that Andrea and I first brought her home from the hospital, so small and so dependent on us. Oh how we loved her so.

Today she’s tall, independent, obstinate and thinks she’s know more than we do. And we still love her. 

18 and half years ago, Randie came into our lives. She set up shop here at the Fortress of Ineptitude like she owned the place. In a few months, she will be elsewhere.

In little more than a month, she will be graduating from high school. Two months after that, she will venture forth 3 hours to the east to attend college.

This seems too soon to be happening. This can’t be right.

But it is right. Time moves forward in the right order. Earlier this week, Andrea and I joined Randie for a visit to her new and future college home. It seems like a nice place with amenities that we did not have when Andrea and I were in college. 

I watched as Miranda chatted with our tour guide, bursting with questions and energy. She’s eager for this new journey to begin. I know she has her fears and worries about the future but I will say she’s in a far better position to face that future than I was when I was her age.

I’m reluctant to let her go. But time moves forward. Time is moving in the right order.

It's My Birthday, Dammit!

Hello there!

 

Welcome to I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a Teen Titans Go blog in an Avengers internet.

 

I’m Dave-El, the Kryptonian name of David Long and today is my birthday. I’m going to be 56 damn years old and right now, I’m feeling every damn second of it.

 

I’m not a fan of birthdays, especially my own.

 

So here are some other reasons to celebrate April 24^th.

 

It’s Concord Day in Niger which I suppose is a celebration Concord grape jam.

 

Democracy Day  is what they call today in Nepal. I am admittedly not up to speed on the political situation in Nepal so I’m not sure if this is a day of celebration (“Yay! We have democracy!”) or mourning (“Remember when we used to have democracy?”) or wistfulness (“You know, some democracy would be nice. Maybe one day.”) 

 

Kapyong Day is today in Australia and in Canada. “Kapyong!” is the sound made by a boomerang striking a maple doughnut. 

 

It’s also National Panchayati Raj Day in India. So if you’re in India, be sure to enjoy some Panchayati Raj today. 

 

And it’s Republic Day in Gambia. It does not sound like a get down and party sort of day. 

 

And it’s World Day for Laboratory Animals. Be mindful of laboratory mice who are trying to take over the world.

 

And it’s my birthday.

 

Dammit!

Tomorrow's My Birthday

Tomorrow is indeed my birthday and I am NOT finally getting old.

I've been there for awhile.

Everything hurts. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to sit down. 

If I want to shift from one side to the other while I'm lying in bed, it hurts to roll over.  

It seems like I have to pee... a LOT!

I think NCIS looks interesting.  

Age, it is said, is a state of mind. 

Judging by the state of my mind, I'm pushing 100.

Now, you whippersnappers, get off my lawn!

Here is the MARVIN comic strip without my name badly inserted.