Granted I had to abscond pretty damn far and meet up with Dean in Raleigh because he's too good to come to Greensboro to see his mother and father here at home and what are we, chopped liver or something and when did I turn into a cranky old Jewish person?
Anyway, it's father/son time at the movies and away we go!
Sorry, but I have to be honest about my assessment of this movie.
Deadpool and Wolverine is a MESS, a constant stream of bloody over the top violence punctuated by endless vulgarity and sex jokes for the purpose of endless fatuous fanservice to pit Deadpool against and/or with Wolverine in conjunction with gratuitous cameos for a nonsense plot to prevent a space-time shattering kaboom with glowy CGI and a bombastic soundtrack.
Wow! That seems... harsh!
Maybe I should try to be more positive.
So here goes!
Deadpool and Wolverine is a MESS, a constant stream of bloody over the top violence punctuated by endless vulgarity and sex jokes for the purpose of endless fatuous fanservice to pit Deadpool against and/or with Wolverine in conjunction with gratuitous cameos for a nonsense plot to prevent a space-time shattering kaboom with glowy CGI and a bombastic soundtrack.
I mean, COME ON!
I can't criticize a movie for actually delivering what we wanted!
Deadpool and Wolverine was a lot of fun!
No, scratch that.
Fucking Deadpool and Wolverine was a fucking lot of fucking fun!
(The limit on the word "fuck" before a movie becomes "R" rated is 2. This movies earns it's "R" in mere seconds.)
(Side note: for a movie in it's 6th week of release, the theater was fairly full. Deadpool and Wolverine was the #1 movie last weekend.)
But how can there be "and Wolverine" when he's dead? In the 2017 film Logan, our erstwhile Wolverine dies saving Laura (X23) from bad guys.
Which poses a problem for Wade Wilson and his world. According to Mr. Paradox of the TVA, Time Variance Authority (yep, it's those fuckers from the Loki TV series), Logan was an "anchor being" whose death is unraveling the time line/universe/whatever Deadpool lives in.
Deadpool doesn't like that outcome. Everyone Wade Wilson knows and loves will die so he snatches up a TVA TempPad and goes looking for an answer.
Wade Wilson wants to make sure that Wolverine is dead-dead so he starts with Logan's grave.
Which Deadpool approaches with all due solemnity and respect and...
Fuck that! He desecrates the shit out of Logan's grave!
And the beats the unholy shit out of TVA agents using Logan's shiny adamantium bones!!
So it's off into the multiverse to find a timeline where Wolverine is still alive.
Deadpool brings back a Logan (in a comics accurate yellow and blue Wolverine costume!) but Paradox consigns them both to the Void!
It's here we get into some really weird shit!
Do you think Marvel really wants you to remember they made a Daredevil movie with Ben Affleck back in 2003? Well, they did and here to remind you is Jennifer ("What's in your wallet?") Garner as Elektra!
And Wesley Snipes from the Blade trilogy as the titular vampire hunter!
And as the X-Men's Gambit, it's Channing Tatum from....
Well, nothing really. Jesus! It's been almost a decade or more of various people trying to get an X-Men movie off the ground featuring Channing frickin' Tatum as Gambit! Well, fan boys and fan girls, you finally got 'im.
And speaking in Gambit's patented French Cajun patois, you can't fucking understand 'im.
The biggest unexpected cameo comes when Chris Evans shows up!
Deadpool is psyched! He knows what's coming!
But to paraphrase Madisynn from She-Hulk: Attorney At Law, "It's not who you think!"
We do NOT get an "Avengers Assemble."
Nope, we get "FLAME ON!"
Evans is back as Johnny Storm, the Human Torch from the Fantastic Four movies from 2005 & 2007!
(I've watched parts of those movies and yeah, they seemed to have been made on a TV budget but what I've seen, I liked them OK.)
Anyway, to get out of the Void, Deadpool and Wolverine need to deal with the person who rules this desolate nether region of despair, Charles Xavier's twin sister, Cassandra Nova.
(Baldness runs in the family. So does psychokinesis and telepathy.)
We also get an army of near infinite Deadpools.
And Nova goes all bat shit crazy to destroy all the timelines leaving only the Void.
And Wolverine needs to die to stop it!
Or Deadpool needs to die to stop it!
Or what if there is a third option?
(We might need to leave these guys alive for a sequel.)
Don't think all the insanity is at the cost of any character development. We actually do care about Wade Wilson's quest to be a better man, to be worthy of the people who love and care about him, to do something that matters.
I'm not crying, you're crying, no, you shut up!
Yes, Deadpool and Wolverine is a MESS and I'm not going to try to make sense of it or keep track of everything going on and really, do I need to?
Deadpool and Wolverine is all sorts of balls to the walls total fucked crazy and what more do we need than that.
Well, maybe Dean could visit his mom and dad more?
But otherwise we're cool.
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