My apologies. This is the first of two (yep,count 'em ---2!) posts about Donald Trump fuckery.
And their both kind of long. Sorry about that.
The 2nd post is about a wide range of fuckery.
This 1st one is about how Trump fucked up his war.
Last week passed with an interminably shifting narrative about the United States' war with Iran.
- A ceasefire agreement was a comin'.
- A ceasefire agreement was all but done.
- Iran is gonna make a deal.
- Iran is gonna give us everything we want.
I'm writing this on a Saturday to post on Monday.
Maybe by Monday, some of that may come true.
But I doubt it.
Even as all those declarations were being made about war's end and we're on the cusp of peace, Iran and the United States were still taking pot shots are one another.
Donald Trump was still making grandiose threats against Iran and boasting of American might.
So far the United States' war with Iran remains intractable.
Because the truth of the matter is that it isn't the United States' war with Iran.
It's Donald Trump's war with Iran.
It was HIS idea to start this war.
OK, after Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu convinved him it was a good idea. Netanyahu has been bitching and whining for YEARS that Iran was close to having a nuclear weapon any minute now.
Most United States government officials said Netanyahu's warnings lacked credibility. But in Li'l Donnie, Netanyahu found quite the useful idiot. Because Netanyahu's desire for war with Iran fit in with in der Führer's own delusional narrative.
- Obama made a BAD deal.
- Iran was cheating.
- Iran is gonna have a nuclear weapon any minute now.
Let's go down THAT list.
- The deal was BAD only because Obama made it and Trump was determined to dismantle anything Obama did, whether it was working or not.
- And it was working. Iran was not cheating and there were multiple resources on the ground confirming Iran's compliance with the deal to not make a nuclear weapon. These reports were given to Trump who refuted their veracity because of der Führer's deeply held philosophy of "Obama BAD! Iran CHEAT! Hulk SMASH!"
- Even without the deal, there as been NO verifiable intelligence that Iran was ever gonna have a nuclear weapon any minute now. Without the deal, Iran was certainly ramping up their uranium enrichment program with an eye on developing a weapon. But the immediacy of any such endeavor is in doubt.
But here we are at war with Iran because der Führer felt like Iran was up to shit.
Trump was recently asked if he had a plan for Iran. His response: "My plan is simple: Iran doesn't get a nuclear weapon."
So Mr. Big Shot Businessman doesn't understand what a PLAN is. "Iran doesn't get a nuclear weapon" is a GOAL, not a PLAN.
A plan is a process or steps taken to acheive a goal.
Which brings us to our next point.
It was HIS premise that all we had to do was show up.
Donald Trump is enamored with being Commander in Chief of a kick ass military force that he can unleash on his say so.
Li'l Donnie has an appointed lackey, the so called Secretary of WAR, who is likewise all hyped up about leading the biggest, most baddass leathal fighting force built for WAR fighting.
Instead of a cold sober hand at the controls to provide calm, reasoned guidance, the Pentagon has in Pete Hegseth a goddam cheerleader for American to KICK ASS on der Führer's order.
Donald Trump: "I WANT WAR!!"
Pete Hegseth: "OH HELL YEAH!!"
It's a drunken fraternity bro trying desperately to make his daddy proud.
Hegseth is more interested in running a HYPE machine instead of a WAR machine because it's the HYPE that his daddy wants to hear!
WE ARE GREAT!
THE ENEMY SUCKS!
And it doesn't help that Hegseth's HYPE machine runs on the snakeoil of devine destiny. Peter offers up public prayers for God to guide us as we deliver death and destruction to our enemies.
WE ARE GREAT!
THE ENEMY SUCKS!
GOD SAYS SO!
So Trump and his snivelling syncophant Hegseth are all jacked up on their own super charged war rhetoric that with our massive all powerful expensive military might, we would unleash hell on Iran and the Iranians would fall quivering to their knees begging us to accept their surrender.
It was HIS belief that the Iranians would not pose a threat.
As a habitual bully, Donald Trump does seem to be genuinely surprised when other people fight back. Working from the baseline of we're bigger, stronger and have more stuff, why would anyone fight back?
Point of order #1: In 1776, the British army was bigger, stronger and had more stuff. And we said, "Well, fuck it! We think we like the King after all."
Point of order #2: We did not do that.
So it's 2026 and the United States is bigger, stronger and has more stuff and Iran is bleeding, broken and on fire.
Iran looks for an option to fight back. What isn't bleeding, broken and on fire?
Hey guys! Why don't we fuck with the Strait of Hormuz? Yeah the Americans have more stuff but now it will cost more!
Trump seemed really gobsmacked this was a thing that could happen. Even among his own syncophants, someone apparently did try to warn der Führer that Iran closing the Strait was an option but he was all "But we're bigger, badder and have more stuff so that won't happen."
Essentially we're in this mess because Donald Trump bought his own hype.
And just like everything Trump buys, we're overpaying for it.
Sorry gang but we're up again in 4 hours with more Trumpian bullshit.
Or you can time travel to Tuesday for TWO Tuesday TV Touchbase posts with the series finale of Hacks and Taylor Tomlinson does stand up in a church.
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