OK, there are
TOO MANY people running for the Democratic nomination for President.
Who are these people and should they really be running for President?
If I don't know who you are, the answer is NO!
Let's take a look at this horde of contenders.
Let's start with this group:
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE AND THEY SHOULD STOP RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
These guys are polling so low and so far off the radar, really, they are just embarrassing themselves.
Michael Bennet, US senator
Steve Bullock, Governor
John Delaney, former US rep
Wayne Messam, Mayor
Seth Moulton, US rep
Joe Sestak, former US rep
Ivanka Trump...wait! How the hell did she get in there?
Boy, she just gets into everything, don't she?
Up next:
I DO KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE AND THEY SHOULD STOP RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
These candidates are also polling at rediculously low, almost non-existent numbers but have managed to carve out some level of awareness in my brain and usually not for a good reason.
Bill de Blasio, Mayor
Bill’s the Mayor of New York City. NYC does not like Bill de Blasio. Why should the rest of the country? We don’t need another rich guy trying to buy his way into the Presidency of the United States.
Tulsi Gabbard, US rep
Tulsi kept waffling on whether or not to launch a campaign to run for President. Then she decided on a whim go for it, catching her staff completely off guard. Does this sound like anyone we know? I don’t know much more about Tulsi Gabbard than that but that is no way to make a good first impression.
Kirsten Gillibrand, US senator
Which is a shame because Sen. Gillibrand is whip smart, tough and doesn’t take any bullshit from anyone. A year or two back, she was the talk of the Democratic Party but I think the heat is off Kirsten’s brand. And she can’t quite seem to get it back.
John Hickenlooper, former Governor
I caught an interview with Hickenlooper a few years ago and he’s a sensible guy with sensible policies. But dude, it’s not your time. You’re cabinet material, maybe. I’m thinking Agriculture.
Jay Inslee, Governor
Inslee’s big issue is climate change. Dealing with climate change is important. But it appears to be Inslee’s only campaign issue. Single issue candidates, no matter how important that issue, are not going to go far.
Amy Klobuchar, US senator
Amy caught fire a bit during the Brett Kavanaugh hearings last fall but it’s not enough to sustain a campaign for President.
Beto O'Rourke, former US rep
Oh my God! So much fuss for so little that is actually there. Beto talks a good fight and he looks good doing it. But actually listen to him and you realize he’s got nothing. He’s the perfect packaging for a political candidate but the box is empty.
Tim Ryan, US rep
OK, to be blunt, the only reason I know who Tim Ryan is that his “deer caught in the headlights” expression throughout the Democratic debate was such potent comedy fodder for Seth Meyer’s Closer Look segment.
Eric Swalwell, US rep
Yes, we know Joe Biden is OLD. Your snide, snarky way of bringing that up at the debate just made you look like a dick.
Marianne Williamson, Author
She’s going to fight Trump with LOVE, y’all!
Andrew Yang, Entrepreneur
Dude has one signature policy: he wants to guarantee everyone gets a $1,000 a month. When asked about it at the debate, he seemed confused by the question.
This next batch have fairly decent poll numbers and have carved out a pretty strong state of awareness and generally are not considered to be total embarrassments.
That's not to say they should be President but at this stage, out of 24 candidates, their candidacies are not complete long shots or outright jokes.
Joe Biden, former vice president
I don’t want to seem ageist or whatever but Joe Biden is OLD and quite frankly, we don’t need to replace one OLD dude with another OLD dude. Granted, Joe is an OLD dude who can usually speak in coherent sentences so he would be a vast improvement over the OLD dude we’re looking to replace. But I think we need to be looking and moving forward. And I think that is best facilitated by a younger candidate with new ideas.
Still, Biden continues poll well, has strong name recognition and is considered a strong contender to defeat Donald Trump next fall. I think Biden is not going to go the distance but for now, he's still in the game.
Cory Booker, US senator
I don’t know what to make of Sen. Booker. He has an energy, a level of passion that makes him an appealing candidate. But he seems at time more sizzle than steak. Cory needs to make a more pronounced case for why he wants to be President.
While Booker is a bit of a blank slate, there’s no denying his passion and energy. I think he can find his groove and develop a stronger case for his candidacy.
Pete Buttigieg, Mayor
I like Pete. He’s smart and he has military street cred. He knows his stuff and sounds like a well informed candidate. But I think Pete is a bit too young and is still learning how to navigate the more knotty complexities in politics. The recent police shooting of a black man in South Bend where Buttigieg is mayor underscores his lack of experience. He has the smarts, he has the compassion but I think he needs a bit more seasoning before moving on to the White House.
And let’s be blunt: a gay candidate at the top of the Democratic ticket? You think the evangelicals are sucking hard on Trump’s tiny dick now….geez!
Yes, Pete Buttigieg is too young and still has a lot to learn. But I’ve been impressed by both the candidate and his campaign so far. I’m interested to see how far he can go.
Julian Castro, former HUD secretary
Castro was once considered a rising star in the Democratic Party. But his time at HUD under Obama consigned him to the background and he’s not really been much of a presence since then. As a Presidential candidate, Castro was fading into the background but his star turn at the 1st Democratic debate raised his profile. He may have a shot at this, particularly if he can shut down the other candidate from Texas.
He has the experience and the drive. If he can get past the massive horde running for President, I think he can make an effective candidate.
Kamala Harris, US senator
Sen. Harris showed she was not afraid to mix it up with Joe Biden at the Democratic debate. A former prosecutor, Harris is smart and tough and should not be underestimated.
I don't know a lot about Kamala Harris beyond her strong showing in the debate and times I've seen her show her steely resolve in Senate hearings. I think it's enough to show she is a serious candidate for President.
Bernie Sanders, US senator
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie. Dude, you had your shot. Yes, you’re OLD but worse, your whole act is OLD. In 2016, we had some laughs. In 2019, the whole Grumpy Bernie schtick is just sad, more than anything.
Yes, he’s OLD and well past his sell by date but his poll numbers are strong and enough people still like him. I don't think Sanders has the wind at his back like he did in 2016 but he's still a contender for now.
Elizabeth Warren, US senator
At the debate, Warren was asked if she had a plan for dealing with Mitch McConnell. She leaned in, staring hard into the camera and said emphatically, “Yes, I do.” And she just held the camera’s gaze for a full beat, her eyes clear and bright with the cold fire of someone who is prepared to ram a cactus up McConnell’s ass. If she can have more moments like this, she’s got this thing in the bag.
So out of a circus of 24 clowns, there are to my thinking only 7 that are at this time serious contenders. The sooner those on the periphery can fall away, the better we can turn our attention to the main goal:
Denying the fucking moron in the White House a second term.
Who are these people and should they really be running for President?
If I don't know who you are, the answer is NO!
Let's take a look at this horde of contenders.
Let's start with this group:
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE AND THEY SHOULD STOP RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
These guys are polling so low and so far off the radar, really, they are just embarrassing themselves.
Michael Bennet, US senator
Steve Bullock, Governor
John Delaney, former US rep
Wayne Messam, Mayor
Seth Moulton, US rep
Joe Sestak, former US rep
Ivanka Trump...wait! How the hell did she get in there?
Boy, she just gets into everything, don't she?
Up next:
I DO KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE AND THEY SHOULD STOP RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
These candidates are also polling at rediculously low, almost non-existent numbers but have managed to carve out some level of awareness in my brain and usually not for a good reason.
Bill de Blasio, Mayor
Bill’s the Mayor of New York City. NYC does not like Bill de Blasio. Why should the rest of the country? We don’t need another rich guy trying to buy his way into the Presidency of the United States.
Tulsi Gabbard, US rep
Tulsi kept waffling on whether or not to launch a campaign to run for President. Then she decided on a whim go for it, catching her staff completely off guard. Does this sound like anyone we know? I don’t know much more about Tulsi Gabbard than that but that is no way to make a good first impression.
Kirsten Gillibrand, US senator
Which is a shame because Sen. Gillibrand is whip smart, tough and doesn’t take any bullshit from anyone. A year or two back, she was the talk of the Democratic Party but I think the heat is off Kirsten’s brand. And she can’t quite seem to get it back.
John Hickenlooper, former Governor
I caught an interview with Hickenlooper a few years ago and he’s a sensible guy with sensible policies. But dude, it’s not your time. You’re cabinet material, maybe. I’m thinking Agriculture.
Jay Inslee, Governor
Inslee’s big issue is climate change. Dealing with climate change is important. But it appears to be Inslee’s only campaign issue. Single issue candidates, no matter how important that issue, are not going to go far.
Amy Klobuchar, US senator
Amy caught fire a bit during the Brett Kavanaugh hearings last fall but it’s not enough to sustain a campaign for President.
Beto O'Rourke, former US rep
Oh my God! So much fuss for so little that is actually there. Beto talks a good fight and he looks good doing it. But actually listen to him and you realize he’s got nothing. He’s the perfect packaging for a political candidate but the box is empty.
Tim Ryan, US rep
OK, to be blunt, the only reason I know who Tim Ryan is that his “deer caught in the headlights” expression throughout the Democratic debate was such potent comedy fodder for Seth Meyer’s Closer Look segment.
Eric Swalwell, US rep
Yes, we know Joe Biden is OLD. Your snide, snarky way of bringing that up at the debate just made you look like a dick.
Marianne Williamson, Author
She’s going to fight Trump with LOVE, y’all!
Andrew Yang, Entrepreneur
Dude has one signature policy: he wants to guarantee everyone gets a $1,000 a month. When asked about it at the debate, he seemed confused by the question.
This next batch have fairly decent poll numbers and have carved out a pretty strong state of awareness and generally are not considered to be total embarrassments.
That's not to say they should be President but at this stage, out of 24 candidates, their candidacies are not complete long shots or outright jokes.
Joe Biden, former vice president
I don’t want to seem ageist or whatever but Joe Biden is OLD and quite frankly, we don’t need to replace one OLD dude with another OLD dude. Granted, Joe is an OLD dude who can usually speak in coherent sentences so he would be a vast improvement over the OLD dude we’re looking to replace. But I think we need to be looking and moving forward. And I think that is best facilitated by a younger candidate with new ideas.
Still, Biden continues poll well, has strong name recognition and is considered a strong contender to defeat Donald Trump next fall. I think Biden is not going to go the distance but for now, he's still in the game.
Cory Booker, US senator
I don’t know what to make of Sen. Booker. He has an energy, a level of passion that makes him an appealing candidate. But he seems at time more sizzle than steak. Cory needs to make a more pronounced case for why he wants to be President.
While Booker is a bit of a blank slate, there’s no denying his passion and energy. I think he can find his groove and develop a stronger case for his candidacy.
Pete Buttigieg, Mayor
I like Pete. He’s smart and he has military street cred. He knows his stuff and sounds like a well informed candidate. But I think Pete is a bit too young and is still learning how to navigate the more knotty complexities in politics. The recent police shooting of a black man in South Bend where Buttigieg is mayor underscores his lack of experience. He has the smarts, he has the compassion but I think he needs a bit more seasoning before moving on to the White House.
And let’s be blunt: a gay candidate at the top of the Democratic ticket? You think the evangelicals are sucking hard on Trump’s tiny dick now….geez!
Yes, Pete Buttigieg is too young and still has a lot to learn. But I’ve been impressed by both the candidate and his campaign so far. I’m interested to see how far he can go.
Julian Castro, former HUD secretary
Castro was once considered a rising star in the Democratic Party. But his time at HUD under Obama consigned him to the background and he’s not really been much of a presence since then. As a Presidential candidate, Castro was fading into the background but his star turn at the 1st Democratic debate raised his profile. He may have a shot at this, particularly if he can shut down the other candidate from Texas.
He has the experience and the drive. If he can get past the massive horde running for President, I think he can make an effective candidate.
Kamala Harris, US senator
Sen. Harris showed she was not afraid to mix it up with Joe Biden at the Democratic debate. A former prosecutor, Harris is smart and tough and should not be underestimated.
I don't know a lot about Kamala Harris beyond her strong showing in the debate and times I've seen her show her steely resolve in Senate hearings. I think it's enough to show she is a serious candidate for President.
Bernie Sanders, US senator
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie. Dude, you had your shot. Yes, you’re OLD but worse, your whole act is OLD. In 2016, we had some laughs. In 2019, the whole Grumpy Bernie schtick is just sad, more than anything.
Yes, he’s OLD and well past his sell by date but his poll numbers are strong and enough people still like him. I don't think Sanders has the wind at his back like he did in 2016 but he's still a contender for now.
Elizabeth Warren, US senator
At the debate, Warren was asked if she had a plan for dealing with Mitch McConnell. She leaned in, staring hard into the camera and said emphatically, “Yes, I do.” And she just held the camera’s gaze for a full beat, her eyes clear and bright with the cold fire of someone who is prepared to ram a cactus up McConnell’s ass. If she can have more moments like this, she’s got this thing in the bag.
So out of a circus of 24 clowns, there are to my thinking only 7 that are at this time serious contenders. The sooner those on the periphery can fall away, the better we can turn our attention to the main goal:
Denying the fucking moron in the White House a second term.
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