Anal Probing

 Today is a bit of a notable one here at the Fortress of Ineptitude. 

Today as well as tomorrow are my first vacation days from work since I began my job in January.  

And what pray tell is the reason for me taking time off from work?

Andrea is going to have a colonoscopy today. 

My wife is already prone to paranoia anyway. So it didn't help matters a few decades back when her dad turned out to have a tumor in his colon. 

Good news is that it was benign and at age 80 today, he is healthier than I ever was at 20. 

The bad news is that Andrea can now claim colon cancer runs in her family which gives her something to be afraid of. 

Andrea will tell you she doesn't like being afraid of everything but I think her life would not be complete if she wasn't worrying about something. 

She's been plotting this colonoscopy for over a year now but the pandemic had other plans. So when she wasn't worrying that COVID-19 might kill her, she was worrying that some undiagnosed colon tumor was plotting its deadly revenge against her. 

And then there's the colonoscopy itself. 

It's not a one day affair. 

It takes planning. 

Andrea has been on some weird ass limited diet since Saturday and Wednesday (yesterday) was nothing but liquids. 

And then today is colonoscopy which I imagine goes something like this.

Andrea is fond of reminding me that as I am older than she is, I over due for my own anal probing  colonoscopy.  

The whole thing is so undignified.

Some poor bastard who is lowest on the medical food chain has to look up your ass for a tumor.

Then if God forbid they find one, someone has to go up your ass AGAIN to get it out.  

And if they don't find anything, great, I have that experience to remember before the inevitable heart attack/dementia kills me anyway.  

Why has 21st century medical science not found a better way to check our colons? 

Well, I hope Andrea does OK with her anal probing  colonoscopy and they don't find anything bad up there.