My Country Evening

Well, howdy, pardners!

 

At the end of yesterday’s post about going to a gay pride parade, I mentioned that later that evening, I attended a country music concert.

 

Well, it was not as incongruous as that might seem as the concert in question featured Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. What I’ve read, both are very open minded people and accepting of all sorts of people, including the gay community.

 

My wife Andrea had scored free tickets where she works so she, I and our daughter Randie made the trek to the Greensboro Coliseum on this particular Saturday night about 2 weeks ago. Once in the coliseum, we made a really steep climb to near the top of the upper deck. It was like climbing a rock face in the Grand Tetons. We were so high up, we could’ve waved in approaching aircraft to the nearby airport. 

 

The opening act was some guy named Steve. We figured that out because “Steve” could be seen on the front of the drum kit. He never introduced himself but after one number, he was talking about how great it as to be back in Greensboro to see old friends. Someone up there in the clouds with us shouted, “Who are you?” Steve was way out of ear shot.

 

Steve and his band put on a pretty solid show with a selection of country songs that I never heard of before but they sounded OK so there’s that.  Then we said goodbye to Steve at which point the alien mothership landed. 

 

Light split the darkness as a clock counted down to the wondrous and magical appearance of Faith Hill and Tim McGraw!

 

The assembled throng of thousands lost its collective mind. OMG! It’s Faith Hill and Tim McGraw!

 

Faith was resplendent in a golden dress. Tim was less resplendent but probably more comfortable in his jeans and cowboy boots. And his HAT!  Isn’t that just typical? The woman gets all dolled up and the man shows up wearing whatever? Is that fair, girls? I don’t think so. 

 

After Faith Hill and Tim McGraw traded off vocals back and forth for a while, Faith took over the show solo. And whoa! Thunder shredded the air and lasers cut what was left of the air into smaller pieces. It was a spectacle with a glittering, smiling and energetic Faith Hill in the middle of a storm of light and sound! Faith was having a good time. The crowd was having a good time. And I didn’t understand a lot of it. 

 

There’s a point where music becomes noise. Songs blaring from King Kong speakers throughout the cavernous coliseum seemed to melt into a wave of pure noise. Now maybe I’m just an old fogey and I want you kids to get off my lawn. Everybody was having a good time.  I was for the most part. Occasionally a lyric or a melody would slip through.  Hey, is that “This Kiss”? Hey, I know that one!!

 

My main problem is one I seem to have in every venue I got to. My tail bone starts hurting. I need to lose weight but apparently none of that extra padding can find its way clear to cushion my heinie.  And then my knees start throbbing. I can only leave my legs in one position for so long before my knees start killing me. And I didn’t have any room to maneuver to take the stress off my knees with people close by all around.  Eventually, I had to get up. I rappelled down the cliff side from my seat and took a little stroll outside in the concourse.  Eventually, my knees and tail bone eased up so I headed back in. I was in no hurry to make that steep climb back to my seat. So I stood for a bit with an usher watching Faith Hill glow like a supernova against a firmament of lesser stars. Then the usher said I couldn’t stand there so I pulled out my rope and grappling hook and headed back to my seat. 

 

We reached the part of the show where Faith Hill sparkled and receded into the darkness as Tim McGraw (and his HAT!) sauntered on stage to carry the show. Tim was loud but the sound seemed less likely to reduce my brain matter into pudding. Tim (and his HAT!) indulged in less spectacle than Faith but nonetheless put on a crowd leasing show.

 

Eventually, Faith Hill reappears wearing a different slinky, shiny dress. Girl, you keep dressing up for this boy and he ain’t doing anything more than jeans and boots. And his HAT!  So Faith and Tim reunite to bring the show to a close.

 

But we’re not done yet. Tim and Faith take turns navigating the fans on the lower level of the coliseum while singing another song. And they triumphantly make their way to the exits.

 

Ad we’re done.

 

No were not. A glowing pattern of light appears above the darkened stage where Faith and Tim (and his HAT!) stare into each other’s eyes and sing about how much they love each other.

 

OK, we get it. Faith and Tim love each other. How much do you love your wife? How much do you love your husband? It doesn't matter! It's not enough! You’ll never love them like Faith and Tim love each other.

 

I mean, they...

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

...each other.

Fine. My existence is cold and loveless compared to the endless burning passion of Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. 

 

Later, in their plush hotel suite, I’m sure Faith and Tim will fall into each other’s eyes and into an infinite pool of loving bliss.  Meanwhile, alone in his beat up tour van, taking a swig from a bottle of beer, Steve is writing another country song about the loneliness of being on the road. 

Meanwhile, after several hours (well, it was a very long time), Andrea, Randie and I extricated ourselves from the coliseum parking lot to return to our home, the Fortress of Ineptitude.