FLASHBACK FRIDAY:The I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy!

Today's Flashback Friday is happening on the last day of 2021. So for today's retro post, we're going back in time to Tuesday, December 31, 2013 which was not on the last day of 2013 but also the last post for this blog's first year.

It was also the blog's 300th post. I used to keep track of that sort of thing. These days, not so much. I think I let post # 3,000 without noticing.   

Let's hop in the TARDIS for a trip 8 years back in time for...

The I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy!

And NOW, from the SUPER SECRET undisclosed location of the DAVE-EL Fortress of Ineptitude, we proudly present...

Brought to you by....

Nicole Kidman Shock Absorbing Bras & Panties! 
 

Vladmir Putin's PARTY PUTINS, the tasty Russian Snack made from BEETS!

ZEKE & ZED'S ZOMBIE ZAPPER ZERVICE!







Ted Cruz Fertilizer!
Made from Premium Bullshit!


Damn Yankee Candle!   


And...
















INCOGNITO!
The fragrance for racist men!


And now here's your host...

The ONE!

The ONLY!

DAVE-EL!!!!!



_____________________________

Thank you! Hi there and welcome to the 300th post at I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's most humble blog ever! Yeah, that's right, y'all! Got some serious humility going on down here! Ain't NO blog more humble than this one! This is the humblest blog of all time, baby!

In honor of this milestone achievement, I'm presenting the I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy with some very special features for today's post with a variety of big name stars taking part in this celebration!

So let's get BIZZAY!! 

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To start the celebration my 300th blog post in style, we are going to present a recitation of Hamlet's soliloquy by that world famous actor of stage, television and screen, SIR PATRICK STEWART!!!!! And joining him will be rap super star JAY-Z!!!!!

Gentlemen, you may proceed.





OK, give it up, y'all, for SIR PATRICK STEWART and JAY-ZEEEEEEEE!!!!!

_____________________________

All right, next up for our 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy , we have an exclusive interview with a figure who has been at the center of a lot of controversy lately. But I have him here today and I won't be pulling any punches.

From A&E's hit reality series, DUCK DYNASTY, please welcome PHIL ROBERTSON!!!

Hello, Mr. Robertson! May I call you Phil?

Okay, then. Mr. Robertson, you've recently made what some regard as some inflammatory statements regarding gays. In light of that, can you tell me: do you have an secret beard grooming tips you would like to share?




All righty then. After your comments about gay people were made public, the A&E cable network suspended you from your show but have recently reversed that position. In response to A&E's actions, I was wondering if those sunglasses are Ray-bans or Wayfarers?




Because those are some wicked shades if I say so myself. Moving on, you have stated that your position on gays stems from your religious faith. On the subject of faith, do you have any favorites for making the Super Bowl this year?




Okay. Well, it might still be too early to predict that. Still, I'm hoping the Carolina Panthers can go all the way. In the aftermath of your comments on gay people, it was also revealed you have made some controversial comments regarding the black community. When it comes to race relations, I was wondering if you saw the Doctor Who Christmas special?



Right. OK. Well, thank you for coming by and being gracious in dealing with these hard hitting questions.

PHIL ROBERTSON of DUCK DYNASTY, everybody!

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Next up to help me celebrate the 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You is a celebrity who knows a bit about amusing suffering in the company of the Griffin family each week on the hit Fox TV series, Family Guy! Please put your hands together for BRIAN GRIFFIN!!!!!

Hey, Brian! How does it feel to be a part of this blog celebration?



Oh, Brian! You are SUCH a kidder!






Family Guy's BRIAN GRIFFIN, everybody! 


_____________________________


Hey, here's a message from the founder of The Huffington Post and the secret love of my life, Arianna Huffington.






Do you know what I love most about you, my dearest Arianna? Your sparkling wit and delectable sense of humor!

_____________________________

This celebration of this 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy is a lot of fun! And I don't want the good times to stop! So let's bring out our next special feature, a dance tribute to the NSA performed by the spectacular RADIO CITY ROCKETTES!!!!

WOOOOO--HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!




Uh oh.

C'mon! I got the Rockettes ready to go and every-




Er, there may have been an, ah, slight miscommunication.

_____________________________

And this has been the 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You!

I want to thank our fine sponsors today:

• Nicole Kidman's Shock Absorbing Bras & Panties!
• Vladmir Putin's Party Putins!
• Ted Cruz Fertilizer!
• Damn Yankee Candle! And...
• Incognito, the Fragrance for Racist Men!

Thank you to my loyal readers (both of you!) May you have a blessed and a Happy New Year!

And until next time...

Be good to one another!

Bye!

_____________________________


The I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy is a production of Dave-El Inc. and I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You Entertainment. The opinions and views expressed in this blog have been given absolutely no serious deliberation whatsoever. The contents of this blog have been formed from a very demented mind with the assistance of a glowing, pulsating goo from outer space and really, if you've read this far, well, it's probably too late and you'll now become part of a mutant zombie army that will enslave the Earth on behalf of the Galaxians of Delta Freon IV.




All hail our benevolent Galaxian overlords! 

FOOLISH MORTAL! IT'S A BLOG POST!!!

I know we're a few days out from Christmas but damn, the Christmas lights are still up outside and a Christmas tree still holds the Fortress of Ineptitude hostage from the living room so...

Damn it! Here's a holiday classic, "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

This is one my favorite things on the internet! 

GALBOR! THE ALL SEEING FLOATING EYE!!!!

For more of GALBOR! THE ALL SEEING FLOATING EYE!!!!

CLICK HERE, PUNY MORTAL!!

By the way, "baby", it is NOT cold outside!! 

It is in fact quite warm outside!!!

I had to turn the air system here at the Fortress of Ineptitude from heat to AC! 

But it's December!!! 

FOOLISH MORTAL!!! THE CALENDAR DECEIVES YOU!!!!!

OK, enough of this foolishness. 

This blog post is over.

...

...

...

...

...

...

FOOLISH MORTAL! MADE YOU LOOK!!!! 

...

...

...

...

...

Seriously dude. This blog post is over.

Remember to be good to one another.   

Shared Neuroses

Among my many hang ups, neuroses and anxieties, I am frequently flummoxed by how what I do might impact other people. I don'r want to hold things up or be in the way. 

I wonder, it it just me? 

A couple of days ago, Ken Levine wrote a post on this blog called just that:  Is It Just Me?   

Here's some of what he wrote:  

"I’m on a flight.  The plane lands.  Everyone is trying to get off.  If I’m up front and have a bag in the overhead compartment, I can not get it out fast enough.  Why?  Because I am aware that this procedure is holding up 150 people, and that drives me CRAZY.  Who am I to inconvenience 150 people?"

 OK, maybe it's not just me. It's just me and Ken Levine.

But in the comments section of this post, others joined in.

"When I come to a traffic light, if I am at the front of the right lane, I try to get over to the next lane so that people behind me can turn right if I am not going to."

"I apologize any time I'm holding up the flow of whatever, and have been known to apologize at a checkout station even if there's no line behind me, which probably takes it to a new level of neurosis!"  

Just last week, I was at an ATM and I felt like my simple transaction was taking too long. It wasn't just impatience but a worry that I was holding up the ATM from someone else using it.

I checked behind me and no one was waiting to use the ATM.

It did not alleviate my worry.

OK, so maybe my obsession with not being in someone else's way borders on a neuroses but at least it's a shared neuroses.

It's a shame it's not shared by more people.

A lot of the sorry state of things in this country and in the world owes to a dearth of awareness of the welfare of others and a single minded fixation on selfish perspectives. 

There are too many people who consider concern for other people to be a detriment, compassion as weakness, courtesy a failing. 

Maybe if more people took time to factor in others in their actions and calculations, the rest of us wouldn't have to be some damned neurotic about it.  

Caesar Yoshua Ferrari's solo music unit "Neuroses".  

Tuesday TV Touchbase: The Year Gone By

 At the beginning of each year when people are asked about their resolutions for the new year, I always have the same smart ass resolution:

"I resolve to watch MORE television."

Well, I'll be damned if this year but I really worked hard on making that come true. 

Here is a recap of just SOME of the MORE television I watched in 2021 starting with some series that frequently defied the usual conventions of TV shows.  

• My wife Andrea and I caught up on the HBO Max series, The Flight Attendant starring Big Bang Theory alum Kaley Cuoco. This series walked a precarious tight rope between drama and comedy. The murder mystery that propels the season 1 narrative is a tangle of black comedy and horrific consequences and Cuoco just nails her role as flight attendant Cassie Bowden, an alcoholic with a fractured psyche. 
• Only Murders In the Building is another series that Andrea and I watched where comedy and drama mingle with a murder mystery propelling three unlikely investigators played by Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez to join forces to solve a murder and launch a true crime podcast about that murder.  
• Comedy and drama collide head on in Kevin Can F**k Himself which I watched with my daughter Randie.  This is a series about a man child named Kevin who lives in a brightly lit sit com world (complete with laugh track) where everything is about him.  But this world shifts to the grim palate of a drama when the focus shifts to his wife Allison who has had enough of Kevin's shit and spends season 1 trying to find a way to kill him. Kevin is, of course, oblivious to Allison's distress or her outright disdain for his shit.  
• Randie and I also follow What We Do In the Shadows which completed it's 3rd season in 2021. While this mockumentary series about vampires just living their life in Staten Island is most assuredly a comedy, it is a show that defies expectations, taking dark and even sinister turns when you least expect it.  

2021 was a big year for Star Trek TV.  

• Andrea and I finally finished catching up on Star Trek: Discovery through season 3. (The currently running season 4, we'll catch up on early in 2022.)  
• And we finished the 2nd season of Star Trek - Lower Decks. Both shows have improved markedly from their initial seasons.  
• And we also sampled Star Trek Prodigy.  While geared towards a younger audience, we both found Prodigy worth our attention with an interesting narrative and lavish animation.  

Under the heading "All good things must end", Andrea and I caught the season finales of both Duck Tales and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.  Series finales are tough things to get right but both shows ended in epic fashion, changing the status quo but also maintaining enough of the structure to imagine that beloved characters will go on having adventures.

Under the heading "Even mediocre things must end", is Supergirl.  This series has been hampered with needlessly complicated storylines that viewers do not give a single damn about. I will concede that the last half hour of the Supergirl finale episode did deliver. Unless you're a Kara/Lena shipper then no.

Elsewhere in the CW's DC super hero shows....

• 2021 saw the debut season of Superman & Lois.  While I was not always on board with the whole teenage angst vibe of Clark and Lois's sons, Jonathan and Jordan, I will give the show credit for doing something unique with the Superman mythos: Clark and Lois with their two teenage sons move TO Smallville. I was a little put off that the new show made no reference to Kara or anyone from Supergirl. Maybe they were juat embarrassed by what was going on over there.  
• Andrea and I followed Batwoman to it's 3rd season. We are still on board with Ryan Wilder as Batwoman and the idea of Mary Hamilton becoming Poison Ivy poses some very interesting ramifications for the series going forward.  But the series has been beset with some muddled plotting and questionable choices.  
• And Andrea and I watched the 2nd season of Stargirl. Eclipso was a seriously dark threat for Courtney and her JSA buddies, forcing everyone to confront dark secrets and their assumptions about life and who is good and what is evil. 

Marvel does TV too and the series on Disney+ have been must see viewing.  

• WandaVision challenged viewers with shifting formats and perspectives, defying any easy labels for what this show was.
• Falcon and the Winter Soldier tread a bit more familiar ground a buddy cop adventure but explored more depth as Sam Wilson is forced to confront the legacy Steve Rogers entrusted to him with the Captain America shield.   
• Loki started off cool and bit wonky but devolved in the end into an expository mess. 
• What If...? was an interesting experiment, an animated series presenting alternatives to what we've seen before in the MCU. The quality did vary a lot between episodes. 
• Hawkeye may be possibly the best of the MCU series on Disney+? More on that in next week's Tuesday TV Touchbase

And there are comic book super heroes not published by DC or Marvel and Amazon had a really good animated series based on the Image series Invincible.  It's the story of a young dude with super powers who just wants to be a super hero like dear old dad. Except dear old dad ain't who he thinks he is. Bright colors and clean animation belies that this is a very violent and bloody series. 

And there are sci-fi series that are not about super heroes or Star Trek. 2021 gave us the 2nd season of Snowpiercer, the series about a frozen, nearly dead Earth.  Mr. Wilford shows up with a second train to challenge Snowpiercer and Andre Layton's control after the revolution of season 1. Wilford is not quite as smart as he likes to think he is but he is sneaky and as sinister as needs to be to undermine Layton and take back Snowpiercer.

As if I did not have enough new TV to watch, I was busy catching up on TV series gone by.

• Gentleman Jack is the extraordinary tale of real life landowner and industrialist Anne Lister (and only quasi secret lesbian) who actively pursue marriage with another woman in 19th century England.  
• The Orville is Seth McFarlane's parody of/love letter to Star Trek. Whatever it's supposed to be, it got better with it's 2nd season.
• I've made it through season 5 of Justified. It's hard to avoid spoilers about a series that ended in 2015 but I've got 1 more season to go to see if I'm right and Boyd Crowder will not get out of Harlan County alive. I think Timothy Olyphant's Raylan Givens will be OK since I've heard word his character may be part of any an upcoming new series based on the work of Elmore Leonard. 
•  And 2021 was the year I finally jumped in the deep end of the pool and began glomming episodes of Gilmore Girls and even making it through the sequel series, A Year in the Life.  Rory's has not done well with her life, now she's pregnant and no, I'm not happy. '

Oh,I almost forgot Young Sheldon.

• Andrea and I are watching Young Sheldon. The show still has it's charms and can be very funny. But with Ian Armitage growing a foot taller over the summer, Young Sheldon is a bit less precocious now. And the storyline teasing the eventual downfall of George Cooper Sr just undermines every bad thing "Old" Sheldon said about him on Big Bang Theory. If George is going to have an affair with neighbor Brenda, it's because Mary pushed him there.  

Games shows are a big thing for Andrea and I.  

• 2021 kicked off the whole guest host circus on Jeopardy, an attention grabbing stunt that I can't help but think Alex Trebek would not have approved of.  Then to have that circus end with producer Mike Richards picking himself for the job? Thank God, this prick got fired! The only good thing about the guest hosts was we discovered just how remarkable Mayam Bialik is at the job. I'm still for Ken Jennings getting this gig on the regular but damn, Mayam is really good too! 
• Wheel of Fortune continues to chug along with Pat Sajak and Vanna White signed on through 2024. But I can't help thinking that their potential successors are already there. I could easily see announcer Jim Thornton taking on the host role with Maggie Sajak turning the letters.  Meanwhile Andrea still wants to watch Celebrity Wheel of Fortune but with it's 2nd season, I think the bloom is off that rose, that whatever energy the producers were hoping to get from celebrities as contestants, this spin off series has kind of already settled into a bit of a rut.  

While reviewing my previous Tuesday TV Touchbase posts to write this entry, I came across this item about the Friends Reunion special on HBO Max which made me cringe: 

"James Michael Tyler who played Gunther pops in a for a lame Zoom call."

This is why people shouldn't say shit if they don't know shit.

Turns out the reason Tyler was relegated to "a lame Zoom call" was because he was sick with cancer and later died this year.  

So I feel really bad about that. 

Anyway, that is some of the TV shows I watched in 2021. 

Looking ahead to 2022, there's a lot more coming up with new episodes of Superman & Lois, Snowpiercer, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Outlander, The Orville, Killing Eve, The Boys, Batwoman, Young Sheldon, the revival of the original Law & Order and more.  

More than enough to write up in future installments of the Tuesday TV Touchbase.

Until next time, remember to be good to one another and try to keep it down in there, would ya? I'm trying to watch a hell of a lot of TV over here. 

Cinema Sunday Classic: RED, RED2 and The Hitman's Bodyguard

Today is Sunday which is when I post Cinema Sunday, my forum for discussing films new and old that I have seen.

Nothing new to report on. I am hoping that I will finally (FINALLY!) get to see Spider-Man: No Way Home today. 

And there's a lot of older movies that I have seen in my time that I could write about here.

Alas, the Christmas holiday season can be a bit of a time suck so no new Cinema Sunday post today.

Allow me to self indulge with a post from nearly 2 years ago, the debut of this Cinema Sunday feature that first posted on Sunday, January 12, 2020.   

It was about 3 movies that I thought were a lot of fun and "stuff blowed up real good".

Cinema Sunday: RED, RED 2 and The Hitman's Bodyguard

Hi there! Today I’m launching a new blog post series called Cinema Sunday.

On occasion, I will post in this blog how I will abscond from the Fortress of Ineptitude to go see whatever recent release is out in movie theaters. 

These posts are not about that.

Cinema Sunday will be posts on movies from my past, movies ranging from my childhood to flicks I’ve stumbled across on cable. 

Today’s post is about 3 movies of a relatively recent vintage and linked by the theme “stuff blowed up real good”. 

Way back in the 1980s, the Canadian sketch comedy show SCTV had a recurring feature called the Farm Film Report, a film review show hosted by two cover-all wearing farmers who would rate movies on a variety of criteria but they’re favorite films were the ones where “stuff blowed up real good”. 

I like movies where “stuff blowed up real good” as much as any red blooded heteronormative male but I prefer “stuff blowed up real good” with a sense of humor.

Which brings us to the first film in today’s post, RED, loosely (very, very loosely) based on the DC comic by Warren Ellis and Cully Hammer.  











RED is a CIA designation for “Retired, Extremely Dangerous”. It is a designation applied to one Frank Moses (Bruce Willis), a retired black-ops agent living alone in Cleveland, Ohio whose favorite activity is calling Sarah Ross (Mary Louise Parker) at the General Services Administration's pension office in Kansas City, Missouri, to report his pension checks haven't arrived.  (Checks Frank tears up to give him an excuse to call and talk to Sarah.)

So, Dave-El, is this some kind of rom-com? When does do we get to “stuff blowed up real good”?

How about now?

One night, a squad of heavily armed black garbed men infiltrate Frank’s house. Frank himself is padding through the house. As a man of a certain age, he had to get up to pee and now wants a snack. He seems oblivious to the hordes of ninja soldiers in his house.

Then in a sudden burst of violence, Frank takes out a ninja soldier. Then another one. Then another. And another. Look, I don’t know exactly how many ninja soldiers are in Frank’s house but whoever sent them did not send enough.

Meanwhile, Frank has left some bullets in a frying pan on a lit stove. Suddenly the house is lit the hell up with gun fire. And the hordes of ninja soldiers lurking outside began shooting up the house.

Stuff blowed up real good!

When it’s all over, all the ninja soldiers are dead or dying, the house is a bullet riddled shambles of something resembling a house and Frank Moses exits with nary a scratch on him.

And with that, RED is off and running. Realizing this hit squad tapped his phone, Frank realizes Sarah will be a target next so it’s off to Kansas City where Frank and Sarah’s first in person meeting does not go all that well.  In order to save her,  Frank snatches Sarah from her home. Sarah’s objections to this action are muffled by the silver duct tape over her mouth. Yep, Frank has to abduct his would-be girlfriend to save her life.  

Don’t worry. These crazy kids will work this out.

I’m not going to give a rote recitation of events through the rest of this movie.  Basically, Frank and the gang wind up in the crosshairs of their own government for something they have no knowledge off and nothing to do with. What draws me to this movie is the collection of characters we meet between bits where “stuff blowed up real good”. 

Like Frank’s former CIA mentor Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman), doing the time in a nursing home waiting for cancer to kill him. Joe likes to pretend he can’t work the TV so one of the nurses will adjust it for him so Joe can ogle her curvaceous backside. An assassin comes for Joe. Joe may be biding his time waiting for cancer to do its work already but he hasn’t made it this far in life for some punk ass kill squad wannabe to take him out.

And there’s the British former wetwork agent Victoria Winslow (Helen Mirren), all polish and sophisticated style with a killer’s edge. She’s supposed to be a former wetwork agent but a girl gets bored sometimes. She still takes on the odd job here and there.

I’m not sure how old Helen Mirren is (in her 70’s I think?) but damn if she isn’t hot in this movie. 

And there’s ex-Russian secret agent Ivan Simanov (Brian Cox), an avuncular character with a lot of kills on his ledger and a song of passion and romance in his heart for Victoria. 

But the most bizarre of Frank’s compatriots is Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich), a cynical and deeply paranoid man. How paranoid is he? He believes the CIA was dosing his coffee every day for years with LSD. The reason Marvin is so paranoid is, as Frank explains to Sarah, the CIA really was dosing Marvin’s coffee every day for years with LSD.  Marvin is living proof of the adage “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean you’re not being followed.”  Marvin is overly cautious, loaded with more weapons than most armies and a crazy sense of proportion and perspective. In one scene, Marvin stares down a missile fired point blank at him from a rocket launcher. Marvin shoots the missile in mid air, causing it to explode, destroying the rocket launcher and the person holding the rocket launcher.

Marvin is the kind of guy who can shoot someone in the head and then calmly expresses a desire for pancakes. “I feel like pancakes. Anybody want pancakes?”  

Marvin's my favorite character. 

And between all these quirky characters, “stuff blowed up real good”.  

In an action adventure film, I’m all for “stuff blowed up real good”.   The more stuff the better. The more blowed up, the better. But I’m too old for mere spectacle. I need humor and heart and RED delivers on that. 

And as a man closer to senior citizen than middle aged, I like the idea of these older actors as older characters playing with bullets and explosions. And having fun doing it.  

Next I want to touch base with RED 2.  If you like RED, you’ll probably like RED 2. 

Basically, Frank and the gang wind up in the crosshairs of their own government for something they have no knowledge off and nothing to do with… again.

Only this time there is a NUCLEAR BOMB!

So RED 2 has that going for it.

Also, RED 2 has Anthony Hopkins going for it, dusting off the crazy Hannibal Lector part of his brain to nibble vigorously on some scenery.

Byung-hun Lee is on hand as Han Cho Bai, an assassin who is so damn good at this job, he can kill while he's stark naked and armed only with a sheet of paper. He's contracted to kill Frank Moses. Frank instead steals Han's private plane.  Which changes killing Frank from Han's job to Han's passion. There's a Wiley Coyote Vs. Road Runner vibe as Hans repeatedly tries and fails to kill Frank Moses.  

David Thewlis has a brief but memorable role as a former agent known as the Frog. He’s called the Frog because he once carried out a hit using the lethal secretions of a deadly poisonous frog.  The Frog also has intel to help Frank and the gang find the NUCLEAR BOMB!  While the rest of the gang is deciding which body part to cut open and dip in some bleach, Sarah opts to seduce the info out of the Frog.

Wow! Our little government call center processor from Kansas City has come a long way in her spy craft.

RED 2 may be derivative of the first film but it’s still a lot of fun. I would not recommend watching them both back to back. Watch RED then let your onions caramelize  awhile then watch the sequel.

RED 2: just as good as the original....

...but with a NUCLEAR BOMB! 

 Our 3^rd film for today’s Cinema Sunday is one I just saw last week on cable, The Hitman’s Bodyguard.

 Here we go!

Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) is on trial in a world court for crimes against humanity in the form of torture and murder in mass quantities. The clock is ticking and there is only one witness who can take him down: Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson). But SHIELDS’s been compromised (“Hail, HYDRA!”) leaving only one man who can get Nick Fury to the world court in time, Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds).

OK, maybe, not quite.

Gary Oldman is Vladislav Dukhovich, a dictator on trial for the torture and murder of his own citizens. Without a witness who can provide proof, this SOB will go free to go back and rule his county again. The only person on Earth with the guts and the balls to stand up to this piece of shit is Darius Kincaid a hitman of international renown with over 200 kills to his name.  

Samuel L Jackson plays Darius Kincaid with the broad bright smile of your best buddy and the intense gaze of a take no shit motherfucker who is going to kill your ass in the next 5 seconds. In other words, Samuel L Jackson doing his best Samuel L Jackson.  Kincaid has considerable skills and intelligence but he’s more of an improv artist, able to size up his environment and the people around him in a moment and adjust his actions accordingly.

Meanwhile, Ryan Reynolds is Michael Bryce, a professional bodyguard who, like Darius Kincaid, has considerable skills and intelligence. But unlike Kincaid, Bryce is more methodical, planning and anticipating contingencies and planning accordingly.  In an opening scene, we see Mike extricating a client from a dangerous situation. The client remarks the rescue seems boring while a number of rapid flashbacks show how much prep work and ass kicking Michael Bryce had to do to make his client’s rescue “boring”. 
 

INTERPOL’s security to get Darius Kincaid to the world court venue is compromised by operatives working for Vladislav Dukhovich.  Stuff gets blowed up real good. The only one to survive from Kinciad’s security detail is Amelia Roussel. She realizes that her team could only be taken down like that with a spy on the inside so she needs to get help from outside. She calls Michael Bryce.

Bryce is NOT HAPPY to take this call.  He was in love with Amelia Roussel but their relationship fell apart when Bryce blamed her for the loss of a client to an assassin’s bullet.

Michael Bryce is even more NOT HAPPY when he sees who she called him to protect. Over the course of their respective careers, the paths of Kincaid and Bryce have crossed. Darius Kincaid has nearly killed him in the past a few times. 

Ultimately, Michael Bryce is convinced to take the case, protect Darius Kincaid and get his ass to the world court. 

Methodical Bryce trying to rein in chaotic Darius Kincaid? Yeah, hilarity can’t help but ensue.

 Jackson and Reynolds make a great team, playing off each other like a 21^st century version of Hope and Crosby but with more explosions and lots more use of the word “shit”.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard is not a great work of art. It can be formulaic as hell. Yes, methodical Michael Bryce will save chaotic Darius Kincaid.  Yes, chaotic Darius Kincaid will save methodical  Michael Bryce. Each will learn from the other. We’ve seen this before.

But Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson elevate the proceedings beyond mere cliche.
 

The Hitman’s Bodyguard is a movie I enjoyed. Why? Because it's funny and stuff blowed up real good.

What more could I ask for?

Songs For Saturday: It's Christmas Day

 

Today is Saturday.

And it's also Christmas Day!!

While you're sifting through all the shredded Christmas wrapping, wondering if you can at least store credit on the really ugly sweater your Aunt Trudy got you while listening to Bing Crosby's White Christmas for the ONE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED SEVENTY THIRD TIME, let today's Songs For Saturday provide an alternative holiday music selection for Christmas. 

One of the perennial classics of the holiday season is "All I Want For Christmas" by Mariah Carey. 

Or by Jean-Luc Picard?

"The Carol of the Bells" is much more fun when it's... unintelligible.

If you were on Santa' naughty list, I hope you at least get sump'in... from Sump'in Claus.

I hope everyone can feel the love and joy of the Christmas season all across the Earth and even into the farthest reaches of space.  Here is Jonathan Coulton with "Merry Christmas From Chiron Beta Prime".   

Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like that beloved yuletide reptile. He's letting all the girls and boys in AND he's holding back the poison, it's Sammy the Christmas Snake! 

Let's wrap this up with a classic take on "White Christmas" by the Drifters.

Merry Christmas to one and all !

Until next time, remember to be good to one another and to always keep the music alive.  

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Balloon Boy (A Sort of Christmas Tale)

Way back in the mists of time (2013) to be exact, my daughter Randie belonged to a Girl Scout troop. 

There was a lot about Randie belonging to a Girl Scout troop that was a real pain in the ass. And yes, I am talking about cookie sales. I dreaded cookie sale time! 

But one of the fun things to do was participating with Randie and the Girl Scouts in Greensboro's annual Christmas parade. 

I would help as a balloon wrangler.  

So let's crank up the ol' TARDIS time rotor and let's go back in time to December 8, 2013 when I shared my tale of my time as.....

Balloon Boy

Hi there! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, now with 40% more helium!

Yesterday, I got to do something pretty cool that I've done on the first Saturday in December for about six years now.  My daughter marches with her Girl Scout troop (Cookie sales start soon! Buy some or else!) in the Greensboro NC Holiday Parade. The parents of the Girl Scouts help guide the balloons that are part of the parade.

I mean really big Macy's-like character balloons. For example, here's the big balloon star of the parade, Dr. Seuss's The Grinch.

 Not bad, huh?

 

 

This year my group of Scout parents were working the Mr. Potato Head balloon. Here's the big spud now! 

And yes, I am in this picture!





Well, that looks like my coat, I was wearing a Santa hat and that was about where I was standing so I'll call that a lock. *

*I'm not always good at spotting myself in these kinds of photos. One time I was determined I found myself in a photo of a crowd only to find out the person I was identifying as me was black. And a woman. (Disclosure: I'm not black. Or a woman.)

If you are wondering why Mr. Potato Head is so low to the ground, this photo was taken right before the parade's reviewing stand which is right by some traffic lights. So any balloons approaching this and a couple of other points along the route have to be brought down low and maneuvered underneath. 





Hey, I think I might be in this photo too!

I swear that is MY foot! 

If you think maneuvering Mr. Potato Head underneath traffic lights and power lines is tricky, lot at what the poor crew working the Grinch has to go through. 

Greensboro's Holiday Parade is a fun family event with more balloons, floats (OK, decorated flatbed trucks and trailers) and bands. And sometimes a little something that is out of the playbook of "weird".




Apparently these unearthly women with their strange powers just levitate themselves as they float inches off the ground. It's a most unusual phenomenon that, quite frankly, deserves some kind of national or even worldwide attention for the extraordinary--

OK, it's been brought to my attention that this is a group of talented but otherwise quite normal dancers caught in mid-jump by the photographer.

So no anti-gravity women?

Sorry, no anti-gravity women.

And what is a Christmas parade without wrapping up with...
The Big Guy!
The Top Dog!
Head Honcho Numero Uno!
The Nickmeister!
The Jolliest of Jolly Old Elves!
The Kringliest of the Kringles!
The---





Shutting up now. Sorry, Santa.

So that was how I spent part of my weekend. It's just a small and fleeting part of a larger spectacle that brings joy to the thousands who throng the streets of Greensboro. But that's OK.

That's showbiz!

___________________________

We're back with a Songs For Saturday post with some offbeat tunes for the yuletide season.

Remember to be good to one another.