The I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy!
And NOW, from the SUPER SECRET undisclosed location of the DAVE-EL Fortress of Ineptitude, we proudly present...
Nicole Kidman Shock Absorbing Bras & Panties!
Vladmir Putin's PARTY PUTINS, the tasty Russian Snack made from BEETS!
ZEKE & ZED'S ZOMBIE ZAPPER ZERVICE!
Ted Cruz Fertilizer!
Made from Premium Bullshit!
Damn Yankee Candle!
The fragrance for racist men!
And now here's your host...
Thank you! Hi there and welcome to the 300th post at I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the internet's most humble blog ever! Yeah, that's right, y'all! Got some serious humility going on down here! Ain't NO blog more humble than this one! This is the humblest blog of all time, baby!
In honor of this milestone achievement, I'm presenting the I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy with some very special features for today's post with a variety of big name stars taking part in this celebration!
So let's get BIZZAY!!
To start the celebration my 300th blog post in style, we are going to present a recitation of Hamlet's soliloquy by that world famous actor of stage, television and screen, SIR PATRICK STEWART!!!!! And joining him will be rap super star JAY-Z!!!!!
Gentlemen, you may proceed.
OK, give it up, y'all, for SIR PATRICK STEWART and JAY-ZEEEEEEEE!!!!!
All right, next up for our 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy , we have an exclusive interview with a figure who has been at the center of a lot of controversy lately. But I have him here today and I won't be pulling any punches.
From A&E's hit reality series, DUCK DYNASTY, please welcome PHIL ROBERTSON!!!
Hello, Mr. Robertson! May I call you Phil?
Okay, then. Mr. Robertson, you've recently made what some regard as some inflammatory statements regarding gays. In light of that, can you tell me: do you have an secret beard grooming tips you would like to share?
All righty then. After your comments about gay people were made public, the A&E cable network suspended you from your show but have recently reversed that position. In response to A&E's actions, I was wondering if those sunglasses are Ray-bans or Wayfarers?
Because those are some wicked shades if I say so myself. Moving on, you have stated that your position on gays stems from your religious faith. On the subject of faith, do you have any favorites for making the Super Bowl this year?
Okay. Well, it might still be too early to predict that. Still, I'm hoping the Carolina Panthers can go all the way. In the aftermath of your comments on gay people, it was also revealed you have made some controversial comments regarding the black community. When it comes to race relations, I was wondering if you saw the Doctor Who Christmas special?
Right. OK. Well, thank you for coming by and being gracious in dealing with these hard hitting questions.
PHIL ROBERTSON of DUCK DYNASTY, everybody!
Next up to help me celebrate the 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You is a celebrity who knows a bit about amusing suffering in the company of the Griffin family each week on the hit Fox TV series, Family Guy! Please put your hands together for BRIAN GRIFFIN!!!!!
Hey, Brian! How does it feel to be a part of this blog celebration?
Oh, Brian! You are SUCH a kidder!
Family Guy's BRIAN GRIFFIN, everybody!
Hey, here's a message from the founder of The Huffington Post and the secret love of my life, Arianna Huffington.
Do you know what I love most about you, my dearest Arianna? Your sparkling wit and delectable sense of humor!
This celebration of this 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy is a lot of fun! And I don't want the good times to stop! So let's bring out our next special feature, a dance tribute to the NSA performed by the spectacular RADIO CITY ROCKETTES!!!!
C'mon! I got the Rockettes ready to go and every-
Er, there may have been an, ah, slight miscommunication.
And this has been the 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You!
I want to thank our fine sponsors today:
- Nicole Kidman's Shock Absorbing Bras & Panties!
- Vladmir Putin's Party Putins!
- Ted Cruz Fertilizer!
- Damn Yankee Candle! And...
- Incognito, the Fragrance for Racist Men!
Thank you to my loyal readers (both of you!) May you have a blessed and a Happy New Year!
And until next time...
Be good to one another!
The I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You 300th Blog Post Super Spectacular Thingy is a production of Dave-El Inc. and I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You Entertainment. The opinions and views expressed in this blog have been given absolutely no serious deliberation whatsoever. The contents of this blog have been formed from a very demented mind with the assistance of a glowing, pulsating goo from outer space and really, if you've read this far, well, it's probably too late and you'll now become part of a mutant zombie army that will enslave the Earth on behalf of the Galaxians of Delta Freon IV.
All hail our benevolent Galaxian overlords!