I stepped outside the Fortress of Ineptitude and noticed the weather was muggy and hot. Hot as hell, I muttered to myself.
Well, it is now June and we are marching closer to summer. Even before global warming, North Carolina was never one to wait to pass the mile post of the first day of summer for the weather to get hot as hell.
It could also be hell visited North Carolina the day before.
In a billow of smoke and brimstone, Donald Trump appeared before the the GOP faithful at the North Carolina GOP convention in Greenville.
Greenville is 3 hours away from the Fortress of Ineptitude but it's too damn close for my liking. I can detect the remnants of sulfur in the hot, muggy air.
By all accounts, Trump riffed through his greatest hits:
The 2020 race was stolen and corrupt.
“The evidence is too voluminous to even mention,” Trump said at one point.
So he didn't mention it.
He insists dead people voted.
Well, at least one dead person did, the deceased mother of Bruce Bartman of Pennsylvania who cast her vote from beyond the veil for Donald Trump. Click here for more about that.
Li'l Donnie claimed “Indians” were paid to vote.
I am assuming he's referring to Native Americans. Unless there's some conspiracy to get Raj Koothrapahli to vote Democratic.
“It was a third world election like we’ve never seen before,” he said.
Look, Li'l Donnie spent 4 years regressing the United States into a third world country. Don't bitch about it if you get an election to match.
Of course Trump had high praise for "audits" in various states and scoffed at the notion that all of this was subversive and problematic for society.
"I'm not the one trying to undermine democracy. I'm the one trying to save it.”
The crowd got on their feet to applaud that line.
Donald Trump is like the arsonist who works for the fire department.
Trump also bragged about his role in developing a corona virus vaccine.
Here was Trump's role in developing a coronavirus vaccine:
Trump: "Hey, shouldn't someone go make a vaccine?"
It's funny as hell that Trump thinks that in the face of a pandemic, no one was working on a vaccine until he suggested it.
Trump also bitched about Biden administration's foreign policy, energy and immigration policies.
Trump' positions on these issues differ slightly.
- foreign policy: piss off allies
- energy: COAL, dammit!
- immigration: keep out everyone! (Except maybe Norwegians.)
He got a standing ovation with his demand that China pay $10 trillion in “reparations” for its role in the coronavirus pandemic.
And another standing O calling for a ban on critical race theory in schools, the culture wars issue du jour for the GOP.
There was a rumor that Donald Trump was wearing his pants backward. This was looked into and God bless whatever poor soul was tasked at staring at Li'l Donnie's crotch looking for a zipper. And no, Trump was not wearing his pants backward.
That sounds more like a Rudy Giuliani type of thing.
"Oh Rudy! You've done it again!"
The Trump Ceremonial Airing of Grievances featured a new addition to the Trump rally playlist: “My Heart Will Go On,” the theme song from “Titanic” and the classic hit of Vegas-staple Celine Dion.
I smell a lawsuit!
I also detect an obvious hook for comedians to connect Donald Trump to the Titanic.
Well, the crowd apparently loved it.
OAN and Newsmax, obvious shills for Donald Trump, carried his speech live.
Fox News did not.
Trump remains frustratingly popular here in North Carolina but I hope he stays out of the state.
It's hot enough here without him bringing his corner of hell with him.
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