Cinema Sunday: Star Trek Insurrection

Last year during the summer, I did six posts about the first six Star Trek movies featuring the cast of the original series.   

• Star Trek: The Motion Picture 
• Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan 
• Star Trek: The Search For Spock
• Star Trek: The Voyage Home
• Star Trek: The Final Frontier 
• Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country 

Now here in the winter of this new year of 2022, I'm posting the sequel, posts about the 4 films featuring the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  

Cinema Sunday will be Non Star Trek starting February 6th.  

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Coming up third in the series of Next Gen movies, Star Trek Insurrection has the galling temerity to be... not bad.

By no means is Star Trek Insurrection good. It's not. 

But there is no basis to make a sweeping judgement that the movie is completely bad.

The greatest sin Star Trek Insurrection  commits is not that it's bad or good, it just...is.

Star Trek Insurrection is a thing that exists.

Despite some pre-release portents that this movie would represent some kind of dynamic shift in the status quo ("The crew of the Enterprise defies the Federation!"), it's ultimately a story we've seen many, many times before.

We've got the usual Starfleet admiral up to some shenanigans that the violates what the Federation stands for and Picard isn't going to put up with it blah blah blah. 

The leading source of Star Trek protagonists isn't the Klingons or the Romulans or the Borg or the Dominion, it's Starfleet admirals fucking with the ideals of the Federation.  

"Too Short a Season", "The Offspring", "Ensign Ro" and "The Pegasus" are a few that come to mind in this sub genre of Star Trek, "Admirals Being Dicks".   

All the to-do has to do with the Ba'ku.

Due to unique "metaphasic particles" emanating from their planet's rings, the Ba'ku are effectively immortal. 

Admiral Matthew Dougherty (yep, it's a Starfleet Admiral so we've got trouble) is leading a Federation task force to recover those particles.

Said task force is working with the Son'a, a race relying on medical technology to prevent death. They look like frickin' mummies due to excessive cosmetic surgery.

The plan is to scoop up the Ba'ku into a holographic simulation of their village and transport them elsewhere while the Federation/Son'a alliance ravages the planet for the "metaphasic particles" which does not sound like a good plan because it isn't. 

Data agrees and exposes their nefarious deeds.

In doing so, Data appears to have gone koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs and it's up to Picard and Worf (back from Deep Space Nine for... reasons) to scoop him back up by singing Gilbert and Sullivan. 

It sort of makes sense.

Dougherty doesn't want the Enterprise there because he knows he's up to no good. 

The Son'a don't want the Enterprise there because they don't care they're up to no good, they just really don't like having to fuck with the Federation and if Dougherty wasn't such a useful tool in aiding their mad on at the Ba'ku, they would shove his ass out of an airlock.

Dougherty will get his. Having his ass shoved out of an airlock would've been preferable.

The Enterprise ain't leaving because Dougherty and the Son'a are up to no good. 

While in the presence of the  "metaphasic particles", the Enterprise crew experiences some rejuvenating effects.

• Picard dances.
• Worf gets zits. They're Klingon zits so... Ewwww!
• Geordi grows organic eyes in place of his ocular implants.
• Deanna's boobs get more firm. We know this because Deanna tells Beverly Crusher who tells her that modern women shouldn't be concerned with such things.  
• Will Riker's horny as hell and wants to get frisky with Deanna's newly re-firmed boobs. Modern men are concerned with such things.  

There's a lot of fighting and running and shooting, the plot is ultimately resolved by love and forgiveness as the Ba'ku welcome the wayward Son'a back home. 

Some noteworthy things to well, I suppose, note:

• Picard and Worf (most reluctantly) sing a selection from H.M.S Pinafore to re-engage Data's programming when Data enthusiastically joins in.  
• Data walks underwater and is momentarily distracted by fish.
• Picard gets surprisingly chill with future hippie babe while totally blissing out watching a hummingbird in slow motion. Picard be tripping y'all.  
• Riker lets Troi shave his beard during sexy bath time. It's supposed to be sexy but it's not.  
• Riker calls up a joy stick to help pilot the Enterprise out of danger. It's supposed to be cool but it's not. I mean, it kind of is but really, it's more dumb looking than not. 

Star Trek Insurrection is not ultimately a bad movie. It is an oddly disjointed one. The premise of the so-called "Insurrection" is classic Star Trek, how our actions can exact costs to our ideals and what happens when we are prepared to sacrifice those ideals for the sake of expediency.  But that classic Star Trek theme is married to the needs and expectations of a motion picture designed to have broad appeal beyond just loyal Trekkers. 

The upshot is what would've made a fairly effective episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation is joined up with broad jokes and big action sequences which look cool but that's kind of it. 

Star Trek Insurrection is more or less a confused movie.

For a Star Trek Next Gen film that is ultimately a bad movie, we'll get to that next week.

The nemesis that destroyed Star Trek.