Last year during the summer, I did six posts about the first six Star Trek movies featuring the cast of the original series.
- Star Trek: The Motion Picture
- Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
- Star Trek: The Search For Spock
- Star Trek: The Voyage Home
- Star Trek: The Final Frontier
- Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country
Cinema Sunday will be Non Star Trek starting next week on February 6th.
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"Well, that sucked!"
The identity of the gentleman who gave us this cogent review as we rose from our seats at the end of Star Trek Nemesis remains unknown to us but his succinct assessment of what we had just seen is still as profound as it was then.
"Well, that sucked!"
Today, Cinema Sunday concludes its series on the Star Trek movies featuring the Next Generation cast with the movie that did what Final Frontier did not: kill Star Trek.
After the rather "meh" response to Star Trek Insurrection, Paramount opted to bring in some fresh blood in the form of people who had worked on real movies.
John Logan who had written screenplays for Oliver Stone (Any Given Sunday) and Ridley Scott (Gladiator) was brought in to write the script for Nemesis.
Stuart Baird, the man who directed the spin off from The Fugitive, U.S. Marshals, was signed up to direct the latest Star Trek cinematic outing.
Both were new to Star Trek which was what Paramount wanted.
Both were new to Star Trek which was also the problem.
Thus began Star Trek Nemesis.
Romulan rebel Shinzon shows off his credentials as a big bad by killing off the Romulan Senate in a gruesome manner.
Shinzon has a heavily armed ship called the Scimitar which has a thalaron radiation generator which can eradicate all life on Earth and other planets too because he's got the Evulz.
He's also a bit snippy towards his "daddy", Jean Luc Picard.
Oh, it seems as part of some Romulan plot from years ago, the Romulans grew a clone of Picard. But the plot got back burnered due to it was a stupid plot or budget cuts or whatever. So Shinzon has grown up into a pissy little clone with a mad on at everybody.
And he's not a very healthy clone. Being a clone is not good for long term health it seems.
Which is a lot of back story for a villain we will not give one tiniest damn about.
Shinzon takes over the Romulan Empire and sends out a message to the Federation that he desires peace between the two galactic powers.
Enterprise is ordered on a diplomatic mission to Romulus in case there is anything to this.
But it's not 'cause Shinzon's got the Evulz.
He's made a lot of Romulans dead and he's ready to do the same to the Federation and he's got a mad on at this "clone daddy" Jean-Luc Picard because...
He's got the Evulz?
The Enterprise and the Scimitar get caught up in epic space battle which leaves the Enterprise really busted up.
Shinzon is such a total dick that other Romulans show up to help the Enterprise fight the Scimitar but Shinzon's ship is a total shit kicker, the Romulans get beat and there's only one option left.
Picard orders the Enterprise to ram into the Scimitar.
Which sets Shinzon back a bit but he's got the Evulz and he sets the thalaron radiation generator to overload and destroy every damn thing.
Picard beams over to stop Shinzon and the thalaron radiation generator. Shinzon gets a fricking pole stabbed through his chest so that's one but the generator is still a problem.
Then Data shows up... by jumping from the Enterprise through the void of space to the Scimitar because Data's a total badass.
Data beams Picard back to the Enterprise and then blows up the thalaron radiation generator before it can go off to kill every damn thing but...
Data dies.
To quote an unnamed wise man, "Well, that sucked!"
Well, it did.
Lots of shit going down in this one.
Another Soong prototype android is discovered. B-4 looks like Data but has very rudimentary programming, very much more machine than Data's more sophisticated programs allow.
To put this not at all politely, B-4 is stupid. Much like his whole plot line.
Deanna Troi has a cool moment where she uses her empathic abilities to target a cloaked Scimitar. But it's not worth the price to get us to that moment because earlier in the film, Deanna is mind raped by one of Shinzon's goons. And Picard's urging her to press on, to use her trauma as a backdoor to strike back at Shinzon and his ship is particularly cold hearted and out of character. It is ultimately something Deanna does but she comes to the decision on her own. Picard trying to make her work with the damages caused by her assault does not ring true.
Troi gets her revenge an epic bit of payback. "Remember me?"
In the aftermath of Data's death, Riker remembers the first time he met Data on the Enterprise holodeck and Data was trying to whistle. Damned if can remember what it was he was trying to whistle.
It was "Pop Goes The Weasel", you asshole!
Really! Am I angry about that? Yes, I am.
Well, Riker's leaving to go be the Captain of the Titan so he can fuck off.
Yes, there is some actual status quo changing in this movie.
Will and Deanna get married. Data sings "Blue Skies" at their reception. Wesley Crusher and Guinan are at the wedding but no dialogue.
Will finally accepts one of those Captain promotions he's been turning down for years.
Apparently Dr. Beverly Crusher is leaving the Enterprise to go back to Starfleet Medical but we don't know that because it's in the script but not in the goddam movie because what's a Star Trek Next Gen movie if Dr. Crusher doesn't get to do shit. Am I angry about that? Yes, I am.
Worf is on the Enterprise without any explanation. During the series finale of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Worf off to be the Klingon ambassador to the Federation. Here he is back doing grunt work as the Enterprise security guy and busted back down to Lt. Commander for some goddam reason. Am I angry about that? Yes, I am.
Data is dead. I do not need to elaborate on how wrong that is. Am I angry about that? Yes, I am.
There is a LOT about this movie that makes me angry.
And it's not just me bitching here.
Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times: "I'm smiling like a good sport and trying to get with the dialogue ... and gradually it occurs to me that 'Star Trek' is over for me. I've been looking at these stories for half a lifetime, and, let's face it, they're out of gas."
Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle: "(The movie is) a rather harebrained story that's relieved to a degree only by some striking visual effects and by Patrick Stewart's outstanding presence as Picard".
Stephen Holden of The New York Times: "(The film) is a "klutzy affair whose warm, fuzzy heart emits intermittent bleats from the sleeve of its gleaming spacesuit".
Marina Sirtis called director Stuart Baird "an idiot" and Patrick Stewart described Nemesis as a "pretty weak" finale for The Next Generation.
Which is an even bigger reason for this movie to make me and many other Star Trek fans angry.
A script was in development by John Logan and Brent Spiner a fifth and final film that would provide a full and proper wrap up for the Next Gen cast.
But Nemesis sucked so bad...
In it's opening weekend, Star Trek Nemesis came in second to a Jennifer Lopez rom com called Maid In Mahattan.
Paramount pulled the plug on the whole shebang.
I'll let Chris Lough at Tor.Com take it from here: "In the end, Star Trek Nemesis makes fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation feel like crap. We leave Picard, and the half of the crew that survive and don’t leave, at their lowest point... The actors, creators, writers, and crew of Star Trek: The Next Generation essentially saved Star Trek from fading into history. And that’s ultimately why Nemesis is such a spectacular failure. Because it denied these characters, this generation, the respect that their final outing truly deserved."
Am I angry about that? Yes, I am.
Or to put it another way...
"Well, that sucked!"
And that was the death knell for Star Trek as a movie franchise until JJ Abrams entered the scene with his Original Series reboot in 2009.
Sometime later this year, Cinema Sunday will explore the next (and to date last) phase of Star Trek as a motion picture franchise.
Next week, we'll go back to our regular series of spotlights on movies new and old.
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