The Uncle From Nowhere

 As we found out yesterday, I do not have COVID but I'm still not feeling well so I'm chilling at the Fortress of Ineptitude instead of going to work here at the Fortress of Ineptitude. It marks the first time I've called in sick since I've started this new job in January 2021.

I mentioned I took the COVID test although I have had both doses of the vaccine and the booster shot and I stay the hell away from people and when I can't I wear a mask. 

I understand that all of the above does not make me invulnerable to COVID, it just mitigates my risks for getting it.

But recently there was an odd and most unexpected event here are the Fortress of Ineptitude that punched a hole in my defenses.  

A visit from my Uncle John.

On my dad's side of the family, everyone is dead except John.  

One weekday morning there was a ring of the doorbell and a persistent knock at the front door. I was at work on the phone with a client.  Andrea just happened to be on a break and answered the door.

I could hear from outside a man's voice saying my full name and asking if I lived here. 

Side note: Jeez! Are the cops after me?

Side note to the side note:  Why would cops be after me?

I asked my client to hold a moment and I went to see what this was about and there was my Uncle John.

Some family history. 

I am not the first person in my family to go to college and graduate. That honor belongs to Uncle John. 

I am the first person in my family to go to college, graduate and stay the hell out of college. 

John went back several times, always in pursuit of some new goal or scheme. He was like Homer Simpson with a new "life long dream" every dozen episodes or so. 

And now there he was inexplicably standing on the doorstep of my Fortress of Ineptitude.

Apparently he had been searching for me for nearly a year.

Side note: I am not hiding. 

Now the whole situation is awkward as hell and there's nothing in my brain that's telling me how to deal with this. It was one of those days when were in the middle of a bitter cold snap and I couldn't very well just leave his goofy smiling maskless face in the freezing winter air.  

Side note: all the men in my dad's side of the family look goofy when they smile.  

But he didn't just find me at my home but at my place of employment. I had a client to get back to and Andrea had to get back to work. 

I invited him in as I got back to my work while he stood awkwardly in the entry way.  I finished up the call I was on and took a moment to speak with uncle. 

He explained after the recent death of his sister, my Aunt Laura, he decided he would renew his efforts to find me, to reconnect with what's left of the family. 

Side note: maybe I should've been hiding.  I'm not big on reconnecting with my dad's side of the family.  It's a long story and not one I'm inclined to go into here. 

I explained I had to get back to work so we exchanged contact info and promised to keep in touch. 

Then my maskless uncle shook my hand like 2020 never happened and left.

Then this weekend when my sinus infection symptoms were mirroring COVID symptoms, I was not as inclined to dismiss it as a coincidence when the possibility occurred to me that my sonuvabitch uncle gave me COVID.

No, he did not. 

Nonetheless...

That whole visit was just weird. Or is it just me?

Uncle Fester from the Addams Family 
and NOT my Uncle John
But add some white hair and it would come close