The Fall in the Fall

I want to start off by saying that no matter what you may have heard in the media, I am fine. 

Wait! I am being handed a bulletin. 

There was nothing about this in the media.

Wait! I am being handed a bulletin. 

No one is handing you bulletins.

Wait! I am being handed a bulletin. 

Really! Stop doing that! 

Fair enough.

So what happened was this.

It was Friday night here at the Fortress of Ineptitude. 

RUN ON SENTENCE ALERT!

I had stepped outside to turn off the Halloween lights when I looked up and noticed the moon coming out from behind some clouds which made for quite a pleasing aesthetic that I decided to take a picture of it and so I went back inside to get my phone and when I came back out, I fell off the two steps from my porch to the front yard and crashed down on the sidewalk.

Wait! I am being handed a bulletin. 

That must have been very painful.

It was quite painful.

Wait! I am being handed a bulletin. 

I thought we were going to stop the bulletin bit.

I never agreed to anything.

So where was I?

Yes, lying on the sidewalk. 

Immediately upon impact, I cried out in pain and yelled for Andrea to help me.

I needed help because I found myself unable to get up from the sidewalk on my own. 

I had flashbacks to my fall in the winter of 2017 when I stepped off a curb wrong and had a high velocity meeting with a parking lot that among other things broke my left arm. 

For this fall in the fall of 2023, I was able to determine that despite the pain radiating throughout my entire body, I did not appear to have broken anything. I had a full range of motion in my arms and I could move my legs. I just could not raise my self up from the sidewalk.  

I had Andrea fetch an old blanket for me to roll onto so my body wasn't at least on the hard surface. It also helped me gain a bit of traction to start to help myself up and with assistance from Andrea, I was at last able to achieve a standing position.

Which immediately seemed like a bad idea and I crumbled onto the ground next to sidewalk.  

I laid there on the ground starring up through the branches of a tree at the moon mocking me. 

"Thought you would take a picture of me, you paparazzi! Ha! Ha!" 

It was quite a pleasant night and I thought, maybe I just stay here, this spot of earth is my home now.  

Andrea did not think this was a tenable idea and perhaps we might need to call for help, like calling 911.

I really didn't think that would be necessary. Thinking back to 2017, when my left arm was broken and my right arm was stunned and numb from the fall as I very very slowly manipulated my phone to call 911, now THAT was a reason to call 911. 

This time was very different. 

While this was going on, with Andrea strutting and fretting about with her husband laid out prone on the front lawn, a couple went by walking their dog. We did not draw their attention. Which is good because it was quite a pleasant evening and I wouldn't want to interrupt their pleasant walk with what I am sure is their pleasant dog.

I asked Andrea to get a chair from the kitchen and bring it out the yard next to me. I made another effort to stand but when my legs got wobbly on me again, I had the chair behind me to sit down on. 

I sat in the chair and pulled up the old blanket to my lap. Really, it was a very pleasant evening and maybe I would just stay out here.  

OK, not a good long term goal and I needed to get inside as I had not entirely escaped injury.  Along my shin I had sustained a deep scrape that was bleeding and needed attention.  

I get it, this post is taking longer than I expected.

I will move this along now.  

Eventually I sensed that I could probably make another go at standing up so I did.

And I stayed standing up.

Now to try walking. 

Making small lurching steps like some kind of bargain basement Frankenstein's monster, I proceeded to and up the steps into the welcoming interior of my Fortress of Ineptitude. 

Ensconced upon my couch, Andrea took care of my leg injury which looked pretty gnarly, dude, but I did not think needed stitches. Andrea cleaned it, put ointment on it and a bandage. 

Then we finally watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.

As I write this on Saturday, my legs are still stiff and the scrape on my leg is healing but it still stings a bit.

But Andrea is scared to death I'm going to fall down again and won't let me do anything.  

Wait! I am being handed a bulletin.

This blog post is over.

And about damn time! 

Everybody be good to one another. 

Will be back tomorrow with the Tuesday TV Touchbase and we'll catch up with the world on Wednesday.Thursday's post will introduce a theme for the blog for the month of November.  

Until next time, watch your step and always be good to one another.