American Afterparty

So Saturday, July 4th, marked the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, marking the beginning of the nation we have come to call Oosah.

OK, I call Ooshah.  As in USA.  USA = Oosah?  Get it?

I need to accept this is not going to catch on.

But c'mon, guys! It's clever! Ad it's funny! 

Oosah!

...

...

Just me, then? Fine! 

Anyway...

250 is a nice big round number and seems to warrant celebration.

God knows some entities tried to drum up a sense of a having a good time.  

For example, ABC and Disney put on a program called Disney Celebrates America, a 24-hour long broadcast across multiple platforms. Anchored by David Muir, it was an immersive program with stories, events and performances across 50 states.  

Well, good for them.  

But I did not feel like celebrating.

I remember back in 1976 when the 200th anniversary felt like a more joyous occassion.  Of course I was a kid and perhaps not fully cognizant of the nation's mood.

I mean we were a country that just got it's ass kicked in Vietnam.

And we had a scandal plague President resign in disgrace.

But those set backs were in the rear view mirror and maybe, just maybe looking back to the kooky can do spirit of throwing off the shackles of British rule in 1776, we could find inspiration of to throw off the chains of self doubt and despair and possiblty see a brighter future.

Yeah, I was a kid then so what the hell did I know.

But it feels different now than it did then.  

It feels more like.... WARNING! This is gonna sound bitter.

Today, celebrating the 250th birthday of America feels more like one of those situations where you're forced to go to a nursing home to "celebrate" the birthday of an ancient great grandma whose dementia addled brain has no fucking idea where they are or who you are.

But your mom or aunt insists goddammit we're gonna have a party for dear sweet great grandma who is reduced to barely audible whispers pleading for death. 

And by God we WILL gather around a shriveled soon to be corpse and sing "Happy Birthday" with a flame dotted chocolate cake the poor suffering great grandma can't eat.  

Yeah, the 250th birthday of the United States of America feels like that.

And you're thinking, "Dude, you were right! That is some serious levels of bitter."

But it's how I feel.

And speaking of dementia addled brains, this lack of joy, this lack of hope, this lack of giving a goddam solitary fuck can be laid at the feet of one indivividual.

I know him as a lying, petulant, bullying, unintelligent, sociopathic, dishonorable, treasonous, gutless, moronic, heartless, soulless, slimy, loathsome, vile, incompetent, psychotic, crooked, disgusting, reprehensible, revolting, horrible, malicious, obnoxious, hateful, narcissistic, small-minded, despicable god damn, motherfucking piece of shit.   

Or, to save time, Donald J. Trump.   

Faced with a pivotal moment in history, to speak to the ages, to speak to ALL Americans, Li'l Donnie can only speak to his own ego and his own petty fear mongering impulses.

Speaking at Mount Rushmore on July 3rd for a presumably 250th birthday celebratory event, der Führer chose to rant about communists.

Let's organize our timeline a bit.

• The current year is 2026.
• We're looking back at an historic event in 1776.
• Trump thinks he's in 1956.

Evoking the 1950's era Red Scare, Li'l Donnie's new favorite bogeymen are Communists that he insists will take over the country if Democrats win the midterms. 

As far as I can tell, Trump defines a communist as anyone who disagrees with him.  

If you are an American citizen who does not think the way der Führer thinks, you are in his petty little mind the enemy of America.  

Since his petty little mind is preserved in the amber of 1956, that makes you a communist.

Naturally Trump loves the 1950's.  Everyone on TV was white.

Trump is incapable of anything resembling an appeal to unity.

He only sees life as "Us Vs. Them".  

Or maybe more to the point, "Him Vs. Anyone Not Him".  

On the night of July 4th while Americans were trying to capture some kind of feeling of unified joy with fireworks, der Führer had to open his damn mouth right before midnight with a 45 minute meander through a MAGA themed American history, brags about his accomplishments (it seems Iran has been destroyed for what, the 100th time? No one has destroyed Iran more times than Trump), reminders that communism is a threat and an appeal to pass his voter suppression bill, the SAVE Act.

In an historic moment 250 years in the making, designed for unity and joy, Li'l Donnie could only stagger towards that moment with his usual appeals to his ego and to fear.

And yeah, I'm not happy about that.  It's been 250 years. This country has been through a lot and we deserve better.

Instead we're broken apart, from the world and from each other and there's this  lying, petulant, bullying, unintelligent, sociopathic, dishonorable, treasonous, gutless, moronic, heartless, soulless, slimy, loathsome, vile, incompetent, psychotic, crooked, disgusting, reprehensible, revolting, horrible, malicious, obnoxious, hateful, narcissistic, small-minded, despicable god damn, motherfucking piece of shit pounding on that break with a crow bar.

The chocolate cake is on fire and great grandma would like to die in peace if that's OK with you.