Monday, May 25, 2026

The Grift That Keeps On Grifting

What the hell? A second post today??

About Donald Trump, his syncophants and their collective fuckery?

For Christ's sake, it's Memorial Day! Can't we get a day off from this shit?

No, we don't get a day off from this shit.  

It is ALWAYS with us.  

Besides the topic of this post is such an egregiously illegal, unethical and amoral action of obscene grift and corruption, I cannot avoid putting this down in words.

Look, if you really want to skip this, fine! We're back tomorrow with TWO Tuesday TV Touchbase posts about The Boys and The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

But really, this is important. 


A few years ago, a private contractor working for the IRS released Trump's tax returns.

This upset Li'l Donnie who has been more than a little reticent about releasing his tax returns so he filed a law suit.

However it was not against the private contractor.

But the IRS. 

The lawsuit sought $10 billion in compensation.  Your tax dollars going to Trump's bank account.  

Like most lawsuits Trump files, most legal experts considered it to be excessive and without merit.

A judge was on the verge of throwing it out.   


But before the judge could do that....

The Department of Justice made a deal to settle the lawsuit.

Hold on. I made an errror in that sentence. Let me fix that.

The Department of "Justice" made a deal to settle the lawsuit.

The Department of "Justice" is currently run by acting Attorney General Todd Blanche who is Trump's personal attorney.  

So let's see if I have this straight.

As President, Trump is head of the federal government.

He sued the IRS and the Department of "Justice" would have to defend against the lawsuit.

Making Trump both the plaintiff and defendant?

And the Department of "Justice" is run by Trump's personal lawyer, giving him a vested interest in protecting the interests of the plaintiff while ostensibly serving as the defendant? 

Does any of this sound 

  • fishy
  • shifty 
  • shady
  • sneaky
  • slippery
  • crooked
  • dishonest
  • deceitful
  • duplicitous
  • deceiving
  • underhanded
  • insidious
  • perfidious
  • double-dealing
  • defrauding

...to you? 

Hold on! Get a load of the deets on this settlement.  


In exchange for Trump dropping his lawsuit, 
 the Department of "Justice" agrees to establish a slush fund of $1.8 billion....

Hold on!  Let me be accurate here.

A slush fund of $1.776 billion.  With a number like that, this deal has gotta be patriotic and good for America, right?

The so called Anti-Weaponization Fund will provide relief to claimants who feel they were target by a government weaponized against them.

The January 6th rioters that Trump pardoned early in 2025? They would qualify to make claims for this fund. 
  • Beat Capitol Police? You could get a check! 
  • Took a shit on Nancy Pelosi's desk? You could get a check! 
  • Built a gallows to hang Mike Pence? You could get a check! 
  • Watched in horror while rioters stormed the Capitol? You don't get shit! 

SIDE NOTE:  The Department of "Justice" has removed from its website news releases about criminal cases related to the Jan. 6, 2021, riot, calling the information about the prosecutions “partisan propaganda.”

Well, golly gee willikers, I wonder which way the The Department of "Justice" might be leaning regarding any potential claims by the Jan 6th rioters patriots?

This settlement does not pay any money directly to Donald Trump.

BUT...

Claims will be reviewed and payments made by a board that Trump will have control over.

And could Trump make a claim? I don't know....

Did you egg on an angry crowd to go down to Capitol and fight like hell? You could get a goddam check! 

OK, are we done?

Like hell we are! 

The settlement also includes a provision that prevents the IRS from investigating Donald Trump or his sons Eric and Don Jr, or his business for any kind of tax malfesance in the past, present or future. 

Yep, the tax laws you and I have to fucking follow are no longer a problem for the Trumps. 

One more feature about this settlement: it is only ONE page. Which makes whatever is outlined in this brief memo very broad and any ambiguity would default to the benefit of the plaintiff. 

This one page memo was written and signed off on by ONE person: Todd Blanche. There's no oversight or consultation. This is a sweeping grant of privilege by a single person...

Who we must remember is only the ACTING Attorney General.

AND the personal attorney of Donald J. Trump.

Is any of this legal? What do I know? My knowledge of the law begins and ends with Law & Order reruns.  

But it certainly doesn't sound legal!

It certainly seems suss to a number of Republican lawmakers who are usually counted on to fucking rubber stamp whatever fucking thing Trump fucking wants! 

Sorry about all the "fucks". I just watched the series finale of The Boys and I've got fucks on the brain. Also I'm fucking pissed off about this!

Where was I? Republicans actually prepared to say "no" to Donald Trump's wet dream?

It does look that way but there are those still devoted to their fealty to Trump.

Rep. Ralph Norman (R-SC) said on Thursday that the January 6 insurrection was “made up,” claiming that the event was “staged” by those who opposed President Donald Trump. 

Norman claimed that the insurrection had not taken place in the way it is remembered, was seen on video, and spoken about by those who saw or actively took part in the events of that day.

Norman is not the only legislator to cite conspiracy theories about outside agitators being the true instigators of the riot.

The preceding sentence was created using the Dr. Doofenschmirtz Word-In-Ator!

"This Word-In-Ator will make Dave-El use
too many words with ATOR in them
so I can rule the Tri-State area!"

Jonathan Gennaro Mellis might want to have a word with the Congressman.  Charged with assaulting police officers in the attack on the Capitol, Mellis wrote on Facebook, “Don’t you dare try to tell me that people are blaming this on antifa and BLM. We proudly take responsibility for storming the Castle.”

Did you storm the Castle only to have your good work blamed on Antifa? You could get a check! 

While it does look like more Republicans than usual are saying "no" to the latest scheme by Trump and his minions, with dumbasses like Ralph Norman hanging around, I have no doubt the grift will keep right on grifting.   

The Winningnest Loser

Far be it from me to praise Donald Trump for anything but damn, the motherfucker seems to be on quite a roll.  


Rep. Thomas Massie dared to cross der Führer on war, taxes and the Epstein files.  Trump recruited Ed Gallrein, a loyalist flack, to run against Massie in the Kentucky Republican primary. Gallrein won.  Or more important to Trump, Massie lost.

In Louisiana's primary, Trump targetted Sen. Bill Cassidy for disloyalty to der Führer.  Coming in first and second were challengers Rep. Julia Letlow, who won Trump's endorsement, and state Treasurer John Fleming who also pledged fealty to Trump.  Cassidy came in third.  Much to Li'l Donnie's boyish glee.  

5 of the 7 Republican state senators in Indiana who defied Trump's demands they withdraw the states congressional maps lost their bids for re-election.  

Back in 2020, Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger defied Trump's demand to find the votes to help him win the state. In 2026,  Raffensberger comes in 3rd for the Republican nomination for governor.

And don't forget the biggest most public kill this week: the end of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.  CBS cancelled Colbert's show to appease Trump so his lackeys would approve Paramount's merger with Skydance which is owned by Trump supporting billionaires.  Trump boasted “Colbert is finally finished at CBS. Amazing that he lasted so long! No talent, no ratings, no life. He was like a dead person.”

So all hail the conquering hero! All powerful! All glorious is our deliverer of America's new Golden Age! 


Donald Trump is crushing IT! 

If by "IT" you mean getting revenge on his enemies, then yeah he's crushing it like a goddam motherfucker! Hell yeah! 



On the other hand...

Gas prices continue to rise. 

As does the cost of groceries. 

And the price of some other 3rd thing.

And there's the war Li'l Donnie started and does not know how to stop.

Iran openly mocks Trump.

China smells blood in the water, recognizing that Donald Trump is a complete and utter moron so China can do what it wants.

The supposed greatest nation on Earth is now the planet's bitch.

And there are all the grifts, cons and distractions.

Why the fuck can't Trump shut up about the damn ballroom?

People can see this and the numbers show that a lot of people are not happyt with this shit. 

Trump's aggregate approval rating has dropped below 40%.

My response to that is why is it that high.  Are those 40% NOT paying attention?  

But the fact remains that more than half of America thinks that Trump is doing an absolutely shitty job. 

So how can a guy who is so fundementally disliked by a majority of Americans still weild enough power to influence people to take out his enemies?

The simplest answer is Trump remains a big fish in a small pond.  

Amongst the subset of Americans known as the Republican electorate, der Führer commands an 81% approval rating. 

So there's party loyalty and all that.

But...

Don't those same Republicans voters also have to pay higher prices for gas, groceries and some other 3rd thing? 

Can't they see what we see? 

How can they be OK with all of this? 

I'm going to turn this over to Shelley Tufts, a 53 year old from Opelika, Alabama who attended last week's circle jerk Christian Nationalist prayerfest.  

"We just have to keep showing up. Before the election we had lost just about every one of our freedoms. But Trump has done a good job of turning things around."

What pray tell are the freedoms she thought she lost before Trump? I don't know, perhaps the freedom to be racist, homophobic, Islamaphobic? 


While Shelley Tufts represents a minority of Americans who support, that minority is absolute in their dedication to der Führer.  


He does NOTHING for them.


They have the same sticker shock as the rest of us for gas, groceries and some other 3rd thing.  


Their sons and daughters can bleed and die in an unneccessary war as much as anyone else's sons and daughters. 


This is where Donald Trumo draws his power to smite his personal enemies, erect tributes to his personal ego and fill his personal bank accounts. 


Shelley Tufts is convinced Trump's self aggrandizement is for her country's glory.


The ultimate Trump con job.


And her sad gullibility can be chalked up as another Trump victory. 



Sunday, May 24, 2026

Star Trekking - The Next Generation - Season 6 - "Ship In a Bottle"

It's time to go Star Trekking as we continue our season by  season look at Star Trek: The Next Generation.

We're up to season 6 now and I will concede that TNG is feeling a bit... tired, I guess?  


There is some experimentation that should feel invigorating but just feel like desperate attempts to keep things at least a little bit interesting.  

I suppose the big thing to happen in this 6th year of the Next Generation was an expansion of the franchise, a 2nd Stat Trek series.  

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine debuts midway through TNG's 6th season so resources were spread a bit thin.

Miles and Keiko O'Brien would disembark from the Enterprise to take up residence on the space station home of the new series.

Reviewing the 6th season for this week's spotlight episode, I had some interesting ones to choose from.  

"Relics" gives us a crossover with original Star Trek as James Doohan reprises his role as Capt. Montgomery Scott. Aye but his friends call him Scotty.  And we get a scene of Capt. Picard with Scotty on the TOS Enterprise bridge. Total fanboy geek out! 

"Rascals" is a strange but fun tale that de-ages Guiban, Ro, Keiko and Picard into pre-adolescents.   

"A Fistful of Datas" is a western pastiche with Worf and his son Alexander as a sheriff and his deputy against a bunch of bad guys... who all look like Data. It's dumb fun but it has it's charms.

"Face of the Enemy" provides a challenging role for Deanna Troi as an undercover spy on a Romulan ship.  

"Tapestry" features a greviously injured Picard encountering Q in the afterlife.  Q has an offer for a second chance at life.

"Starship Mine" puts in Picard in solo action hero mode to stop a group of mercencaries with nefarious plans for the Enterprise.

"Timescape" is a timey wimey adventure with the Enterprise frozen in time mere seconds before blowing up.  Unless Picard, Data, Geordi and Deanna can do something about it.  

But the episode I selected for today's post is "Ship In A Bottle" which first aired on January 23, 1993.  Written by René Echevarria (one of TNG bettter writers) and directed by Alexander Singer,  this episode serves a sequel to a classic 2nd season story.   

Our adventure begins on the holodeck where Data and Geordi LaForge are in Victorian era garb as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, accompanied by a gentleman who looks like Terry Jones from Monty Python.   

Holmes is expounding on his clever deduction that has exposed the gentleman  as a murderer.  

DATA: it was then that I began to suspect that your brother did not die by his own hand. That he was, in fact, murdered.

GENTLEMAN: Murdered? Huh. Good Lord!

LAFORGE: But, Holmes! The vial of poison found in his hand.

DATA: That was the first clue, Watson. The vial contained strychnine, which as you well know induces violent muscular spasms. It is difficult to imagine that someone in the throes of so gruesome a death could have held on to so delicate a container without shattering it.

Man, you just know Brent Spiner is having a ball channeling Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. 

LAFORGE: You don't mean?

DATA: Exactly! The vial was placed in his hand after he died.

LAFORGE: Then what was the cause of death?

DATA: The cigar, of course.

GENTLEMAN: Cigar?

DATA: Upon closer inspection of the room where your brother was found, I discovered a fresh burn mark on the carpet. Further analysis of the ash revealed that the cigar was laced with strychnine.

GENTLEMAN: This is utter nonsense. What about the suicide note? It was written in my dear brother's own hand.

DATA: With practice, handwriting can be forged. It takes a trained eye to notice certain discrepancies. For example, whether someone is right or left handed!

(Data throws a box of matches to the gentleman, who catches it in his right hand.)

DATA: Your brother was right handed! The alleged suicide note was written by a left handed individual such as yourself!

LAFORGE: Er, Data, it's in his right hand.

DATA: Curious. There seems to be a problem in the holodeck's spatial orientation systems.

LAFORGE: Freeze programme. La Forge to Barclay.

Data and LaForge cosplaying as Holmes and Watson was introduced in the 2nd season episode "Elementary, Dear Data".   

That title was a play on Holmes saying "Elementary, my dear Watson."

FUN FACT: Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."

The technician LaForge summons to the Holodeck is Lt. Reginald Barclay.  Played by Dwight Schultz (Mad Murdoch in The A-Team), Barclay was introduced in the 3rd season tale "Hollow Pursuits".  Barclay is a brilliant engineer but is lacking in social skills even more than Geordi LaForge.  

Making one of his appearances as a recurring character. Barclay arrives at the holodeck and gets to work.  

Barclay pulls a panel from the arch wall.

BARCLAY: Computer, run a diagnostic on all Sherlock Holmes files. Display any anomalous programming sequences.

COMPUTER: Diagnostic complete. All files conform to specified parameters, except those contained in protected memory.

BARCLAY: Protected memory? Display those sequences. Computer unlock this sequence and run the programme.

A black garbed figure with an imperial bearing materializes.

BARCLAY: Who are you?

MORIARTY: Professor James Moriarty.

BARCLAY: Moriarty. Oh, that's Sherlock Holmes' arch enemy. Are you left or right handed?

MORIARTY: Left handed, Would you very much mind telling me

(Barclay throws a tool towards Moriarty who catches it with his left hand)

BARCLAY: No problem there.

MORIARTY: Where is Captain Picard? Is he still Captain of this vessel?

BARCLAY: How would? How do you know the Captain?

How indeed! Back in  "Elementary Dear Data"....

You know what, I'll just let Moriarity explain himself

MORIARTY: A holodeck character? A fictional man? Yes, yes I know all about your marvellous inventions. I was created as a plaything so that your Commander Data could masquerade as Sherlock Holmes. But they made me too well and I became more than a character in a story. I became self-aware. I am alive.

BARCLAY: That's not possible.

MORIARTY: But here I am. Tell me, has a way been found to allow me to leave the confines of this holodeck world?

BARCLAY: Leave the holodeck? No, of course not. You can only exist in here.

MORIARTY: Damn you, Picard. He promised me something would be done. I should have realised he would have said anything to get me to release my hostage.

BARCLAY: Hostage?

That was Dr. Pulaski by the way.  

MORIARTY: How long have I been locked away?

BARCLAY: Well, it l ooks like about four years.

MORIARTY: It seemed longer.


BARCLAY: What are you talking about? You can't possibly have been aware of the passage of time.

MORIARTY: But I was. Brief, terrifying periods of consciousness. Disembodied. Without substance.

Let me take a moment to talk about Moriarty. He is played by Daniel Davis who was the very British butler Niles on The Nanny. Don't let the impeccable English accent fool you. Daniel Davis was born in Arkansas.   

MORIARTY: I'd like to talk to Picard.  

BARCLAY: Well, I can ask.

MORIARTY: Ask him to meet me in the sitting room at Baker Street. That would be far more appropriate.

BARCLAY: I'll have to store you in memory again until I get an answer.

Barclay pulls out a chip and puts the cover back. 

Moriarty vanishes. 

Barclay leaves. 

Moriarty reappears with a sly smile.

While this mystery is unfolding on the holodeck, there's some science shit that needs to be dealt with. 

The Enterprise has arrived at the Detrian system to observe the collision of two planets.

That's pretty cool, huh?

In engineering... 

DATA: Since both planets are gas giants, neither possesses a solid surface. Their atmospheres, however, will come into contact in approximately seventeen hours nine minutes.

LAFORGE: If their collision causes a self-sustaining fusion reaction, this is what we are likely to see. The birth of a new star. The Enterprise will hold position until the gravitational instability subsides and we can get in for a closer look. Now I want triple redundancy on all of the sensor arrays. We'll probably never get another chance to see something like this. I don't want to miss anything. Okay?

Damn! That's a lot of exposition. 

LeVar Burton has sticky notes on the inside of his Geordi visor.

No, he doesn't.  

(Barclay enters.) 

BARCLAY: Commander, you'll never believe what happened while I was working on your programme in the holodeck. Professor Moriarty appeared, out of nowhere.

LAFORGE: What?

BARCLAY: And he wants to talk to the Captain.

So Captain Picard arrives at the Baker Street sitting room and explains to Moriarity that many efforts were made by the Enterprise crew as well as experts at Starfleet HQ and no one could figure out how to make a hologram exists outside the holodeck.

We're gonna take his word on this as NONE of this has ever been broached onscreen.  

Moriarty is NOT taking him at this word, assuming he had been forgotten. 

PICARD: Professor, I am concerned to learn that you experienced the passage of time while you were stored in the computer memory. I can assure you, we had no idea that that would be the case.

MORIARTY: Enough of this. I no longer believe anything you say.

PICARD: Professor, I understand your frustration.

MORIARTY: Do you really? When this is over, you will walk out of this room to the real world and your own concerns, and leave me here trapped in a world I know to be nothing but illusion. I cannot bear that. I must leave.

PICARD: That is not possible. You cannot exist outside this room.

MORIARTY: Are you certain of that?

PICARD: Computer, exit.

(the door opens onto the corridor)

PICARD: Although an object appears solid on the holodeck, in the real world they have no substance.

(Picard throws out a book. It vanishes)

MORIARTY: An object has no life. I do.

PICARD: Professor, you are a computer simulation.

MORIARTY: I have consciousness. Conscious beings have will. The mind endows them with powers that are not necessarily understood, even by you. If my will is strong enough, perhaps I can exist outside this room. Perhaps I can walk into your world right now.

PICARD: Professor, I ask you to believe me. If you step out of that door, you will cease to exist.

MORIARTY: If I am nothing more than a computer simulation, then very little will have been lost. But if I am right? Mind over matter. Cogito ergo sum.

(Moriarty walks out into the corridor, and does not disappear)

MORIARTY: I think therefore I am.


So that's a big ol' "fuck you" from Moriarty to Picard.

How did he do that?

Well, that's a puzzler.

CRUSHER: As far as I can tell, he's real. He's human.

MORIARTY: What else would I be, dear lady?

CRUSHER: His DNA is a little unusual, but all the major systems are there and functioning normally.

LAFORGE: As far as I can tell there's no evidence that his molecules are losing any cohesion. They seem to be as immutable as ordinary matter.

PICARD: Well, Professor, my crew will continue to investigate, but for now it would seem you have accomplished a miracle. The question is, now that you're here, what do we do with you?

MORIARTY: I ask only that I be allowed to explore this new world. Your vessel, for instance. What sea does she sail? Might we go above deck? Weather permitting, of course.

PICARD: Professor, I think there are some things of which you should be made aware.

Really? Moriarty doesn't know he's in space? 

In "Elementary, Dear Data", Moriarty was able to suss out the design and layout of the Enterprise.  He was programmed to be smart enough to defeat Data.

And he doesn't know he's in space?

Sitting in Ten-Forward with Picard, looking at the stars, Moriarty contemplates this vast universe laid out before him and what his future might hold.


MORIARTY: In considering all these vast possibilities, I suddenly feel very much alone. I am a man out of time, Captain, and that isolates me. You have been more gracious than I could ever have imagined, I wonder, may I impose on your generosity once again? There is a woman, the Countess Regina Bartholomew. She was created as a holodeck character for one of Commander Data's programs. She was designed to be the love of my life. Could she also be brought off the holodeck?

OK, that's a big ask of the guys who have NO idea how the hell HE walked off the holodeck. 

Hey, what about those colliding planets?

The Enterprise is approaching the planets while on the bridge...

PICARD: Mister Worf, launch four Class A probes toward the planets.

WORF: Aye, sir.

(Nothing happens.)

PICARD: Mister Worf?

WORF: I don't understand.

It's alright, Worf. You know, you get older, perhaps you're tired and the mood just isn't right and your Class A probe won't launch. We've all been there, dude.

Well, not me. My Class A probe works just fine.

Back on the Enterprise bridge...

The consoles go dark then flicker on and off.  

WORF: Controls are not responding.

DATA: Command functions are being rerouted, sir.

PICARD: For what reason?

DATA: Unknown, sir.

PICARD: Computer, route all command functions to the Bridge.

COMPUTER: Command functions are offline.

PICARD: Reinitialise them on my authorisation.

COMPUTER: Authorisation denied.

PICARD: Explain.

COMPUTER: Picard command codes are no longer valid.

PICARD: What's happening? Who's transferred the voice authorisation?

MORIARTY (entering): I have. I'm afraid I had no choice but to take control of your vessel.

PICARD: Professor, this situation is more serious than you realise. In less than five hours, those two planets will collide and a new star will form. Unless we move to a safe distance, this vessel will be destroyed.

You know there's nothing like a little threat of total annihilation to focus the mind.  

Data and Barclay get to work on solving the unsolvable: transporting a holographic thing to the real world.

Barclay goes to the holodeck with transport enhancers, activates the Holmes program and is greeted by a new visitor.

Welcome special guest star Stephanie Beachum (from Seaquest DSV) as the Countess Regina Bartholomew.

Barclay is puttering about  with the enhancers and a holographic chair while the Countess expresses curiosity about what is going on. 

Barclay would like to forego all the technobabble but...

COUNTESS: Are you suggesting that it's beyond my comprehension?

BARCLAY: It's really very simple. I need to enhance the molecular pattern of this chair so that the transporter can get a better lock on the signal.

COUNTESS: This has to do with taking James and me into the real world.

BARCLAY: You, you, you know about that? You understand about the real world?

COUNTESS: James has explained it to me. It sounds like a grand adventure. There's nothing I love more than voyaging in the unknown. Have you ever been to Africa, Mister....?

BARCLAY: Er, Barclay. Lieutenant Reginald Barclay. No, no, I haven't.

COUNTESS: I have. When I was seventeen I went on safari with my uncle. My mother took to her bed in terror I'd be bitten by tsetse fly, but I had a marvellous time. I got to wear trousers the whole time. It was hard to go back to a corset, I can tell you.

BARCLAY: Yes, I'm sure it was.

COUNTESS: After that, I never stopped travelling. I couldn't bear to be stuck in one place for very long. So you see I'm so looking forward to this new experience. My. Travelling the stars.

BARCLAY: You know about that? You know where we are? Countess, forgive me, but you just don't sound like a holodeck character.

MORIARTY: That's because she isn't.

COUNTESS: James!

(Moriarty and the Countess kiss passionately)

MORIARTY: If you loved a woman like this, Lieutenant, would you be content to let her remain a simulation?

BARCLAY: You, you gave her consciousness?

MORIARTY: Yes, just as it was given to me.

BARCLAY: Well I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

MORIARTY: Nonsense. It was the only thing to do.

BARCLAY: Have you tried to take her off the holodeck yet?

MORIARTY: No. I am unwilling to risk the Countess' safety. I want to make sure nothing will happen to her.

COUNTESS: We may be closer to freedom than you think, James. These devices will enhance our molecular patterns. They'll help take us into the real world.

MORIARTY: Oh, please, proceed.

The experiment to transport a chair from the holodeck doesn't work and something occurs to Data.

Meanwhile in Engineering....

PICARD: You wanted to see me?

LAFORGE: Yes, Captain. I think I've found a way to reinstate your vocal authorisations. Give it a try.

PICARD: Computer, route all command functions to this location.

COMPUTER: Command functions are offline.

PICARD: Reinitialise them on my authorisation.

COMPUTER: Please input command codes.

PICARD: Picard, epsilon seven nine three.

COMPUTER: Command codes verified.

LAFORGE: That's it. That should do it. Wait a minute. It didn't work. The computer won't release the command pathways.

DATA: Geordi.

(Data throws a small device to La Forge, who catches it in his left hand)

LAFORGE: Why did you do that, Data?

Because Geordi is right handed and... uh oh!

Data drops the bomb on Picard.

DATA: Captain, I have determined how Moriarty was able to leave the holodeck. He never did. Neither did we. None of this is real. It is a simulation. We are still on the holodeck.

KA-BOOM! Mind blown! 

PICARD: Mister Data, who is real here?

DATA: You and I are real, sir, as is Lieutenant Barclay. We entered the holodeck together when we first went to see Moriarty.

PICARD: And from that point we have been existing in a holodeck simulation created by Professor Moriarty?

DATA: I believe that is the case, sir.

PICARD: I have just given the computer my command codes, thinking I would get control of the ship.

DATA: You may have inadvertently given Professor Moriarty the means of gaining control of the real Enterprise.

Yeah, about that....

Meanwhile on the bridge...



RIKER: Where is Captain Picard? What have you done with Lieutenant Barclay and Commander Data?

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: They're safe, for now.

RIKER: Release control of this ship.

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: I'm afraid I can't do that.

RIKER: What do you want?

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: I only want what you have the luxury of taking for granted. Freedom. I want to leave this holodeck.

RIKER: I think you know that's impossible.

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: Your crewmates here in my little ship in a bottle, seem a bit more optimistic.

RIKER: Oh?

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: They attempted to use your transporter device to remove a simulated object from the holodeck.

LAFORGE: If they tried it, they must have thought they were on to something.

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: Their attempt was futile because their transporter was a facsimile. I expect more from you.

LAFORGE: Just because our transporter is real doesn't mean it's going to work.

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: I sense a distressing lack of enthusiasm on your parts.

WORF: Sir, warp core temperature is rising. Approaching critical levels.

MORIARTY [on viewscreen]: I have nothing to lose, Commander.

RIKER: Mister La Forge, start working on the problem.

By the way, the warp core cools back down.

Picard returns to Baker Street to have a little chat with the Countess.

Distinguished British ACTOR person in a scene with another distinguished Bristish ACTOR person? We're in for some good stuff now! 

PICARD: What does a woman like you see in a man like Moriarty?

COUNTESS: He's an exciting man, Captain. He's brilliant, incisive, he's ruthless. He has an almost irresistible appeal.

PICARD: He's also an arch-criminal.

COUNTESS: Only because he was written like that. I see him entirely differently, Captain, he is not a villain.

PICARD: So it's your desire to leave the holodeck to be with him.

COUNTESS: More than anything. Can you help us?

PICARD: Yes, I can. We have learned that if we uncouple the transporter's Heisenberg Compensators and allow them to re-scramble randomly, we can beam a holodeck object or a person off the grid with all of the cohesion of conventional matter.

COUNTESS: Oh! Oh, that's splendid. I must tell James.

PICARD: No, please. Wait. I have brought you this information because I think you are someone who will listen to a reasonable proposition. Someone whose mind is open to compromise.

COUNTESS: Yes?

PICARD: My ship is in danger. It is imperative that I regain navigational control. I want you to persuade Professor Moriarty to return the voice command to me, or I will not modify the transporter.

COUNTESS: I see.

PICARD: Now, once I have regained voice command, I will transport you from the holodeck.

COUNTESS: Forgive me, Captain, but that does sound more like a threat than a compromise.

PICARD: Countess, you must understand that I am responsible for more than one thousand lives.

COUNTESS: I will do what I can.

What she can do is tattle to Moriarty.

MORIARTY: Think, my dear. You're certain he said they had to uncouple the Heisenberg compensators?

COUNTESS: Yes, James, I'm quite certain. But he won't do it unless you return control of the ship to him.

MORIARTY: I have them running around like rats in a maze.

COUNTESS: What harm would there be in accepting his proposition?

MORIARTY: My dear, you are as brilliant as you are beautiful. Nonetheless, there are things you do not understand. Now, please, you must let me handle this. Computer, arch. Moriarty to Commander Riker.

RIKER [OC]: Riker here.

MORIARTY: Commander Riker, a pleasure as always.

RIKER [on monitor]: I don't have time for games, Moriarty. This ship is falling into a gravity well. It'll be destroyed within twenty five minutes, holodeck and all.

MORIARTY: Then I'm sure you'll be motivated to listen to me very, very carefully. I want to talk to you about uncoupling the Heisenberg compensators.

We turn to the transporter room where Moriarty and the Countess materialize. 

RIKER: Welcome aboard.

MORIARTY: May I present Regina, the Countess Bartholomew.

RIKER: Countess.

COUNTESS: Commander.

RIKER: You'll forgive me if I skip the formalities given the circumstances.

MORIARTY: Ah, yes. I expect you want me to relinquish my hold on your vessel.

RIKER: Please.

MORIARTY: I'm afraid that won't be possible just yet.

RIKER: We had an agreement.

MORIARTY: And I intend to honour it. I have no desire to see your vessel destroyed. Just give me one of your shuttlecraft, and allow us to leave in peace.

RIKER: We don't have time for this. You release the command codes and we'll talk.

MORIARTY: I will not release your vessel until I am looking at it through a shuttlecraft window.

So a shuttlecraft exits the Enterprise into the diamond studded taspetry of space.  

COUNTESS: This is so beautiful.

MORIARTY: Indeed, my dear. It is a wondrous sight. The first of many we are sure to encounter in our travels. Computer, interface with the central computer on the Enterprise.

COMPUTER: Interface complete.

MORIARTY: Release command function lockouts. Authorisation Moriarty, alpha two four one five nine.

COUNTESS: James?

MORIARTY: Yes, my love?

COUNTESS: Can we go back to Earth some day?

MORIARTY: Of course, my dear. Of course.

Back in the Enterprise shuttlebay...

Hey, what's Picard doing there? 

PICARD: Computer. Store programme Picard delta one in active memory and discontinue simulation.

(the shuttlebay disappears)

WAIT! What the what?

Everyone gathers in the observation lounge with a cube shaped thingy on the table.

Hey, lay some plot exposition on me! 

PICARD: We managed to programme the holodeck inside the holodeck, and use the same ruse that Moriarty used on us.

DATA: When he was attempting to contact the real Bridge, he was in fact speaking to a simulation.

TROI: You mean he never knew he hadn't left the holodeck?

PICARD: In fact, the programme is continuing even now inside that cube.

CRUSHER: A miniature holodeck?

DATA: In a way, Doctor. However, there is no physicality. The programme is continuous but only within the computer's circuitry.

BARCLAY: As far as Moriarty and the Countess know, they're half way to Meles Two by now. This enhancement module contains enough active memory to provide them experiences for a lifetime.

PICARD: They will live their lives and never know any difference.

TROI: In a sense, you did give Moriarty what he wanted.

PICARD: In a sense. But who knows? Our reality may be very much like theirs. All this might be just be an elaborate simulation running inside a little device sitting on someone's table. Well, we have a newborn star to study. Mister Barclay, you will keep that safe?

BARCLAY: Aye, sir.

(everyone else leaves. Barclay looks around him nervously.)

BARCLAY: Computer, end programme.

(Barclay is relieved when nothing happens.)  

And we are done! 

Gotta love Picard's meta reference of "All this might be just be an elaborate simulation running inside a little device sitting on someone's table."  Because it is and it's called Star Trek: The Next Generation

Both Andrea and I will cop to trying this in times when too much seems to be going wrong at one time: "Computer, end programme."

It hasn't worked.... so far.

The long time frame between appearances for Moriarty was apparently due to the estate of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle threatening to sue Paramount for monkeying around with their Sherlock Holmes IP.  Paramount settled the matter by agreeing to cancel Stephen Colbert's talk show.  (Oops! 21st century bitterness bleeding into 1993. Sorry 'bout that.)  

I've seen conflicting stories about what happened next. Some say a deal was reached with the estate and others have said the studio realized the estate did not have a case.

One way or another we got "Ship In a Bottle".  

I've always enjoyed "Ship In a Bottle" with it's twisty "what is real" plot and splendid performances from Daniel Davis and Stephanie Beacham.  

I'm not the only one with a positive assessment of the episode.  

  • "Ship in a Bottle" was ranked the 21st of the 100 top episodes of all Star Trek by The Hollywood Reporter in 2016.
  • In 2011, this episode was noted by Forbes as one of the top ten episodes of the franchise that explores the implications of advanced technology.
  • In 2016, TIME magazine ranked Moriarty as the 5th best villain character of the Star Trek franchise.
  • In 2012, Wired said this one of the best episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  • In 2019, CBR ranked it as the third best holodeck-themed episode of all Star Trek franchise episodes up to that time.

When Moriarity proclaims "Cogito ergo sum", this is Latin for “I think, therefore I am”, a statement made by the French philosopher René Descartes (1596–1650). 

Descartes' analysis has become a foundation of modern philosophy.

It shifts focus to the mind and consciousness as the starting point of knowledge.

It shows that self-awareness is undeniable proof of existence.

"I think therefore I am" is also a philosophy that is full of holes but that is a debate for more seasoned philosophers.

Moriarty may think therefore he am but he am also still a computer program running inside a little device sitting on someone's table.

The subject of holograms gaining self-awareness and sentience will become relevant in Star Trek: Voyager when the Doctor, the EMH (Emergency Medical Hologram), is brought online... and has to keep running.

The Doctor and other holographic life forms are integral to Star Trek: Starfleet Academy.   

Daniel Davis returns for a brief cameo as a version of Moriarty in the 3rd season of Star Trek: Picard.  

No reference is made to the Moriarty cube again. I hope it survived the crash of the Enterprise-E in Star Trek: Generations.

Dwight Schultz has a cameo as Barclay in Star Trek: First Contact and has a recurring role in latter seasons of Star Trek: Voyager as an Alpha quadrant specialist working to recover Voyager from the Delta quadrant.  

It is possible Moriarty and the Countess are still having adventures in their cube on a table in Barclay's breakfast nook. 

_______________________________

Once again, thanks to Chrissie's Transcripts Site for helping me compose these posts. 

Next week I'm gonna uncouple the Heisenberg Compensators for  a break from our season by  season look at Star Trek: The Next Generation. 

But we're back in two weeks for the 7th and final season as the spotlight falls on an episode that I 99% enjoy.

And the 1% that royally pisses me off!  


Saturday, May 23, 2026

Movie Time: Good Omens 3: The Finale

Today's post is about the end of Good Omens.

Shouldn't this be a Tuesday TV Touchbase and not a Movie Time post?

With writer Neil Gaiman's reputation shredded by salacious sex scandals, the powers that be, the BBC and Amazon MGM, have elected to cut their losses and end the Good Omens saga with a single long form special.

So let's call it a "movie"....

And I'm going to deal with it here.

It's... Movie Time!


Working from a script by Neil Gaiman, Michael Marshall Smith and Peter Atkins (based on a story by Gaiman),  Good Omens 3: The Finale is directed by Rachel Talalay.  Which is a good omen (pun stumbled into, not intended) as Talalay is one of my favorite directors. 

But what can even a considerable talent as Rachel Talalay do with a story that was intended for a series but has been condensed into 90 minutes?  



I will start by saying that we watched this movie special about a week after it dropped. Andrea was worried about spoilers.

We found that for the most part, spoilers were rather easy to avoid.

Did so few people even care about Good Omens to spoil it?

So what is going on? 

Aziraphale is in his Heaven and is in charge...ish.

He is overseeing the Second Coming and while the other angels are giddily anticipating grim apocalypitic "End Times",  Aziraphale is determined that this Second Coming will be filled with hope and positivity. 

Then things start unravelling. 

In the case of Metatron, he literally crumbles into nothingness.

The Book of Life has vanished.

Jesus Christ! Now Jesus as wandered off somewhere.

How are we suppose to have a halfway decent Second Coming with all of this going on?

Meanwhile, whazzup with Crowley?

Nothing good it seems.  

After being rejected by Aziraphale in favor of running Heaven at the end of season 2, Crowley is working through his bitterness and anger through excessive drinking.  Cut off from his magic, Crowley has lost his beloved Bentley via an unfortunate wager made with to a gangster named Brian Cameron.


Aziraphale returns to Earth to seek Crowley's help to find Jesus.


But first... the Bentley.  

Aziraphale: "Our car!"

Crowley: "My car!"

Aziraphale confronts Brian Cameron in a game of competetive crosswords and recovers the precious Bentley.

It's kind of a badass move in a very Aziraphale sort of way.

Meanwhile...

Where pray tell is Jesus?

He's befriended a retired street hustler named Harry the Fish who has taught the Son of God how to play 3 Card Monte. 

Jesus hits the streets to deliver endlessly regenerating pizza and to share and heal the pain of the people he meets.

SIDE RANT: I haven't heard the expected complaints from thin skinned Christians about the inclusion of Jesus.  Could it be they're embarrassed that this Jesus is actually acting like Jesus should be and not a gun toting MAGA head ready to fight against open borders.


Aziraphale and Crowley get side tracked from their quest for Jesus by the missing angels case in Heaven with two more angels being POOFED out of existence.

It seems archangel Michael has the Book of Life and she's disposing of angels and what not as she rips out pages and tosses them into the Eternal Flames.  

She rips out and burns the page with Canada?!?! NOOO!!! We like Canada!  

Aziraphale does something truly horrible: he forgives Michael.

She burns the rest of the book.  Crowley is able to recover only 1 page.

The page for Aziraphale's book shop.  

Aziraphale and Crowley and this book shop is all that is left of existence.

Also Satan.

And God. 

Well, this is an opportunity to set some things straight and maybe actually get some answers for God, she of the ineffable plan that's been flummoxing Aziraphale and Crowley since season 1.  

Crowley demands of God, “Why make people and then punish them for behaving like people? Humans are going to human. They are born into a world that is against them in a thousand different ways.  And they devote most of their energy to making things worse. Where you’ll find the real grace and the real heart-stopping evil is right inside the human mind.”

As I write this post, I can't seem to remember what God said in response to Crowley's inquiry and I didn't include it in my notes.

She probably said something... ineffable. 

I suppose I could go look it up or watch that scene again but this post has gone on too long as it is.  

What I do remember is that God gives them the opportunity to choose what they want.   

They respond to this offer with a request: they want God to remake the universe, to start over from scratch but without angels. 

Or demons.

Or Heaven or Hell.

Or Satan or even God herself,  

No ineffable plan. 

God points out this plan would mean Aziraphale and Crowley would no longer exist.

They understand that.  

God says "sure, why not?" and Aziraphale and Crowley vanish into nothingness.  

So there's a big bang and yada, yada, yada, 13.5 billion years later, we find ourselves on Earth in the present day.

And a cozy little book shop in downtown London. 

Where the shop's owner Asa Fell meets Professor Anthony Crowley, author and astrophysicist.   

They get along so fabulously well and they go on their first date, dinner at a local cafe.

An establishment filled with faces that look familiar. No demons or angels here. Just people living their lives.


Twenty years after that fateful encounter and first date, Fell and Crowley are married and living together in a cottage. 

They're sitting outside under blankets, enjoying delicious cocoa and pondering the stars above them.

Asa Fell wonders if there is anything beyond the universe.

Anthony Crowley isn't particularly keen on that concept.

 Because he has everything he ever wanted.

And we reach... the end.

Well, did we enjoy that? Or simply survive it? 

While we gather out thoughts, let's taken a moment to look at some...

Doctor Who Connections

Director Rachel Talalay has directed such Doctor Who epics as...

  •  "Dark Water" (2014)
  • "Death in Heaven" (2014)
  • "Heaven Sent" (2015)
  • "Hell Bent" (2015)
  • "World Enough and Time" (2017)
  • "The Doctor Falls" (2017)
  • "Twice Upon a Time" (2017)
  • "The Star Beast" (2023)

Brian Cameron the gangster is played by Sean Pertwee who is the son of Jon Pertwee who was the 3rd Doctor on Doctor Who.

Satan is played by Toby Jones who was the sinister Dream Lord in "Amy's Choice"

Derek Jacobi was Metatron and was also in Doctor Who as another character beginning with "M", the Master in "Utopia".  

Henry the Fish, Mark Addy was in "The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos" at the end of Jodie Whittaker's first season as the Doctor.  And I do understand if you don't remember that.  

And I understand Crowley himself, David Tennant, has some modest connections to Doctor Who.  

Now on the matter of Good Omens 3: The Finale.

As Aziraphale would want us to, let's start with some positivity.

Any time spent with David Tennant and Michael Sheen is a good time and bless them for making a valiant effort to hold this thing production together.

But damn if  Good Omens 3: The Finale isn't quite the rickety contraption.

Originally Good Omens 3 was to be a 6 episode season.  Compressed to 90 minutes, the seams do show.  It feels like certain characters and things were meant to be more of thing. 

  • Brian Cameron and his daughter Misty.  
  • Harry the Fish. 
  • Jesus as a street preacher.  
  • Even Archangel Michael who was the catalyst for what appears to be a plot.  

All of these elements felt like they were supposed to be more important. The result is this 90 minute special feels less like a coherent "movie" and more like a clip show congealing into incoherence.

I suppose the ending holds some merit with Aziraphale and Crowley uniting with a common purpose one last time to save the human race from the machinations of the hosts of heaven and hell and while that action ends in their destruction, at least they met they dissolution together. 

And the universe may have something resembling a happy ending for them after all in the form of Asa Fell and Anthony Crowley.

They are not Aziraphale and Crowley, are they? So does it count, this Asa and Anthony as a happy ending for Aziraphale and Crowley?

As Aziraphale would want us to, I will  err on the side of positivity and joy and say yes it does. 

__________________________________

If all goes according to plan, next week's Movie Time will spotlight another TV series morphing into a movie. 

Andrea really wants to see The Mandolorian & Grogu.  

Well...   this is the way.  


A Good Man And A Great American Leader

Well damn it, it's Monday again and that means it's time for the blog's weekly look at this royally fucked up world and the prin...