My DMV Adventure

First of all, sorry about yesterday's posts.

My birthday rarely yields a celebratory feeling from me but one mostly of a deeply depressed questioning of life choices.  

Well, I resolve today's post will be more positive and upbeat.  

So let's see what I am writing about today.

My recent visit to the North Carolina Dept. of Motor Vehicles?

Well...  fuck.

This year was my year to renew my driver's license.  

Which isn't so bad as the NCDMV allows for renewal of a driver's license online.

Except...

If you renewed it online last time. Every other renewal needs to be in person. 

No problem-o! The NCDMV allows for setting up appointments to avoid the line at the DMV.

Except...

When I went online to do that, the earliest appointment that was available was for July.  And my driver's license was going to expire as of April 24th.  

So the first day I had time off from work, I checked the local DMV office and say the wait time was just 34 minutes from check in. Well, that's not bad at all.  

So I left the Fortress of Ineptitude and headed straight away to the local DMV where I checked in at 1:12 PM.  

I left the DMV at 3:24 PM. 

I do believe that was more than 34 minutes.  

I spent most of the intervening time scrolling stuff on my phone, reading up on the news and various pop culture interests.  

The last half hour, I was engaged in conversation with a blonde woman who sat in the chair next to me.  

Before you get any ideas about that, she was a woman who I would estimate was in her mid to late 50's, a grandmother. 

Of course I'm a man who was on the precipice of 61 so this grandmother is in my demographic. 

And she was rather attractive, I suppose?  

We compared our old license photos. She had a really nice picture on her license and she said she hated to lose it for her new license. 

I felt the same way. My old license photo was of a younger, thinner man with dark hair and neatly trimmed goatee. 

My new photo was not going to look that good. I had a fully grey beard that I had not recently trimmed prior to coming to the DMV. My new photo was going to look like what you might see on the evening news with this warning: "If you see this man, do not approach. He is considered insane and dangerous. Call the authorities immediately."    

When my name was called, I was nervous.  I was worried I was going to get a DMV examiner who fit the stereotype you see on TV sitcoms: a terse black woman who ain't got time for your nonsense. 

I did not get that person. What I got was a a terse black man who ain't got time for your nonsense. 

My nonsense in particular was I had difficulty navigating the eye exam. I just had my eyes checked a couple of months ago and I have new glasses so I felt I should be able to see things OK. 

But the eye chart was formatted weird with sequences of numbers in different colored boxes. It should not have been difficult to understand but it took me a minute to acclimate to how the eye test worked.

And this terse black man did NOT have time for my nonsense. 

I eventually settled down and got through the eye test and apparently passed.  I say "apparently" because the DMV examiner did not say "you passed" but I saw on a computer screen my new driver's license. 

Oh my God!  My new photo is that of an insane and dangerous man about whom authorities should be contacted immediately.  

I also notice the expiration date was just two months from now. 

About that...?   

"That's for your paper copy of the license," the examiner snapped.  He did not say "dumbass" but I felt it was implied. 

The DMV doesn't make the new license on site but rather it is mailed to the driver within a few weeks after. I think I knew that but felt like a dumbass for not remembering it.  

At 3:24 PM, I was free to go. I waved good bye to my DMV friend and I left on a positive and upbeat note that I would not have to do this again for many years. 

An April 24th Birthday Post

I was born on April 24, 1963 which makes me 61 years old today.

But I am not quite frankly that interesting and I'm not exactly where I want to be in life right now so let's look at someone else who was also born on that same date and actually did something with their life. 

American singer songwriter Paula Frazer was born April 24, 1963. After growing up in Georgia and Arkansas, she moved to San Francisco in 1981. 

In 1981, I'm cautiously lurching 4 hours away from my parents' house to go to college with some vague idea that I'm going to do... something? In the field of radio or television, I guess?

Meanwhile this woman has removed herself from the backwoods of Georgia and Arkansas, traverses the god damn Continental Divide to arrive in fucking San Francisco to start a music career. 

We both started as babies on the same damn date but our progress to date in life is hardly on par with one another. 

Her music is a melancholic alternative country with an eclectic mix of folk, blues and pop, among other genres. 

She first came to notice by fronting the band Tarnation in the 1990s. 

In the 1990's, I've worked at 3 different jobs in the financial services sector by... I don't know, accident, default, dumb luck? Hell if I know. 

Paula set out to make music. Paula is making music.   

Here is a track from Paula Frazer & Tarnation, "Another Day".

Paula Frazer's music is beautiful but damn it is melancholic which really isn't helping my gloomy gus mood.

Frazer has partnered up with other music acts such as  Cornershop, Sean Lennon, Frightwig, Tindersticks, the Czars, and Handsome Boy Modeling School.  

Paula is popular and good at what she does. She gets opportunities to play with other people.  

I... am not.  Fuck me! This post is depressing!!! 

Frazer is also a professional weaver.

So she's got that going for her.   

Below is a track from Paula  Frazer & Tarnation, "August's Song".

Happy birthday, Paula. I'm glad I discovered your music. 

We both started as newborns on April 24, 1963. Paula Frazer turned her debut into this world into something beautiful and worthwhile.

And I....

Shit! I gotta bring this post in for a landing!  

Sorry to be such a bummer.   

You know what? I really need to lift my spirits. 

And what better way to do that than...

 ... a dancing taco!!!!

Tuesday TV Touchbase: Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV

Andrea and I finished up the documentary series Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV .  The 5 episode series chronicles the lives of child actors on TV shows run by producer Dan Schneider for Nickelodeon.    

The series shares tales of people who worked in front and behind the camera who were subjected to a toxic work environment created by the mercurial Dan Schneider whose treatment of women and girls on his shows was frequently inappropriate at the very least.  He would pressure women to give him massages on set or create scenarios that were sexual in nature for actors who were fundamentally still children.

The series takes a sharp turn into a disturbingly dark direction addressing instances of sexual abuse and assault against young people on Schneider's shows.  

There's the story of an adult staffer who sent an email to a young girl who had been on All That that include a picture of him masturbating with a caption that read "Thinking of you." 

But as disturbing as that was (and it was!), Drake Bell (Drake & Josh) comes out and sits down to share his tale of sexual abuse and assault by a Schneider staffer who played "Pickle Boy" on All That.  

Drake's tale is a sad and depressing one of a downward spiral as this guy insinuates himself into Drake's life, cutting him off from his father and mother and leaving him with virtually no one to turn to when the relationship towards the sexual without Drake's consent.  

Eventually this bastard gets arrested and is found guilty for engaging in sex with a minor. But his sentencing is mitigated by an outpouring of support from various actors and producers for the convicted sex offender. Apparently despite his sex offender status, this person is still working in Hollywood with access to sets where there are children.   

By the way, Drake Bell said no one from Nickelodeon ever reached out to him to see if he was OK.  Except for Dan Schneider.  

Mostly, Schneider's bad behavior was focused on women, treating them inappropriately.  And African American performers felt ostracized on the sets of Schneider's shows.      

The series returns back to the narrative of Dan Schneider's reign of terror over at his television kingdom.  It was a toxic terror dome that Nickelodeon could no longer ignore and eventually Schneider was banned from the sets of his own shows and his production deal with the network was allowed to run out and not be renewed.   

A lot of the Schneider shit I was already familiar with but it still hurts. When our child was in the target demographic, we would watch iCarly and Victorious. Yes, the humor was silly and juvenile but the part of my brain that has the sense of humor of a 12 year old kind of liked these shows.  And I feel guilty that my enjoyment of these shows makes me complicit in the terrible experiences people had working under Dan Schneider.   

Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV does make for compelling television even if the series is a bit unfocused with a whiplash effect of "This producer is an asshole" to "Oh my God! Children are being raped?" back to "Schneider's a dick".   

It's hard to watch. But Drake Bell particularly is very brave to share his story.  

Next week's Touchbase, Fallout!

Until next time, remember to be good to one another and try to keep it down in there, would ya? I'm trying to watch TV over here. 

The Unpresidented Trial

Last week I wrote in this space, "So is Donald Trump finally going to be accountable for doing shit, not through an indictment but through an actual trial? 

I will believe it when I see it."  

I reckon that so far I must be believing it because so far I've been seeing it.  

Last week's Donald Trump's trial proceeded through jury selection with the week ended with 12 jurors and 6 alternates chosen for the trial with opening statements getting underway today.   

Since this trial is in Manhattan, finding 18 New Yorkers who could promise to be fair and unbiased was a monumental feat.

Average New Yorker on Donald Trump: "Yeah, fuck that guy!"

Various media outlets are virtually breathless over the unprecedented event of a former President in court as a defendant in a criminal trial.  

Maybe it's just me but I'm not feeling the weight of history so much.  

Maybe it's because I never saw Donald Trump as the President because he never comported himself as the President. 

As I wrote back on June 6, 2017,  "Donald Trump Is Not The President of the United States of America. Donald Trump Is The President of the Part of the United States of America That Voted For Him."  Trump's actions as President were so small and petty, all to appease the base that voted for him with little to no regard for anyone else who has the temerity to not vote for him.  

Unlike other men who have come into the Oval Office and managed to some degree or another to grow into the role, Trump's time in the White House just made him seem smaller, the power and responsibility of the office eluding the tiny fingers of this petulant ego driven man child.  

It's hard for me to see him as a former President in court as a defendant in a criminal trial. What I see is a petulant ego driven man child in court as a defendant in a criminal trial.

As I wrote on November 8, 2019, Li'l Donnie's focus was even more narrow that "Donald Trump Is The President of the Part of the United States of America That Voted For Him".  

As I wrote at the time, "Donald Trump is the President of Donald Trump."  His insistence on the narrow scope of his own self interests just furthered diminished him.  

I could've almost felt sorry for this son of a bitch. Li'l Donnie lucked into the most powerful position in the world and he was just too stupid to know what to with it. 

Former President in court as a defendant in a criminal trial? Nah, I'm not feeling the weight of history on this one. 

And perhaps neither is Li'l Donnie himself. Reports are during the jury selection process last week, he kept nodding off.  

This fucker is facing jail time and he can't stay awake for it?

Well, he does have other important issues on his mind.

Like Jimmy Kimmel.

Nearly 2 months after this year's Oscars broadcast, Trump is still in a tizzy of a snit over Kimmel's Trump joke from that show.

So Donald Trump thinks Jimmy Kimmel is Al Pacino?  

No wonder Donald Trump is so tired.  

Li'l Donnie was due to arrive in Wilmington NC for one of his circle jerk rallies on Saturday.  A big bad thunderstorm led Trump to cancel his appearance an hour before the rally was set to begin.  

There may be a God after all.   

Cinema Sunday: North by Northwest

Today's Cinema Sunday continues the month long spotlight on the films of Alfred Hitchcock.   

Hitchcock's films are known for iconic imagery that takes root in the pop culture consciousness even if you never seen the movies themselves. 

Images that have frequently been homaged or parodied in other movies or TV shows. 

• Jimmy Stewart's spiraling vision in Vertigo.
• Janet Leigh being stabbed in the shower in Psycho.
• The avian threat that attacks Tippi Hedren in The Birds. 

Perhaps the most iconic image from a Hitchcock film is the famous scene of Cary Grant being chased through a corn field by an airplane. 

Today we turn to the movie that scene comes from, 1959's North By Northwest.   

1958. 

New York City.

The Oak Room restaurant at the Plaza Hotel. 

Advertising executive Roger Thornhill is having lunch with some friends when he raises his hand to summon a waiter.

At that EXACT same moment...

Two thugs have asked that same waiter to page George Kaplan. So when the waiter pages George Kaplan and Roger Thornhill raises his hand to summon the waiter, the two thugs figure they've found George Kaplan. 

Yeah, I know, it's a sketchy premise to hang a movie but here we are.

The thugs kidnap Thornhill and take him out to an estate in a upscale neighborhood in the suburbs. Thornhill is incessantly interrogated by a Cold War spy for information that George Kaplan knows. Thornhill keeps telling anyone who listens that he is NOT George Kaplan.  

The bad guys think claiming to be Thornhill is a ruse and decide that if they can't get "Kaplan" to talk, they'll kill him. 

Thornhill survives but nobody, not the police or even his own mother believes he was kidnapped by spies.   

Thornhill tries to track down the real Kaplan but's a mission that goes terribly awry when it leads to a United Nations diplomat being killed and guess who's been framed for the murder! 

By the way, who is this George Kaplan who has messed up Roger Thornhill's life so badly?

George Kaplan is no one.

Literally.

U.S. government spies have created a fictional spy to draw attention away from the real spy the government has embedded among them.  

Roger Thornhill is in danger because of a fictional man. 

But the agency elects not to save Thornhill just yet. The enemy spies are focused on "Kaplan" instead of the real double agent. 

Thornhill sneaks aboard the 20th Century Limited train to Chicago where he meets Eve Kendall.  Thornhill and Kendall spark with each other and form a close bond.  

But (and you've already guess this, you clever li'l dickens you) Eve Kendall is working for the enemy spies. 

And....

Yep! She's also the double agent working for the U.S. spy agency.  

There's stuff and shenanigans as Thornhill remains determined to track down Kaplan and the enemy spies are still after Thornhill convinced he's Kaplan.

Remember: Kaplan does not exist.

One thing leads to another and Thornhill finds himself alone at a remote bus stop surrounded by corn fields, 

Thornhill has been lead to believe that he is going to meet Kaplan here.

The bad guys have been alerted this is a perfect place to kill Thornhill/Kaplan/whatever.  

They're gonna kill him from an airplane. 

So we get that iconic scene, an intense sequence with Cary Grant running around a flat nearly barren field, ducking gun fire as the plane swoops low over him.

Spoiler: Thornhill escapes.

How? I gotta keep some secrets but damn, it's a doozy of an escape. 

Second to the air play attack scene is the chase around Mount Rushmore.  Spies get killed by gun fire but at least one gets sent plummeting to their death by a ridiculously big presidential head.  

The movie ends with two characters on a train engaged in legally sanctioned hetero-normative missionary positioned intercourse. We know this because they fall into bed together and...

Alfred Hitchcock sends the train through a tunnel. 

Oh, Alfred is such a scamp.  

North By Northwest hinges on such a flimsy premise to start, a chance mistaken identity.  But the sheer random element that puts Roger Thornhill can be seen not as a bug but as a feature. Literally anyone can find themselves in the crosshairs of danger. 

A lot of this film's success hangs on Cary Grant's charisma and talent. Thornhill greets his ever evolving situation with appropriate levels of terror and humor and resolve.  

Next week's Cinema Sunday wraps up Alfred Hitchcock month with Jimmy Stewart's return work for the master of suspense.

Next week, it's The Man Who Knew Too Much.

Cinema Saturday: Ocean's Eight

Today marks the end of a Cinema Saturday series of posts that began in January.  Today is the 4th post covering the Ocean's trilogy.

The 4th part of a 3 part thing?

Explanation please?

Explanation granted. 

After the first three films directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring George Clooney as Danny Ocean were done, both Steven and George felt like they were done and did not want to do a 4th movie. 

Well, the movie studio wanted another one and that brings us to 2018 and to Ocean's 8, a continuation and a spin-off from  Soderbergh's trilogy, directed by Gary Ross and starring Sandra Bullock as Debbie Ocean, the sister of Danny Ocean, who's following in her brother's footsteps planning a sophisticated heist that will net a lot of money and just as importantly, screw over a son of a bitch who really has it coming.   

The cast is an all-star ensemble that includes Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Awkwafina, Rihanna, and Helena Bonham Carter. 

Newly paroled con artist Debbie Ocean, Danny Ocean's younger sister, convinces former partner in crime Lou to join her in a new heist. 

Hey, if this sounds like opening of Ocean's Eleven, hey, you go with what works, you know? 

By the way, where is older brother Danny in all of this?

Danny Ocean is dead.

He's got a spot in a mausoleum with a plaque with his name on it and everything. 

Debbie does express some doubt if Danny's really in there. 

Anyway...   

Debbie plans to steal the Toussaint, a $150 million Cartier necklace, during the upcoming Met Gala in New York C, using the host, famous film star Daphne Kluger, as an unwitting accomplice.

Debbie's team gets to work, getting someone in Daphne's inner circle, getting a scan of the Toussaint, making a exact duplicate, hacking the security system, creating blind spots and more. 

Part of the plan is to manipulate Daphne to invite Claude Becker to the Met Gala.

Who is Claude Becker? He is an art dealer (of a somewhat unscrupulous nature) who betrayed Debbie and sent her to prison for an art theft he set up and left her holding the bag. 

Wait! This whole Met Gala heist is a personal vendetta? 

Lou confronts Debbie about using the heist as a revenge plan again Becker. Debbie assures Lou that her beef with Becker will not mess up the plan and she's good to go.

Hey, didn't Brad Pitt's Rusty have the same concerns about Danny using the heist for personal revenge reasons back in Ocean's Eleven?

You go with what works.  

Speaking of what works, it's the night of the Met Gala and after several days of intense planning and preparation, a complicated plan of many moving parts goes into motion. 

Zoinks! The Toussant is gone! 

Except....

As is the way with this sort of film, nothing is what it seems. 

The Toussaint wasn't the real target. 

The real big money to be gained from this heist is elsewhere. 

And yes, Debbie Ocean has manipulated events to put the blame squarely on Claude Becker. 

I know I made some snarky comments that insinuate Ocean's 8 is lifting stuff from Ocean's Eleven but damn, if it works, it works. And Ocean's 8 works just fine. 

The ensemble here works well together; it's a cast that is funny and charming, absolutely on the ball.  

Tomorrow, we have another movie where things are not always what they seem. Alfred Hitchcock month continues on Cinema Sunday with an iconic classic, North By Northwest. 

As for Cinema Saturday, how am I going to wrap up a month that is focused on a submarine spy thriller, a rampaging bear jacked up on cocaine and a twisty heist caper?

Next week, two men sit down to dinner and talk.

For the whole damn movie. 

Next week, buckle your seat belts for My Dinner With Andre.  

Your Friday Video Link: It's a Beavis & Butthead Renaissance

 

This image below has been making the rounds on social media following this past weekend's Saturday Night Live.

It's Mikey Day and Ryan Gosling as two weird dudes who look a lot like Beavis and Butthead. 

Although they personally do not get the reference.  

What brought this odd sketch into the zeitgeist this week was the reaction of one of the cast members to Mikey's appearance.

The sketch involves a new program holding a town hall on the subject of Artificial Intelligence.  Keenan Thompson plays a professor being interviewed by a journalist played by Heidi Gardner.  The professor is distracted by the strange looking men behind the journalist who is trying to keep the conversation serious and focused on the topic at hand. 

Until Gardner gets a look at Day and....

Your Friday Video Link is that sketch.   

In subsequent interviews, Heidi Gardner is not happy that she broke that way, saying she's trained herself over the years of doing comedy to not break.

But there was just something about Mikey's expression that made her lose it.

Somewhere on the internet is a photo of Mikey and Ryan's Beavis and Butthead photo shopped in the courtroom behind Donald Trump with a caption that reads "Nice to Don Jr. and Eric in court to support their father." 

I could not find it again for this post.

Here's a BONUS Your Friday Video Link.  From the movie Beavis & Butthead Do America, here's the Red Hot Chili Peppers with their cover of "Love Rollercoaster".