How NATO Pranks Trump

So here’s the deal.

 

Whenever the world leaders from the NATO nations get together, they know Donald Trump will barge in bitching about his favorite subject, that the members of NATO are not paying their fair share of NATO’s upkeep.

 

OK, so let’s say that there’s a meeting of the NATO world leaders set for 9 AM. And the topic of the meeting is, I don’t know, let’s say “squirrels”. I don’t know, maybe Vladmir Putin is airdropping a shit ton of Russian squirrels on NATO countries? Who knows. Anyway, the meeting is at 9 AM and the topic is squirrels.

 

Trump barges in around 9:30 and immediately begins yelling at the other world leaders that they are not paying their fair share of NATO’s upkeep. 

 

The NATO leaders murmur amongst themselves, nod knowingly and agree, yes, they should and will pay more for NATO’s upkeep.

 

Then Trump barges out and the meeting returns to the topic of squirrels.

 

Meanwhile, Li’l Donnie finds a microphone somewhere and bellows into it that he made the nations of NATO pay more for NATO’s upkeep.

 

But here’s the thing….

 

About six years ago, the Obama administration began leaning on the other members of NATO to pay more for NATO’s upkeep.

 

The other members of NATO took the hint and agreements were reached for the members of NATO to begin paying more for NATO’ upkeep.  Over time, these nations would incrementally increase their percentage of GDP towards NATO. 

 

About four years ago, Donald Trump began running for President and one of the things he really liked to rant about was how the other nations of NATO were not paying their fair share. 

 

Yep, Li’l Donnie was about 2 years behind the curve but that never stopped Li’l Donnie.  Even when he got to be President. At his first NATO conference, he showed up late for a meeting, changed the topic of the meeting (“eggplants”) and began ranting that the members of NATO were not paying their fair share of NATO’s upkeep.

 

The assembled leadership reacted with some confusion.

One, their agenda said the topic of the meeting was eggplants.

Two, this issue of NATO members paying more, wasn’t that worked out already?

 

Someone tried to explain to Li’l Donnie that 1) the meeting began a half hour ago, 2) the topic of this meeting is “eggplants” and 3) we sorted out the whole paying more thing years ago.

 

But Donald Trump wasn’t hearing it. He turned a darker shade of orange and ranted some more that the members of NATO were not paying their fair share of NATO’s upkeep.

 

Finally, the assembled leadership threw up their hands and said, “Fine! Fine! We’ll pay more for NATO!” Which was a true statement based on the agreement they worked out a few years ago with that nice black man from America. (“Does anyone have Barack’s number?” Angela Merkel inquired.) 

 

Then Trump left, found a microphone and bragged that he forced NATO to pay more money. 

 

So the political leaders of Europe learned how to play Trump. Just let Trump vent, pretend to agree with him, he leaves and brags to the press about how awesome he is while the NATO leadership gets back to the work of whatever they were actually working on. Squirrels, eggplants, whatever.

 

And we know this because bureaucrats talk to the press. I mean, it’s one thing to let Trump think he’s had his way with the political leaders of Europe but the political leaders of Europe don’t want the people of Europe to think they’re Li’l Donnie’s bitch. So they let their staffers talk to the press about the games they play with Donald Trump, secure in the knowledge that Trump won’t get word of this.

 

1. Donald Trump doesn’t read European papers. (Quite possibly, Donald Trump can’t read.) 
2. And if word of what was in those papers gets back to Trump, he’ll dismiss it as “fake news” because the political leaders of Europe love and respect him, right?

 

In short, Donald Trump is too stupid to know he’s being played and if he does know it, he’s too stupid to believe it.

 

Kind of makes you proud to be an American, don’t it?

 

Oh, how about the prank French president Emmanuel Macron pulled on Donnie?

 

In addition to griping about how the other nations of NATO were not paying their fair share, Trump has frequently derided the effectiveness of NATO and even if the United States should even remain a part of it.

 

Recently, Macron said some negative things about NATO, said it was “brain dead”.

 

As the Joker told Bruce Wayne in the 1989 Batman movie, “Never rub another man’s rhubarb!” 

 

Bad mouthing NATO is Li’l Donnie schtick! So Donald Trump actually comes to NATO’s defense and accuses Macron of being nasty.

 

Which is weird because Trump usually reserves the insult of “nasty” for women he doesn’t like.

 

Still, Trump actually defending NATO? Oh, Macron, you are such a scamp!