So the Democratic-led
House Intelligence Committee released a report Tuesday containing a summary of
the evidence it collected in the impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump.
It’s 300 pages of
drama! High seas adventures! Romance in the Highlands of Scotland! A tale of heartbreak
and bloodshed! You will laugh! You will cry! It’s the sort of gripping yarn
that cries out to be made into a smashing film!
OK, seriously.
Whazzup?
The report
lowers the whammy on Li’l Donnie Boy on two counts:
- Fucking around with Ukraine’s military aid to help Li’l Donnie with a personal favor of investigating his political rivals.
- Fucking around with Congress by not cooperating when they were investigating the fucking around with Ukraine’s military aid to help Li’l Donnie with a personal favor of investigating his political rivals.
Here’s what it
says in the report: “No other President has flouted the Constitution and power of Congress
to conduct oversight to this extent. If left unanswered, President Trump's
ongoing effort to thwart Congress' impeachment power risks doing grave harm to
the institution of Congress, the balance of power between our branches of
government, and the Constitutional order that the President and every Member of
Congress have sworn to protect and defend."
Translation: “Man! Even Nixon didn’t suck this bad!”
And get a load
of this: "In making the decision to
move forward, we were struck by the fact that the President's misconduct was
not an isolated occurrence, nor was it the product of a naïve president.”
In other words,
“Shut the hell up about the goddam phone
call being perfect. We are WAY beyond that!”
So this is what
the Democrats had to say on Tuesday. What did the Republicans have to say in
reply to Tuesday’s report.
The Republicans
delivered their rebuttal to Tuesday’s report… on Monday.
Yes, the GOP
was refuting the Democrats’ report before the report was released.
It was the usual
stuff
“Trump didn’t say anything.”
“If he did say something, it didn’t mean
what you think it does.”
“So what? He said something. Big deal!
It’s just words!”
“Trump can say what he wants! He’s
President.”
“So he said something! He didn’t DO
anything.”
“If he did do something, he can do what
he wants! He’s President!”
“If he did do something, it didn’t work!
Ukraine got their money, right?”
“We didn’t hear anything!”
“We didn’t see anything!”
“The Democrats are making this up!”
“The Democrats are a bunch of meanie
heads who smell bad!”
“HAIL SATAN!”
“Wait! We didn’t say that last part!”
“What about her goddam emails?!?!”
Are we having fun
yet?
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