Tuesday TV Touchbase: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Gilmore Girls & More!

The eighth and final season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine debuted a couple of weeks back. The show is in a bit of an awkward place to navigate right now.

On one hand, it is a beloved sitcom about cops.

On the other hand, it is about cops who are not exactly held in high regard in the wake of the several high profile abuses, particularly the death of George Floyd which prompted many protests last year.  

The Brooklyn Nine-Nine creative team have tried to thread that needle by acknowledging the abuses of power and authority that occur in police departments.  

Rosa Diaz, having lost any faith in her profession as a police officer, quit the force to be come a private investigator specializing in cases helping people who have been subject to police abuse.  

Jake Peralta tries to mitigate this negative impression of the police with the perspective that not all cops are bad.  But Jake discovers that argument has no value in a system that insulates bad cops from their bad behavior or even rewards them for it. 

Amy Santiago is working to start up a major police reform program but her biggest obstacle is the police itself. 

Joining the show in a recurring role is John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox from Scrubs) as Frank O'Sullivan, head of the New York Police Union who regards any effort to make cops accountable for what they do as an ATTACK on the dedicated heroic officers of the NYPD.  O'Sullivan thinks the two worst things a cop can say are the "S" word ("I'm sorry.") and the "M" word ("I made a mistake.")   

Peralta's makes a bad arrest and O'Sullivan can save him from any consequences.  Instead, Jakes says he's sorry, he made a mistake and gets suspended for his honesty. But Jake knows it was the right thing to do. 

Doug Judy is on hand for one last hoorah with Peralta before the series ends.  Despite getting his criminal record expunged in New York last season, Judy gets pulled at random in New Jersey (for driving while black, I guess) and whoops, there is an outstanding warrant in Jersey and Doug Judy has to go to prison.  Despite Jake's efforts to make the trip to prison fun with one last blow out adventure, there is no escaping the subtext that Doug Judy is going to prison and doesn't want to go.

It's not really a spoiler if I tell you Doug Judy doesn't stay in prison. This is the wiley Pontiac Bandit we're talking about. 

We get drunk Amy back and it is wild. Amy comes up with a plan to get Frank O'Sullivan drunk and trick him to confessing that he's up to some bad shit while Rosa Diaz listens in. The problem is Amy gets weird after just 6 drinks while Frank O'Sullivan is a guy who has breakfast beers.  

So Rosa ties her hair back into a pony tail, changes her voice and subs in for Amy. Frank can't tell the difference not because he's drunk but because he doesn't care. 

It's great to see John C. McGinley back on screen even if he's playing a total scuzzbucket.  

With only 10 episodes in this final season, I wish NBC wasn't in such a hurry to burn through them by airing 2 episodes a week.  

While I've enjoyed watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine for 8 seasons, I think the show has said all it has to say. It's good that Brooklyn Nine-Nine gets to end it's run on it's own terms.  

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Before going to work in the mornings, one of my cable channels is running Gilmore Girls.  While I am a big fan of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, I've never followed the seminal series created by Amy Sherman-Palladino. I don't get to see all of the episodes that run in the morning before I go to work, I've seen enough to pick up the basics:

• Lorelai and Luke belong together.
• Taylor Doose is a total dick.
• Rory is smart, funny and cute and would've broken my heart in high school and/or college.
• It makes me sad to realize that Edward Herrmann  is dead now.
• Lorelai and Luke belong together. I know I said that already but I cannot stress this enough.  

Andrea and I have finally (FINALLY!) brought the 2nd season Star Trek Discovery in for a landing. Whew!

 AMC has announced there will be second season of Kevin Can F**k Himself.  Well, hot damn!  

And that is that for this week's Tuesday TV Touchbase.  Until next time, remember to be good to one another and try to keep it down in there, would ya? I'm trying to watch TV over here.   

News of the World: Afghanistan & COVID

The news of the world is most dominated these days by whatever fuckery is going on Afghanistan and whatever fuckery is going on with COVID-19.

Back on Thursday, August 19, 2021, I did a post called 

Afghanistan Fucks Itself where it may have seemed I wasn't taking the situation seriously enough.

Here is some my cogent analysis from that post: 

Joe Biden realizes we will never, ever unfuck Afghanistan.

Afghanistan can just fuck off.

The United States leaves and Afghanistan goes from fucked to more fucked. 

Afghanistan fucks itself.

Despite the absurdity of a post using "fuck" in every single sentence, I do think the situation in Afghanistan is very serious indeed.

And with the ISIS bombing of the airport in Kabul, the situation in Afghanistan is even more deadly serious.

Or to put in another way: Afghanistan Fucks Itself Even Harder.

There has been a long of hand wringing here in the ol' USA of whether or not President Joe Biden did the right thing in pulling our troops out of Afghanistan. Most of the hand wringing comes from political conservatives who never met a foreign relations problem that shouldn't be solved by shooting at it.  

For what it's worth, I think the decision to leave Afghanistan was the right one. After 20 years of expenditure of money, resources, materiel  and lives, we had nothing to show for our investments and our losses.  Whenever we left Afghanistan, be it tomorrow, next year or whenever, the odds were not in our favor we would leave behind a stable Afghanistan that was in our corner.  And we couldn't stay there forever despite the efforts of hard right hawks in Congress and the firm influence of the military industrial complex.  

The United States wasn't getting any younger or prettier and it was time to go. 

The other big question is whether or not President Joe Biden's exit from Afghanistan was handled correctly. Given how quickly the Afghan government and military capitulated to the Taliban, how much American military equipment is now in the hands of the Taliban and the thousands of desperate and frightened Afghans looks to get out of the country and away from the Taliban, the assessment of the execution of Biden's Afghanistan exit strategy doesn't look at all positive.  

The other big story is that the pandemic is still a thing, mostly because there is a concerted effort on the part of Republican governors to actively prevent communities from doing anything to limit the spread of COVID-19 and it's deadlier cousin, the Delta variant.

Florida is seeing surges in people ill with COVID reaching numbers equal to or greater than the height of the pandemic last year. But Gov. DeSantis is more concerned with preventing mandates for masks, social distancing and vaccines which in concert could be effectively rolling back the rate of infections and deaths in Florida.  

Gov. Abbott, despite actually coming down with this disease himself, is still actively blocking efforts for communities to help stem the tide of COVID in Texas.  Right now, if you need an ICU bed in Texas, you can't have one. Hospitals are maxed out. 

Despite the ready availability of a vaccine, there are people still looking for alternative treatments for COVID including horses de-wormer pills.  

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Mostly it's a partisan political divide.  Republicans, Trumpists, evangelical Christians and more of their ilk are actively engaged in resisting every common sense measure to curb the coronavirus which is actively making the pandemic worse.  

Or in other words...

Half of the United States fucks itself.  

Cinema Sunday: All About Eve

Well after 6 weeks of Star Trek movies, this week Cinema Sunday returns to real movies. 

Yep, it's a black and white movie from 1950 with nary a space ship in sight.  

All About Eve is considered by many as a significant classic in American cinema. The film was written and directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz who also made The Ghost and Mrs. Muir which I wrote about back on Sunday, June 6, 2021.  

All About Eve stars Bette Davis who also starred in Mr. Skeffington which I wrote about last year, November 15, 2020.

Like in Mr. Skeffington, Bette Davis' role in All About Eve centers around ego, vanity, aging and mortality. 

Also like in Mr. Skeffington, the title All About Eve is not about Bette Davis' role.

Bette Davis is Margo Channing, a grand dame of the Broadway theater scene. "Grand dame" is a polite way of saying you're old. 

Margo Channing for all her skill and talent as an actress and for all her ego and hubris about that skill and talent is insecure and fearful. Being Broadway's biggest star just means being the Broadway's biggest target for some younger, prettier actress to come along and take your place on the stage. 

Which is where Eve comes in. 

It all starts innocently enough. Margo's friend Karen introduces Eve Harrington (Anne Baxter), to Margo. Eve is Margo's biggest fan and tells Margo and her friends the sad tale of her life, growing up poor in Wisconsin, losing her young husband during World War II. 

Moved, Margo quickly befriends Eve, takes her into her home, and hires her as her assistant.   

Of course, Eve is not the sweet innocent thing she purports to be.

Now if you're thinking, "Hey, Dave-El, don't go spoiling the plot twist",  you can really see this coming from a mile away.

Besides, Joe Mankiewicz warns you up front. The film opens with the big new Broadway star Eve Harrington receiving an award. No one makes it that far and that fast without grinding someone under her heel. 

Let's start with Margo. 

Eve insinuates herself into Margo's life in almost every detail, an ascended fan girl working as Margo's personal secretary, taking liberties, anticipating her every need. Margo's joy over her fan turned helper changes to distrust and bitterness. 

Margo knows Eve is up to something.

There's a saying that just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not being followed.

Eve is up to something.

Without Margo's knowledge, Eve arranges to become Margo's understudy in her current play. Then Eve arranges for Margo to miss a performance. And then Eve has arranged for an inordinately large number of theater critics to be in the audience on the very night of Eve's performance when no one knew until the last possible moment that Margo was not going to make it.

No one, that is, except Eve.  

The papers are filled with rave notices over the unexpected delights of Eve Harrington. 

And we're off! 

Eve's gosh darn li'l ol' me demeanor hides a master manipulator who ascends the ranks of the Broadway literati as she supplants Margo Channing as the biggest star on the Great White Way. 

Margo knows Eve is manipulating things but she can't speak to it without sounding mean, spiteful, paranoid and bitter.  

Bette Davis acts the hell out of her role as Margo Channing with a bitter wit as sharp as glass, egotistically full of herself for her place in the Broadway hierarchy but sadly hating herself for pushing people away as she ages into irrelevance. At turns caustic and sad, Margo knows her time as Broadway's biggest star is limited. And she hates letting Eve into her life to hasten that downward trajectory along.   

At one point, Bette Davis gets to give one of the greatest lines in American movie history: "Fasten your seatbelts; it's going to be a bumpy night."   

That line could apply to the whole movie. All About Eve is a roller coaster ride of emotional upheaval and drama from beginning to end.  

Songs For Saturday: The Rolling Stones

 

This week's Songs For Saturday puts the spotlight on the Rolling Stones in tribute to drummer Charlie Watts who passed away this week at the age of 80. 

While Mick Jagger twisted and convorted behind the microphone and Keith Richards solid guitar work pulled a lot of focus, it was Charlie Watts keeping perfect time behind his drum kit that could really keep the band humming.

Kicking off today's playlist is "Hang Fire", a fast tempo tune that shows off Charlie's flawless chops with the drums. 

The cool thing about Charlie Watts was his serene expression and his almost languid body language even as his hands whipped the drumsticks in a blur of motion.

Next up is the a classic Stones tune, "Jumpin' Jack Flash".

Charlie Watts is a freakin' machine on the next track on today's Rolling Stones playlist. A quasi-rap from Mick Jagger pulses at break neck speed as Charlie stays on beat flawlessly for "Shattered". 

Finishing off today's play list is a classic from the 1960s with Keith Richards on lead vocals, a quick paced number that Charlie follows with perfect time, "Happy".  

And that is that for today's Song For Saturday.

God bless you, Charlie Watts, the backbone of the Rolling Stones. May you rest in peace. 

Until next time, remember to be good to one another and to always keep the music alive.    

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: PICKLES!

Today's FLASHBACK FRIDAY hurtles back in time to Wednesday, July 29, 2015 to one of my more beloved posts on this blog.

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PICKLES!

Pickles! They're always around whether you want them or not. On hamburgers from McDonald's or next to club sandwiches at the deli. Nobody likes them yet their always there. Pickles are to food what Donald Trump is to politics.  

I've always wondered about the ubiquitous nature of pickles when it comes to sandwiches. Why does Chik-Fil-A ruin their otherwise perfect chicken sandwiches with the bitter tang of a dill pickle slice? Why do delis insists on laying down a large slab of pickle next to a hot turkey on a croissant? Why do I need to specifically tell Wendy's to hold the pickle on the Bacon-nator? 

The odd thing is that there are people who like the pickle. Really! These are known as "crazy people" but that's OK, God loves us all, the people who like pickles and everybody else. 

OK, if you like pickles, fine. You know what, who am I to judge? If I'm OK with your life choice to identify with a different gender, then I guess I should be OK with your choice to actually like pickles with your sandwiches. Although the gender thing I actually understand. Pickles? What the hell are you thinking?  

Sorry. 

So let's assume for a moment that you actually (shudder!) like pickles with your sandwiches. Fine. But shouldn't it be your choice to ADD the pickle? Why is it my responsibility to AVOID the pickle? 

I have no evidence to back any of this up but my view is that at least 3/4 of the planet doesn't want a damn pickle on or next to their sandwich. Here's how I arrive at that concept. I divide the world of sandwich purchasing people into four groups. 

Group 1. The proactive. They remember to say in their order "Hold the pickle." Woe and lamentations unto thee that doth not removeth thine pickle which offends thee. 

Group 2. The reactive. They forgot to say "Hold the pickle" and are forced to commit a pickle-ectomy, lifting off the slimy green slice from the sandwich or tentatively grasping the tip of the length of pickle brushing against the sandwich and pushing it as far away as possible.  

Group 3. The inactive. They don't want the pickle but they're already half way through the sandwich and have lost the will to give a damn anymore. They have resigned themselves to a living hell where sandwiches are dominated by pickles. They don't like it but what can they do? The poor souls have just given up. 

Group 4. The radioactive. They like the pickle. These people must be avoided. 

And that's assuming an even 25% split for each group. I would dare say that group 4 accounts for way less than 25% of the population.   

So...pickles. What the f**k, people? 

Years ago, I arrived at what could be the only answer. That pickle on or near your sandwich is not just a pickle. 

It's a mafia mandated pickle.  

That's right. Forget drugs, human trafficking and murder. The engine that drives criminal enterprise is the pickle. Think about it! Pickles are everywhere! Yet virtually nobody wants them! If I ran a hamburger joint or a deli, why would I invest in jars and jars and more jars of something nobody wants unless I had to? 

"It's a nice sandwich shop you got here." 

"Thanks!" 

"I was wondering if I could interest you in a few hundred jars of pickles?"

"No, not really. Nobody likes pickles." 

"That's a fact, huh?"

"Well, yeah." 

"Did you know that pickles are great at keeping sandwich shops from being burned to the ground?" 

"Is that a threat?"

"What? Threat? Me? No, just trying to sell some pickles, is all. And help a fellow businessman to keep his sandwich shop all nice and not burned down to the ground if you catch my drift." 

"So how much for a jar of pickles?"  

And that is why the sandwich you want has the pickle you don't want. Organized crime has their hooks in the sandwich industry. 

But don't give in to despair. One day we will live in a world free from crime! 

One day we will live in a world free from tyranny!

One day we will live in a world free from pickles!

And I'm so glad my suffering amuses you.   

The High Cost of Living

Something that can really throw a bucket of ice cold water on moving from kidhood to adulthood is that things cost money.

Now as a kid, you know things cost money. Why else would you bug your parents to buy stuff? You want stuff, stuff costs money, you don't have money, your parents have money, beg them buy stuff.

But what is truly shocking to young sensibilities venturing forth into adult responsibilities is how much money it takes to get stuff.

You want item X.  You have let's say $25. 

"I'm gonna buy item X." 

Then you find out item X costs $50.

"I guess I ain't gonna buy item X." 

Rule of life when it comes to money: whatever you think it's gonna cost, it's gonna cost more.

Corollary to that role: if it does cost less than you think, it will still cost more.

You want item X.  You have let's say $25. 

"I'm gonna buy item X." 

Then you find out item X costs $15.

"Great! I have 10 bucks to spare! I'm gonna buy item X." 

Except item X for $15 is the stripped down version of what you want to buy.  Item X ain't gonna do shit unless you pony up for some features and apps and what all. Oh and the damn thing takes batteries. And no, you're not done because you forgot taxes, didn't you? People always forget the taxes. 

Now your $15 item X costs $50.

"I guess I ain't gonna buy item X." 

Now I said this was a hard lesson for youth moving to adulthood.

But no, it's a hard lesson that just keeps on getting taught to old folks like me.

I took the car in for servicing, standard oil change and the like.

I was told the car needs tires.

I cringed but this assessment was not completely unexpected. I figure it had been awhile and the tires were likely due to be replaced.

I did a quick estimate in my head and figured it might cost me $500. 

But I remembered the rule of life when it comes to money: whatever you think it's gonna cost, it's gonna cost more.

So I calculated a higher number, maybe around $750, that if the cost of replacing the tires was around that mark, well, it would hurt but I was expecting it and roll with the blow.

The estimate for replacing my tires came to $1,200! 

What the hell? 

Really?!?! When did tires get so damn expensive? 

While price shock for young people comes from a lack of experience with the world, price shock for old people comes from an over reliance on our experience.  

Our years of experience has impart the knowledge of how much things cost. It simply isn't fair to that hard won knowledge that things change, prices go up.

But there is this part of a old brain that just will not let go of how much things use to cost.

When I had to buy my own damn groceries at the start of my adult life, a can of corn was 50 cents.

As I near the end of my life, it irks me beyond all irkdom that a can of corn is $1.38 at my local grocery store.  

A can of corn used to be 50 cents, goshdarndagnabit!

I did some shopping online and I think I can get those tires for closer to $800 than $1,200.  

But I know what'll happen.

But I bet there are things I'm not taking into account.

And those $800 tires will still cost me $1,200!

Damn it! It's not right! 

And a can of corn used to be 50 cents, goshdarndagnabit!

The Ol' College Try

 Last week saw a change in the status quo here at ye olde Fortress of Ineptitude as not one but two residents took their leave of our humble abode.

Our daughter Randie returned once more to college life on campus.

And this time, she took Rosie the dog with her.

It's been really hard here at the Fortress because, well, you know...

I really miss the dog.

Rosie is taking comparative religious studies in order to further her understanding of the development of religious dogma.

...

...

C'mon, that's funny.

Randie got Rosie designated as an "emotional support animal" is allowed to have Rosie live with her on campus. 

Here at the Fortress, Rosie was such a creature of habit. She had her own special chair in the living room and her spot on the sofa between Andrea and I when we watched TV for optimal belly rubs. She had an internal clock that told her when it was time to put herself to bed.

Rosie is now having to learn new habits and routines living the college life.  

OK, I will admit I miss my daughter. 

But I also miss the dog.

...

...

Mostly the dog. 

Tuesday TV Touchbase: Superman & Lois, Stargirl, Star Trek Lower Decks, What If and Jeopardy

 

For this week's Tuesday TV Touchbase, we have a LOT of ground to cover.

Superman & Lois  

Tal-Rho (aka Morgan Edge) has become the Eradicator and can turn people into Kryptonians at will. Superman and John  Henry Irons are pushed past their limits to knock the Kryptonians out of their respective human hosts and shut Tal-Rho down once and for all.  

Zeta-Rho, Tal-Rho's total hard ass bastard of a father, is occupying Jordan Kent but Lois and his brother Jonathan expel Zeta-Rho's corrupt ass out of Jordan using the power of love or something. 

In the season finale's extended epilogue, Superman goes public with the truth about Edge's origin. 

Lois purchases half of the Gazette to keep Chrissy from selling it away. 

A vessel locks onto Irons' suit and lands at the Kent farm. His daughter Natalie pops out and thinks Lois is her mom.

Oh, this is gonna be awkward.  

We'll have to wait until January 2022 before season 2 of Superman & Lois drops. 

I am disappointed the entire season goes by without Supergirl being even so much as name dropped at least once.  

Otherwise I have enjoyed how this series has taken the Superman mythos in an entirely new direction from any other Superman related project. 

Stargirl 

Season 2 kicks off with super heroes with nothing to do. Courtney Whitmore and her JSA patrol Blue Valley for supervillains. Nope, no super villains here.

Courtney is assigned summer school after failing several classes and getting into an unintentional altercation with Artemis. Yolanda, struggling with the traumatic stress of killing Brainwave, is also enrolled in summer school. Yolanda gets all A's but her very much unforgiving, judgemental asshole parents have enrolled her in summer school to "keep her out of trouble".

Meanwhile, Rick is also consigned to summer school despite passing his history final.  His total bitch of a teacher assumes Rick must have cheated instead of him actually buckling down and studying for the damn thing. Rick has a side project of bringing food to Solomon Grundy who's living out in the woods. It's not a healthy diet, mind you, pizza and buckets of fried chicken but Grundy seems appreciative.  

Dear sweet positive Beth is having the sweetness and positivity beaten out of her. Her parents who just can't seem to stand the girl (she makes them breakfast and cooks their dinner, for Christ's sake!) apparently can't seem to stand each other and are filing for divorce. Beth is able to reboot the Chuck A.I. in the Doctor Mid-Nite goggles but Chuck doesn't remember her and shuts himself down.  

Enter Jenny, the daughter of the deceased Alan Scott, Green Lanterns. Courtney is skeptical but slowly comes around to believing in this girl who is struggling to understand and control the power of the Green Lantern.

Man, if only these kids had some super villains to fight.

Well, Cindy Burman's working on it with the mystic Black Diamond of Eclipso which has turned Cindy's estranged stepmother into ash. Cindy likes to think she's in control but Eclipso has other plans. 

And another old JSA foe has shown up in Blue Valley, a British man called Richard Swift. Pat Dugan recognizes him as the Shade.  

Season 2 of Stargirl lacks the focus of Courtney's journey of self-discovery from season 1. Hopefully with the arrival of the Shade and the ultimate culmination of whatever Eclipso is up to, the show will have a renewed sense of direction. 

Star Trek - Lower Decks 

The second season of Star Trek's animated action comedy series has kicked off.  The season opener deals with that classic Trek trope of a crew person getting zapped into something greater like unto a god yadda yadda yadda. Commander Ransom gets zapped with strange energies that transform him into a god like being who as a large disembodied head attacks the Cerritos.

The second episode taps into the lore of Next Gen episodes, "Darkmok", "The Most Toys" and "Second Chances".  If you were missing Boimler on the Cerritos but didn't want him to lose his shot at serving with Captain Riker on the Titan, thanks to a disruption field and a transporter mishap, you get both. 

Lower Decks continues to have fun with exploring every nook and cranny of the Star Trek mythos. There is no Trek reference too obscure for this show make. 

What If...?

Like the comic book series for which it is named, What If...? is an animated series on Disney+ that posits an alternate take on established events in the MCU.

The first episodes look at what would've happened if Peggy Carter got the super soldier serum instead of Steve Rogers. 

A few things play out differently from Captain America: The First Avenger.  

• Bucky Barnes does not get lost to fall in the clutches of Hydra to become the Winter Soldier. 
• Decades before his son gets a chance to do it, Howard Stark builds an Iron Man type suit for Steve Rogers to use.
• Peggy as Captain Carter does get lost in time but not frozen in the ice but sucked into a Tesseract created portal in order to stop an alien squid monster from destroying Earth.  

The second episode posits what if the Ravagers abducted a young T'Challa instead of Peter Quill.  In Chadwick Boseman's last performance, T'Challa becomes Star Lord and turns the Ravagers into a force for good. Even Thanos is just one of the guys on the team.  Howard the Duck's in this for more than a cameo.  All of this doesn't stop Ego from still wanting to get his hands on his son Peter Quill. 

What If...? is beautifully animated with with clever stories playing on our collective knowledge of the MCU. And where possible, original actors are providing the voices for these stories. Hayley Atwell and John Slattery are on hand as Peggy Carter and Howard Stark and Michael Rooker and Karen Gillan provide the voices of Yondu and Nebula. 

 Jeopardy

Well, this is a total fuck up. Last week after taping 5 episodes of Jeopardy as it's new host, Mike Richards as stepped down as host. The litany of bad news was just overwhelming.

The discrimination lawsuits surrounding his time as producer of The Price Is Right.

The offensive comments towards women and minorities in a pod cast.

The over all bad optics of the executive producer of Jeopardy actually getting the host job in the first place.

The slow drip of behind the scenes chatter that Richards' involvement in the host selection process was not above board and the growing sense that all is not well with the support staff at Jeopardy under Richard's leadership. 

What will be done with those 5 episodes will be interesting.  The word is they will air but I presume there will need to be some editing or reshooting of  intros with any big speeches from Richards on what an honor it is to be the new host of Jeopardy, blah blah blah. 

Quite frankly, this whole guest hosting thing leading up to the new host was the kind of circus that I think Alex Trebek would have absolutely hated.   The show should've appointed one person as a interim host for the rest of the season and assuming that person didn't drive the show into a ditch, they could have the gig on the regular if they wanted it.  

Apparently after Richards' one week of episodes are over, we're back on the guest host train for awhile again. 

Well, we'll be tuning in because we're curious how long Matt Amodio can sustain his run as Jeopardy champion.

As Alex said, the contestants are the true stars of Jeopardy.

And that is that for this week's Tuesday TV Touchbase.  Until next time, remember to be good to one another and try to keep it down in there, would ya? I'm trying to watch TV over here.   

Movie Monday: Free Guy

Last weekend, the fam ventured forth from the Fortress of Ineptitude to go see Free Guy. 

One, it looked like it might be a lot of fun. Two, the reviews were fairly good. And three, we needed to make sure this movie really existed. 

Free Guy was supposed to be released July 3, 2020.

COVID-19 says no.

Then Free Guy was supposed to be released December 11, 2020.

Nope, still not happening.

How about releasing Free Guy on May 21, 202!? 

How about no.

Then Free Guy was supposed to be released August 13, 2021.

I'll believe it when I see it.

OK, I believe it. 

So here's the deal: Free City is an open-world video game developed by a smug, smarmy bastard named Antwan with Soonami Games using code stolen from a game called Life Itself developed by Walter "Keys" McKey and Millie Rusk.  

Disillusioned and defeated, Keys has gone to work for Soonami. Millie has not given up the fight, spending time in Free City as her avatar Molotov Girl looking for evidence of her stolen code. 

But who cares about all that? What's Ryan Reynolds up to in this movie?

Ryan Reynolds is Guy, an NPC who enjoys his life of getting dressed in the same outfit every day (blue shirt, tan slacks), getting  his same coffee order every day and working at the bank with his best friend, Buddy the security guard.  

But Guy has a lingering feeling of wanting something... more. He wants to meet his dream girl. A girl who is a lot like Molotov Girl. 

One day, Guy deviates from his programming and takes the glasses off of a player avatar and for the first time, sees the world of Free City for what it is.  

Guy speaks to Millie but Millie thinks Guy is a lame player avatar, not realizing he's an NPC.  She tells him to level up to over 100 before she will speak to him again. 

Rather than leveling up with the usual destructive acts of most players, Guy levels up doing good deeds; he becomes a worldwide sensation as players watch the progression of "blue shirt Guy".

Millie eventually realizes that Guy is a sentient NPC which is a good indicator that her Life Itself code is buried in this game.

Guy is the result of Keys' artificial intelligence code containing Millie's personal preferences that Keys had included in Life Itself which in turn had led Guy to develop a romantic interest with Millie which reflects Keys' unrequited affection for Millie that Millie is oblivious to because...

Straight people can be so dumb. 

Meanwhile, Antwan, chasing more money is looking to launch Free City 2 which will wipe out Free City.

Guy will be gone.

Evidence of the stolen Life Itself code... gone! 

Antwan with his eyes on the Free City 2 prize is pissed off at the notoriety of "Blue shirt guy" in the original game.  

Antwan has Guy rebooted and he loses his memory of everything he has learned.  But Millie's avatar kisses Guy and it restores his memories and his full sentience.

Aww! The power of love, y'all!

Still stuff to do! Antwan orders a not yet complete NPC to be booted up to stop Guy, a muscle bound dolt with Ryan Reynold's face and a muscle builder's body named Dude.

How incomplete is he? His catchphrase is..."Catchphrase!"

It's a desperate break neck rush to save the game as Antwan goes after the servers with an axe.

I won't go into all the details but suffice to say things end well. Antwan is ruined, Millie finally makes the connection that Keys loves her, Free City is now truly free and Guy and Buddy can move their gay attraction from subtext to text.  

Hey, I Think I Know That Person

Keys is played by Joe Keery who is Steve Harrington in Stranger Things. In season 3 of Stranger Things, Steve works at the Scoops Ahoy! ice cream parlor. In Free Guy, one of the details Keys knows about Millie is her favorite flavor of ice cream.

Jodie Comer is Millie. And she is the psycho assassin Villanelle in Killing Eve. Villanelle is frequently bouncing between various accents; in Free Guy, Millie has an American accent and Molotov Girl has a British accent.

Hey, I Don't Know That Person

The film features cameo appearances from gamers and streamers Jacksepticeye, Ninja, Pokimane, DanTDM, and LazarBeam.

Went over my head but my daughter Randie knows 'em.  

Hey, I Think I Know That Voice

Channing Tatum has a cameo as the in-game avatar of a player Keith. In the background in Keith's home can be heard the voice of Tina Fey as his vacuuming mom.

Hugh Jackman voices a masked avatar in an alley.

Dwayne Johnson's voice is on hand as a bank robber. 

In other cameo news:

Alex Trebek make a posthumous appearance when "Who is Blue Shirt Guy? is a question on Jeopardy!

In his fight with Dude, Guy makes use of a familiar shield which prompts a funny as hell cameo from Chris Evans.  

Free Guy is funny, exciting and unexpectedly sweet and thought provoking. 

It took over a year to get here but Free Guy was worth the wait. 

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Blog Bidness: this is the last Movie Monday post. The plan was to post about new movies here and older movies under Cinema Sunday. 

Which was more work than it was worth and too confusing even for me to keep track of and it was my idea.  

From here on out, any new movies I see will be written about under the Cinema Sunday heading along with the older movies.  

Cinema Sunday: Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country

Today marks the end of this series of Cinema Sunday posts about Star Trek movies as we turn our attention to the 6th movie in the franchise and the swan song for the original cast,  Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country. 

Out in space, something goes BOOM! 

The BOOM! sends out a shock wave that slams into the starship USS Excelsior commanded by Captain Hikaru Sulu.

Sulu's in the big chair! You go, dude! 

The BOOM! was the destruction of the Klingon moon Praxis which has damaged the Klingon home world. No longer able to afford war with the Federation, the Klingons make an overture of peace. Spock has volunteered Captain Kirk and the Enterprise to lead a diplomatic mission to meet meet with the Klingon Chancellor Gorkon and escort him to negotiations with the Federation. 

Kirk is all "Oh hell no you didn't." And Spock is all "Oh hell yeah I did!" 

Seems Kirk still has a mad on at Klingons for killing his son back in movie #3.  So he opposes this conciliatory move to make peace with the Klingons. 

Kirk is a good soldier and goes to meet Gorkon although he whines about it every chance he gets. The old gang assembles with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, Scotty and Chekov and newbie Valeris, Spock's Vulcan protoge to go meet Gorkon. 

After an extremely awkward dinner with the senior staffs of the Enterprise and Gorkon's ship (made worse by the addition of some Romulan ale), it appears the Enterprise fires upon Gorkon's ship while two men in Starfleet space suits beam over, shooting and killing several Klingons including Gorkon. 

In order to de-escalate the situation, Kirk surrenders and beams over with Dr. McCoy.  General Chang arrests Kirk and McCoy for Gorkon's assassination. On the Klingon homeworld, Kirk and McCoy are put on trial, found guilty of murder and sentenced for life on the frozen prison planet Rura Penthe.

During all this, Gorkon's daughter Azetbur becomes the new chancellor and still believing in her father's vision, she opts to  continue diplomatic negotiations with the Federation.  

The site of the negotiations is super duper secret.  

Life on Rura Penthe is hard for Kirk and McCoy but they make a welcomed friend in Marta, a shapeshifter who offers to help them escape.

Time to channel some Star Wars: 

"It's a TRAP!" 

Thankfully Spock beams their asses out of there a split second before a Klingon was about to spill the beans to Kirk on who the hell is behind all of this mess.  

"Gee, Spock! Way to mess things up with your rescue, man!"

Spock and the Enterprise crew are trying to figure out what the hell happened. There's a traitor in their midst. 

It's Valeris. Quel surprise. It seems she is part of a super duper secret group of Federation, Klingon, and Romulan officers conspiring against peace talks with the Klingons. The torpedoes that struck Gorkon's ship came from Chang's ship which can fire its weapons while cloaked which is a new thing. 

Sulu on the Excelsior has sussed out that the super duper secret site of the negotiations is on Khitomer. Excelsior and Enterprise race to Khitomer where they are attacked by Chang's cloaked ship. Both ships are damaged and Chang won't stop quoting Shakespeare at them. Thanks to some science and a handy dandy torpedo, the position of Chang's cloaked ship is revealed and Excelsior and Enterprise lay down some serious fire power and blows Chang's ship up and right in the middle of his soliloquy from Hamlet too! 

Then crew from both ships beam down to Khitomer to stop the assassination of the Federation President.  

All hail the conquering heroes! Kirk makes a speech and gets a standing ovation.

Starfleet Enterprise is to return to Earth to be decommissioned.

Kirk decides to go on more trip first with a fanciful course heading: 

"First star to the right and straight on 'til morning." 

Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country has a lot of points working in it's favor.  First of all, it comes after Star Trek V - The Final Frontier and can't help but compare favorably.  Returning professional director person Nicholas Meyer (Wrath of Khan) would have had to royally fucked up well beyond all reason to deliver a film worse than William Shatner's directorial debut. 

The fall of the Berlin Wall provides the impetus for the sixth film. What if the walls between the Federation and the Klingon Empire fell? Why would that happen? What would happen next? What would be the reaction to such a fundamental shift in the dynamics between these two galactic entities?

It is a solid story idea that actually sews some seeds for Star Trek: The Next Generation.  It is unfortunately a story frequently undermined by some questionable character choices.

The behavior of the Enterprise crew towards the visiting Klingon delegation borders on rude, disrespectful and resorts to language and attitudes more akin to 20th century racism. There were some lines that Nichelle Nicholls (Uhura) refused to say simply because it sounded to much like the shit she had to put up with herself as a black woman in America.  She prevailed in that Uhura did not have to say the offending dialogue but it was not excised from the script; instead, the offending lines were given to Chekov.  

Speaking of Uhura, she should know how to speak Klingon. The scene where the Enterprise is trying to get past a Klingon outpost while Uhura and the bridge crew are desperately scrambling through old books (books!) to figure out how speak Klingon is supposed to be funny.  It's just embarrassing. Nichelle Nicholls objected to this scene, insisting that the communications officer should have a handle on the language of the Federation's long time enemy; she lost that battle to Nicholas Meyer.  

There is this bizarre notion that if the Federation makes peace with the Klingons, Starfleet becomes obsolete. This is stupid! There is still the mission of exploration and as for military missions, the Klingons were not the only enemy the Federation contended with. 

Kirk's resistance to the peace initiative with the Klingons is overplayed. Yes, he has a personal grievance because a Klingon killed his son. And yes, that might color his thinking. But his life long career with Starfleet has put Kirk in a position as diplomat as often if not more than as a soldier.  He should be better prepared to explore the opportunity presented to him by Spock. 

Spock has the most egregious scene that undermines his character, his mind meld interrogation of Valeris. This is done without her consent and her reactions to Spock's mind probe frame this as a form of assault, of rape. The case may be made that time is of the essence, lives are stake and the fate of this quadrant of the galaxy is in the balance. Valeris has information Spock needs and chooses to not willingly give it. And Spock does seem disturbed by what he has to do and what he has done.  But it does little to mitigate what looks like Spock mentally assaulting Valeris. 

Despite the character missteps, the story is a solid allegory of post cold war drama. And knowing this would be the last Star Trek film to feature the entire original cast, there are nods to the future.

Kirk's closing narration acknowledges that the future exploration of the galaxy will fall to a new generation.

At Kirk and McCoy's trial, their Klingon counsel is Colonel Worf portrayed by Michael Dorn who plays Lt. Worf on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  The colonel is Lt. Worf's grandfather.  

And the decision to have one of the Enterprise crew advance in the ranks was a wise one. Sulu as captain of his own ship was a long overdue step.  

 Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country for all its flaws with characterization does provide a better capstone to the debacle that was the previous film.  

________________________________

"I hate Star Trek movies!" 

------------Keith R.A. DeCandido

When it comes to all things Star Trek, there is perhaps no more dedicated fan than Keith R.A. DeCandido. In addition to writing tons of tie in novels and short stories, Keith has written recaps and reviews of virtually all the Star Trek TV series and movies. 

So why rag on the movies?

Because Star Trek was not built for the movies.

Star Trek works best when confronting a problem that has to be outthought more than outfought. Words, wit and diplomacy are more effective weapons than phasers and photon torpedoes. 

Movies require spectacle. No one pays good money to see Kirk out logic a power mad computer. We've got a big screen and Dolby surround sound. Blow the shit out of that power mad computer. 

Over this and the past 5 weeks, we've seen the cast of the original Star Trek move beyond the confines of the TV set to the big screen with varying degrees of success. So how do I rate these 6 movies from worst to first?

Star Trek V - The Final Frontier

Shoddy storytelling, inept direction and sloppy special effects plunges this one to the bottom of the list. 

Star Trek - The Motion Picture

Shoddy storytelling, inept direction and sloppy special effects are on hand for this one too but it gets a pass from the bottom of the barrel for a more or less hopeful ending that is in keeping with Star Trek's ideals.  

Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country

It's better than Star Trek V only forgives so much. A solid story brought low by poor characterization. On the plus side: Captain Sulu!

Star Trek III - The Search For Spock

Less of a movie and more of a mission to get Kirk and company from the previous movie to the next.  

Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home

It's a fun movie and a personal fave but ...

Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan

...the 2nd movie is the Ur tablet of Star Trek movies. It is the movie by which all others are judged.  A singular villain with a clear and present threat, character moments that inform the film's themes and a great look for costuming and tech design that will inspire the franchise for decades to come.  

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OK, Cinema Sunday is done with Star Trek for now. I will revisit the subject in the future as we review the 4 Next Gen films and the 3 films in the Kelvin time line.

Tomorrow is a Movie Monday post as we look at Free Guy.

And Cinema Sunday returns next week with a classic film in black and white starring Bette Davis.  

 

Songs For Saturday: Portugal. The Man, The Black Keys & OK Go

 Hey, kids!

Lay down the funky beat!

Kick out the jamz!!

Crank up the volume!!!!

After two weeks gone, give it up, y'all for....

Kicking off our play list today, it's Portugal. The Man with a live take on "Feel It Still".

Next up is the Black Keys with "Lonely Boy".  

Here we go again with "Here It Goes Again" from OK Go!

And that is that for today's Song For Saturday.

Until next time, remember to be good to one another and to always keep the music alive.    

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Maybe We Call Him Aquaman Instead?

For today's FLASHBACK FRIDAY, the wheel of time turn, turn, turns back to Monday, July 15, 2013  to a strange post called... 

"Maybe We Call Him Aquaman Instead?"

The following events are...almost true.

Yes, back in 1941 a couple of comic book guys created a legend for the ages. As for who came up with what, who do I look like, Roy Thomas? But I do have a little skit to serve up of a really bad idea averted. 

_____________________________________

"Hey, Paul?"

"Yeah, Mort?"

"Look, we're coming up short for a feature to round out the next issue of More Fun Comics. I've got an idea for something but I need you to draw it for me."

"I'll see what I can do, Mort. So whatcha got?"

" Well, it's about a guy who can swim underwater."

"I can swim underwater, Mort."

"I mean, he can swim underwater a long time. He breathes underwater."

"OK, what else you got?"

"Well, because he spends so much time underwater, he's pretty strong and he's a super fast swimmer. He probably go faster than a U-boat."

"And anything else?"

"Yeah, Paul. He can talk to fish."

"He can talk to fish?"

"Yeah, he can talk to fish!"

"I'm not sure that's going to be very helpful, Mort."

"Yeah, it can. Hey, think about this. The bad guys' got an aquarium and the gold fish hears all their crooked plans."

"Mort, fish don't have ears, do they?"

"The fish reads lips then, OK? Work with me here, Paul."

"I'm working, I'm working."

"So our swimmer guy shows up and the bad guys are gone but the fish tells him everything."

"Yeah, I guess. What if the bad guys have a hamster?"

"A hamster?"

"Yeah, a hamster."

"Why would they have a hamster?"

"Why would they have a fish?"

"Paul!"

"Well, I'm just asking."

"Never mind! Look, we've got a few days to put 6 pages together for the next issue of More Fun. We'll hash out the details later."

"Hey, Bill over at Timely's got an underwater character..."

"No, no, no! Not listening, Paul!"

"Look, I'm just saying...."

"First of all, Bill's character is a freak, OK? A pointy eared mostly naked freak with a lousy attitude."

"And...?"

"And what?"

"Well, Mort, you said 'first of all'. I assumed there was a 'secondly' coming along next."

"Yeah, well, and secondly, Bill's freak can't talk to fish."

"I'm not sure the talking to fish is really a big selling point..."

"He can't talk to fish, Paul! And our guy can, OK?"

"OK!"

"OK!"

"So, Mort, this guy, who swims and breathes underwater..."

"...and talks to fish!"

"And talks to fish, right. So you gotta name for this guy?"

"Yeah! We're gonna call him.....Sea Man!"

"Sea Man?"

"Sea Man!"

"Sea Man."

"Yeah! Hey, I figure you could draw up some kind of stylized 'S' or something, like Superman."

"For...Sea Man."

"And there some good stuff you can draw! Such as when Sea Man comes spurting out of the ocean in a spray of white foam."

"This is Sea Man, bursting out you say?"

"Yeah, Sea Man. Look, Paul, you don't seem to be on board with this name. Is there a problem?"

"With Sea Man? Nooo."

"OK, then."

"But..."

"But what?"

"How about, I don't know, how about....Aquaman!"

"Aquaman?"

"Yeah, Aquaman."

"I don't know, Paul."

"Yeah, Mort! He'll be at the front of the alphabet. You know, Superman's got that 'S' thing all covered pretty good. I think I can do something pretty snazzy with the letter A."

"Well, it sounds...OK."

"Sure it does, Mort."

"So, not Sea Man?"

"I think we should say no to Sea Man."

"OK, Aquaman it is! And Paul?"

"Yeah, Mort?"

"He still talks to fish."

"Yeah, Mort. He still talks to fish."

----the end----  (or as they say in French, "Fin")