My DMV Adventure

First of all, sorry about yesterday's posts.

My birthday rarely yields a celebratory feeling from me but one mostly of a deeply depressed questioning of life choices.  

Well, I resolve today's post will be more positive and upbeat.  

So let's see what I am writing about today.

My recent visit to the North Carolina Dept. of Motor Vehicles?

Well...  fuck.

This year was my year to renew my driver's license.  

Which isn't so bad as the NCDMV allows for renewal of a driver's license online.

Except...

If you renewed it online last time. Every other renewal needs to be in person. 

No problem-o! The NCDMV allows for setting up appointments to avoid the line at the DMV.

Except...

When I went online to do that, the earliest appointment that was available was for July.  And my driver's license was going to expire as of April 24th.  

So the first day I had time off from work, I checked the local DMV office and say the wait time was just 34 minutes from check in. Well, that's not bad at all.  

So I left the Fortress of Ineptitude and headed straight away to the local DMV where I checked in at 1:12 PM.  

I left the DMV at 3:24 PM. 

I do believe that was more than 34 minutes.  

I spent most of the intervening time scrolling stuff on my phone, reading up on the news and various pop culture interests.  

The last half hour, I was engaged in conversation with a blonde woman who sat in the chair next to me.  

Before you get any ideas about that, she was a woman who I would estimate was in her mid to late 50's, a grandmother. 

Of course I'm a man who was on the precipice of 61 so this grandmother is in my demographic. 

And she was rather attractive, I suppose?  

We compared our old license photos. She had a really nice picture on her license and she said she hated to lose it for her new license. 

I felt the same way. My old license photo was of a younger, thinner man with dark hair and neatly trimmed goatee. 

My new photo was not going to look that good. I had a fully grey beard that I had not recently trimmed prior to coming to the DMV. My new photo was going to look like what you might see on the evening news with this warning: "If you see this man, do not approach. He is considered insane and dangerous. Call the authorities immediately."    

When my name was called, I was nervous.  I was worried I was going to get a DMV examiner who fit the stereotype you see on TV sitcoms: a terse black woman who ain't got time for your nonsense. 

I did not get that person. What I got was a a terse black man who ain't got time for your nonsense. 

My nonsense in particular was I had difficulty navigating the eye exam. I just had my eyes checked a couple of months ago and I have new glasses so I felt I should be able to see things OK. 

But the eye chart was formatted weird with sequences of numbers in different colored boxes. It should not have been difficult to understand but it took me a minute to acclimate to how the eye test worked.

And this terse black man did NOT have time for my nonsense. 

I eventually settled down and got through the eye test and apparently passed.  I say "apparently" because the DMV examiner did not say "you passed" but I saw on a computer screen my new driver's license. 

Oh my God!  My new photo is that of an insane and dangerous man about whom authorities should be contacted immediately.  

I also notice the expiration date was just two months from now. 

About that...?   

"That's for your paper copy of the license," the examiner snapped.  He did not say "dumbass" but I felt it was implied. 

The DMV doesn't make the new license on site but rather it is mailed to the driver within a few weeks after. I think I knew that but felt like a dumbass for not remembering it.  

At 3:24 PM, I was free to go. I waved good bye to my DMV friend and I left on a positive and upbeat note that I would not have to do this again for many years.