Right wing antagonists One Million Moms wants to launch a boycott of Wheel of Fortune due to a new puzzle category that was introduced this season, "What The Fun!"
Because it sounds too much like "what the fuck".
I personally think "What The Fun!" is a stupid name for a puzzle category.
And what exactly is this "fun" they're talking about anyway?
One Million Moms is also mad at Spongebob Squarepants whose latest movie includes the phrase "we're in some deep ship" which of course sounds like "deep shit".
Hey, I think One Million Moms should get their minds out of the gutter.
What the fun, bitches?
Ooh, I shouldn't have said that. I'm in some deep ship now.
On with the Touchbase.
A couple of weeks ago I finished off season one of Outlander: Blood Of My Blood.
What the hell is going to happen to Brian and Ellen?
What will be fate of Henry and Julia and their infant son William?
I care about the answers to these questions.
I did not want to care about any of this.
This show made me care!
Damn, I hate this show!
Whose dumbass idea was it for me to watch this show?
OK, it was my idea.
Fuck!
Anyway...
When the creation of this prequel to Outlander was announced, my first reaction was "I don't care! I am not going to watch this!"
Why would I want to watch an Outlander project that was NOT about perennially starcrossed lovers, Jamie Fraser and time travelling Claire Beauchamp?
Why did I need to see the origin story of their respective parents?
My DVR dutifully recorded Outlander: Blood Of My Blood and I willfully ignored it.
Until curiousity got the better of me and...
God! I hate this show!
OK, my problem with prequels is that characters have plot armor. There is so much that we know that will happen that it's hard to be surprised by what did happen.
Except...
Outlander: Blood Of My Blood did surprise me.
Yeah, we know that Brian Fraser and Ellen MacKenzie have a specific destiny.
Aye, I ken that Brian will implant his seed in the fair bonnie lass Ellen to give birth to the wee bairn that will grow up to become Jamie Fraser but I dinna fash the path they will take.
I think I need to promise not channel a Scottish dialect again.
The path of Brian and Ellen's true burning passion for each other is fraught with all sorts of problems, not least of which is Ellen has been traded off by her brother Colum, the new laird of the manor, to marry Malcolm of Clan Grant.
In the wake of the death of the patriarch of Clan MacKenzie, the family is in dire straits financially and needs an alliance with the wealthy Clan Grant to remain strong and solvent.
Ellen is super smart and willful and spends most of the season trying to finagle her way out of this arranged marriage and spend sexy times with Brian.
Which presents a problem when her virtue is called into question.
Ellen is forced to undergo a ritual in front on a bunch of men to prove she is still a virgin. It involves Ellen drinking a bunch of water then not being allowed to pee until a man tells her to. Then she is given permission to squat over a chamberpot (in full view of the men) and pee.
Then there is a physical exam by a physician to make sure she is "intact".
Thanks to a hardening salve created by a time traveller from the 20th century (more on that in a minute), Ellen's hymen is restored (albeit temporarily).
The risk of Ellen not being a virgin was not just voiding the engagement to Malcolm (which she was trying to get out of) but losing her life. It seems the penalty for not being a virgin is death.
Men suck!
Well....
The season does ends with a wedding between a MacKenzie and a Grant. Colum coerces his brother Dougal into stepping up while Malcolm's sister Morven needs little convincing.
Dougal is confused when he observes Morven actually enjoying sex. Well, that's new.
Brian and Ellen have run off to their happily ever after.
Until the damn Jacobite rebellion rears it's head.
Which we know from Jamie in Outlander is this is when things start going bad for his parent's lives.
Jamie was not raised by Brian and Ellen.
Their plot armor protects them for a little while longer into season 2 as they still need to make a baby Jamie. After that, their fate is uncertain.
Also uncertain is the fate of Claire's parents, Henry & Julia.
Which is where Outlander: Blood Of My Blood throws us a really big curve ball and...
Did I mention I hate this show?
God, I hate this show!
....stupid show...
Anyway...
We know from Claire in Outlander that she is an orphan, her parents, Henry and Julia, were killed in an auto accident shortly after World War I.
What she does NOT know is they crawled from the wreckage and wandered off looking for help.
Until they wandered into Craigh na Dun.
Oh hell! It's the damn stone circle o' time travel.
They entered the circle at seperate intervals and get separated. It's 1714 and Julia immediately gets kidnapped and sold into slavery to Clan Fraser overseen by Simon Fraser, the erstwhile Lord Lovat.
Lovat is a brutish thug of a man who thinks he's smarter than he really is and any negative fortune he experiences is always someone else's fault.
(Oh fuck! I'm trying to watch some Outlander stuff and now I'm thinking about Donald Trump. Damn it!)
Julia is a couple of months pregnant by Henry with their second child and she's afraid that Lovat will steal or murder her child. To protect her child, she does what she's been warned against and gets into Lovat's grasp. Julia uses this sexual encounter to claim Lovat as the father of her child to protect the baby from harm.
Julia's life in Lovat's orbit is utter hell but she's determined to hold on, give birth to Henry's child, to be reunited with Henry and Claire.
The episode when Julia gives birth is particularly stressful and dear God, women had to put up with a lot of crap in early 18th century Scotland.
Meanwhile, Henry's time travel journey has led to a "job" (seems more like servitude to me) as a bladier (a solicitor or lawyer) for Clan Grant. Henry uses this position as cover as he seeks the whereabouts of Julia.
Frustratingly, they are so close and so far away.
Until the day of the virgin ritual at the castle of Clan MacKenzie. From a book Julia read in the 20th century, she knows of an organic herb mixture that can mimic a woman's unbroken hymen. As an intermediary for Brian Fraser, Julia is friends with Ellen and goes to the castle to help.
Meanwhile, attending the ritual with Clan Grant is Henry.
Oh my God! They are both in the same building at the same time!
I kept yelling at the TV:
"Look behind you, Julia! He's right there!"
"Oh my God! Henry! You just missed her!"
Wait! Why am I yelling at the TV?
Why do I care?
I don't care!
God, I hate this show!
...stupid show...
Eventually Henry and Julia are in the same hallway facing in the right direction to see each other.
The season ends with Henry, Julia and baby William escaping their respective clan captors to return to Craigh na Dun.
Can they escape back to the 20th century?
What we know of Claire's history, likely the answer is no.
We'll have to wait to season 2.
Like I care!
I don't care!
Of course I don't care! I hate this show.
...
...
Damn it! How much longer to season 2 of Outlander: Blood Of My Blood?
- St. Denis Medical
- Happy's Place
- The Paper
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