Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a broom closet blog in a Trump Tower internet. I'm Dave-El and I'm bringing sexy back if sexy would just stop escaping.
No, it is NOT fine! It is the opposite of fine! Look where fine is and then run in the opposite direction but you can't run far enough or fast enough to get as far away from fine as we are right now.
But what can we do?
No less than the main man himself, still President and forever the coolest guy in Washington, Barack Obama has said we need to... accept this.
Yes, Lettuce Away! When you need to get lettuce from here to there, there's really only one quality choice for catapulting heads of lettuce across great distances! As it says in their catchy jingle...
Someone will need to explain to Donald that "Interior Secretary" does not mean the cute receptionist who brings him coffee.
JOKES FOR REPUBLICANS!
JOKES FOR REPUBLICANS!
Jeff Sessions Was Deemed Too Racist To Be A Federal Judge. He Might Become Trump’s Attorney General.
There's a measuring stick outside the White House that says "You must be THIS racist or more to ride this ride."
Which Trump is OK with.
And this has been...
Now back to the head-
WAIT! Hold on! What's this?
Maybe it might be best if we just...
Oh, look! Headlines!
Donald Trump taking the term "White House" a bit too literally.
And he can't be racist because he's eaten fried chicken and likes Bill Cosby.
Holy Letterman, Batman! You know what that means?
Wait! Was that a non-Trump related headline? We gotta focus, people! FOCUS!!!
Hey, look! It's President-Elect Donald Trump seated with Congressional Speaker of the House Paul Ryan.
They seem to be in a good mood. I wonder what Ryan is thinking?
OK, it looks like Rep. Ryan is willing to give the new President a chance and try to work with him, despite their past animosity. Well, good for him!
And I also have to wonder what is on Trump's mind?
And I think we're done here!
And that is that for this special post election edition of bRoKEn nEWs. If you have any complaints about the material presented in today's post, please take those up with the bRoKEn nEWs Complaint Dept.
Damn! Everywhere you look, Trumps!
Feel the warmth, feel the love.
bRoKEn nEWs was brought to you by Colin Kaepernick Ass Cream! When you sit on your ass so much, sometimes its hard to do other things... like voting for President. That's when you need the cooling relief of Colin Kaepernick Ass Cream!
bRoKEn nEWs was also brought to you by the American Turnip Council. Have you eaten a turnip today? You haven't? Well, you really shouldn't; they're awful.
bRoKEn nEWs is a production of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You Entertainment with a grant from the Dave-El Foundation in partnership with the Corporation For Public Broadcasting (They don't keep up with these things.) in fellowship with the Church of Latter Day Saints (Shhh! Don't tell 'em! It's a surprise!) with support from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (We wish!) hand in hand with readers like you.
No, not you. The other one. Yeah, you!
OK, that's a wrap! Remember to be good to one another.
Mr. Sea Otter, please escort our guests out.